How to be a REAL MAN - [For MEN ONLY!]- Dr. Myles Munroe - PART 1

side of every man in this building. Brand new song just released, and you are hearing it here for the first time. And he has a brand new CD just introduced today. I'm telling you, uh, that's my son in the Lord. He is a blessing. Give him another hand. Tony Mason. Great. Oh, we got a CD here. Can I help? How many of you men would like a copy of that song? Uh, all right, here we go.

[Applause]

About you can pick up that beautiful song at the table, at our resource table, and just look for Tony Mason. All of his songs, I play in my car. I sleep with this guy. When I was in the Ukraine some years ago, I played his music all during my time in the Ukraine, 'cause I couldn't speak Russian, so it's good to hear English all the time. And, uh, he is such an awesome writer. He wrote that song. Give another hand. Great writer.

Good afternoon, everybody. Good afternoon, man. Can you hold your brother's hands on your right and left and tell your brother, "If you knew who I really was, who I was, you would take me for lunch today."

[Applause]

Don't sit yet. Please hold that hand one more time. The word of God says, "Wherever any two shall touch and agree concerning anything on the earth, it shall be done for them of Our Father who is in heaven." Tell your neighbor, "I'm about to agree with you. About to. And something's going to happen. Something's going to happen."

Repeat after me: Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father, fill this place, fill this place with revelation knowledge, revelation knowledge. Fill this place, fill this place with the spirit of wisdom, the spirit, and the spirit of understanding, the spirit of understanding. And I expect, and I expect to change, to change forever, forever, right here, right here. In Jesus name, in Jesus. And I agree, I agree. It is done.

Now go ahead and act like you just heard your prayer.

[Music]

Hallelujah! Oh, what a wonderful place to be. You may be seated. I'm going to invite all my, all my young men who flew with me just now to come up on the stage real quick. I want all my men, including my pilots, come up here real fast. Got to run, run, run, run, run. Uh, these guys love you so much that they, they came all the way from the Bahamas today just to be with you. All welcome all these Bahamian leaders. This great man, just make a line there. These are my, these are my, uh, my, my covering angels. Uh, this is my captain who flies the plane. This is his co-pilot. This is the engineer who is the engineer for all aircrafts. This is a lawyer, he takes care of legal business. This is the doctor, takes care of your body. And this is the car dealer who makes sure we get something to drive. He owns his own car business. And this guy is an import-export dealer. He brings in all the good stuff for you to eat. And, uh, what do you do? I'm just me, man. That's all. No, he's a technician. Give him a hand. And what do you do? I'm the future prime minister of the Commonwealth of the Bahamas. Did you all hear that? What he said is, he's the future president of my country. That's what I call dream. Come on, give him a hand. What do you do? I'm the best electrician in the world. Give these men a big hand. Oh, great leaders. Welcome, guys. Thank you so much for coming. Welcome to Bahamas, guys. Come on, make them feel at home. The group from the Bahamas, my boys. So glad to have them here.

I am so proud of our coordinator and, uh, the whole team that put this together. The hardest working leader. I tell you, these guys work so hard. And I want to thank you so much for bringing the men together in this great setting of, uh, for men only retreat. I'd like for you to get your notebooks, please, and find something to write some notes on for a few minutes. And, uh, we are going to get involved in the subject that we are studying these couple of days. Myself and the bishop are going to be dealing with issues that are important to you as men. And of course, my good friend, brother Eddie Long, is going to be here to also tie of this whole thing on Saturday. It's going to be a fantastic week, and I look forward to being with you these few days. Uh, I'm from the Bahamas, where God lives. And, uh, I left the Bahamas this morning. And the ocean, when we were driving to the airport, the ocean was crystal clear with beautiful coconut trees just waving in the beautiful wind there in the Bahamas. And I kept thinking, "Why am I going to Texas? I'm leaving all this beauty behind." But God's destiny requires that I be here with you today, and I'm happy to be in God's will.

I see, uh, one of my, uh, senior trustees on my board of leaders here today. Please stand up. Uh, uh, this is, uh, Bishop Charles Phillips. Stand up. One of my great trustees on my board here. Flew all the way from Washington D.C. to be with us today. Give him a hand. Good to see you, Doc. God bless you.

I'm going to use a PowerPoint presentation so that you can take good notes because, you know, men are logical thinkers. And so I always like to give information to men that men can take their time and grasp and understand. And, uh, for the next two days, I'm going to be focusing on two subjects. One of them is understanding the purpose and the power of the male man. Understanding the purpose and the power of the male man. And then session two, I'm going to be dealing with rediscovering the principle of fatherhood. And so, in this subject today, we're going to talk about understanding the purpose and power of the male man.

Now, one of the number one things I want to encourage you men to do is to educate yourself. And, uh, so I spoke to my office in Florida and directed them to ship to Texas, just for you, materials that I have been working with for the last 34 years. It took me 34 years to develop this, and I have have been privileged to ship them here for you. So we got some material to help you as a man develop yourself. The number one pursuit of a male should be knowledge, and we're going to show you why that's important today.

I've been married for 27 years. A beautiful woman. I have a son and daughter. Both of them are studying their master's degree right now. Very young kids, but they're already doing their master's, master's degree. I've never had a problem with my son or my daughter. They are virgins. They love God. They went through the adolescence period without incident. They are now respectable young people who are honored in their education.

