You’re Not Lazy — The Real Reason You Stay Stuck

Hey, can we be honest with each other for a moment? Is it not true that you know what you need to do, but you just can't get yourself to do it? Because if we're going to be honest, it's probably pretty simple. I did not say it was easy. I said it was simple because you probably already have a whole save folder on Tik Tok or Instagram. And not only that, you have categories, too. You probably have the eat healthy category. You probably have the workout category, the business plan. You even got those cute outfits that you still have not worn. I say all this to say, you know what you need to do. You know all the steps. You have it all saved, but you are struggling with trying to figure out when to start. And that's the problem.

I'm guessing the reason why you haven't started any of these things yet is because you've convinced yourself that you need to be fully healed. You convinced yourself that you need to have the right mindset. You've probably even convinced yourself you need to have the right body to start so many of these things. And I want you to understand what you're basically telling yourself is, "I can't become the person I can't become the woman of my dreams until I've become the woman of my dreams." But I want you to think about that. How does that work? Where is the middle part of the actual becoming? If you can't become the woman you want to be until you become the woman that you want to be, where are you becoming that person?

And so in this video, I want to talk to those individuals. I want to talk to the people who know what they want to do, who already know where they want to be. They know the future that they want to have for themselves, but they just feel like they can't start right now. Right now, where they are mentally, physically, financially, they just have to wait until they get to a certain point, until they get to that perfect point to start. And I want to tell you in three steps on how waiting for that perfect moment to start is going to be the reason why you're not going to get to that perfect point. I understand it's hard, but hopefully in this video I can explain it to you because I went through the same thing and I'm learning through it, too. So, let's get straight into it.

Now, for the first section, I want you to ask yourself, what if it's nothing wrong with you? I think a lot of us have this mindset that there must be something wrong with us and that's why we aren't where we want to be. And if that thing wasn't wrong with us, we would be there. And it's so funny because I recently had a therapy session and I was talking to my therapist and after I said what I had to say, she said, "Shaya, there's nothing wrong with you." I was like, "What? What? Like what? Why you say that?" And she was just like, "Every single session you come, it's like something that you're working on. It's something that you're improving." And every single session, I looked at it as me getting closer to my dream woman and the necessary steps to get to my dream life. And I realized I overidentified with being a work in progress because there is this idea of you have to consistently work to get to where you want to be and it's going to take time and all these other things. But I want you to understand it can become a problem when you overidentify with that and literally make it your identity. So much so that you do not allow yourself to live in the moment because you're always in the back of your mind thinking, "Is this getting me closer or farther away from my goals?"

And so every single session, I basically wanted her to help me help me be a better person and help me become my dream woman. And she explained to me certain things about my personality are literally my personality. It does not mean it's something wrong with me. Just because I do things differently than some other people, it does not mean that there's necessarily something wrong with me and I have to fix this thing. That's just how I am. And I had to realize the reason why I always felt like it was something wrong with me is because, especially due to my choice of career, I overidentified with having this thing of a healing process and always improving. And for the first time, this is another reason why I haven't posted in almost two weeks. Sorry about that. But I've really been allowing myself to live life. Like on Monday, I allowed myself after work to go to Wingstop. Usually I would never do that because I'm like, "Wingstop is fried food. It's not good for me. All that fat, all that grease. If I want to do that, I need to plan that out. I need to make sure I work out." I just did it. And though it didn't do the well, best to my stomach, I was so happy for myself because I did it because I wanted to. Two days ago before work, I got a matcha. Like, and to some people it may be like, "Girl, okay, like, why is this so important?" Because I overidentify with this idea of me always progressing. I overidentify with self-improvement so much that I always have to ask myself, "Is this getting me farther or closer away from my goals?" And sometimes I'm just like, "This is you living life. You're allowed to experience life." And don't get me wrong, there are time periods where I need to lay low. There are time periods where I'm like, "For the next 75 days, for the next 90 days, for the next 60 days, I need to focus on being healthy or focus on content." Yes, I have those. Don't get me wrong, but at the same time too, I had to realize I had to stop overidentifying with self-growth and making every single decision based upon that because that's what makes me feel like it's something wrong with me because it's like, "Why do I want Wingstop and I shouldn't want Wingstop and I shouldn't want fried food?" And it's like, "No, you're human. Like it's okay to want that." But if you overidentify with it, anytime you want to do something that's not getting you closer to your goals, it makes you think it's something wrong with you. And I want you to understand you are allowed to have those moments. And those moments mean that you are human and you are not perfect.

