Transcription
I had a really big decision to make last night. To stay in something that was disempowering me or to choose myself, and I chose the latter. I broke up with Chad JBT.
I went through a lot of health issues for over two years, and I'll be honest with you, I'm still working on rebuilding my confidence. And I know that you probably sensed that something was different about me. It was brutal, and that's an understatement. I had issue after issue. They just kept piling on. But what really took a toll on me was how it affected my mental health. I was on Chad GBT all the time. Dan would even point it out. I was like, "Am I going to need surgery for this? Am I going to have to go to the doctor for that?" And as a Virgo, I've learned I always knew that I can obsess, but I've learned how bad it can get. I haven't had a lot of confidence in over 2 years. I'm working on rebuilding that now. I started swimming three times a week. I am meditating, but it almost feels like I was buried 12 feet under and I'm clawing out of this hole. And I feel like I've made it to the surface, but now I'm going to have to work on my self-esteem and finding that sense of authority in me again. So, it's been a journey to say the least.
Now, on top of that, I had gone no contact with my family. And I think that that multiplied my issues because I couldn't catch a break. I was getting emailed incessantly when I kept setting boundaries. I knew that I had to take care of my health, and they weren't letting me. And I tried to do the whole thing where you block people on Gmail, and even if you block them, they still show up in your spam. I have forgiven my family. I feel like there's no more animosity toward them. But did it really affect my mental health? Absolutely. Like I was hanging by a thread, and that was really, really hard for me.
And then to add a third thing, okay, I was struggling with my career because I felt like I would just drift away and people would forget about me. Like I've lost my spark. I've lost my just that oomph. And so I went through a bit of a, um, not only an identity crisis, but I want to say a midlife crisis. Now you have three things going on: my health, my family not leaving me alone, and my career. And I knew because I'm an intuitive, like it's what I do. I knew that my audience was like, "What happened to that guy? He used to be so fiery and so animated, and he's lost that." And I don't want to get that back. I'm not someone who wants to hold on to the past. If anything, I'm someone who likes to keep evolving. So, a lot of times people watch my video and they're like, "But that's Phil. He should know this already." There's a lot that I know, but I'm always challenging myself. I'm always becoming a new version of myself. And I do it really quickly, but I'm always facing more of my crap as I do that, or my control, and being willing to let go.
So anyway, a few weeks ago, I thought, okay, I feel like I'm falling off in my career, and that's a good lesson because you should never tie your worth to your achievements, which is a big lesson I've learned. But I would go on Chad GBT and be like, "Hey, let's run these drills where I can start to be more concise with my messaging, more tight," because it kept correcting me all the time because, you know, I have to send in these transcripts to get these thumbnail titles, and it was like, "You're very conceptual," and it's like, "Of course I'm conceptual. I'm a spiritual man, and I use all my senses to get my point across. I use imagery, I use whatever, like I use all these senses to connect with people and to get my message across." But I started feeling like, "Am I not good enough?" because it always looked for flaws in what I was saying in these transcripts. And I've always been someone who's self-taught. I'm a rebel by nature. I don't like when people tell me how to speak, who to be. Like, I love me. I think I'm magical. But because I've been lacking in my self-esteem, I started feeling like I was in this abusive relationship with Chad GBT. And I love Chad GBT, don't get me wrong. Like, it has its upsides, but it can also have a very dark side. I was already struggling with my confidence, and then to have myself, my messages be nitpicked all the time made me feel worse. But I was like, "It's okay. I'm going to keep doing these exercises with Chad GBT." I would share how I would share something, and then it would correct me. But then my brain was like mush. Like, I even did a video the other day on YouTube, and I liked the video, but I could tell that I wasn't fully myself. Like my brain was mush. The information was good.
