Transcription
We live disconnected and isolated, but how different would everything be if we got to know each other? Download the study manual "Completely Human" for free and restore your relationships. [music] announcer: In Contact with Dr. Charles Stanley celebrates 45 years of God's faithfulness. Today, on the program In Contact, "A Firm Family." Dr. Charles Stanley: God created the family, but there are no perfect families. In fact, as we read the Bible, we quickly see that Adam and Eve had serious problems in their family. Not only was there conflict between them, because remember that Eve offered Adam: "Why don't you try the fruit?" And he told God that she incited him. Something like that is what he said. Then, they had 2 sons. And one killed the other. And the Bible says that the sons of the priest Eli were wicked. Abraham married Sarah. They got along well. Then Hagar enters the scene, and there is conflict. And many other cases in the Bible, but let's take David, who was the supreme of all the kings of Israel. There was lying, murder, rape, and rebellion in his family. And it was a wonderful family, and he was an admirable king. But his family was a total disaster. So when you think about your family and say, "We're not doing so well," well, remember this, that your family is not doing well does not mean they cannot do better. That is to say, you can improve the situation, if you are willing to do something. In our days it is difficult to have a firm family. And precisely that is what I would like to talk about in this message. God wants us to have firm families, proof of this is this, let's go for a moment to Deuteronomy chapter 6. I want us to look at several verses that prove that God is very interested in your families being strong. Let's look at chapter 6, I will read from verse 3, to save time. Let's note what the Bible says here: "Hear, therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may be well with you in the land that flows with milk and honey, and that you may multiply, as the Lord the God of your fathers has told you." Then it says: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart." Then it says the following, regarding the family, which shows that God wants firm families. He tells them, speaking mainly to the parents: "and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." That is, to teach the Word of God to your children, your family, "And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." He was simply saying, "I want the Word of God in your family, that wherever you go, there may be evidence that the Word of God is in your family." God wants us to have firm, loving families. Someone will say: How is a firm family defined? Simply like this. That is to say, a firm family is one in which its members have love and devotion for each other. Love and devotion for each other. There is no substitute, only love and devotion for each other. That is how a firm family begins. And it is not easy, it requires effort. And I think one of the reasons why many families are not firm is because one of the parents is not willing to do what is necessary to strengthen their family. So the purpose of this message is to give you the characteristics of a firm family. It does not mean that you have to follow each of these points. But it means that these are the qualities of firm families. And I ask you to listen carefully to this message. I want you to think about your home, and how you can improve it, strengthen it, whatever. Do not give up. No matter what happened, do not give up. God put you there for a reason. And if you listen carefully, God can make you of great influence and your children will grow up with the right influence and testimony. And they will pass on what you leave them. And that will make them a wonderful family. So let's start with the first, and let me tell you in advance that, when I say the first characteristic, perhaps someone will say: "Oh, count me out." No. Because I will also talk about divided, separated, blended families, etc. So stay with me from the beginning. First, parents consecrated to God. Do you want a firm family? You need a firm father and mother who love God and consecrate themselves to Him. That is the most powerful element of all in a firm family. Second, one of the most important factors in having a firm family is that parents are consistent. That is, if they say something, they do it. Because children do this. They hear what we say, but they do what we do. And children observe that very well. If you want congruence, you have to do what you say you will do. Very important. Of course, we must be good listeners. Everyone wants to be heard. Children want to be heard. If you want to alienate a child, and separate yourself from that child, or girl, or teenager, just be too busy to listen. Listening is a very important activity in a family. Perhaps you are not always interested in what they have to tell you. But remember: they honor you as their father or mother, and they think you are smarter than them, and they want you to hear what they have to say because perhaps you can help them. And we all want to be heard. You want to be heard at work, in your family, with your friends. You feel that that is very important. To refuse to listen to someone is to exclude them and it is really to express: "You are not worthy of being heard." "You are not important, so I will not listen to you." Do not let that happen in your family. Likewise, disciplining without rejecting is a very important point. Which means not to discipline your children when you are angry with them. If you are angry about something they did, let it pass. Withdraw, do something to calm your anger, until you and God can resolve your feelings. Then go and discipline them. Look, if you discipline your children with anger, you are likely to hurt them. Second, they will feel, by your attitude, they will