Now the next one is self-help, self-improvement becomes a full-time job. And this leads to you always consuming this kind of content. Now, I know some people may say, "This is kind of counterproductive because of my page." And when I mention stuff like this, people always say, "Oh, so you don't want us to watch your channel and you don't want us to, you know, um, follow you." I actually do. So, please, if you're already here, you've been here for this long, you obviously like the video, you can like it right now and you might as well follow right now. I'm just saying. Okay? Thank you. But what I'm saying is don't make it into a full-time job where you're overconsuming self-help content. When you're overconsuming self-improvement content. Of course, I would love you to watch my page, but if you feel like you're binge-watching my page and you're watching so many videos and it's just literally to say that you watch the videos, stop. Stop. Don't get me wrong, I would love, you know, the views or whatever. You could share this with your auntie, your cousin, your niece. Do that. But at the same time too, don't get to the point where you're like, "The only people I want to see on my Instagram page are self-improvement. The only people I want to see on my Tik Tok is self-improvement. I only listen to self-improvement podcasts." I had to realize you have to allow yourself, going back to the last section of not being perfect, to experience things that are not perfect because that is also going to make you feel like there's something wrong with me. Because every single video that I watch is of somebody having the best body. Every single video I watch is of somebody telling me how they started this business. And don't get me wrong, those videos are good for information, sometimes motivation, even inspiration, but don't overconsume those things to where you're always comparing your life to that until you get into this loop of perfection. Yes, like I said, going back to you have, you might be on a 75-day run, a 90-day run, a 60-day run, whatever you like. During this time period, I only want to focus on self-improvement. Okay. But you have to ask yourself, am I making this my entire life? Am I making the self-improvement my identity? And you do that when you overconsume. Allow yourself to watch stuff that is not productive for you. Like, and when I say productive, sometimes I don't think people understand. It's productive for me to watch comedy. Like, I need to laugh sometimes. It's even sometimes productive for me to watch Law and Order SVU. I'm sorry. It is like it just scratches a piece of my brain that I need to be scratched. Like I want you to understand all these pieces are you and it does not mean something is wrong with you when you don't want to watch a self-improvement, you know, channel as soon as you wake up. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you if you don't want to go to the gym and listen to somebody yell in your ear to be better and be stronger. No, it doesn't mean it's something wrong with you. I personally think, and some people may say I'm wrong for this, people who overconsume only listen to self-improvement only. I'm not going to say it's something wrong with them. All right? I just don't think it's normal. I just think we all have faults. We all have. And if that's what you want to do, by all means, but I want you to understand it is so normal to not want to always watch self-improvement. I don't always want to watch self-improvement. I don't always listen to self-improvement. And sometimes I have to literally stop because I'm like, it's too much information. It's too much stuff. Everybody has different opinions. And it's just I need to stop. And so that's what I want you to understand as well.

And I also want you not to have the mindset that you have to be fixed to be free. I want you to understand that it's always going to be you going towards something. Once you accomplish one thing, it's going to be the next. Allow yourself to experience the journey of it all. But also don't convince yourself that once I am fixed, whatever that means, that's when I'll be free. Because I want you to think that or understand that more, so you're putting yourself in a cage. And I recently had a conversation with my therapist about something that I've been going through for, I'm 25 and I've been going through this for almost 20 years. Um, and I was talking to my therapist about going through this thing and she was helping me get through it and just, you know, different things I could do to get through this thing. And she was like, "All right, well, you know, you should have this pretty conquered or pretty, you know, together by your 30s." I said, "What?" She said, "Yeah, by the time you're like 33, 34, you know, you should have this pretty together." I said, "Girl, I thought I was about to have this together by the end of the year. What are you talking about?" And she was basically telling me, "Shaya, you've been experiencing this thing for 20 plus years. It is going to take you longer than a couple months to get through this thing."