I started a church in the Bahamas 25 years ago with seven people. Today, it is a worldwide movement in over 80 countries, influencing people. People. We have one of the largest churches in our country. And one of the major things we focus on in our ministry from day one is building a church of males, strong men. And one of the things I've been working on for the last 30 years is researching and understanding what makes a male unique and different from a female, and what makes a male think differently, and what kind of psyche does a male have that makes him distinctive from a female. And my research have led me to build one of the strongest male concentrated churches in our country.

Most of you who are in this room probably came from a history where you were brought up with women. Maybe you are teachers for women. Maybe you're in a house with just a mother. And so most of the men in our world have been feminized. And that doesn't mean effeminate. It simply means that they've been cultured by females. That creates some problems. And one of the things that I've try to do is to try and find out what are the secrets to correct that. And I did so much research that I was able to help not only my son and my daughter to understand what real mankind and manhood is, but to help thousands of men build strong lives and to build strong character. And I have put a lot of this material in a number of items.

I want to recommend to you. There is a book that you will find out on the resource table called "The Purpose and Power of the Male Man," and we're going to be dealing with some of that material today. And that is a partner book to another book called "The Power of Woman." And in this book, you understand, understand why a woman is different from a man. And men need to study women because the average man doesn't understand a woman. It took me about 27 years to figure out my wife. I did a lot of reading and research and study, not only in the word, but also in a lot of other material. And this book is now one of the top-selling books on women on Amazon.com and other stores because in this book, I deal with the five distinctive needs of a woman that a man needs to know. Women only need five things, and the average man don't know the first one. And that's why it's tough to live with a woman because you live with people to meet their needs. And if you don't know their needs, then you have a problem.

The third product I want to recommend to you is a book called "The Spirit of Leadership." And this book deals with how to develop the leader on the inside that we heard about just now from our psalmist, Tony Mason. Uh, this book took me 32 years to write because the material in it, I didn't understand it until I had to develop it over 32 years. I want to recommend that to you. I, we probably going to have a little sold-out session on that one, but, uh, you may want to get that as soon as we finish.

And then this book deals with developing your personal glory as a man. Every man is carrying glory on the inside, and he needs to learn how to bring that glory out. And that is coupled by my number one selling book on vision, uh, on Amazon.com right now. If you type the word "Vision" in and press search, this book will come up as number one. It's been number one on the Amazon.com list for the past three months. It's the number one bestselling book on Vision. I didn't expect that. And I discovered that the corporate companies are ordering this book by the thousands to give to their managers and the executives because they're trying to capture vision for their companies. But every male in this room must have a vision for his life, otherwise he cannot ask a woman to follow him because it's an insult to ask someone to follow you and you don't know where you're going. So I highly recommend that you get this set of material.

This is our number one bestselling book on single men and divorced men. The book deals with all the subjects of divorce and marriage and, and also deals with singleness. And if you are a single man, I encourage you to get a copy of this one. If you have been through a divorce, please get two copies just in case you have another prospect. You don't want to repeat your problems. Say amen. And the way you avoid that is by knowledge. This book sold 800,000 copies and still selling. It's been in the top 10 list for the past six years, which is a mystery to the publishers, but it's because the material in it has become so in demand that people continue to buy this book. And I want to recommend, we got a few of those here with us today. Invest in yourself.

This is our number one bestselling book at the moment, and that's the book called "Rediscovering the Kingdom," which is available, uh, here today. And I hope you get your copies of that. Uh, the last couple items I want to recommend is our book here that deals with the 26 differences between a male and a female. And if you know these 26 differences, you will never have a problem with a woman. A woman have 26 differences that are distinct from you, and you got to know what they are to be an effective man. This book deals with those 26 differences. This book has been well-researched, and I recommend it to you. It is now available in all the stores around the city, but you get it for special today, so you definitely want to pick that up for the special price.

There's a power pack that's available in the back, and that is all five of these books are available for $80 bucks. Regularly, you have to pay $125, so we are really giving you a gift back of over $40. Is that a good idea? If you don't say amen, I'm going to put the price back up to the normal price. Okay, I know you're not dumb, man. You're smart, right? So you can get all those back there. And because I can't deal with all the material, that's why I ask them to ship this here to you so you can go back and educate yourself and invest in your own future by developing yourself.

Uh, on the aircraft just now, I was telling our men, all the men were reading books because in our church, I train the men that they have to keep reading. I read five books, uh, four books a month, sometimes five, depending on the size of the book. And I read four books a month because I am an ambassador to many countries by my, by my government. I am counselor to many countries' heads of states. I'm involved in advising governments in many different nations in Africa, in South America, in the Philippines, etc. So I have to keep knowledge always available. So I keep reading. If you're going to be a leader, you got to be a reader. Say that. So you got to shut the TV off, open a book, and get your brain filled with knowledge because knowledge is the key to an effective man. So I want to recommend that you invest in yourself and get this material because knowledge is power, and the more you get it, the more you are able to handle life's challenges.

So I will be available to autograph books, which I don't normally do because my crowds that I deal with are very large. My last crowd I spoke with was 180,000 people in Africa, in Nigeria, and they wanted me to autograph books, so I had to apologize. But since you are brothers and we are all in here by ourselves, ain't no woman in here, I'm going to be with you as long as you need me to be with you to autograph books. Uh, my publisher told me that my autograph is worth $85,000 so far. So if you're smart, you'll buy a book for $15, but make sure you get $85,000 worth of value in it, okay? And then when I die, you cash it in. All right.

