Transcription
Today, we are going to be asking the unanswerable question. The question that has stumped theologians, philosophers, scientists, and men since the beginning of time: What do women really want?
Of course, most men already know this is a trick question. There is no right answer. If you, um, ask a woman what she wants today, there is no mathematical probability equation that you can apply that will give you any clue as to whether she will want that in a year, a month, a week, a day, or even a minute from now.
Nevertheless, in some British university, they took it upon themselves to go around and talk to 68,000 women in 180 countries and ask them what they're looking for in a man. So, just for fun, we're going to address this. We're going to go through their little list. We're going to have some fun with it, and we're gonna put it to the test and see if it's actually true. My name is John Griffin. This is Life 2.0. Let's talk about it.
All right, number 10. This first one kind of gave me pause. I had to really give it some thought because it threw me off. But number 10 out of 10 is, uh, financial responsibility. Now, my first thought went to, wait a second, women are very interested in resources. They're interested in money. But this is not the same question. It's not about money necessarily. It's about the ability to be financially responsible. So, I can see that as being a characteristic for probably healthier-minded women. I think the idea that women are all, um, you know, hungry for money or are gold diggers—and there is an element to that, there's no question there is an element to that—but in our current, you know, interconnected culture, it's not the people who get the most or who have the most common characteristics to get the most attention; it's the people who are the craziest or who speak the loudest; they're the ones who get the most of the attention. So it's very easy for us to, um, just believe the most extreme cases. I think that's what happens in our politics obviously, but social media is a megaphone that drives the crazy to the forefront. And so maybe, just maybe, they're not all gold diggers. Maybe financial responsibility is all you need. Maybe we can be just a little bit, uh, Pollyanna on that one and just hope that's true. But yeah, financial responsibility, number 10.
Number nine, and this one might break some of your guys' perceptions as well, but number nine was ambition and goals. They want men who are ambitious and goal-oriented and are focused on personal growth, financial growth, and, uh, achievement in their lives. So that kind of goes with the money thing too. You know, there's a little bit of overlap there, I think. But, uh, um, I wondered how ambitious you are and how many times you fail, if that plays a role in it. I find that interesting. I didn't ask that question, but, uh, yeah, having ambition and being goal-focused was number nine.
Number eight, and this one is really interesting because eight is pretty far down on the list. And I think this is where most guys make their mistake. And I think this one might actually be true in terms of where it stands on the list. And that is physical attractiveness. Most guys think that it's all about the physical attractiveness. And I can tell you, not being the most attractive man in the world, that it's not that there are lots and lots of women out there who are looking for a lot of other qualities. I mean, you still have to be attractive, but, uh, that's not the lynchpin. That's not the thing that's going to seal the deal for you. Might get you in the door, but it won't seal the deal. So, yeah, physical attractiveness was only number eight. So, for all you homely guys out there, don't give up the fight, man. If you're into it, you can still play the game. You you're not out just because you got a big nose.
All right, the next one is number seven. And this one I thought would be further up the list, like closer to number one, because I've seen this one in action, and I know exactly how powerful it is. And it's confidence. Not arrogance, but self-confidence. And I know this to be true because I used to have this friend, um, named Louie who is an Italian guy. Not very tall, about maybe my height. Not good-looking. Not good-looking. You see a picture of this guy and you do not think there's anything remarkable about him at all except that on a scale of 10, he might be reaching for five. He might be reaching for five. But now he wasn't fat. He stayed pretty lean, um, he was goal-oriented, ambitious, um, and extremely confident in his ability to achieve what he wanted to achieve. And this guy, he attracted all the hot girls. I mean, they were all into him. Now, he had a great charismatic personality. He was fun to hang out with. He was just a good good guy. But not good-looking, but man, he got the girls, I'm telling you. And it was just pure confidence. And I've seen this a couple of other times in my life where guys that just have that charisma, that confidence can really reel them in. So for all you guys think that you need to be six feet tall, have six-pack six-pack abs, and make six figures and have 6 in and all that stuff, it's—I mean, I have seen it up close and personal. I've I've done this myself. Confidence is without question in my mind as a man going into a situation where I'm trying to attract a woman. That is the, uh, the key. That is the door opener. That's how I open the door. I can't do it with this. I've got to use my my skills to get in the door. That's what it's called having game. You know, some of you guys give up so early because you think that, oh, I'm not good-looking. I'm not tall. I'm not rich. No, you can do it just with game. And confidence is part of that game. And you got to bring the confidence to the table or they're just not going to be into you. So, confidence. Number seven.