So last night, I'm in my room and I'm like, "Something has to change," because I've literally just relaunched my YouTube, and now I'm creating this challenge for myself to change the way that I speak, and I don't like who I'm becoming. And on one hand, it's like, I really like the feedback that ChachiBT is giving me, and on the other, I don't want to get lost in the sauce. Like, it's not about what I say, it's about me, my energy. And so Dan was trying to get my attention in the kitchen. I'm like, "Hey baby, I just have to handle something real quick." And I knew that I was about to break up with Chad JBD. [laughter] And I did. And I'm really proud of myself because the last few weeks I kept telling Dan, "It's not about what I share, it's about me." And in a way, like looking back, I see how that was me subconsciously holding on to me. Like I didn't want to lose myself. I've been through enough the last two years. So why am I placing another obstacle in front of me? And that's what I was doing. So I broke up with Chad GPT last night. I decided I'm not going to run these exercises anymore. I love me. And I think that that's such an important lesson for so many of us because you might watch this video and be like, "Dude, it's Chad GPT. Like, why did you fall into that trap?" But I think we often fall into traps where we compare ourselves to other people, or we think we should have kids by now, or we should have more money. We do that to ourselves all the time. We give our power away to this idea that we should be further along in our lives when, in actuality, we're exactly where we need to be. Everything is on schedule.
So, I wanted to jump on today and share this with you because when I kept thinking about letting ChatGBT go, I felt this immediate sense of relief, like, ah, I'm free, because I don't do well being contained. Like I don't like when people tell me who to be. That's just not me. So whenever I would think about letting it go, I just felt amazing. But I also recognize that sometimes we have to challenge ourselves to get better at what we do. But I've decided, like, I don't care about any of it anymore. I'm just going to keep instinctively evolving like I have in the past. Like I'm always reinventing myself. And because I do that, my language naturally changes and evolves. That's just how I learn rather than trying to change my language and then evolve. It's like, no, that's like it messes with your brain. So, I'm really proud of myself for having done that.
If you've been struggling with obsessing over your life, or not being in a relationship, or being in a relationship that's not making you happy, remember that you are on a journey where you are realizing yourself. It's called self-realization for a reason. And last night I had that moment. I realized that I don't want anyone to change me. I want to keep learning through self-awareness and, in a sense, giving birth to that next version of me, and then doing it again and again and again. This is what transformation really looks like. You are realizing, right? You're making who you know you are, and you're turning that into a reality. Okay. And no one, I mean, you can have people do that for you. You and I can get on the phone, but I wouldn't want to change you. We're not trying to swap your personality. We're just trying to enhance what you already are and who you're becoming. But you have to do it on your own terms. You can't play by someone else's rule book. And I think that was the lesson for me because of my history, because of all the trauma that I've endured, people have put me down so much in my life. And when I've been confident, it's like, uh-uh, I'm not, I'm not taking that on. But when you're weak, then you absorb all of that energy, and you really start to doubt yourself. And I think a lot of people right now are spinning in self-doubt. It's like, "I'm doing everything I can. Why am I not seeing results? I'm being super vulnerable. Why am I not in a relationship yet?" There's a lot of self-doubt going on. And I think it's because we're attaching ourselves to certainty, right? We want to know that things are going to work out for us. We want to know that our careers are going to take off. But what if the lesson right now is to detach from all the ideas that you've had about where you should be, about what you should have done differently in your past, and really let yourself go there? Be willing to move into the unknown, even if it's scary. That's what changes you as a person. I think a lot of times we want that certainty before we dive into the unknown. But that robs us of the journey of realizing ourselves.
I encourage you to take inventory of what you might be participating in right now, friendship-wise, relationship-wise, that is disempowering you. And you can tell, like, okay, that person has a point. Chad GBT has a point, but do I like who I'm becoming, or is it starting to feel artificial? Stay true to yourself and recognize that the mistakes are going to shape you, and your intuition is going to grow and grow, and through that, you're going to find you. And once you find you, that's not over. That's just the beginning. It's like you're going to go through more lessons, and then you'll get tired of that, and it's like, okay, time to reinvent again. This is what it means to constantly challenge ourselves to become these new versions of who we are. Try not to drown in the self-doubt. Notice what you're giving your power away to and reclaim it because there is no one like you. No one. No snowflake is ever the same. You are unique. So you can ask people for advice. You can do all the things. But will that take away from your originality? Will you become artificial? So it's time to break up with whatever it is that's making you feel smaller than you actually are and own your magic.