Get your notebooks. Let's go to work. The purpose and the power of the male man. Understanding the kingdom concept of manhood. Let's get started. I'd like to make a couple of statements first about men and male. The world is filled with males, but very few men. And the reason for that is because male is a biological reality. You are born a male. Male. But you're not born a man. Manhood is a result of development and investment in yourself. So you don't need to do anything to be a male. Just show up. But you got to do a lot of things to be a man. You got to learn, develop, be trained. You have to grow. And that is why the average male is still struggling with being a man because we've been taught that just existing makes us a man, and that's not true. There are 50-year-old males who are not men yet because being a man is different from being born a male. This is why there's a struggle. Male is a natural, but manhood is spiritual. Male is natural. It's a product of nature. But being a man is spiritual. It is a product of development. Again, this is why a lot of men are struggling with trying to define what manhood is. I'm going to help you today.

We live in a century that doesn't understand us as men. As a matter of fact, I don't think that there's been a century in history that is more difficult for the male than this one we're living in right now. And I'm going to prove that, hopefully, in a few minutes. Here's a statement that was recorded by the first book of Moses about God's creation. Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in the image of God, created he him. Male and female created he them." God only made male and female. So the only species that God recognized in the human race is a male and a female. So some people are trying to create a third one now. Let me just say something that you didn't think about. Read that verse again out loud. Read. "So God created man, and he made them into two morals. What's the morals? Male and female created he them." That means anything else that exists was not created by God. Someone else created that. Can I hear an amen? Amen. Tell your neighbor, "I hope God created you." God. You're very important. Hey, Bishop, give Bishop a big hand. That's the man. That's the, that's the man that God created. Thank you.

Genesis 1:31 says, "And God saw that all he had created, and God said, 'It was very good.'" Now, this is an important statement because you see, a lot of women have been saying that men are no good. But if God calls something good, come on, brothers, go with me now. Then it must be good, in spite of what people say. You are good stuff. Clap for yourself. That means that when a man is behaving badly, he is not himself because, according to God, the product he made is good. So if a man is not living a good, manly life, then he is not acting his normal self. He is malfunctioning. God didn't make any male that is no good. So under all of the no good, there's a good. And this conference and this retreat is to work on getting the good that's been buried under what the women call "no good." 'Cause we got good men sitting around you right now. Tell you, brother, I'm a good man. Y'all got to talk back to me now. Say it, "I'm a good man." Say it loud. "I'm a good man." I'm a good. I don't care what kind of father you had. According to God, you are a good man. Give a good man a big hand.

However, the male man is in crisis. And the fact that you showed up here today is proof that you recognize that you need some help. And there's nothing wrong with asking for help. As a matter of fact, it takes a real man to go for help. What kind of crisis is the male man facing? I've identified one of them, and that is the number one crisis of the male man. Write this down. Is his identity crisis. He's struggling with discovering the truth about himself. That's why men are imitating so many other things and other men because they haven't found themselves yet. That's why we wear other men like Calvin Klein, Fubu, Sean John. We wear other people because we're struggling with our own identity. A lot of men don't feel like they are somebody unless they're wearing somebody. I'm just getting started.

This conference has been called by God, and God brought us together to peel away all the other images because deep inside of you is a brother the world needs to meet. If you believe that, go ahead and shout for five seconds. The male in our century is confused about his manhood, his masculinity, and his sexuality. Three confusions. He's not sure what a man is. He's not sure what it means to be masculine. And he definitely is struggling with his sexuality identity. As a matter of fact, I found out something. It is so tough to be a real man, a lot of men decide to be women. We need to confront the problem because it's not difficult to solve once you confront it. As a matter of fact, men have confused their cultural and social and traditional roles with the definition of manhood. And that's where our first conflict begins. We have confused what we are culturally and what we do traditionally in our culture and the roles we perform with being synonymous with manhood. And what has happened is all of those have been destroyed. What made your father a man does not exist anymore. I'm going to prove that in a few minutes. What made your father masculine does not exist anymore. What made your father a respectable man in his generation does not exist in yours. So your father, listen carefully now, please listen. This is going to be a tough one. Your father cannot give you advice on how to be a man. That's a tough statement. The reason is because what made him a man doesn't exist anymore. You got to stay with me now.

I want to show you what happened. Here are the questions that all men are asking, and you're asking them too, 'cause I asked them. Number one, how do you measure manhood? Number two, what is true manhood? Number three, what is masculinity? Number four, what is true male sexuality? Number five, what is the purpose of the male in relationship to the female? Number six, is there a universal definition of manhood and cannot be attained? And number seven, where do we get the true male definition from? Who defines what a male and a man is? These are important questions because every culture and every social environment seem of their own definition of what a man's supposed to be. So these questions plague us, and these questions are not getting some sensible answers. And I know that because I deal with men constantly in seminars and conferences all over the world. I was in Zimbabwe, had a conference for men, 5,000 men in a hotel in Harare, and they kept me there for seven days. I spoke four times a day, 28 times in one week, and they said, "Just teach us on manhood." When I left, I got a call from the president's office, Mugabe. They sent him a tape, and he said, "I want you to come back to the great nation of Zimbabwe to talk to the whole country." Because nations are understanding that men are struggling, including the presidents of countries. You see, title doesn't make you a man. The male is in crisis. Men define their manhood by their social roles. I want you to hear me carefully now. I'm going to see if I can help you share some of the images that are trapping the great man on the inside of you. We also suffering from what I call cultural transitions. That means the major shift in the roles of both male and females have confused used men. The rules and the roles of society are changing, and we need to understand them because the roles that your father performed does not exist anymore, and the rules that your father followed to be a man have been canceled. So if you get your manhood from rules and roles, you are in trouble because if you are a man based on what you do, then what you do, if it's canceled, you no longer exist. And our 21st century has canceled the rules. It has eradicated the rules. Let me show you what I mean. Man's basic concept of manhood have been disrupted. Your father had no problem being a man. It was easy for your granddaddy to be a man. Very easy. As a matter of fact, I'm going to show you what he did to be a man. You see, men and women are in a state of gender transition. Women are trying to be men, and men, oh, Lord, are trying to be women. So everybody's confused. And then women are now doing the things that men used to do. So we are in a, what I call, a historical convulsion and a historical convergence. We are in the midst of change. That's why I started out by saying that the most difficult time for men to be alive is in this generation right now that we are in. We are living in the most horrific generation for males because males are in turmoil.

