Transcription
Have you ever found yourself crying out to God, wondering, “Why are you letting this person get away with everything they’ve done to me?” Well, you’re not alone, and today we’re diving deep into one of the toughest questions we can face: How can we trust God to handle someone who’s caused us so much pain? That’s why, in this episode, we’re going to dive deep into three specific ways that you can pray for the narcissist so that you can trust that God will settle the score in a timely manner. We will also cover four powerful ways to pray against the narcissist. Yes, this is biblical, so that you can find the peace and the justice you long for. And we’re not only going to talk about the areas of prayer; we’re actually going to go before the throne of grace and petition God together with our prayers.
Well, hey, my friend, welcome to another edition of the Difficult Relationships podcast. It is my hope to help you navigate difficult relationships and conquer codependency biblically. If you are new here, I want to invite you to grab a copy of our free Narcissist Survival Guide. I will go ahead and include a link in the description section below.
Narcissists wreak havoc in the lives of their victims. But no matter who the narcissist is in your life, or how you’re feeling about them right now, one thing is for sure: life with them is unstable, unfulfilling, and an emotional roller coaster. And maybe you’ve endured years of emotional abuse, or perhaps you discovered that this person isn’t who they portrayed themselves to be, and you’re furious. The lies, the deceit, the betrayal, the slander have gotten you so angry you don’t even know how to pray, much less whether you want to pray. And one thing we can be certain of is this: God will take vengeance on those who have wronged you. Don’t believe me? Just ground yourself in Romans 12:19. And it says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
So, while you can rest in the mighty power of God, there are some biblically based prayers that God might be looking to enlist you in. So I want to invite you to grab your writing device of choice, because you’re going to want to take notes. So how do you effectively and biblically pray for the narcissist?
Well, I want you to imagine standing by the ocean, looking out over calm waters. The surface seems peaceful, but as you step deeper, you feel a strong current tugging beneath you, pulling you further and further out. Now, trying to fight that pull on your own is exhausting, maybe even dangerous. And that’s what it can feel like when dealing with a narcissist. Their manipulation is like an undertow, drawing you further and further into confusion and frustration. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to face this current alone. In fact, the first prayer that we’re talking about is powerful for situations just like this. It is a prayer for reckoning. Praying for God’s reckoning is asking him to bring hidden motives and lies to light, to reveal truth and bring consequences his way. And this isn’t about personal revenge; it’s about calling on God to shine a light onto the shadows, exposing the deception and setting things right. Psalm 28:3-4 is a go-to for this kind of prayer, and it says, “Do not drag me off with the wicked, with the workers of evil who speak peace with their neighbors while evil is in their hearts. Give to them according to their work and according to their evil deeds; give to them according to the work of their hands; render them their due reward.” This scripture captures what it means to ask for God’s justice. It’s a prayer asking God to respond to those who speak peace but harbor deceit, reminding us that God sees what is hidden and he knows exactly how to handle it. And then there’s Galatians 6:7-8, where we see a reminder of God’s justice in full action: “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” Everyone, including the narcissist, eventually faces the consequences of their actions. So when we pray for reckoning, we are handing over the situation, knowing God’s justice will be true and thorough. It’s about saying, “God, you see everything; bring the reckoning that I never could.”
And this may also be a good time for you to check yourself: What are you sowing now? In full transparency, I went through a season of disgusting gossip. I mean, no matter how many times the Lord convicted me, I would just fall right back into it. And it wasn’t until I was completely brought to my knees that I saw the weight, the full weight of that sin, and became utterly repulsed by it. But that doesn’t always remove the consequences. You see, there are areas in my life right now where I’m actually reaping what I’ve sown. And if someone whose heart is bent on following the Lord can suffer these principles, how much more will the narcissist who refuses to see their sin?
The next prayer against the narcissist is one that many Christians may hesitate to pray. In fact, some believe we aren’t even allowed to ask for this kind of justice. But the apostle Paul gives us a powerful example of why we should. You see, when Paul was betrayed by Alexander the coppersmith, he didn’t seek personal revenge, but he did pray for revenge, and he boldly asked God to repay him according to his deeds. Paul understood that God is a righteous judge, and by asking for justice, he placed the situation entirely in God’s hands, trusting him to bring justice in his way and his timing. You see, the Bible doesn’t—doesn’t ignore the reality of betrayal and harm. So in 2 Timothy 4:14, Paul says, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; may the Lord repay him according to his deeds.” Here Paul addresses an individual who has caused him serious trouble. He didn’t say, “Oh, I just need to forgive,” or “Oh, God, I’ve got to let this go,” or “I don’t want to block my blessings.” No, he prayed for revenge. And Paul acknowledged an essential truth: God is a God of justice, and he will write the wrongs that are done against his people. Paul didn’t allow, however, his energy to be consumed or his purpose to be derailed by seeking vengeance. And of course, at any time he would have welcomed repentance and reconciliation, but he also relied on God’s justice, freeing him from the weight of retribution and focusing on his calling. But he did pray for revenge.