perceive rejection. And you do not want them to feel rejected. You will want to tell them that you are disciplining them for that reason. Since my children were little, I had a rule never to discipline them without first explaining what I was going to do. And when disciplining them, I would never touch my children with my hand. When you hit a child with your hand, whether on the face or elsewhere, there is something about it that makes it rejection. Psychologically there is something very destructive about it. And also reading the Bible together. It would be impressive to know in how many Christian homes, as we say, parents and children read the Bible together. There is no father who is too busy. No mother is too busy. Perhaps you keep busy, but what could be more important for your children than to show them this Bible, magnify the Word of God, and talk to them about it, and, look, read it with them, and read it as a family? Perhaps you don't read it to the whole family every day, but at least once a week. You can help them read the Bible daily. Anything you do to get your child to read the Bible, look, you are saving yourself trouble, sorrow, and tears. Because by reading the Word of God and discovering what He says, and then comparing what God says with what you say, there is authority there. And let me say this. It is your guide book for your life, and for theirs too. You are the one who must motivate in them, the wisdom, the wisdom to guide their lives by the Word of God. If I were to ask you: Do you want your children to read the Bible and be guided by it? Yes. Well, who will be more effective? It will not be the pastor. I can speak for an hour on Sundays. You have the other 6 days and 23 hours. You are the model. It is what you teach them that they will see. Reading the Bible together. I cannot say how important it is. It is the guide book for life. We would not have the problems we have. We would not be in the mess we are in, if the rulers, and the people, whether in towns, cities, states, or countries, we would not be where we are if our rulers were guided by biblical principles. And that is true in the family as in other aspects of life. You will also want to encourage them to spend time alone with God. Not just what they read together, but they should form the habit of reading the Bible alone. Tell them: "If there is something you read and do not understand, come and ask me, I will help you. If not, we will find the answer." Do not leave them with doubt. "We will find the answer." We also need to forge biblical convictions in the lives of our children. That means knowing what we believe. We must maintain our stance with the Word of God. You want them to have a conviction about how to treat others and love others, that they have convictions about forgiveness, among many others. If you have convictions, teach them by demonstration. If you don't have them, no matter what you say, it won't work. They will do what you do, not necessarily what you say. And one of the main things is this. Always be sincere, listen, let's always be sincere with our children in everything. Now, for example, listen carefully, let's say it's a daughter and she asks her father something and he was not sincere. He did not tell her the truth. He did it 3 times. When that girl grows up, and looks for a husband, and meets this young man or that one, do you know what is still in her subconscious? "Don't trust men." You will say: "That's not true." It is totally true. When someone of such authority as her father is dishonest, does not tell the truth, lies, or call it whatever you want, and a child sees that, hears that, feels that, what happens? When it comes to men, look, her experience with the most important man in her life is that she should not trust them. Exactly that happens. Your marriage begins with an obstacle. So I would like to encourage you to be sincere. Look, no matter what you say, do what you say, because what you say will not necessarily be what they will do. But what you do is what they will do. And you can ruin their future families, from childhood. You will say: "Well, what about broken homes?" Can a firm family be one that has been broken, by divorce, separation? Yes, it can. Perhaps it will not be as strong as it could be, but it is possible. You will say: "Well, how is it done?" Pay close attention, we started by talking about 2 believing parents together. If you remove that for a moment, everything else we said can be practiced in a broken home. If the husband or wife is not there, or if they have remarried, whatever the situation. You can practice all those principles we mentioned, without exception, except that they are a different family, and they have a serious matter ahead of them. I would simply say this, if it is a blended family, you have 2 children from her and 2 children from him, or whatever, remember this: stay physically and emotionally close to your children, mainly, your children. That is, if your wife or husband takes them away, stay emotionally close to them, as much as you can because they are part of you. They came from you, mother. They are still your children. Mom, Dad, stay as close as you can, physically and emotionally, so that they never feel that their real parents abandoned them. It is often difficult, especially for the wife. If a wife or husband has had a terrible, horrible divorce, and they are already at the point of hating each other, and the children are over here. I think of the terrible trauma in the hearts of those children who one day see their father leave and not return, the girl who sees her father leave and not come back. And no matter what you tell them, they will not understand. And if you are a father, think about this, when you leave, remember that you will give an account to holy God, for bringing children into the world and abandoning them, without realizing that you were breaking