Now, I say that to say, if I was to convince myself that I cannot be free until I am fully fixed, y'all would not get no videos until I am in my 30s. Y'all would not get no videos for another 10 years. I have to allow myself to understand there are things that I'm going through. And for me right now, it's some things that I would say are more so mental, just childhood trauma, stuff like that. For some people, it could be a job maybe you're not too proud of. For some people, it can literally be where you're living. For some people, it could be your family, your friends. I want you to understand, stop having the mindset that you cannot start this process until you are free of these things. Because some of these things are going to take you, like me, 10 years to get free of, five years to get free of, however long to get free of. And until you actually start doing these things, you're not going to be able to even experience the happiness of getting free of these things and then actually being happy after. Because you might get out of that job. You might get out of that relationship. You might get out of that thing. But if you've convinced yourself you can't be happy until you get out of that thing, imagine getting out of that thing that you've been crying about, you've been stressing about, and now you're like, "Okay, now I get to start my life." Imagine how much happier you would be if you got out of that thing. You're like, "Dang, now I get to actually experience the life I was experiencing before, if that makes any sense. Where I get to level up, I should say, the life that I was experiencing. Now, I don't have to wait because who knows how long it's going to take you to get free, but that doesn't mean that you can't experience the growth. That doesn't mean you can't experience the happiness because you're not essentially free.

Now, I want to give you guys a case study because I want to explain this to you a little bit further of what having the mindset of feeling like I can't grow until I'm free or there's something wrong with me will ultimately do to your life. And this is a case study that was done in the 1960s. Back in the 60s, two researchers, Rosenthal and Jacobson, did a wild experiment at an elementary school in California. They told teachers that a handful of their students had been identified as intellectual bloomers. Basically, kids who were about to have a big growth spurt in their learning and IQ. But here's the twist. The students were randomly selected. There was nothing special about them on paper. The only thing that changed was how their teachers saw them. And by the end of the school year, these random students that were chosen actually performed better on IQ tests simply because their teachers believed they would. This is called the Pygmalion effect. A phenomenon where higher expectations lead to higher performance. When someone believes in your potential, they interact with you differently. Their energy changes. Their patience grows. They give you more opportunities to rise and you rise to meet them. Not because you were better, but because you were seen that way.

Now, I want you to think about that study. These teachers were told that these students were going to have a growth spurt. That these students were essentially intellectually capable to do more than these other students, but they weren't. They gave them the mindset of, "There is nothing wrong with you." While these other students, they probably said, "Well, there's something wrong with them." So, when these other students said something wrong, they just pushed them to the side. When these other students tried to answer something and they couldn't really get it, they just pushed them to the wayside. But the students who they thought were intellectual bloomers, when they did something that was wrong, because they did, they were students and they were randomly picked. So, there was nothing special about them. What did they say? "Oh, no, no, no. Okay, let me rephrase it for you a different way." Because in their head, they're saying, "I know you have the potential to do this thing. You just haven't gotten there yet, but you still have potential to get there. You're going to get there, you're just not yet." They gave them extra care. They gave them extra patience. They probably gave them more attention. So, when those students got something wrong or when those students didn't understand something, instead of saying, "You're never going to understand it," instead of moving forward, they gave extra care to those kids. And at the end of the school year, that care was shown in those IQs. These were random students. I want you to think about random sheets of elementary school school students, sorry, being put on a spreadsheet and then them just clicking off random ones. They don't know about their background. They don't know about their age. They don't know anything about them. That is what you do to yourself. You treat yourself as the kids who were not told that they're intellectual bloomers. The kids who were told they're just regular. When you tell yourself there's something wrong with you. When you mess up because life happens, you convince yourself you messed up because there was something wrong with you. When you're not in the position that you want to be in life, you convince yourself it's because there's something wrong with you. Instead of treating yourself as those students that were treated who were taught to be or said to be intellectual bloomers were treated, they were treated with care. They were treated with patience. They messed up just as much as these other kids, and some of them possibly even more, but they still did better in the end. I want you to understand if you keep convincing yourself that there is something wrong with you. If you keep convincing yourself that you are not going to be able to become your future woman until you become your future woman, then you are always going to put yourself in a deficit. You're always going to put yourself behind. When you do things that everyone does, everyone messes up. Anybody you've ever seen accomplish something, anybody you've ever seen do something great, they've messed up. You just have not seen it. But if you keep convincing yourself that there's something wrong with you, and that's why you mess up and they don't mess up, you're never going to grow. And you're going to wonder why, similar to these students, everyone keeps doing better than you and they keep growing and they keep getting smarter and it's just going to affirm what you already believe about yourself. "There's something wrong with me because if it wasn't, I would be making more money and I would get out of this position." When the whole time the reason why you haven't gotten out is because you think that mindset. It's because you think it's something wrong with you. So you don't give yourself position, sorry, you don't give yourself the opportunities to do the same thing these other people do, which is mess up and restart again.

