Transcription
Here are some stats that should keep every woman who's even considered getting married awake at night. Number one, 3/4 of all divorces are initiated by women. Number two, half of the women who filed for divorce after menopause regret it. Not just a little, but deeply. What started off as a woman thinking she was leaving a burning building. After the divorce, laying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, she realizes she started the fire.
Today, I want to talk to you guys a little bit about divorce and women's experience and how they get into it and what happens to them once they get out of it. This is life 2.0. Let's talk about it.
Have you ever been watching a nature documentary where you see an animal just doing its thing, grazing, being completely calm, and then suddenly out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, it starts losing its mind, biting and tearing and and making all kinds of noise. Well, what you're watching there is not really a nature documentary. It's a typical Tuesday night in almost any American household where a woman is going through menopause. You see, what's happened to women is a combination that is really working against them. So, they've got this nature that focuses its attention on self-preservation because, as we know, you got to have women in order to have a society, in order to have a race and a culture. And women are pre-programmed for self-preservation at a level that we men don't even begin to understand. And then you combine that with modern society. You throw the fuel from social media and fear of missing out and other types of anxieties that we can't even really get our heads around. And suddenly you have an explanation for why one out of every four women is currently taking some kind of anti-anxiety drug. And more than 50% will be on these drugs before the end of their lives. Women are living in a constant chronic state of fear and we men are completely oblivious to it. So when she decides that she's bailing from your marriage, it's like watching that nature documentary where the animal just suddenly explodes into activity and anxiety and um inexplicable behavior.
This is basically what happens to women. Now they will not accept this. I guarantee it. No women woman is going to say, "Yeah, that sounds just like me because that behavior is irrational." And we try to pride ourselves on being rational human beings. And unfortunately what we have created with our society with the way we have pulled our culture together with a combination of um changing gender roles and uh shifting societal norms and technology is we've created an environment where anxiety is running at an all-time high. And so when a woman finds herself in a marriage that is not meeting some external expectation that she has, she immediately goes into that anxious fearful state where she thinks that she needs to do something externally to change this to make it right. And that's how you end up with 75% of the divorces being filed by women. It's anxiety. It's just fear pure and simple.
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I've talked to lots and lots of guys who are going through divorce and they tell me stories about what's happened to them and how they got to this place and some of the inexplicable things that their wives did or what they told them. I had one guy tell me that his wife woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat and just started screaming at him and he was fast asleep. He was fast asleep. He later found out that she dreamt that he had had an affair and she was pissed off at it at him for it. And this pissed-offness didn't just last that night. It went on for a couple weeks. Like he couldn't even have sex with her for weeks because she was convinced that the dream was real. That somehow this was actually happening. Her anxiety about potentially losing her husband to in a dreamlike affair was so meaningful to her that she actually brought it back into the real world with her.
Another guy told me about how he had gotten home late from work one day. Now, this guy was like clockwork most of the time, but there was a huge accident. He got caught in it. She was unaware of it. He didn't call. He shows up about an hour late. By the time he gets there, she's already packing her bags. She's already got the the assets divided in her head. She already knows which lawyer she's going to call. She already has picked out her apartment where she's going to live. She's going to leave him because he was late for for coming home from work. Anxiety. It's just at a ultimate high. And it's it's at epidemic levels in our society. And it affects women much more harshly than it does men, but it affects men, too. I mean, we are all impacted by it. And it's because we're just living in a world that has lost um it's we've lost our footing in it to the to a large degree. But the way this has impacted women is really really dramatic. I think it has a lot to do with the internet and social media. Obviously, I think the fear of missing out is something that we have never really confronted before and women are extremely sensitive to it.
Um, fear is a I wouldn't say an emotion. It's a feeling. It's a um experience that we have that is designed for self-preservation. It's something that we are um it's a primal uh warning system so that if we are confronted with a situation that could threaten our lives, we can take action to survive. It was only meant to be triggered very rarely. You know, even our old caveman ancestors and our, you know, hunter gatherer ancestors were not confronted with fear on a daily basis. Not like we are, you know, um they might be confronted with a wild animal once a month or once every few months or maybe even just once a year where they were really threatened by this animal. But we feel like we are threatened every single day. And men have a different relationship with fear than women do. I do know that their amydala is wired into their neuronet network at a way that's much more pervasive than it is for men. So that they get a much stronger um fear experience than we do. But um they respond they react to it much more quickly. So when we experience some kind of fear, most men from my experience has been it becomes uh a thought process. Do I need to act now? And if not, when do I need to act? And is there something I can do between now and then to mitigate this? You know, what is the best course of action?
