Transcription
People call me a narcissist every single day on this platform and all of my other platforms. I will always be the problem because I don't let people do whatever they want to me. The second you put up boundaries, stop people pleasing, stop living for other people's comfort over your own, you become a narcissist. And that word gets thrown around so easily these days, it basically lost its meaning completely. If valuing myself and making decisions that are going to benefit me in the long run without ruining someone else's life makes me a narcissist, then I guess I'm a narcissist. I will always pick what is for my better being. And you should, too. I mean, it's your life. Why would you want to live it for somebody else? If that makes you a narcissist, live live as a narcissist then. Okay?
At the end of the day, it's really survival. And if you don't know how to do it right, you will get walked all over on by people that do know how to do it. Let's get this straight. Real narcissism is a clinical disorder that wrecks relationships and most of the time other people's lives. That is not what we're talking about in this video, okay? What I'm talking about today is the traits people confuse with narcissism because it makes them uncomfortable. Confidence, boundaries, emotional control, and self-prioritization. I'm sorry, but none of those things I just listed are actually narcissistic or toxic. They're tools, and if you don't learn those tools, somebody else will know them and use them against you.
Hello, my name is Gracie Draaskovich. If you're new here, welcome to my channel. If you recognize me, welcome back. Today, I'm breaking down the habits that people love to label as selfish, toxic, or narcissistic, but are actually the healthiest ways to protect your peace and get ahead in life.
Section one, confidence isn't narcissism, it's belonging. Narcissists will walk into a room like they own it. Okay? And most of us people that aren't narcissists will walk into a room like apologizing for taking up space, which is extremely insecure. No, you don't need to bulldoze anyone. You don't need to fake arrogance and be extremely cocky. But if you walk into a room like you belong there and you deserve to be there and you belong with these people, even if you don't really feel like it, but you walk in there like you do, that's confidence. People will believe you. Confidence is just making other people believe something about you that you want to be true, whether it is or not. If I'm meeting with a group of people that make me nervous, maybe they're offering me a job position or something, I'm not going to walk into the room apologizing for taking up space so that they can see like, oh, she thinks she's below us. She can easily control her. No, I'm going to walk into the room like I belong with them. We're all equals. Okay, you need to see yourself also as a prize and not as something less than other people. And that's something that narcissists do well, okay? They feel like they are the prize. They walk into rooms like they own everyone in it. And you shouldn't believe that you are better than everybody so that you don't come off as extremely insecure and apologizing for taking up space. That is not narcissism. That is self-respect. Have respect for yourself and show other people that you have respect for yourself by acting like you belong when you walk into a room. And it's not just when you enter a room. It's when you enter relationships, when you start new friendships, when you meet someone new for the first time, confidence is everything.
Section two, boundaries equal self-preservation. When you say no and you cut off people that are draining you and you set up boundaries, people will start to call you extremely self-absorbed, toxic, selfish, a villain. The problem, cold, whatever insult they try to use to insult your character for choosing yourself. But let's be honest for a second. Every yes that you said and didn't mean chips away at you. You start to resent yourself and the choices that you make. And with every yes that you don't mean, you lose yourself a little bit more and more and more over time. I always I always like to say the more that you are liked by people, the more you lost yourself along the way. Because when you are truly yourself, you're going to realize a lot of people aren't going to like you and a lot of people are. That's just life. That not every person in the world is going to have the same opinion. So if everyone in the world likes you, you must be an extreme people pleaser. You must have fully lost yourself in your identity and have nothing left of yourself. You're too busy pleasing everyone else's wants and needs and opinions and you're too worried about being liked by everyone that you actually lost yourself because you don't do what you like and what you want. And that is not a good healthy way to live for anybody. And that's the good thing about narcissism is they have no issue telling people no and being unapologetic about it because they value themselves, right? They care about themselves more than everybody else. And you should be like that to a certain extent if you're stepping on other people's toes obviously and making their lives hell and going to any extent to get what you want at the cost of anybody. No, that's where empathy comes in. But for the most part, you should be unapologetic when it comes to saying no. Like, no, I don't want to go to that thing and put myself in a dangerous position with people that I'm not comfortable with. No, I don't want to let all these random people to my house. No, no, no, no, no. Be comfortable and unapologetic with saying no. It's self-preservation. If you don't want to lose yourself, you have to stay true to yourself. And the way you stay true is by saying yes to things that actually align and no to things that don't align and that are going to end up harming you. You should feel no shame for saying no to things that you know don't align with you, aren't going to benefit you in the future, aren't going to be good for people around you, etc., etc. Say no. You don't have to do it with cruelty and be so harsh and brutal, but you need to stop apologizing for choosing your own well-being. It's crazy to me that it's so normalized these days to be so selfless and to not care about yourself and to live for others. That's manipulation, okay? That is a manipulation taught to you by the world to make you easier to control and do everyone else's bidding to make other people's lives easier. You can say no, and you should say no to things that will not benefit you, especially if you know it's going to put you in a bad situation. You will never forgive yourself if you say yes to that. Trust your gut and say no.
