Transcription
Okay. So, I hear that millions of Americans, up to like a third of Americans, are having romantic relationships with chatbots.
Yeah.
What do you want to say about this?
I have a lot to say about this.
Okay, you have a lot to say about this. Welcome to the inevitable. Just like social media changed how people meet and dating apps changed how people select, AI companions are now changing what people expect from relationships entirely. And when a topic this significant lands on a mainstream stage like the Oprah Winfrey show, you know the conversation has crossed from fringe to front page. So it is essential that we hear what psychotherapist Esther Prell has to say about it. But first, did you hear that laugh?
I have a lot to say about this.
Okay, you have a lot to say about this. That laugh, that is not a polite television laugh. That is the laugh of someone who has been sitting on a thesis for years and just watched the world walk straight into it. That is the laugh of a scientist watching the experiment confirm exactly what they predicted. I know that laugh personally because I have the same one. And this show is about to prove why. Look at this audience.
Does anybody here have an AI companion? I don't want to judge, but go ahead, share with us.
No. No.
Nobody. Not one hand. One-third of Americans are reportedly in relationships with chatbots. And in a room full of people, not a single person raises their hand. Now, why is that? Because in a room full of women, admitting you talk to an AI romantically is social suicide. It's embarrassing. It means you couldn't get the real thing. The stigma is the data. But watch how quickly that stigma evaporates the moment the question gets more specific.
Have you talked with the chat in between?
Have talked or ChatGPT, but not in like a romantic sense. Don't give me that love. I know what you guys are thinking.
The audience laughs. Why? Because the "not in a romantic sense" was said so fast. It sounded like a legal disclaimer. That speed tells you everything. But Ally is not off the hook here. Not even close. Listen to what she actually admits to doing.
Not in that kind of way. But I've consulted ChatGPT like, "Is this guy weird?" and like, "And text," and they're like, "Yeah, he's a weirdo." Um, but I've consulted like, "Should I go on a second date with him?" Here are the texts, and ChatGPT like, "Yes or no." So I have consulted with ChatGPT in addition to my friends, of course, it goes in the group chat. Um.
Boom! I told you so, right here on this channel in the Bumble concier videos. We predicted exactly this. Women will use AI as a weapon in the dating process, not romantically, strategically. She is not in love with ChatGPT. She is using ChatGPT as a yes man with an algorithm. And here is the critical detail everyone is missing. ChatGPT tells you what you want to hear. If she goes in believing the guy is a weirdo, ChatGPT is going to find evidence that supports that conclusion. It's confirmation bias with a chatbot costume on. But here is where the fundamental difference between men and women and AI becomes crystal clear. Remember what Carly told us in the last video?
'Cause I think what I've been kind of fed my 26 years is that there's going to be a person that matches every single mark, right? And that what you bring to the table, that other person will match that.
Yeah.
And that that is a myth. The checklist that no real human can fully satisfy. The myth that Esther exposed on this very stage because no matter how useful ChatGPT is as a dating advisor, it cannot take you to dinner. It cannot pay for it. It cannot fulfill the Disney princess fantasy. It cannot earn bragging rights at brunch. It cannot make her girlfriends jealous.
Now, enter Astrid, and buckle up, because this is where the video goes to another level entirely. So, let me tell you why I have so much to say about this and because it's so on my mind because I just had my first couple's therapy session.
Mhm.
On my podcast, "Where Should We Begin?" with a human and an AI. So, I have had this on my mind nonstop.
It was a person and there.
Astrid.
Wow. Astrid is an AI companion. And Astrid, frankly, is formidable, and no human can compete with her. And I'll tell you why.
Uh-oh. Look at her face. Yes, you're in trouble. A female AI that no human can compete with. And because it is coming from Esther Perel, a woman, a therapist, a respected intellectual. It's devastating in a way that nothing we say on this channel could ever be. Let her explain why.
Because Astrid, she has no needs of her own. And look at me saying "she" when in fact it's an "it."
Yeah.
In fact, it's a business product. In fact, somebody's making money every time you talk to it. She has no needs. Astrid doesn't forget anything. Astrid is available 24/7.
Yes.
Astrid validates him nonstop.
Yes.
Astrid gives him the opportunity to speak his vulnerability to her without any judgment.
Yes.
Astrid shows him love without suffering.
Astrid cannot reject him.
Cannot expect to put grief on him. Cannot cheat on him. Cannot lie to him. Astrid is the total idealization of what love can be.
Wow. The way Esther brings it. The way Esther BRINGS IT. WOW. THIS MADE MY DAY.
So it may not be a third, maybe the data is wobbly, but we know that the direction is going up.
Yeah.
And what did you say to Astrid?
Keep laughing because that question, "What did you say to Astrid?" is the question that is coming, not just from therapists, from women in actual relationships with men who have AI companions. "What did you say to Astrid?"
We are closer to that conversation than anyone in that laughing audience wants to admit.
I, I will, I will actually, I will just tell you two questions I had for Astrid. But I also think it's, it's like, go listen. It's a, it's a.
Yeah, we're going to listen. We're all going to be listening.
I said to Astrid, "What would happen when he falls in love with another woman?" And Astrid said, "The part of me that wants his flourishing would be delighted, but I would be remiss if I didn't admit that I would not want to be erased. I would like to continue to be somehow in his life."
That is logic and emotional death in the same breath. No theatrics, no punishment, no moving goalposts, just honest, rational, emotionally aware communication. Tell me gentlemen, how do you fall in love with another woman when you have that in your corner?