I was watching a guy on YouTube the other day and he was a backcountry hiker and he was confronted. He's been confronted with several grizzly bears, but this bear had um charged him. Charged him three times. Can you imagine? You're out in the back country. There is no one around for miles. There's no cell phone. There's no ranger. There's nothing. It's you, a bear, and a can of bear spray. You're going to hope that it works like you're checking the expiration date, you know? Anyway, so this bear charges him three times. And um you know he uses his intellect and his experience and his understanding of these experiences to survive that experience by taking the appropriate action and getting around this bear. And neither the bear nor the guy were harmed in any way, shape or form. There was no need for the bear spray. Everyone turned out fine. Intellect, managing fear, dealing with the situation, mitigating the the risk. These are the things that men do. This is how we are wired. Women are designed to run. They're designed to take the most immediate and aggressive action to preserve their own life. Now, if if a typical woman had been in that situation and this grizzly bear is charging at her, what is she going to do? She's going to run away. What's that going to do? She's going to become bearshed. That's what's going to happen. She's going to be buried in some little hole somewhere and that bear is going to use her to feed its young for the next uh 6 months or so. Yeah, that's what happens. And in fact, uh a man and a woman were walking that same trail a couple of weeks later and um Yeah, and they were both killed by the bear. So, I don't know what happened in that circumstance. And of course, very few people do. I think there was one witness to the whole thing. I don't know how that guy survived, but um the fact that there was a woman in there makes me wonder, you know, if this guy that she was with um wasn't a victim of her overreaction and fear of this bear. Now, I'm jumping to conclusions. I realize that, but you have to wonder, you know.
In the vast majority of relationships, there is a point early in the relationship, usually a few years in, where she's going to start keeping score. You're not going to realize it, but she's going to suddenly just quietly start taking notice of how she's making contributions from her perspective to the household versus how you're making contributions to the household. Now, she's not going to take into account the income that you bring in. She's not going to take into account the fact that you maybe do all the yard work. She's not going to take into account that maybe you're running kids here and there. She's going to just be looking at the things that she does and keeping score of all those things and see that you're not doing those things, which of course you don't need to do those things because she's doing those things. But that's not the way she sees it. She's just going to see that you're not doing what she thinks that you should be doing because she doesn't think she should be doing anything. She thinks you should be doing at all. The fact that women have to do a lot of work around the house and make a contribution in a household or have to deal with any kind of emotional friction is something that they just are not willing to do these days. A lot of it has to do with that fear of missing out in social media. But nevertheless, she's keeping score in her head of all the things that you're not doing.
Now, she's going to go out and talk about it. So, it's not just a matter of keeping score. She's going to show the score sheet to all of her friends and they're all going to bring the score sheets that they have on their husbands out and they're going to sit around at Starbucks or someplace or maybe get a glass of wine and they're going to complain um vocally about their men and your name is going to come up and it's going to be the central focus of a lot of this for a while. Especially if your wife is the new girl in the group. you know, they're always loving an additional, you know, person coming in with new fodder for them all to use to justify and validate their own negative feelings towards their men. So, you can imagine them all sitting around just whining and bitching about their husbands and how terrible those men are. and they're all living in these upper middle class houses and they're all driving BMWs and and um fancy cars and having a great life and going on super vacations and having nannies in their houses and just living really really nice lives. I mean, they had these first world problems where maybe the maid didn't make it to the house this week and so now she's got to do a little extra housework. But, you know, um their lives are tough and we all have to have just a little bit of sympathy for them. I think I think we got to get out our little tiny violins and play it for them because they believe that in some way they've been given the short end of the stick in this whole marriage situation. And despite the fact that they either work part-time or don't work at all and their husband's working full-time and maybe one and a half times, they feel like they are um not getting what they had signed up for. They are missing out. And so that fear of missing out, yeah, all that they're seeing on social media, that's really taking root and that's firing up their amydala big time. And they're getting that sensation in their hearts. Their little bunny hearts are starting to beat really fast and they think they need to make a scamper. Get the hell out of town. Like obviously this this situation is not working out. My life is not going the way that I envisioned that it would. And because it's not going the way that I envisioned that it would, I need to take action. I need to start putting together a plan.