Similarly, when dealing with someone who has wounded us, especially when that person is a narcissist skilled in manipulation, it could be tempting to seek revenge, even if only in your own mind. But be careful that you don’t become ensnared by the devil too. But by following Paul’s example, we can bring our hurt to God in prayer, asking him to address the wrongs that were done to us. Let his justice be served. It’s not about letting them off the hook; it’s about putting them on God’s hook. And I love the way Psalm 94:1 reminds us, “O Lord, God of vengeance, O God of vengeance, shine forth.” God sees all things, hears all things, knows all motives; he will not overlook the wrong done to you any more than he will overlook the wrong done to Paul.
Number three: I want you to imagine this. Imagine there’s someone in your life that is walking around completely unchecked, leaving chaos everywhere they go, maybe even blaming others for their actions and issues. And no matter how much pain they cause or how many boundaries they cross, it seems like there’s just no consequences for their actions. But what if there was a way to shine a light on their behavior, to expose them in a way that doesn’t involve confrontation or malice? And the next prayer is one of the most powerful tools that we have, and that is praying for God’s reproof. It is asking God himself to step in and shine a light so bright that their harmful actions can no longer stay hidden in the dark. Yes, we are going to pray for the narcissist’s worst nightmare to come to reality: exposure. You see, when we pray for reproof, we’re asking for a holy unveiling of their harmful behavior, for their destruction. Now, before you go thinking, “Chris, that’s kind of harsh,” no, it’s biblical. 1 Corinthians 5:5 tells us, “You are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.” Now, in this passage, Paul is commanding the Corinthian Church to expel a young man who is engaging in an incestuous relationship with his stepmother. Listen, he didn’t command them to love on him, keep him coming to church, keep him close to the fire, maybe start a support group for him. No, Paul commanded that they throw him out of the fellowship and hand him over to Satan. Now, throwing somebody out of the fellowship in that day was the equivalent of basically like an excommunication. You know, nowadays we just, okay, we’ll just go to another church; nobody will be none the wiser, and I’ll just sit in the back and nobody will know what I’ve done. But that wasn’t what it was like back then. And Paul said, “Get him out of the fellowship and hand him over to Satan,” with the hope that he would experience the life that Satan had for him in such fullness that he would come to repentance and turn from his sinful ways. So this severe command was for the hope of his ultimate redemption, and that should be our goal too. If the narcissist wants to keep walking down that deceptive, perverted road that they’ve chosen, then may they be fully handed over to it. God will not override our will, nor theirs, not even the will of the self-serving, pride-filled narcissist. Romans 1:28 tells us what God will do when he’s had enough, and it says, “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not be done.” My friend, that’s scary. You see, this passage shows a sobering aspect of God’s judgment. This does not mean that God stops caring; it simply means that he will not violate his word, and he will not allow a person in rebellion to not experience the consequences of that rebellion. And that’s why you’ll often notice that with the stubborn, prideful narcissist, it actually gets worse before it ever gets better.
And the next… Have you ever felt like everything the narcissist took from you—your peace, your confirmation, your time, your money, your love, your future—was just gone forever? It’s like they left you in pieces, kind of fragmented, wondering if there’s any way to truly get back—back what’s been lost. And here’s where things get interesting: the Bible speaks of something very powerful and often overlooked: recompense. And this isn’t about just moving on or letting go or picking yourself up by your Christian bootstraps; it’s about praying God himself will restore what was taken from you and repaying everything that was lost. You see, Hebrews 10:30 says, “For we know him who said, ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay.’” God’s recompense isn’t just a repayment for the evil they’ve done; it is a repayment for the blessings you have lost. And if someone has wronged you, if the enemy has stolen from you, or if the enemy has used the narcissist to strip you of everything, you can rest assured God will repay—not just them, but you. He will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten. Not convinced fully? Check out Isaiah 61:7, and it says, “Instead of your shame you shall have a double portion.” Imagine not only getting back what was stolen but seeing it returned in double measure. That is our God. God’s promises of recompense are real, and they’re waiting for you, and it is biblical to pray for them when you’ve been robbed. So we are going to pray together in justice against the narcissist. But before we do, there’s a part that many miss. In fact, there’s a more important part that, if overlooked, could land you in the same camp as the narcissist when you’re fighting evil with evil and wondering why God isn’t answering your prayers, or worse. More on that in a moment. For now, let’s pray.