What do we mean by historical men's problems? First of all, let me give you some history. Historically speaking, and now when I use the word historically speaking, I want you to think about your great-great-grandfather. Can you do that for me? Okay. The one you didn't know. Historically speaking, your great-grandfather and your grandfather are now going to talk about them. And maybe even your father, depending on how old you are. If you are 40 to 50 years old today in this room, I am talking about your father right now. Your father, first of all, used to risk his life to provide. In other words, going to work was a risk. The kind of job he did, he weren't sure he was coming home safe. Probably works in a coal mine or works in a cotton field. He works in a, in a diamond mine or he works in a tractor or something. In other words, the, the work that a man did was always risky. Therefore, he, the focus was on being a good hunter. You see, when you go into history and the caveman, which is again, your granddaddy was like a caveman. The caveman always used to be the guy who went out to go hunting, and his focus was being a good hunter. He had to train to be a good hunter. So your grandfather trained to be a good worker. He wanted to get a trade. Everybody say trade. That's why your granddaddy wasn't too concerned about education. He wanted a trade. He was a hunter. "I got to go and hunt for a job." He actually used to say that, didn't he? "I'm going hunting for a job." You see, the caveman went hunting to provide for his family. Number three, he felt loved, respected, and appreciated because of the risk he took. Every time a man came home from hunting, working hard, he got a kiss from his wife. Why? She knew he had a hard, risky day. Therefore, he was respected by the woman because of the risk he took every day to go hunting to make a living. I'm working on history now. Hang on. Therefore, the children always bowed when he came in. Why? He was the great provider, and he did it at the expense of his own safety. Number three, he was motivated by what? Food, sex, children, and security. You know, the caveman was only concerned about these four things right here. And your great-grandfather was only concerned about these four things: getting food, sex, having some children, and securing his family, buying a house, and protecting them. That's all the man thought about. So his focus was very simple. And number four, number five, rather, his role was simply to be what? Say it loud. Provider. And what? Protector. That's all it took to be a male, to be a man. You provided for your family. You protected your family. That means you ran out, you risked your life to get food, and you built a house to protect your family. You provided the house. So once a man provided everything and built a house for his family, his wife called him a real man. His children called him a real man. Society called him a real man. And if you study history, not too long ago, you will discover that your great-great-grandfather was called a man, even by the neighbors, why? "Oh, he's a good man. He provided a house for his wife. He provided food for his children. He provided protection for his kids." That's a real man. So his manhood was measured by what he could do. And number seven, very important, his perspective was partnership. In other words, all he wanted his wife to do was to be a partner. And that word "partner" had very little to do with affection, almost zero to do with emotions. It had to do with him having her at home while he's out working. "I go to risk my life. You protect the house." That's the partnership. "I buy the food. You cook it." That's the partnership. "I I give you a sperm. You produce the kids and feed them." That's the partnership. Don't expect nothing else from me. So we are partners.

Now, that partnership worked very well, but the woman also had a perfect balance in this deal. First of all, the woman felt loved and respected because every time he came home, food was cooked, children were in bed sleeping, not disturbing him, the house was clean. So the man respected the woman because she was a perfect partner. Number two, she gave birth and she nurtured the children. So he respected and loved her. And also, she raised the kids and created a home while he was out risking his life to buy the house and pay for the food. So the woman had a perfect job, and the man had a perfect job, and they knew each other's roles, and those roles never collided. Then, therefore, the woman was honored by the man because he knew he couldn't be risking his life at the same time bringing the kids up, cooking food, and cleaning house. So the man did his part. The woman did her part. There was a perfect partnership based on roles.