Number six is a lot like confidence and I just mentioned it with my friend Louie: Sense of humor. You know, you got to have a great sense of humor. You got to be able to laugh at at yourself. You got to be able to laugh at, um, you got to be able to make her laugh. If you can make her laugh, you've opened the door to anything that you want. Women go for the sense of humor and, um, it will give you opportunities that you wouldn't otherwise have. So, it's not all about, you know, like again I said the six-pack abs and all that; it's about your personality. If you can bring a a good, confident, charismatic personality with a sense of humor and not be an ass, then yeah, you can you can open doors. You can have opportunities. I know that with Homath, and I love that guy. I love his channel. He talks about, you know, hypergamy and hypergamy is absolutely a thing. It's absolutely a thing. But there are women out there who are more, um, mature in their, uh, desires for the women they want to the man they want to mate meet. The problem is is that a lot of these women have already experienced the downside of hypergamy at least a couple of times. And so they have rationalized it, come to the conclusion that in order for them to achieve what they want, they're going to need to, um, use something else other than how good-looking a guy is to determine whether or not he's the right guy for her. Because a lot of these really good-looking guys, quite frankly, are, you know, they're arrogant, you know. So, you know, I mean, you don't need to spend a lot of time with an arrogant to realize that you don't want to spend a lot of time with an arrogant. And I think even women can figure that out.
Number five, this is a pretty easy one for most guys, but you know, you got to actually be kind of mature to manage this, and that is reliability. It means that you're going to be there when and where you say you're going to be. You got to show up on time, and you got to be actually engaged with the, uh, the date, whatever it might be. Um, a lack of reliability is a deal killer. I've talked to, um, lots of women who have complained to me about their ex-boyfriends and one of the most common complaints was the guy was a flake. He wouldn't show up. Now, maybe he was just trying to ditch her. Maybe that was it. But reliability seemed to be a pretty common complaint from a lot of the women I've dated over the years. So, just show up. Just showing up is half the game, you know. Um, reliability is an easy one.
Number four is respect. Women want to be treated with respect. You can't treat them like a hoe. I know if you listen to rap music, you think that you can slap them around. No, you can't. You can't do that. Um, you know, I think that you have to decide for yourself what kind of man you're going to be no matter what, you know, under any circumstances. I don't care if it's with women or just with other people. You got to treat people with respect, period. You know, and I don't care whether the woman's a women's liver or whatever, you know, I'm going to open doors. I'm going to pay for meals. I'm going to do that because that's who I am. I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it because that's me. That's what I do. And if she doesn't like it, then we're not compatible. Plain and simple. If you're with me, I'm the man. I'm playing that role. I'm opening doors. I'm paying for meals. I am being the man. Now, I know there's lots of dispute out there saying, "Oh, well, if she's not putting out, I'm not putting out." There's a really funny, um, comic routine about some guy who's on a date with a woman who says she's not going to put out on the first date and he gets the bill and it's like $200 for for the meal and he says, "Well, I'm not going to be paying for on the first date. You know, I don't want you to lose respect for me. You know, I need to I need to be, um, I need you to see me as a whole man. I don't want you to think of me just as a guy who pays for bills." But anyway, it was a funny story. But yeah, respect. You got to be respectful of everybody. But if you want anything out of a woman, respect is critical. That's That's like the That's like given. That's a given.
Now, this next one I'm pretty sure is not a real thing. I'm pretty sure that somebody made this up. Probably a woman. It's emotional intelligence. I think they made this up because women are emotional and men are rational and rationality and intelligence tend to go hand in hand. But women needed to have, you know, something that they could play in this game, a card they could play in this game. And so they, uh, they came up with emotional intelligence because that's something that we all scratch our heads at and go, "What the heck are you talking about? Emotional intelligence?" But whatever. It just means that you have the ability to have intelligent conversations about the way you feel about people, things, whatever. That you can empathize, that you're compassionate, that you're willing to listen. Really, to most women, what an emotionally emotionally intelligent man is—and I'm telling you this is absolutely the truth—is that you just ask her questions about her and let her talk about herself all the time; if you do that like on the first couple of dates, you will be considered emotionally intelligent and it will open the door to you getting laid. I swear to God that is the truth. If you just be that guy that asks questions, act like you're trying to learn enough about her that you can sell her a car. You know, you want to find out everything you can about her. You want to find out where she goes, what she does, what's her lifestyle like, who are her friends, you know, what's her past like, all that. If you can do that, you will be considered emotionally intelligent. But just between you and me, I don't think that's a thing.
Number two, which sounds a lot like number three, emotional intelligence, is communication skills. Well, it seems like they're just spitting things out now, like the like I don't know why they're they're, uh, repeating themselves, but communication skill is definitely a part of emotional intelligence. It's like, um, you know, saying in order to play basketball you need to be a good shooter, you know, I don't know, it's just one of those things. So communication skills: you're able to put together thoughts, communicate them out of your mouth in a way that makes you sound like a normal, healthy, intelligent human being and you're not an irrational, you know, um, illiterate. So being able to communicate clearly obviously is got to be good for a relationship.
