Transcription
If you are a professional woman over 40, you know that backhanded compliments are still one of the most popular and socially accepted ways to try and cut you down and rob you of self-confidence. But today, you're in luck because I'm going to give you a proven method that will shut down backhanded compliments without having to compromise who you are or be fake or anything like that. Unless, of course, you make one of the three fatal errors that we'll also be covering in this video. Because if you do, I'm just going to be honest with you. You can say all the affirmations you want in front of the mirror, but at the end of the day, the only one who will be more disappointed in you is your mother. So, let's get started.
You're coming back from a meeting where you just delivered a presentation and one of your colleagues was also in that meeting. We'll call her Ramona. And as you're sitting down, Ramona says something such as, "Wow, you actually did a good job." What do you say?
Mistake number one, the most common thing that people will do is play dumb. "Um, I'm sorry. What was that? I don't think I heard that correctly." That is not modeling the behavior that we are asking from them. How about instead of pretending as if we are somehow mentally incapacitated or challenged in some way that we are not, ask them to repeat what they said. Something like, "Could you please say that again?" or "Could you repeat what you just said?" If it was okay to begin with, then they will have no problem repeating it.
At that moment, if people choose to self-correct and say something such as, "Oh, well, you know, I was just kidding." Do not let them off the hook and train them that you're okay with that. They knew exactly what they were doing and they think it's okay and they're going to keep doing it as long as we keep acting as if we are foolish or dumb. It doesn't need to be the end of the world, but I'm calling you on it. If you have trouble remembering things like this on the fly, remember to download my playbook that's free. It's the first link in the description.
But beware of making mistake number two. Mistake number two is shrinking. We'll put our heads down, put our hands in our lap, put your legs together. Like, think right now about when you feel like, "Oh, I just want to disappear because this is so uncomfortable." Watch your body language. And if it is uncomfortable to you, instead of allowing yourself to reflect that in your body language, watch how this speaks volumes. I'm going to give the 3-second look. I'm going to use a prop and I'm going to deliver the slow blink all together. You ready? So, I've already said, "Hey, Trixie, could you repeat what you just said?" And then I'll say that she repeats it. "I thought you were better than that." Chances are, at those moments, the words are going to be very difficult to find. So, make it easy on yourself. And in that moment, instead of dreaming up something clever to say, make it a point to put your chin up, put your shoulders back, tits to the sky, and remember, I'm with you. I expect more from you. I have worked hard to make sure that you have the tools. I understand we've all had our, you know, rough patches. Your rough patch is over. Tits to the sky. You'll remember that.
If you have found value in this video so far, subscribe to this channel. It helps other people who need this information find it and I would really appreciate it. Then I'm ready to bring it home with number three. Rise above it. That's another way to say avoiding it. How about instead of that we simply face it and illuminate it. It might sound like this. "This is a it's okay. It's okay. It's not okay phrase. Mary, it's okay to say nothing to me and not give me a compliment. That's okay. And it's okay to give me criticism. It is not okay to insult me, but not be upfront about it and just try to hide that insult behind a thin veil of not really funny humor. That's not okay because I thought that you and I were more professional than that, aren't we?" Oh, I love saying stuff like that. You know, saying it's okay, it's okay, it's not okay, and then you just say some basic truths. For example, it's okay to feel bad. It's okay to want more. It's not okay to try and make me feel bad because you want more. That is not okay. And that is how you deal with backhanded compliments. And I know and you know, there's nothing that I have to say that I can't say in a loving way. Even in these situations, showing you what somebody who loves himself or herself looks like, that's one of the most loving things you could possibly do.
Now, if you'd like to learn how to deal with being ignored altogether, that's what this video is all about. So, check that out after you download my playbook that's free. It's the first link in the description. I think you're really going to like that. [Music]