What were the implications? Listen carefully, men. Number one, your grandfather lived in a hostile environment. Every time he went out, women are depressed, pray for him to come back. A lot of men never came back. They died on the job. When a hunter goes out to hunt in the wild and leave the wives in the, in the village, the wives had to hope they come back because the wild beasts might kill them. And that was true in our society. When a man went out to to work, he could catch tuberculosis in the cold, in the cold mines. He could actually fall off a tract and die. In other words, he was out there risking his life. Life was hostile. Number two, his focus was survival and protection. Number three, the male risked his life for food and protection. Number four, he did not need good communication skills. Your grandfather did not talk much to your grandmother. You check it. His conversation was very limited. "Where's the food, woman? I need sex." There was no foreplay. Caveman came, Jane, boom, boom, boom, finish, sleep. Caveman. That's where your granddaddy was. So he didn't need to learn to communicate because his wife didn't demand it. She knew that he was working 18 hours a day, he was tired. She knew that she knew he was risking his life, that he was stressed out. So she would have the food ready, have the hot pan with hot water to put his feet in. She'd have his newspaper ready. She would make sure the kids go to sleep, don't bother him. Why? 'Cause that was her hardworking, risky caveman. She cared for him, and he was her giant of provider. So she didn't want to even talk. Matter of fact, your grandfather, my father's and grandmother's house is very quiet. There was no need for communication. I'm talking about history now. Watch this. Number five, surviving was difficult, but relationships were comparatively easy. Why? Because the woman knew her job, and the man knew her job, his job. The man knew, "I go to get the bacon." Woman knows, "I cook it." The man knows, "I build a house." The woman knows, "I make it a home." Very simple. The man knows, "I give you children." The woman knows, "I nurture them." The man knows, "I I bring home the money." The woman knows, "You manage it." So there was very easy relationships. It was simple for my grandmother and my father, grandfather to live together. Matter of fact, my father and mother was a part of this historical environment. I've never seen my mother and father slap, hit, curse, or speak hard at one another. Why? 'Cause they were part of this generation. My father worked, my mother stayed at home. Father built a house, Mama made it a home. Daddy bought him the food, Mama made it a meal. No conflict of roles. It was easy. Easy to be a man. As a matter of fact, the way you measured manhood those days was, "You build a house and you buy the food." So you are a man. Even if you were shacking up and sleeping around, if you still built a house and bought the food, they still say, "Yeah, but he's a good man." Am I right? Why? He built the house. He bought on the food. Manhood was easy. But here's a difficult one. Men and women existed in different. Simple to be a man back then. And number, and number seven, they depended on each other in order to survive. My mother needed my father to bring home the bacon, to buy the house, to buy the clothing. She depended on him. And my father needed my mother to keep the house, to cook the food, to clean the clothes. So there was a perfect dependency, which created perfect partnership, and it didn't need to be built on love. This is very important. I'm telling you the life of a man just 40 years ago.

What were the implications of this lifestyle? Number one, basic needs require specific roles and skills. So once a woman, you had a soul, she was a good woman. And a man knew how to make money and buy a house, he was a good, he was a good man. So the roles are very simple. Number two, there was a natural separation of roles. A man knows what a man's supposed to do. A woman knows what a woman's supposed to do. So to be a man was easy. Just do what males do, then you are a man. If you are a woman, you do what women do, you are a woman. So you sew the clothes, you cook the food, you clean the house, you are a good woman. You buy the house, you bring them the food, and you protect the kids, you are a good man. Very simple roles. They know it. So a woman says, "That's a real man." A man would say, "She's a real woman." They knew who each other was.

Now listen carefully. Roles were determined by biology. In other words, once you are a male, there are certain things you're not supposed to do, like play with dolls. See, the roles are very simple. Once you were a female, you are supposed to play with tractors. So just being born decided your roles. If you are a male, you're supposed to learn a trade. If you are a woman, you got to learn to sow. So every woman had to learn to sew, learn to cook, learn to clean. Every man had to learn to trade, go to work, and learn to build a house. So the roles were all laid out, even by their biology. It was easy to be a man. Stay with me. The partnership in survival produced an interdependence that generated a mutual respect and appreciate each other. In other words, the, the male respected the woman because she cooked, she cleaned, she sewed, and she nurtured. He respected her. He respected her. I didn't say he loved her. He respected her because of what she brought to the partnership. A woman respected the man because he built the house, he bought the food, he made sure they were protected, he did, he kept the lights on, he kept the water running. So she respected him as a man. So the respect was mutual. It was easy to be respected.

We got a problem now with what I call the traditional role of men. Here's a question: Is a man still supposed to be the breadwinner and the protector? Things have been distorted now. Number two, is a man still the leader and authority in the home? Do you know why your grandfather was the head of the home? Because he bought it. Stay with me. Very serious. Bishop, do you know why your grandfather was respected in the house? Because he paid for it. You know he was the head of the house because it was his house. In other words, he was head not because they voted. He was head because of what he did. Follow me now. This going to get deep in a minute. So a man was a man because of what he did. The question is, is a man still the head and the lead of the house? Very important question. And is the man still the breadwinner and the protector? Your grandfather's and your father's life has been completely destroyed. Case in point, when you meet a woman today, she already got a house. Can we talk? Just a couple, couple minutes. She got a house. Secondly, she making more than you. Let's not talk about bread now. Mhm. And she don't need your protection. She got mace. So everything that made your father a man has been canceled. Are you getting it? That's why you're confused. So when you meet a woman today, and the woman says, "Be a man," you go into confusion. Because your father says, "Yes, boy, put your foot down." And you know, and you say, "But Dad, it ate my floor." Come on, let's talk, son. "If you bring home the bacon, you got a right to demand that she cook it." Dad, she owned the pig. So everything that made him a man doesn't exist for you. That's why you're having problems with a woman in your life. And what makes you so depressed and frustrated and stressed out is that she keeps on telling you, "Be a man, be a man," and you don't know how to be it because what made your father a man doesn't exist. And you keep trying to find what your father had. Are you still the leader in the house? Well, the question is, is it your house? I'm working it. See, and men are going through problems, and they don't understand what happened. Everything went crazy. I'm going to show you in a minute how, how we got like this. Number three, is a man still the show to show chivalry? In other words, you know, your grandfather, your mother waited for him to open the door. Why? That's what men do. It was a role for a man. Your, your mother waited for your father to pull the chair out. Why? That's what men do. Today, women, you know, you open the door for them. "Am I or something? Am I crippled? I don't need to open a door for me." You pull a chair out. "What you pull that chair out for? I don't need no man to pull no chair out for me." Your grandfather, when he took your grandmother out, there was no chance who paid for the meal. Chivalry. But today, you take a woman out, she got more money than you, and she says, "Order what you want." So now you're confused. How do I be a man with this woman? I go home to a house that ain't mine. I drive a car that ain't mine. I open a refrigerator that ain't mine. I turn a TV on that ain't mine, plasma, flat screen. And I got a bank account that ain't mine. And she still says, "Be a man." Stay with me, Bishop. And I'm going to help you all this week. I said, "You're going to get some help this week." Number four, very important, is a man still the defender and the protector of his family and property? You know your grandfather, I mean, the minute he came home, everybody ran. Why? He was the protector, the head of the house. If anybody touched his family, he would go into action. Your, your grandmother felt safe when your father, grandfather was around. Today, a woman doesn't need you to protect her anymore. She carries a gun in her purse. You know, media. She got her mace in a pocketbook. So you don't need to protect a woman anymore. She got her own car with her own electric, you know, windows. She got her cell phone with 911. She don't need you to be a man to protect her anymore. So now you feel helpless.