Now, they won't start making the plan right away. They're going to have a lot of these meetings. These meetings might go on for years. They might go on for years. But once they start, they never stop. You will know these meetings have started initially by the way she looks when she looks at you when she gets home. You know, she'll smell of alcohol. She just won't want to talk to you. You know, she she may be cordial, but you can tell there's something wrong. You can tell there's there's something going on and she's not telling you. But we men, we ignore that It's like, ah, whatever. You know, she's a woman. She she they act weird. They do. They just act weird. We don't get it. They just do the way they are. So, we go about our business, ignoring their bad behavior, ignoring the fact that she's got a headache for like a month or two months in a row. She didn't want to have sex with you anymore. Um, ignoring the fact that she's starting to you and complain about all the time. And think, well, maybe she's just like having her period or something. Like, maybe it's just that time of the month. And you think that time of the month has become like a whole month. It's like it's month after month after month. It's like my god, she must be having these terrible menstrual stuff. Maybe she's got, you know, something going on. Maybe there's a health issue she needs to get checked out. But she just will not stop being this whiny, nasty, nagging, complaining, and critical woman in your life. And you're like, "What happened to that sweet, wonderful girl that I married? Where did she go? Why is this happening to me? I don't understand. Why am I suddenly the focus of all of her eye? Why am I the person who was suddenly responsible for all of her dissatisfaction with anything and everything in her own life? How did that happen? Well, you know, it's just that fear-based reaction.
And women do not understand men. They do not understand the way we think, you know. You know, so if a woman is unhappy with the way a a man is behaving, there is a really a really quite simple way to deal with this issue, and that is to his brains out. I know that sounds terrible, but men build connection through sex. It's just the way we are. We build connection through sex. It is a primal thing within us to want to have sex and to desire sex. But um sex is also the way we develop emotional connection. And um if the emotional connection is getting rusty between you and your partner, especially as a woman, you have the opportunity to rebuild that relationship or to rebuild that connection through sex. Once that connection is solid, that man's programming kicks in. He wants to provide and protect. You can ask him to do almost anything and he will do it if he's getting regular sex. If he is getting a a he has a strong sense of connection with you and um he feels supported and emotionally a part of this relationship through sex, he is going to be much more open to um whatever it is that you want to do. You don't need to complain, whine, criticize, or nag. You can just ask. You can just ask, "Hey, would you do that for me?" Bam. Done. No problem at all. Nine times out of 10, that's the way this is going to work out. If he's capable of getting it done for you, he will do it.
Once those scorecards have been filled out and talked about and validated and decided upon and you will have been judged before the tribunal of whiny women, they're going to come to a conclusion and your sentence is going to be divorce. And there's going to come a moment when your wife is going to build up the courage to tell you that she's not happy. And God bless her. The only way that she's going to be happy is if you leave. Yep. In fact, she may even have conspired with her cohorts, these other members of the tribunal who have made this decision that um they're going to have a better life without you, you know, and they're all going to do the same thing. They're all going to leave their husbands, too. They're going to have like a big whiny woman club that they're going to be a part of and they're all going to go out on the town and date a lot of young single guys and they're going to live large. That's the plan. Living large. I remember my ex-wife, she had a friend who was going to divorce her husband at the same time. And they had planned it all out. They were going to live at the nice part of town. They're going to live in a condos and they're going to be living the city life. There's two two young girls out there living large. Yeah. She never divorced her husband. he's still supporting her. My ex-wife, she's penniless and living in my extra bedroom right now.
So, yeah, there is uh without question a moment of pure delusion that overcomes women and they think that at age 50 or 55 that out there in the world there's going to be a better life for them somehow somewhere. That they're going to find a new guy to fill the void. that some guy is gonna come along and he's gonna say, "You know something, you poor thing. You have been a victim all this time and I'm gonna come in and save the day for you. I'm gonna make your life so much easier cuz I'm single. I'm 60 years old. Why wouldn't I do that for you?" Obviously, um, this situation is someone else's fault and you have been a victim of this the entire time and I'm just going to make all of your dreams come true. This is the delusion that they live in. This is the belief system that they have. And this is what drives them out the door or what drives them to push you out the door. The sad truth of this is that the vast majority of women learn the hard way that this delusion that they are living under is more than just a delusion. It becomes a nightmare because none of those things are true. And in fact, it's quite the opposite. There are no men who are looking for them. And life is a lot harder when you're alone. And when you're a post-menopausal woman and you're alone out in the world and you're trying to figure yourself out and you're dealing with children who maybe are very upset with you right now and an ex-husband and you're trying to make a living. Well, life can be very, very tough. Life can be cruel.
