Transcription
Have you ever been around someone whose whole identity just revolves around men? Almost every decision that they make, the places where they go to hang out, if men are going to be there or not, even the outfits that they pick are based on men's validation. And at some point, it just becomes so draining and exhausting.
If you know someone like that or you recognize that at some point in your life it was actually you, this video is for you. Because in this video, I will explain to you exactly how to heal the need for external validation. How to validate yourself, grow your self-worth, and feel absolutely amazing in your life without seeking that attention and validation constantly, especially from men. Not just from men, from your parents, from your family, from your friends, but mainly from men.
Because relationships is how we survive. It all comes down to our nature. We need men. Men need us simply even from a reproduction perspective. But it never has to be the source of your addiction and even more important the source of your selfworth. Before we get to how and why and what, I really want to talk about the childhood aspect of it because it all comes from there.
This whole pattern comes from when you were a child or a teenager when it was so important for you to receive that attention from your parents. But most likely your parents were living their own life or they didn't give you that love that you were craving so naturally. And in my case, for example, I always craved love from my dad. And it's the most beautiful thing when I see kids that have such loving, such warm dads. My dad is a tough guy from USSR. They were raised absolutely different. There was no warmth. They would never tell each other, "I love you." It was like in a slap, you know? Get your [ __ ] together. Like, it's literally insane how they were raised. And unfortunately, my dad never was warm with me. He never knew how to express it. But not even for a second, I doubt his love. He cares for me and he shows his love in different ways, but I've never experienced that warmth. And still till this day, I know it's my thing. something that I'm working on that I'm super aware of.
I find myself being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Situations where I need to almost prove my love, prove that I'm worthy of being loved, of being chosen. And recently, it happened to me again, and it's absolutely exhausting because people that I like, they don't choose me. They don't prioritize me. And those that like me and they show me attention. They're being nice to me. I'm not attracted to them. And it's painful to go through. And this time again when I felt that I'm proving my worth that I'm proving and doing so many things to get out of my way to make the person like me. I stopped right there and I actually stopped seeing that person because it started damaging me. It started damaging my self-esteem. And this is the difference between a kid and adult. When you're aware of your traumas and triggers, you're fully capable of choosing to either stay in that situation or leave. And when that person that I liked for god know whatever reason offered me to meet again, I said, you know what, I'm actually not interested. And you know, it was it was very painful. That's the moment when I realized that self-care and self-love and choosing yourself and knowing your boundaries and stand on your values and boundaries, it's not always such a beautiful and pleasant experience. Choosing something that causes you pain shortterm, but you know it's the best thing for yourself in the long term. That is a form of self-care. The only thing that helped is to go through that pain. No contact with the person and healing. Few weeks later I felt much better and you know that feeling of being chosen of being worthy that I craved from that person I actually provided to myself by leaving that situation and I will explain to you right now you know when you want someone particular person to choose you to love you and if that person is very hard to get if that's an emotionally unavailable person you think that if they will choose me if that difficult person will choose me then I will feel worthy I don't want all of these guys that want me. I want that one who does not want me. If I will make him fall in love with me, then I will feel super worthy. But it's a trap because you will only feel worthy when you give that worth to yourself. Selfworth is never proven. It's either felt or it isn't. And I only felt worthy and chosen when I chose myself and left that person because I knew that this guy is actually going to hurt me. That day when I rejected him politely, respectfully, I actually felt so good inside. I was like, "Wow, I just chose myself." The feeling that I was craving from him, I just got it. I gave it to myself. And that was a very life-changing experience. That was a situation that really made me mature and grow. And it all comes down to the fact that having your boundaries and having strong values and being a high value woman is difficult. It's not an easy thing to do. If you chose to be this kind of woman, it comes with a lot of sacrifices. It comes with a lot of rejection and a lot of selectiveness. People always ask me, "Oh, if you're that amazing with all these values and all these priorities, why are you single?" Because then you stand on your values and you stand on what you believe in and what you project. It makes you so selective. It makes you so lonely because it's rare and it's not easy to find and everything that is rare is expensive.
After you realize that it comes from the childhood and a lot of it is caused by your parents or how you were raised, don't blame them. Just accept the fact, accept the reality. You need to understand the next thing which is you created an excessive potential around the topic of relationship and you put so much energy there. You made men so important in your life which created resistance which created so much pressure and balancing forces of the universe will be forced to destroy it. Destroyed literally destroyed the [ __ ] I'm sure you know this or experienced this that when you want something so badly that you really really really manifest it's never happening. And once you let go of something that you stop worrying about it, you just forget almost it starts happening. You start meeting the right people. You accidentally get a job offer. You accidentally meet someone you know and it all works out for you. You let go. You need to start by removing excessive importance of men in your life in relationship. As long as inside of you there's fear of being alone, there's absolute pain of not being chosen, the expectation that men will heal your sense of worth, the reality will take men away from you. Instead, how about inquiring this kind of mindset? Even if I end up alone, even if no man will ever choose me, everything is okay with me. Everything is more than okay with me. I am valuable on my own. This is not about giving out. It's about removing dependence.