This last one is important. Write this down. Men don't know if women need them anymore. And that's what you're struggling with right now, and you feel useless. How do we get like this? Now, what could be worse than a man not feeling valuable anymore? The result is an angry male, and that's why prison is filled with them. Do you know why a man would slap a woman? Because he doesn't know what to do. See, 99% of the men in this room are angry, but they are suppressing it. We are angry at a society who messed us up and didn't tell us how to be a man. The society destroyed all of what made our father a man and didn't give us a replacement. So your woman tells you, "Be a man," and you go, "Okay, uh, I'm going to build you a house." She says, "I already got a house." He said, "Okay, uh, I'll give you some money." She said, "I got more than you." "Okay, I'll bring on the bacon." She said, "I already got the pig." "Okay, I'll protect you." "I got my gun already." "Okay, I'll pull the chair out for you." "I go to the gym. I got muscles. I can do it myself." Okay. Uh, uh, uh. She says, "Be a man." Okay. Uh. And then she says, "Be a man," and you go, because the only thing you got left is your strength.

[Applause]

Domestic violence is a result of angry men who are suppressing their anger because society has destroyed all that made them man. And that's why you have difficulty finding a woman. You are intimidated by every woman you meet. You got a high school diploma, she got a PhD, and right away you got problems. She drives a BMW, you got yourself a Toyota and a, and she says, "Be a man." She takes you to her apartment. So you're confused. So we live in a new world. How many of you are learning something already? I know how you feel right now. That's why you're quiet. I know. See, we have to deal with the, the problems first, and describe them and define them first, and then we're going to correct them. Before you leave this retreat, I promise you will get answers in this place this week.

Life has changed for the male. As a matter of fact, we are no longer utterly dependent on each other for security and survival because the rules have changed. My mother and my father depended on each other to survive. Do you know why my mother and father never got a divorce? 51 years of marriage. Do you know why? Because she couldn't afford it. She lived in his house, she ate his food, she slept in his bed, she drank his water, she put on his lights. How could she leave him? That's why your great-grandmother and great-grandfather never got a divorce. They depended on each other to survive. Your father never left her. Your grandfather never left her. Why? He needed someone to keep that house, to cook that food, to, to clean those kids. So he needed her. But today, no woman needs you to survive. You meet them richer than you. So you, you know, I can hear you telling your wife, "If you don't behave, I'm going to leave." She goes, "Go. This my house." So you say, "I ain't giving you no more money." She says, "But you got is mine." See, you don't need each other. And so your man, who is being completely disrupted, most men live in fear that the woman they are with could leave them and never miss them. Has that for security? I'm sure glad you're here, man. We going to help you. Okay. Am I describing your experience? Come on, be honest. I know you don't want to say it, but it's true. The average man is struggling with a woman who's smarter than him, make more than him, owns more than him before he even meets her. And how do you be a man with that? Maybe that's why most men who are frustrated go with prostitutes because she ain't own nothing. She got to depend on his $20. So he feels like a man when he pays her. Oh, I don't want to touch this stuff. Man, I feel an anointing in this place. See, your struggle is real. Your struggle came from the historical convulsion, and no one told you. So here you are in church, loving God, and still can't find a woman who you're safe with. She sings in a choir, but she can leave you in the morning and never miss you. So you don't feel like a man.

Here's a statement I wrote this out of my book. Please get a copy of it. It says, "For the first time in recorded history, we look to each other primarily for love and romance, and not survival." And that's the biggest change of all. Write that down. It's very important. See, your grandfather and grandmother did not look to each other for romance and love. They had a partnership. "I build a house, you keep it. I buy the food, you cook it." That was it. There was no love and romance in your grandfather and grandmother's relationship. That's

Why he never took her out for dinner every week? There were no flowers coming home to your great-grandmother from your great-grandfather. They didn't buy gifts on Valentine's Day. They were too busy surviving.

But you see today, you've got a woman who doesn't need you to survive. So she's not looking for a house anymore. Listen to me, Brothers. She ain't looking for no car or no money anymore. She's looking for something that you ain't trained to give her. And what is it? Romance and love. And you ain't trained to give her that.

So what do you do? You buy her a gift, and she says, "That's not what I want. I got money." You buy a ring. She says, "I could buy a ring more expensive than that." Why? "I don't want your ring." She wants romance, and you ain't equipped.

Your grandfather and grandmother didn't have time. Time for romance. He was so tired when he came home, he collapsed. And she was so tired when he came home, she was glad. But today, both of you are outworking both. Come at 5:00, and you've got from 5:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. a whole lot of time. What do you do?