their hearts, affecting their entire emotional being. You will say: "Well, they will get over it." They will not. They will not get over it. The scar remains there, as long as they live. That is why you must do everything possible to save your marriage. Sometimes it is not possible. No matter what you do or what happens, sometimes it doesn't work. One of the two decides to leave and abandons the other. And you cannot avoid it. God will be there to help you. And to strengthen you. And to help you love those children, in an exceptional way. If one of the two parents is not there, you must increase your prayer and Bible reading time with your children. That is, you become the physical refuge. The Bible says that we dwell under the shadow of the Almighty. That is, if we are under His shadow, it is something very great. And the Lord says that He is our refuge, our shadow, our keeper. When we continue reading the Bible with our children, even if Mom or Dad is not there, and we don't understand it, and they don't understand why either, and we don't want to be critical. We want to pray that whatever happens, God will act in their lives. And no matter how much we try when scars, wounds, pain remain. But we have the responsibility to mitigate it as much as we can. And also, to remind them that trusting God is more important than ever, when one of their loved ones is missing. Trusting God is more important than ever, because now we don't have Dad, we don't have Mom; but we have God. And what we want to engrave in their hearts is this: "God is your Father. Your earthly father is not here, but God is your heavenly Father and He will supply your needs and ours." And I know that in my mother's life, all those years without a father, my mother reminded me that our heavenly Father was now my father, that somehow we would get by. And we went through very difficult times, but she was always there encouraging me. And something interesting you can do for your children is to give them an encouraging verse every morning, something that God puts in your heart. Tell them: "Why don't you read this before going to school this morning?" And if you have given them a Bible and they have it, tell them, for example, and this is one I often quote, God says: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." A small child can understand that. And you will know exactly what to tell them. And it is a wonderful opportunity to teach them the importance of their personal relationship with God and that no matter what happens in life: "You will get by, we will get by, we will have a firm family, no matter what happens." It will never be as firm as it could be, but it will be stronger than most allow. So I would like to encourage you, whoever you are, if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, it will be very difficult for you to have a firm family and firm children. We live in a crooked world against our children, everywhere there is something to destroy them, mentally, physically, and morally. You are their refuge, their help. You both need each other, and we all need God. I encourage you to accept Christ as your Savior, ask Him to come into your life, to help you be the person He wants you to be, and to be the kind of God-consecrated parent that you should be. Perhaps you are a son or daughter who has treated your family very badly. You will say: "Well, that was a long time ago." Do you know? It still hurts them. They are still hurt. You will say: "They have forgotten." They have not. One does not forget when someone hurts them as a child, and they do not forget when you hurt them. So I encourage you to resolve any issues in your family. Ask for forgiveness, make things right, and do your best to honor your father and your mother. And I would like to tell you today that we all have responsibilities to our children. We have responsibilities to each other, to love each other, to help each other as much as possible, that is what it means to be believers. And I encourage you to take your notes from today. You can file them somewhere, and you will regret it. What you should do is review them, read them again. If I want to remember something that will be difficult for me to remember, I make a list and put it in a place where I can see it every day. I read it frequently, and this is what I discovered a while ago. When something comes up that I need to remember, it is there. Not because I read it once, nor because I heard it once, but because I knew it would be easy to forget. You have not heard anything that is not important. Everything is important, it works, and it is true. And we are talking about raising your children, your grandchildren, and perhaps some of you, grandparents, will have to take on the role of parents, because your children have ruined their marriage. But, grandparents, make yourselves available. You are not too busy to listen to your grandchildren. You are not. They need you. Do you know what? It will be like an anchor for them. "I can always go to Grandpa. I know he will be there for me." They will do the same for you. If you are not saved, you are going against yourself. I beg you, in the name of Jesus, to surrender yourself to Him, asking for forgiveness for all your sins, trusting in Him as Savior, then let God act in your life and in your family. Father, we commend all this to You. And I ask that the Holy Spirit of the living God, You, Lord, engrave these truths in the minds and hearts of those who have heard and those who will hear. Lord, act in such a way in hearts that each family becomes firmer and stronger, and shares these truths with their friends who have broken families or who are going through difficult situations. Make us, Father, missionaries of truth, of all the truth that You have taught us, to share it, because we want someone in turn to share it. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. [music]