The next section, part two, is you actually don't need more, you probably need less. The problem that so many people have is you start looking at your self-growth journey as a performance and you actually start looking at healing as a performance. And healing, I'm sure, is something that a lot of people are struggling with, even myself. But the problem that I've had to understand, especially for me, someone who makes self-growth content and self-improvement content, you cannot make it into a performance. There are some individuals that will watch a video on self-growth and self-improvement and all these other things and healing, and they will literally make a list of all the necessary things that they need to do and instead of actually healing, you're actually just performing. So the person says, "You need to do this, you need to do that, and you need to do that." You will do all these things, but in your mind when you're doing these things, all you're thinking is, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to be so healed after. Oh my gosh, how long is this going to take? Oh my gosh, I can't wait for this thing to be over." You're even checking your phone. I want you to understand healing should not be a performance. When you are doing things to heal, you should be in the moment. And sometimes I'm weary of talking about healing because healing is very subjective. Well, one person can experience this healing can feel nothing to someone, and for someone can experience this healing can be amazing to someone else. So, it's a very subjective experience. Even what you do to heal can be subjective. Some people may say, "Go outside and let your feet touch the ground in a practice called grounding. Letting your feet touch the grass and really just feeling earth." For some people it can be you visiting your childhood library. So it's different for different people, but one thing I often try to say is think about how you feel during and after the experience. Like when you're in the experience, try to wholeheartedly be in it and not just think about when is it going to be over. But then I often recommend after the experience, just, and even if it's something small, in your notes in your phone, document that. How did that thing make you feel? Because that's what healing is. It's not actually doing the thing. So many people want to perform. "Oh, I went to the gym. Oh, I read the book. Oh, I went back to my childhood, you know, hangout spot." They just want to say they did it, but there actually wasn't any feeling change. They do not feel like they healed any different. There is no change in their emotions. And personally, that's what I think healing gives you. It gives you that feeling of like, "I want to do this thing again." It gives you this feeling of sometimes when you're down and out, you're just like, "If I can do this thing, I would feel better." And like I said, it's subjective and it requires you to try some things. And there are some things that you are going to try and some people may say they're healing, and for you, they're not. But don't convince yourself you can't heal because you can't perform. So many people think because they can't perform right, "I did the meditations and I did this." Now, first and foremost, certain things sometimes, especially like meditating, takes time. But also maybe that thing is not for you. Figure out what's for you. But also don't look at it as just checks on a list. "At the end of the day, I did three healing things today or this week. I did 20 healing things." It is not something that you should check off. It's a feeling that you should have. It's a feeling of, and like I said, it's subjective. So sometimes I don't want to tell people a feeling and they're like, "Well, I didn't feel that." But it's just for me personally, it's just this feeling of like, depending on what I'm doing, I can immerse myself with this thing and I'm not thinking about anything else, or I can have a stressful day and I can do this thing and I can feel better. And like I said, it's subjective. For me, healing was eating Wingstop after work on Monday. I didn't grow up being able to just say, "Hey, I want to eat out." I didn't even grow up financially being able to eat out. That wasn't something that we could do. And so being in my 20s, being able to say, "Hey, I just want to eat out." That's healing for me sometimes. And like that's why I said, it's different things for different people, but don't look at it as a performance. Don't, I didn't think, "Oh, I'm going to eat out because I want to heal." But after doing that, I'm like, "Wow, that felt great to just eat out, not have to check my bank account, not have to feel like guilt around it, like I shouldn't have done that." and to eat my food, use the bathroom after, and just feel like I'm happy I did that. So, don't look at it as a performance. Look at it as an experience.