If what I just said still didn't click to you and you didn't go like, she's actually right. Let's look at why you are worthy on your own and why your value doesn't change or depend on men at all. Your value comes from your mind, your character, your talent, your experiences, your personality, your soul, your potential, your actions, and your growth. All of these things exist inside of you. Whether someone chooses you or someone ignores you or someone adores you or someone hates you, they are always inside of you. No matter what kind of attention you get or you don't. And these are the things that actually make you worthy. men's attention. It's just a reaction. If you get men's attention, it just means that you're in front of him. That's it. And your value is a state of being. Again, self value is not something that you prove. You either feel it or you don't. Let's take a diamond as an example. A very, very expensive diamond. Its price doesn't change based on the customer. And if someone is not able to afford that diamond, it doesn't mean that the value of the diamond should adjust based on the customer. If they don't like the diamond anymore, they decided to change their mind. The value of the diamond doesn't change. The diamond is just out there. And sometimes it takes so much time to wait for the right person, the right customer to come and to know that this diamond is what they were looking for. I mean I hate to associate a person with something materialistic but take anything that is extremely expensive in this world. It takes time. It takes the right person to come and to become the right owner. And if they invest money that they actually worked hard for, they will treat that property, that item with so much care and so much pride and so much respect. So stop twisting yourself into a pretzel, my love, just to be chosen by men.
Next thing that you really need to understand and need to work on is you need to change your perception towards men. I see so many women being so cold and so [ __ ] towards men. And no, it does not make you more attractive or magnetic. That attracts certain men, but definitely not healthy and very loving men. Honestly, yeah. So many women are so mean to men and then they come home literally crying from loneliness, not understanding why nobody loves them and nobody chooses them. Well, simply the root of the problem is the way they treat men. And honestly, if you go deep down to what they are actually feeling inside, they're craving love. They're craving care. They're craving someone who will love them. They just have this protection layer, this protection mechanism where they don't let men get close to them. But no man owes you to come and heal you. It is your responsibility to love yourself so much and love yourself so deeply so that you become abundant and you start giving that love to the world. You start caring for the world. Honestly, there's nothing more beautiful and more attractive than a warm feminine woman. You know that kind of woman with who you talk and she calls you baby and she's so nurturing and so soft and slow. Her energy is just so bubbly and lovely. But that all comes from the mental state of a woman. If she's kind to herself, if she's loving to herself, she's going to be like that with other people. But if she's so judgy and insecure and she's constantly picking on herself, that's how she's going to be towards other people. And I know, my love, maybe you're like that because you were hurt. And I don't blame you. But again, we're adults now. And it's your responsibility to heal your heart. It is unfortunately the hardest truth to digest that all the pains that you carry are now they're yours to go through. And I really am sending you so much love and praying for you that you will figure out your way of bringing your heart back to the most loving, the most sweet girl you can be because we need girls like that. You know, there's so many [ __ ] in this world. I really truly believe that women that are watching me, they have a heart and they want to be the best possible woman they can be. Try to figure out what is it that makes you so cold and so distant with men. Why are you so [ __ ] And just try to see that there is good men that actually would love to love you, that would love to take care of you. But it takes time. You have to be selective.
Next thing that will really help you is when you understand that you need to stop wanting for that validation and attention and you need to start choosing it. I don't chase, I choose. Basically, I'm simply asking you to stop living in a victim mentality. You are capable of creating your reality instead of being dependent on what you want to get and what you want to have. And just think about it. When you choose something, you become the owner of your life. I'll give you an example. I want a rich, loving man. Okay? I choose to have the reality where I am loved and married and financially absolutely stable. You see the difference, right? No begging, no waiting, just an inner decision as a fact. Now, I want you to observe what are those things that you constantly want to feel for a man. And what are those things that you're looking for? And why you've been wanting them for so long and not receiving? What if you stop wanting them and finally start choosing them? And I know it's scary because so many people want to be rich, but they actually don't choose to be rich. Girl, I know you're a badass queen. But when you choose to call yourself a queen, in order to maintain that level, you have to be very careful about where you go, who you go with, who you're seen with, it is not easy to choose that high level of life. It requires a lot of self-discipline. A queen doesn't run around from place to place chasing attention. And she knows exactly who she is. She doesn't walk into places and analyzes who is here, who is looking at me, and who is not, she knows who she is. And everything and everyone she wants, they just come to her. And those that don't come to her, they're simply not for her. She knows it. Everything that's mine is going to be with me. Doesn't mean that I'm doing nothing. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm doing everything I can and everything works out for me in the most perfect way. Why? Because God is the one who sees and oversees everything in my life. When you trust your life to God, do what you got to do, but remember that you can't control everything in your life. If you could, you would go crazy.
And I want to conclude that video with the key phrase to remember. A man can confirm that he likes me, but he can never determine how much I'm worth. A man's choice is a personal preference. My worth is my essence. Well, that was it for today, guys. I really hope that you enjoyed this video. I really hope that it was interesting for you to watch and I'm so grateful that you stayed till the end of this video. I missed you guys so much and I really will make effort to appear here more often. Again, thank you so much for being a part of my life. And before I say goodbye, remember that today is your day. Bye. Hey.