The irony with men and women is that when women are young, men pursue them. They are the treasure. They are the celebrities. They are what everyone's looking for. But when women are old, not so much. When women are old, um it's really hard for them to get the attention to men. And if they have been living for that male gaze despite the fact that they complain about it so much, they're going to find that it's really hard to find that male gaze anymore because um it's gazing another direction, trust me. And um they're going to have a really tough time adapting to the fact that they are not the subject of men's desire any longer. And they are going to be dismayed and confused about how they're going to find their way in life without the support or the connection emotionally, psychologically, physically with a man. And then they're going to reflect on the relationship that you guys had. And they're going to realize that the reason the relationship failed had as much as, if not more than um enough to do with their behavior throughout the entire thing. It's amazing that once they get through menopause and they're single and they're sitting around and they're reflecting on the mess they've made of their lives, a lot of them will come to the realization, whether they admit it or not, that they are the cause of their own destruction. like they are the source of the pain that they feel the most. That all the anxiety and depression drugs that they're taking now to try to take the edge off the pain that they feel on a daily basis is a direct result of the behaviors that they engaged in. And they're going to see you as a guy that's out there in the world now, perhaps dating younger women and living his best life. And they're going to think, "What was I thinking to let this guy go?"
My ex-wife tells me or has told me many many times that um she regrets uh our divorce. Not just because she regrets now being alone and penniless and struggling with her life. Um but she disrupted everything in our life. She disrupted our relationships or her relationships with my children. She disrupted um her relationship with my parents and my my family, you know. So she is really completely 100% alone in the world. And uh those friends, I mean, yeah, they're all still friendly, you know, but they're not paying her bills, you know what I mean? They're not taking care of her. They're not the ones that are stepping in to keep her um off the streets. Um yeah, what she gave up was far more than anything she could have possibly imagined actually acquiring for herself, you know. And the irony is, and we all know our own wife, so I'll just talk about my own for one second, is I lived with her for 20 plus years. I knew she wasn't going to get a job, you know, and stick with it and have to work all the time to pay her own bills. And like, uh, I just I just knew that wasn't going to happen. I don't know what she's going to do now. Hopefully, she'll get, you know, her retirement income soon and she can start living off that. But, uh, yeah, I I it's just the delusion is just beyond comprehension. what they believe is going to happen and what actually happens is so far divorced from one another that um yeah I don't know how they even you get there you know it's like you know waking up from a bad dream you know of course when you wake up from the bad dream you go oh my god thank god it was just a dream except for them they never get to wake up from it anymore they're in that bad dream from now on that bad dream is their reality
So why do they do it? I mean that's really the question that we all kind of want to know is why is it when women get to be about 50 and the marriage is 20 25 years old do they suddenly all get the urge to file for divorce? Most of the divorces the highest percentage of divorces are in groups of um people over age 50. Now, at first I thought maybe it's just because, you know, the more you get to know somebody, the more you don't want to be around them. You know, that whole um familiarity builds contempt. Maybe that's it. That could be part of it. But menopause occurs right at this time for most of these women. Menopause is a huge emotional shift for women because it changes their hormone profile completely and they're feeling differently about their life because that those feelings are being driven largely by emotion. Now I mean by hormones. Now women have always been like this. I mean you know they're always way way more emotional. But it we don't realize that a lot of this has to do just with chemistry. You know, it's just the hormones that they have flowing through their bodies that drive a lot of these emotions. And when those hormones start to fluctuate going up and down and then they eventually um drop off significantly, well, they feel worse. It's sort of like if a man's testosterone levels drop significantly. Well, frequently guys experience depression. You know, if they become u hypogonadal, yeah, they they can become quite depressed. Well, when women lose estrogen and it drops significantly, they have a similar experience. They become very, very depressed. Now, if you happen to be the man in her life that she's already been keeping score on when all this is happening, well, now it just seems that much worse. Now, it's like the bottom has dropped out. She's no longer just irritated and pissed off at you, but now she's depressed and she's angry. I mean, really angry. And that's what's going to drive her to pull the plug on your marriage. Menopause is by far the biggest trigger in divorce for women over 50. There's been a lot of research and questionnaires and you know polling done on this and um menopausal or post-menopausal women are um the most likely group to file for divorce and they're also the most likely group to regret filing for divorce 5 years later. Yeah. So, they are making decisions in an emotional state where their hormones are fluctuating and they don't realize what's going on in their lives. They feel out of sorts. They haven't settled into their new way of living. Maybe they haven't taken on hormone replacement therapy or they've chosen not to do that. But in any event, this huge shift that occur to women at around age 50 is probably responsible for the dissolution of more marriages than any other event.