Now, the next one is too many people get messed up thinking more information means more confidence. I've said it in so many videos, confidence only comes from doing. I don't care how many books you read, how many podcasts you listen to, how many, you know, videos you watch. Confidence only comes from doing. You can only become confident in something when you can say, "I've done that thing and I know how to do that thing." The problem that too many people have is you think it's something wrong with you because you overconsume a whole bunch of self-growth content, but then you actually never do that thing. And it's because you never do that thing. You're not confident when it comes to doing that thing. Confidence comes from action. So, do not convince yourself that you can just watch a whole bunch of videos and you can do all these things because that's going to reiterate there's something wrong with you because your brain is going to tell you, "Wait, girl, you know how many hours we spent watching videos? You know how many books we read and you still can't do that thing?" You can't because you have to become confident. And I don't mean to keep bringing up my situation, but even me, like, I'm learning. I can create these videos and I can, you know, do the research, but I still have to have a certain level of experience of doing these things to actually become better at some of these things to get over some of my childhood traumas, to deal with some of the things that I've been dealing with for only Lord knows how long that I didn't realize. But I always thought that confidence came from learning. That's how I was kind of taught. You want to become more confident in something, you just learn more about it. And now I'm learning. It actually comes from a level out, right, of experience and learning. And sometimes experience triumphs learning. Don't get me wrong, you should try to have a basic understanding of how to do something. Don't just go to the gym, pick up the biggest weight, and just throw it. But at the same time too, don't watch 30 gym videos on how to do an RDL. Girl, you actually need to go to the gym and do them squats and RDLs if you want that booty to grow. I'm just saying.

And the next one is stop obsessing over the symptoms instead of the behavior. A lot of people will say, "There's something wrong with me. You know, I just I come home from work and I waste so much time and you know, I just I just am always on my phone and I just I wish I didn't waste so much time." That's a symptom. Get off your phone. Have certain hours in which you're not on your phone. There's so many people that's like, "Oh my gosh, I eat so much food." You're overidentifying with the symptoms. Yes, you're going to have symptoms. If you're experiencing some kind of trauma, if you're experiencing some kind of deficit in your mind that "I can't do this and I can't do that," yes, you're going to have symptoms of things. But just because you have a symptom of something doesn't mean you can't change the behavior. When you overidentify with the symptoms, i.e., with the things that are going wrong with you, you are going to become the symptom. You are going to become the lazy. You are going to become the the overeater. You're going to become all these things until you tell yourself, "Wait, I have autonomy over my life. I can pick and choose what I want to do. If I no longer want to experience doing this thing, let me put things in place to change." But stop obsessing over the symptoms and convincing yourself there's something wrong with you because you keep having symptoms. Change the behavior. That's like someone being sick, right? Your doctor's telling you you're having heart problems and that's why you're experiencing, you know, shortness of breath and that's why you're experiencing heat sweats and that's why you're experiencing all these things. I eat all these symptoms. Imagine if that person was to go home, eat all the same stuff, do all the same things, not work out, but then be like, "I don't want to have these heat sweats. My heart hurts." Uh, what did you tell that person? Well, you need to change the behavior. If you change the behavior, you're not going to be experiencing the symptoms anymore. But when you fixate, when you obsess over the symptoms, the symptoms, the symptoms, you never actually change them. You know what the symptoms are. And if you don't, put them in your notes app and document them. What am I going through? What am I experiencing? Okay. Now, what are the behaviors necessary for me to change?