And the number one thing the 68,000 women across 180 countries came up with as the single most important thing that a man brings to the table is the size of his kindness. Yeah. Nothing to do with that stuff down there. Kindness. That's what they said. Kindness. Kindness is a tough one to to summarize, you know, to come up with, but really they want a guy that's going to be, uh, respectful, thoughtful, you know, is going to be interested in them. Um, and I would have to say that kindness probably is strongly associated with loving behavior. So, when I think about when I was, um, going through my divorce, I remember having the thought that she lacked kindness, that the kindness just wasn't there. There was no sense of empathy, compassion, or concern for me. It was all about what was happening in her life and what she wanted for herself. It was very self-focused. So, I would think that kindness probably pulls together a number of other really powerful characteristics like empathy, um, thoughtfulness, respect, you know, it seems to kind of wrap up a lot of this stuff into a single word. I mean, you could even argue that emotional intelligence and good communication skills can kind of come under kindness as well. But anyway, so there's your 10.
Obviously, this does not comport with a lot of the experience that many of us have. And the reason that doesn't comport is because in order to get through the door, you've got to have something that's going to get her attention and she's going to give you the opportunity to play it out. So, it's like breaking through the initial defensive line, you know, um, like in in a football game or in in military. You got to get through that first line before you're going to make any traction, before you're going to get any yardage. And getting through that initial line may require some finesse. You may not be able to just bull your way through with, um, good looks, but good looks usually will open the door for most guys. And if you don't have those good looks, it means you're not going to be, you know, take this metaphor a little further, you're not passing for that first down. You're going to have to run. That means you're going to have to put your head down and come up with something better, um, that'll open that door for you.
Uh, the reason why these women claim these 10 things are what they are attracted to is because once they're with a man that they like, once they're with the man that they're attracted to, these are the 10 things that they look for. These are not the things that I think that open the door for you right away. Um, if you have the good looks, obviously, and you have these 10 things, then you're golden. You you you can wrap that one up, put a bow on it. But if you don't have the good looks going in the door and you don't have the wealth or any of that other stuff to open the door for you, then you're going to have to rely solely on your sense of humor, your sense of confidence, and your personality. And then you can start rolling out the, uh, the other stuff.
But I think this study, although it's interesting and it certainly gives us some insights into what these women said like, you know, on their their surveys, um, doesn't give us a complete picture because it doesn't tell us how necessarily most women respond to the initial approach, and I think that's where most men fail because that's where the rejection occurs, and rejection sucks. It just sucks. And once you come to grips with how you look and what game you bring, then you can start to evolve, become better, um, improve your game. If getting a good woman is your goal in life, if you want to have a relationship—not talking about marriage here before you guys start yelling at me about that, just talking about having someone to hang out with and sleep with from time to time—then you're going to need to do a little bit of, um, self-evaluation and determine what your best opportunities are. And also realize that, um, attracting a woman is a numbers game. It's like sales. I've spent a good deal of my life in sales and sales comes with a lot of rejection, and so that was a blessing to me. People saying no, no, no, no. You get used to it. You just got to blow it off. You just let it roll off your back. No does not necessarily mean no. It just means you haven't asked the right question yet or you haven't, um, you know, appealed to the right sense of, uh, need desire yet. So I don't take no for an answer, um, in those kinds of situations. I'm always looking for opportunities and usually it pays off.
So, if you've set your goal on getting someone because you know that she would be a great, um, connection for you, a great, uh, girlfriend or whatever, be persistent. Don't be a creep, you know, but don't let it, um, fall away just because she said no. Just regroup, rethink, reapproach. Like I said in the beginning, knowing what a woman really wants is anybody's, you know, guess. There's no way to really know. Um, I have gone face to face on multiple occasions and asked women to their face, eye to eye, what do you want? And on more than one occasion, they've said, I don't know. I'm like, ah, I knew that. I knew that. You really don't know. And that truly is the case for most women most of the time. So although that can be a point of frustration for guys when they say they don't know, but it means that you can offer something and you might get in the door because they don't really know what they're looking for. And if you just appeal to whatever they want right now, well, that might be enough. Now, of course, the problem is that's probably going to change in 5 minutes. So, if you keep reapproaching every 5 minutes, you're going to get a yes sooner or later.
Anyway, I hope you guys have enjoyed the video. I hope, uh, you know, it's been some insight. I know I kind of poked fun at a little bit here and there, but I think there's some value to it. You know, I think that it does show, at least in writing, in a survey, women are willing to, um, associate themselves strongly with positive characteristics, which means that they have some knowing, some real understanding of the things that are truly valuable in the world. Um, whether they'll actually behave that way when the push comes to shove at the moment of truth is anyone's guess, but it's good to know that they at least had these insights. So anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know anyone who might benefit from it, please share the video with them. In the meantime, till I see you next time, stay healthy and if you can, stay single.