“Heavenly Father, I come before you seeking your divine intervention against the schemes of this narcissist in my life. You are a God of justice who sees all things. I ask for your reckoning to bring light to every hidden deed and motive; expose the harm they’ve caused, and let the truth come forth. Lord, your word says that you will avenge on behalf of your children, and I pray that you would bring about justice in your perfect way, holding them accountable for their actions as only you can. May your hand of reproof show them the error of their ways, causing them to confront the harm they’ve caused, and may your presence convict their heart to turn away from sin. Finally, Lord, I pray for your divine recompense, that you would restore all that was taken, damaged, or lost in my life. I trust in your promise to redeem what has been broken, bringing peace and healing to my heart. If you agree with me, can you say Amen?”
So what is this one thing that could actually hinder your prayers? Well, it’s something we miss because we’re so consumed with the hurt that we wonder what’s taking God so long. And if we’re not careful, you can play right into the enemy’s hands. And here’s where you need to be reminded of 2 Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promises as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” God’s intention is not for anyone to be lost, but for all to come to repentance and experience his grace. And yes, that does include the narcissist. That’s why, in order for you to be in full alignment with the Holy Spirit and the holy scriptures and to avoid Satan’s trap for yourself, your prayers for the narcissist are just as important. Stay with me. There are three main areas of prayer that I want you to focus on in your prayers for the narcissist: release, repentance, and restoration.
Now you may be saying to me, “Chris, I don’t know that I can pray for the narcissist. I don’t know that I can pray for this person.” And if it helps to understand the forces at work behind this person, it may actually help to soften your heart and enter into prayer with true compassion. You see, narcissists typically don’t just deal with narcissism; there’s usually a host of other issues taking place, like trauma, attachment issues, you name it. The behaviors you see them exhibiting are typically from deep-seated emotional issues that are rooted in trauma, insecurity, emotional immaturity, demonic influence, just to name a few. Now, this is by no means an excuse for their behavior, because like the rest of us, they still have a choice; they still have opportunities to turn from those ways, to get help, and to submit to the Lord. And that is what you’re going to pray for. So when you pray prayers of release, you’re asking the Lord to break any strongholds and demonic influences over his or her life. There are so many demonic spirits that operate behind narcissism: pride, control, greed, addiction, Jezebel, Ahab—I could go on. Ask the Lord to reveal to you the spirits that are operating in this person’s life. And even if you don’t know, you’re still called to pray, my friend. If this is your spouse, you carry the spiritual authority to break any demonic influence over their life. This is not the time to show them the spirits that they’re under; this is the time to fight this battle in the spirit realm. Go into your prayer closet. Remember, they’ve already come into agreement with these demonic forces, and yes, they don’t even realize it. But Luke 10:19 grants you the power when it says, “Behold, I have given you the authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.” You want this person released from the kingdom of darkness, so the next prayer can be fulfilled, and that is repentance. There is nothing that God cherishes more than a broken and contrite heart; he responds to humility. And 2 Peter 3:9 reminds us that the Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. He wants the narcissists to repent of their selfish, manipulative ways and place their trust in him. And I know many talk about how it is not possible for the narcissist to change, and while I agree it is not probable due to their free will, but to blanketly say it is not possible completely denies the power of God. After all, remember what he did to—to Paul on the road to Damascus and his powerful conversion? It is possible. Pray for their repentance. And ultimately, you’re going to pray for their restoration. Isaiah 55:7 reminds us by saying, “Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” I realize that the narcissist’s pardon and restoration may not be at the top of your prayer list, but if you truly want to see God’s will done, this will be your heart’s cry: that this person will be released from their bondage, repent of their wrongdoing, and be restored in right standing with God.
Now remember, when the Apostle Paul was betrayed by Alexander the coppersmith back in point two, he prayed for revenge, not because he hated him, although I’m sure he certainly struggled with feelings of betrayal. But ultimately, Paul would want nothing more than to see Alexander restored, much in the same way that the young man sleeping with his stepmother in point three was actually fully restored because he repented. So I want to encourage you to pray these prayers for the narcissist and watch not only what God will do in the life of the narcissists, but what he’s going to end up doing in your heart and life too. Let’s pray together.
“Heavenly Father, I lift up [name] struggling with narcissism. Lord, we pray for their release from every demonic stronghold that binds them. Lord, I ask that you would break the chains of pride, deceit, and control that hold them captive and open their eyes to the truth. Stir within them, Lord, a spirit of repentance that they may turn from sin and seek your face with full humility. Father, may they come to know you, your love, and your grace, and be fully restored to you and be transformed by your spirit. We trust in your mighty power, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
My friend, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in relationship with this person. If you need to pray all of these prayers for and against the narcissist from a distance, then definitely be prayerful over that as well. And you want to be privy to the five things that God always does to a narcissist? Go ahead and check out this episode right here, and be sure to grab a copy of your free Narcissist Survival Guide. It is my free gift to you. I’ll include a link in the description section below.