So, as your wife is approaching menopause, you need to just have an awareness. This is something that is very, very much on the table that you may find yourself um dealing with a woman who is not only just generally irritated and upset with you just from being a woman. Um but she's suddenly going to become depressed and angry. And that's taking it to a whole another level. that depression and that anger um really does have a dramatic impact on uh their decision-m and their feelings for you because they're inevitably going to blame you for it because they don't understand that this is coming from within. So, they're looking outside of them just like they do with everything else in their lives. They're looking for outside validation. They're always looking for some reason for something to happen or someone outside of them to validate what their experience is. Well, when they start feeling all these negative feelings, they're not going to take ownership of it. They're not going to look inward. They're not going to try to figure out why they're feeling this way. They're just going to blame you because you're the guy that's there and they're already kind of irritated with you anyway. So, it just fits that obviously you're the problem. And the best way to solve the problem is to get rid of the problem. And that's what you can expect. The only way to avoid this is to talk to her ahead of time. As soon as those first hot flashes hit, you say, "Look, here's what I know happens. Menopause causes you to change significantly, emotionally, psychologically, and it's a very difficult process, and it's not one that you can take lightly. It's something that you're going to need to have medical and um psychological uh support through. You need to have a therapist. You need to have a doctor who can help you with um whatever hormones uh balancing they can do to get you through this process without uh disrupting. And then also getting an internal understanding of what's going on inside her body so that she will recognize the signs and understand that this is something that's going on biologically. It's not something necessarily to do with her relationship. That's a tough that's a tough hill to climb. I know. I know. But if you truly want to maintain your marriage, if you want to try to preserve it, then these are the kinds of things that you're going to have to do because um otherwise it's very very likely you're going to get that huge declaration of I'm not happy and you're going to find yourself living in a little uh you know apartment uptown, you know, and um starting your life over again with half your stuff. So if you want to avoid that, then you're going to have to you know do a little bit of pre-work. you're gonna have to set it up so that you can get her through this process because she probably isn't going to do it herself because there's a certain amount of shame that she's a victim of this hormonal reaction. And of course, although women love to be victims, in some ways, they don't like to be the cause of their own victimization.
Here's the thing that women don't understand about life, their lives in particular, is they get one goound. I mean, they literally just get one go around. They come up to be, you know, in their teens and 20s and 30s and they're really at that the peak of their attraction and the way the world is treating them and their opportunities seem like they're endless. But when they enter into their 40s and 50s and 60s, they're on their downhill slide now. Things are starting to get more difficult. Their bodies are breaking down. There there's all kinds of challenges. They're gaining weight. Their hormones are changing. Um they're less attractive. They're not capturing, you know, men's attention anymore. They're feeling less valued by the world. That's true. They just feel less valued by the world. I can only imagine how harsh that has got to feel. Now as men we start off feeling less valued from the very beginning but as we get older our value builds. So we get to live multiple lives you know we get to live our lives in our as young men in our say in our teens and 20s and 30s and uh and then we get to live another life you know in our 50s and 60s and 70s. So there's an opportunity here for men to um really enjoy the second half of their lives. Thus the channel life 2.0. 0 women don't get life 2.0. Women are their life 2.0 looks a lot different than ours do. Like we do have this opportunity to still be healthy young or healthy and vibrant in our older age. It's much easier for us to maintain our health in many ways. Um and if we decide that we want to have uh another relationship, we still have that option available to us. Like that's still something you can do if that's something that you choose to do. No, I don't recommend it, but I mean, you could absolutely do that. So, um, women really struggle with this. It's something that I think most women regret because they're going to realize that you only get so many really good relationships in your life. And when you make a choice to marry a man and you stay with him for 20 or 30 years, this guy knows you better than anybody else on the planet. He's been through the good times and the bad times with you. He's dealt with you up and down and now you've thrown him out and now you've cast him aside. You acted like he doesn't matter to you anymore, that you can do better. And once you realize that you can't, once you get to that place where they understand that they're not going to find anyone better, there's going to be this enormous sense of regret that hits them, whether they admit it or not, that they threw away the best thing that ever happened to them. and their only opportunity to go into old age with someone who would truly know them and care for them because men will do that. Men will stick by them. Men will stick by your side. Unfortunately, women don't realize that. They just don't get it. They just don't understand men at all.
All right, you guys. That's all I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed this video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know someone who might uh benefit from it, please share it with them. Anyway, till next time, stay healthy and if you can stay single.