So she says, "You don't talk to me." Listen, the only sound a caveman makes is this. So when you come home, you go [grunts]. And she goes, "I want conversation." And because you're not trained, you turn the TV on and hide behind the game. "I got you." Yeah. And what does she want? She says, "Turn the TV off." And you're like, "It'll be too quiet." "Why? I don't know how to romance you. I'm not trained. My father didn't have the equipment to train me to romance a woman."

And then she says, "I want love." Oh, no, that's worse. So you figure, love? Okay, let's go to bed. Bam. He said, "No." She said, "No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not love. I want you to touch me without sex." And you go, "Are you crazy?" [Applause] Woman, that's why it's so tough for a man to be a man in this century because everything has been destroyed that made him a man.

So for the first time in history, a man and a woman live together not for survival. And that's tough because your father taught you to survive. And what your woman wants is romance. Write this down. Very important. Happiness, intimacy, and lasting passion are now requirements for relationships. And that's tough for the 21st-century male. He doesn't know how to provide that passion.

Happiness. For your grandfather, happiness was bringing the money home for your wife. For your wife today, she's got more money than you. So happiness doesn't come from money for her anymore. Your grandmother was happy because your grandfather bought the house. Today, the woman that you meet owns the house. So you can't make her happy by buying a house. How do you make a woman happy today? And that's why men are frustrated because they don't know how to make a woman happy anymore. It's tough.

And so we come to church, we stand together, and we sing. And then we drive home. All the way home quiet because we don't know what to say. We'd rather speak to God than one another. We're not trained to be the kind of man that a woman is demanding today. We need conferences like this to talk about these things. And then we need some sessions for training. Oh, please, we need some training. You see, because your father, I told you, your father couldn't teach you because your father's information is irrelevant. God would raise up Bishop Jakes to have man power to put the power back in manhood because the power has been destroyed by the change in our social structure. And we can't get it from the social structure anymore. We got to get it from the manual for man. It's the word of the Living God. Say amen, somebody. Tell your neighbor, "Where was this guy all my life?" He was in the Bahamas.

Here's the conclusion of the matter. The impact of all that change is simple. And that is, over the last 40 years, one generation, the traditional male and female roles have changed. And that's what you're suffering from. The crisis is, your roles don't make you a man anymore. And that's tough. So being married is stressful because you go home to a house that you don't know what to do with, and half of it is yours. That's tough. You're sitting at the table eating food, and you know that half of this food ain't yours. So you're afraid to correct people in the house. Oh, man, it's tough being a man. You are afraid to tell somebody to hurry up and cook because you know they could say, "I went to work also." Oh, it's tough. Times have changed. Everybody say, "Times have changed." Changed. Tell your brother, "Times have changed." But I'm going to get help right here this week. Clap your hands. You believe that with all your heart? You're going to get help here this week. We brought you here not to harass you, but to help you.

Write this down. Women are leaving the home and entering the workplace. That's the first thing that happened. Number two, this diminished men's traditional value to women. This is a very important statement. Do you know when this all happened? It started in the 1940s during World War II in the Western world. For the first time, there was a World War that affected the Western world where you and I live. The World War that was started by Germany hit England, spread throughout Europe, and then they bombed Pearl Harbor and they drew the Americas in. Listen to me carefully. Peace. This is very important historically. So you have a war that made the American society have to respond. So America and the Caribbean, including where I'm from, because we were under the British, they took the men and shipped them off to Europe to fight the Germans. Watch this. So guess who stayed at home? The women. Now watch this. So you had all these hundreds of thousands of men going to Europe on ships and planes and barges, leaving the farms, leaving the pharmacies, leaving the factories, leaving the houses, and they went away for weeks and months and years. And the women, therefore, had to take over the factories. So the women in America began to be called to make butter, to make bullets, to make tanks. And if you go in your library right now in Texas and look up the history of what happened during the war, you will discover that the women kept the machinery of the war running while the men were on the battlefield. Which means that the woman who used to cook the food, take care of the kids, was now learning to operate a machine, make bullets, develop products, drive a tractor. Now, the war lasted over four or five years. When the men came back, I'm trying to give you what happened. When they came back, the factories were already occupied. When they came back, the machines were being run by the women. So World War II destroyed the culture. And the men came back, and the women picked them up in a truck, and she never used to drive. He had to cook his own food because she had to go to the factory. And now she was getting paid, not waiting for him to bring home the bacon. And that's where you came from today. Everything changed.

Now, this statement is very important. What I have here, this diminished the man's traditional value to women. See, your grandmother esteemed your grandfather highly because she needed him. He was valuable because she needed him to survive. The woman that you're with now, the value she puts on you is so low that if you leave, she'll keep going. She'll take a licking, keep on taking. And that's why men like you and me, we are so afraid of these women because our value is so low in their eyes. I mean, you meet her, and she's got a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree, a PhD, and you have a certificate from a junior college. And right away, you begin to feel intimidated, afraid. You become insecure. Why? Because the value is so low. It started from World War II, and we're still suffering from it.

I guess my point is, you have to, in this conference, stop getting your manhood from what you do. Listen, I've been married for 27 years, and my wife and my kids have no questions but who's the head of the house. It has nothing to do with the house. There was a time when my wife used to work for an oil company, I worked for the government. She made twice my salary. I was still the head of the house. Why? It ain't got to do with good money. Nothing to do with [Music] money.