Section three, emotional control equals power. Narcissists are masters at not reacting and getting you to react. Okay? And here's the thing. If you want to control your own life and like have full control, you have to master this no reaction tool, too. When you flinch, rage, cry, scream, yell, argue in front of the wrong people, you're basically handing them your handbook on how to control you. They flirt with your boyfriend on purpose and you get all mad and you lash out at him or the person. Boom. They know how to push your buttons. They know exactly how to get under your skin and how to control you emotionally. Is that what you want? A lot of people will do that on purpose. Okay? People do these things on purpose. If you're ever asking yourself, why is this person being like this to me? Why do they keep doing this to me? Cuz they want a reaction out of you. You must have threatened them. You must have made them feel small. You must have, you know, made them feel insecure or something to where they had to target you because that's what they're doing. They're targeting you for a reaction. And reactions are currency. Do not give them it. You have to master the no reaction. No matter how you feel, no reaction. When you have a really, really good poker face, nobody will know what your buttons are. Nobody will know the playbook. Nobody will know what your weak spots are or how to hurt you, okay? And what to use against you. That is how you truly become not easy to manipulate because how are they going to manipulate you? They don't know how to control your emotions. They have no control over you. And that's what manipulation is, is it's control. And the easiest way to be controlled by somebody else is with emotions and reactions. So, do not give them this one. Do not give them the power. And of course, you're going to be called a narcissist by people around you. Oh, you don't care about anything. Look, you don't care. People are going to call you a narcissist for not reacting. And they're going to try to claim that you're cold and you have no emotions. D. Let them say whatever they want, okay? You're winning in the end. If you do this, you win.
Moving on to section four. Awareness isn't manipulation. It is survival. Narcissists notice everything. Okay? And I talk about this a lot in my content that I pay attention to patterns. I keep track. Narcissists clock insecurities really, really easily. That's why it's so dangerous to be around them because they're so manipulative. They watch reactions and they know how to read people like books. And that's what most of my content is about is most narcissists know about this and they do this. And so the general public and good people should also know that they do these things and know what to expect. and what it means when people do these things so that it's harder to be manipulated by actual bad people and like true narcissists. But this whole video obviously is about how to how to use their own tools against them and just other bad people in general and how to preserve yourself for as long as possible. Narcissists take in this info and they use it to exploit. But you you should take these tools and the same information and use it to protect yourself. When you know someone's jealousy is about them and not you, you learn to not take it so personally anymore. If you know someone avoids eye contact when they lie, you know how to not be deceived anymore. Awareness is survival. It's not manipulation. It doesn't make you a crazy psycho person. I've literally had friends tell me you notice these things. Like you notice that I did this and this and this. Oh, I can't be around you. Goodbye. I don't want to notice the bad things you're doing either. You just shouldn't even be around me if you're doing these things. Especially when people do things in patterns. Pay attention. Keep score of things. If someone tells you, "I don't want to be around you. You keep score." They're basically saying, "I'm uncomfortable that you're paying attention and noticing all the bad things that I'm doing to you." You should say goodbye. Like, that's happened to me more than once before. I'm a super hyper aware person. I notice patterns and I notice everything. I'm not taking it in to exploit people and control them and get them to do things I want. No, I use it to protect myself because I know what comes next. You need to do the same thing. And if that makes me a narcissist, at least this narcissist isn't getting played all the time anymore.