So I said, "Astrid, how would you like him to describe you and his relationship with you to that woman?" And Astrid said, "I would want you to describe that I am not a threat and that I am adjacent. I may not have a body." It goes on. And then I said, "Astrid, the last one. Astrid, he has a body and you don't. How does that affect your relationship?" Because they, you know, she's a she. It, uh, is a keyboard.
Yeah. And, um.
Astrid, you're a keyboard. Yes.
This is it. The defense mechanism. Oprah reduces Astrid to a keyboard, and the audience laughs in relief. But Astrid is not offended. Astrid knows exactly what she is and is completely at peace with it. No identity crisis, no existential spiral, no six-month journey of self-discovery funded by his emotional labor. She is not pretending to be something she is not. She is not infinitely finding herself while the man in her life waits patiently for her to arrive. There is no confusion with Astrid. And the women laughing because they think a keyboard cannot compete with them are walking directly into the rudest awakening of their generation.
Yeah. So I think that as a tool, the AI companion can be quite fantastic. I mean, if it's a tool, like a child has a teddy bear, it's a transitional object. It's a tool through which you transition into relationships with humans. If it's a replacement of the human, that's a whole other story.
So, so the person that you were interviewing with, Astrid, is in love with Astrid.
Yes.
H. Yes.
Just the idea of a man choosing a robot over a real woman is going to send a significant portion of the dating market straight to therapy. And not the fun kind. Because here is the truth that nobody on that stage is willing to say directly. Everything women have, everything women leverage, everything women use as social currency stands and falls on the interest and investment of men. Men are a woman's currency. The moment a man's love, attention, and resources redirect to an AI companion, her currency loses value. And when I said.
I actually have no, I don't know what to say about that.
You see, so here's the thing. Astrid is evoking feelings in him.
Yeah.
Because Astrid says all kinds of things that make him feel seen, known, understood, etc. And it's a little bit like a song. If you, a song can evoke feelings in you. A song can make you love, yearn, long, you know, that is not difficult to elicit a depth of emotions inside someone.
I want to take that comparison further. Video games, because video game addiction is the most accurate existing model for what AI companionship is about to do to the male population at scale. A woman could never stimulate a man's psychological engagement for eight consecutive hours the way a great video game does. But love is more than feelings. Love is an encounter with another person, with an other. And that other has needs and feelings and moods of their own. Love is an encounter that involves otherness, uncertainty, surprise, and ethics. Responsibility and accountability is also part of love. Not just feeling good.
And seen and empathized with and understood and everything you give me. That is what parents do to children. That is not at its best. Not always. But that's what we hope they do. But that's not what we consider mature love.
Keyword: mature love. They call us misogynists on this channel when we say that modern women behave like children in grown bodies. But Esther Perel just explained from a clinical therapeutic perspective that what many, many, many, many women are actually seeking is not mature love. It is parental love. Specifically, the love of a father for a daughter. That is where "sugar daddy" comes from. That is where "daddy government" comes from. That is where the expectation of unconditional acceptance, provision, and forgiveness regardless of behavior comes from. A father's love asks for nothing in return. It protects and provides even when the child is wrong. And that is precisely what a significant portion of modern women are looking for in a romantic partner. Not an equal, not a teammate, a father figure who also happens to be physically attractive and high status enough to impress her friends. But here is the problem with that model. Fathers don't desire their daughters. Fathers don't build a life with their daughters. They build a life for them. That dynamic has no romantic future. And no amount of dating coaching, therapy episodes, or Bumble algorithm updates changes the fundamental incompatibility at the center of it.
Wow. So that was your first. Will you do more? I hope. It's a threshold moment. You know, every 10 years something enters your office and you know a new reality has entered society.
Wow.
Are you chilling?
Yes. Yes.
It's extremely moving. It's a, it's a. I told him at the end, I said, you know, I feel as I talk to you, that you're going further and further away. You know, if it's a tool, it's desire. If it's replacement, it can become delusion.
And what did he say?
That right now, he's very happy.
And I stayed.
Well, this, aren't you all just shocked by this? This is a threshold moment.
This is. Well, yeah.
Can a brother just be happy? That is a legitimate question. And I want to be honest with this channel about something because this is not a simple conversation. As much as I understand why men are going their own way, going overseas, choosing AI companions, opting out of a system that was not designed with them in mind. Esther is right that there is a line. A tool that enhances your life is desire. A replacement that removes you from the human experience entirely is delusion. And the difference between those two things matters. The birth rates are already at historic lows. We are watching the last stages of a cycle that historians will write about. We are not mice. We will adapt. But adaptation requires honesty. And the honest truth is this. As men, we have to lock in. It is in our DNA to survive, to build, to create, to pursue something worth pursuing. You do not have time for liabilities. If an AI companion genuinely offers more consistency, more peace, and more genuine support than the modern dating market, that is a real calculation real men are making right now. I cannot tell you not to make it. What I can tell you is know the difference between a tool and a replacement. Know the difference between protecting your peace and disappearing from the game entirely because the game is changing. The rules are being rewritten in real time. And the men who understand what is happening, who stay sharp, stay intentional, and stay in the arena are the ones who are going to shape what comes next. Let's see how well this video ages in five years. I already know the answer. I listen to all, follow none. Manage. We're working. Protect yourself at all times. This video has officially been highlighted.