Women are becoming independent, self-sufficient. And so the women today no longer feel that they need men. Do you know a few of them? I said, "Do you know a few of those women?" Yeah, they live right where you live. Some live in your house. See, they have this attitude, "If you don't like it, you can go." That's what they say. This attitude, "You met me with what I have, you can leave me with what I have." They say that's why these marriages don't work because they began with insecurity and fear. They call it prenuptial agreements. It's satanic, but it's the result of our environment. You come to her with your high school diploma, she comes to you with her PhD. So she said, "Before we get married, let me protect my PhD. Sign here." That's not love. That's an arrangement.

What do we do? We are living in a time of dramatic transition, sexual tension. And that's what you feel right now as a man. It's tough to be with a woman for more than an hour. The tension is so high. Think about it a minute. Including your wife to be, in a room with no radio on, no television on, and just sitting there is hard work for a man. Tension. How do we get like this? I'm not finished, but I've got to wrap up and take a break for this evening. But let me just give you these last thoughts to write down. And tomorrow morning, we are going to deal with how to bring this together to find your manhood. You're going to be so excited when you get the revelation tomorrow. God's going to deliver you from the fear of women. Write these statements down, please.

Here's the male challenge of the 21st century. And it took me 30 years of research to figure this out. And in those five books I talked about earlier, if you want to get that whole pack, these are critical because your grandchildren need you to get your head together. I'm talking about the ones who are unborn. Number one. Number one challenge of the male. Men no longer have the job they held for centuries. We lost our jobs. We are no longer the provider. We are no longer the protector. We are no longer the supplier. We lost our jobs.

Number two. Men are no longer valued and appreciated as providers and protectors. We're not appreciated anymore. And when appreciation falls, respect goes with it. And repeat myself, when appreciation falls, respect goes with it. So men are not appreciated anymore like they used to be.

And number three. Their traditional role is not enough to make their partner happy anymore. Even buying gifts could cause an argument today. "Why you buy this for me? This is so cheap. I can get to buy something better than this for myself because she has the buying power." You bring a gift home for your wife, and it becomes an argument. So what do you do? You leave the house and start getting upset, angry, go down the street, sit on a bar stool and get drunk. Why? You need peace in your mind. Or you go to another woman who lies to you and you feel safer there because she tells you how wonderful you are. Some of you are wondering, "How can an old man in the choir who's been there for 30 years leave his wife of 50 years and marry a young girl?" Because he's been surviving in his marriage, and the young girl lied to him and said, "I need you." It's enough. He feels appreciated. He's gone.

Let me tell you something. We need to have, oh dear Bishop, my great friend, beloved, another conference just for women to teach them how to live with a man like us. Come on, clap, man. The average woman doesn't know how to live with a man like you because you are an awesome man. My wife is the smartest woman in the world. She's got a college degree, everything else. She acts like she ain't got nothing. So what I did, I wrote my wife's boss her resignation letter. I said, "You ain't working for nobody else." So my wife is enjoying everything. She's got her own bank account. And my wife acts like she ain't got nothing. She just, she said, "Honey, just go ahead, do whatever you want to do." I said, "What do you want?" She said, "Anything you want to buy me." She's a wise [Applause] woman.

And number four. Today's women require something more than her mother required. And that's the challenge of a man. It was easy for your father to make your mother happy. But you've got a problem. How many times have the men around you said, "What else do I need to do to make this woman happy?" And you are correct. It's a good question. And so men resort to violence to relieve their pent-up anger. And the average man in here who may have been domestically abusive hates the fact that he is, but doesn't know why it keeps exploding. That's why God brought you to this conference. We're going to diffuse the pressure cooker. In the next two days, you're going to be a free man before you leave this retreat. Stand up on your feet. Tell your brother, "I'm just like you. I got problems too, but we're going to get answers here this week." Just hold right there. Hold your brother's hand. I want to pray a special prayer. Hallelujah.

Look at me, brothers. Look at me. You can switch the screen again. Tech guys, listen. You know everything I said is true. And you're quietly sitting there thinking, "How did he figure all of that out?" The answer is because I had to deal with it too, and I overcame it. And that's why we're here. We come as a team to work with you as men because you have to become a new kind of man. Some of you are pastors, and you're just as bad as your members. Same problems. Hiding behind the pulpit. Listen, we've got to deal with this, and we've got to correct it and get some answers from this book. Tonight at 7:00, Bishop is going to pick up on part two because the feelings that you go through in this session today need some relief. The Holy Spirit is here, and He has a way of doing surgery. And you feel it, don't you? He goes on the inside and He cuts things out. First, He's exposing some hurts that you didn't know you even have. But He never opens you up without a plan to close you up. He's going to bring healing to you. And there's a power here right now. I feel it all over this place. There's an anointing in this place to heal the brokenhearted man. You've been frustrated. Some of you have some memories you wish you could forget. You hurt a lot of women, and you probably understand why now. Some even hate your mother. Struggles with your mom, struggles with your ex-wife, and now you've got a new wife, and you still struggle because you can't find better people. You've got to become a better person. Hallelujah. Help us, Lord. Hallelujah. Jesus cares so much about you that He called this conference for men only. Your struggles for manhood, I promise you, I promise you with so much conviction that your struggles for manhood end this weekend. I am sure of it. [Applause] Thank you, Lord.

Lift those hands up right where you are. Repeat after me: Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father, I need help. I need help. I need to understand. I need to understand what happened to me. What happened to me? And I need to understand. I need to understand what to do about it. I submit to You. I submit to You. I submit to Your word. I submit to Your word. I submit to Your Spirit. Change me. Change me. It's already begun. It's already. It's already begun. It's already begun. It's already begun. It's already begun. Come on, lift those voices and give Him praise. Worship Him where you are. God bless you. Come on, Brothers, give it up for Dr. Myles Munroe.