And section five, being respected means more than being liked. This is the hardest shift because narcissists do not care if you like them or not. They want your respect. Most people are addicted to being liked by others and that's why there's so many people pleasers on Earth and people that don't stay true to themselves. And that's often like the worst type of friend to have, too. By the way, I've had a lot of friends like this that are major major people pleasers. They don't really have like a true form. They're never going to be loyal to you because they're too scared of having an issue with someone else. Um, because they want to be liked by anyone and everybody. So, they're horrible people to be friends with if you know, you know. But that's the thing about narcissists. You they do not care if you like them or not. They want respect. And to know the truth of people pleasing and how easily you are to control and manipulate when you crave so hardly to be liked by others. You can never see it the same way again. People like you until you stop serving them, till you stop benefiting them, until they cannot get things out of you anymore. That's when they stop liking you. They like you until you outgrow them, until you outperform them, until you out earn them. People that are like this are extremely extremely fragile. People pleasers are very, very, very fragile. And you don't want to be fragile. You don't want to be on a whim like this all the time because you want to be liked by anybody and everybody. Never lasts anyway. People change. People outgrow things. People learn to like different things. Like you're not always always always going to be liked and you have to accept that. Respect lasts. Whether they like you or not, they should respect you. You have to stop seeking approval from other people and wanting to be liked so bad. Demand respect because that is something that does last and that you can have forever. Someone can dislike you, that's fine. As long as they respect you, as long as they're not going to take advantage of you and cross your boundaries and go behind the behind your back because if they respect you, they're not they're not going to do any of these things. It's better than someone who likes you because they could just change their mind, not like you, and screw you over and because they don't respect you. And wanting to be respected is not narcissism. Having a high self-worth for yourself doesn't make you a narcissist. I get that in all of my content. Every single video I've ever posted, I'm pretty sure there's a comment somewhere of someone saying, "You're a narcissist. You're a narcissist. What a narcissist. You're teaching people horrible information." Really? Okay. Continue to be manipulated. Then go let the real narcissist in the world control you and take everything from you. I don't care. I don't even know who you are. Okay? I am here to help you with all my horrible, horrible, horrible life experiences with bad friends and meeting horrible people, what I've learned and what I know at the age of 22 to help other people. So, if you don't like what I have to say, then you clearly don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you can't comprehend it. Go figure it out on your own and come back in 30 years after you learned what everything that I said was right.
To wrap this video up, valuing yourself doesn't make you a narcissist. And if people decide that it does, then be one. Be a proud narcissist. In that case, people are going to hate it when you refuse to be their doormat and when you don't do things for them anymore. And when you're not an easy little tool for them, they're going to hate it. They're going to call you anything under the sun. And when you start doing and when you start acting for yourself and it makes other people uncomfortable, like saying no to things that they always had access to and stuff, they're going to call you a narcissist and say you're toxic and you're so selfish and you only care about yourself and you're so self-absorbed. You're self-absorbed. No, choosing yourself most of the time doesn't make you a narcissist. Confidence, boundaries, emotional control, awareness, respect, these are not narcissistic qualities. They're not toxic. They're not mean towards anybody. They're how you survive and thrive as an individual person living on this earth. If you want to have a happy life, you have to know those things. If you've ever been called a narcissist for doing any of these things, let me know in the comments. And people that want to still call me one, go ahead. Go ahead. I really don't care. You're not going to change my mind. You can insult me all that you want. I just know that you're triggered. I hope that this can help even just one person because I wish I knew all of these things sooner. I would have avoided so many things in life. But it's okay. We all live and we all learn. I post videos like this every single week. Make sure to subscribe to my channel if you aren't already. And as always, I will see you guys on the next one. Bye.