Now, I want to give you guys a case study because I want to give you guys an example of what happens when you overconsume, when you just try to give yourself more and more information, obsessing over things, convincing yourself that that obsession is what's actually going to make you change, when actually that obsession is probably why you're actually stuck. In the year 2000, researchers set up a jam tasting table at a grocery store. On one day, they offered 24 flavors of jam. A bunch of people stopped by, sampled different flavors, got excited, but only 3% actually bought something. Then on a different day, they offered just six flavors. Way fewer options, but suddenly 30% of people made a purchase. So more choices felt good, but fewer choices actually helped people commit. That's called the paradox of choice. When having too many options leads to anxiety, decision paralysis, and less satisfaction overall.

Now, I hope that study made sense to you. Essentially, when they were at this market or store, when they had these people try 24 flavors of jam, people were like, "I don't know what to do." Why? Because they had so many choices and they're like, "Well, I like that one, but I like that one, but I like that one." They didn't want to make the wrong choice. When you gave somebody six choices to make, it was like, "All right, well, I don't like that one. I like this one. It's between this and this. I'm going to choose this one." That is what happens in your brain when you give yourself too much to obsess over. That's what happens in your brain when you overconsume this really great, this really good content. It leads to decision paralysis. You literally get stuck not knowing what decision to make. This leads to mental fatigue. Your brain becomes tired. I want you to understand your brain is similar to a muscle. If you use it, use it, use it, use it, use it, eventually it's going to become tired and it's going to be harder to make quote unquote good decisions and just to make decisions at all. So, it's just going to make anything if not make no decisions. And so, going back to what I told you, you think it's something wrong with you. It's not something wrong with you. You need less. Stop convincing yourself you need more information. You need more confidence. You need more, more, more. You're already enough as you are now. You just need to start.

Now, for step three, we're going to talk about actually implementing these things because, as I keep saying, growth starts when you actually do, not just when you actually think. So, I'm going to give you a couple action steps that you can do that can hopefully help you get through this entire process. The first one is pick one thing that you want to change. This does not have to necessarily do with self-improvement. This does not have to do with identity. What is one thing in your life you want to change? I want you to understand when you become so used to these loops in your life, you don't understand how literally changing one thing can put you in a different direction in life. And don't look at it as being bad or good. Right now, you just need to see yourself in a different light. Right now, you need to see yourself as not having a deficit. Right now, you need to see yourself as being capable of change because you possibly think you aren't. And so, what is one thing that you want to change in life? Is it mean you want to wake up at a different time? Does this mean you want to try listening to different music? Does this mean you want to start taking, you know, the long way home? And it to some people you may say this is, "Well, how is that going to change my life?" Like I said, it's going to shift your mindset because it's going to get your mind to see, "Wait, we actually can change." Sometimes your mind is seeing change as starting to go to the gym every single day and eat healthy every single day. It feels like that's too much. So just allow your mind to say, "Well, there's something that we can change." and then we're changing that thing. So give yourself one thing that you are going to change. Do not attach an identity to it. And please do not attach a goal to it. Do not attach, "Oh, when I do this thing, I'm going to get..." No, no, no. I'm doing this thing because I want to do this thing, not because I'm going to get something from it, not because it's even going to change my life. Literally, I'm just doing this thing. Pick one thing, one action step.

The next one is, I need you to detach from a healing timeline. For a lot of people, this is going to be hard because I know you're going to tell yourself, "By 2026, I want to get a new car. By 2026, I want to get that new body." I get it. I get it. I do, too. But like I said, back to what my therapist said, I'm going through something that I might not even heal from for the next 10 years. Get rid of a healing timeline. That's honestly one of the things that's holding you back the most. You're convincing yourself you have to be healed financially, mentally, physically, and all these areas to change. No, you don't. You are going to heal one day. I'm not saying you're not. But stop giving yourself a timeline. Allow yourself to say, "It might take 10 years. It might take 15 years." And I know that seems like a long time, but don't you want to live that long? Because like I said, time is going to go on. And once you get to that point in life, what did you rather say? "In 15 years, I'm healed," than in saying, "In 15 years, I wish I would have healed," or in 15 years, still be going through the same thing you're going through now? There's so many people that don't understand. You can't even go to different heights. You can't even do different things because you're still dealing with the thing from 10 years ago that you could have started, but you didn't because you said it was going to take too long. The thing you could have started 5 years ago, but you didn't start because you're going to tell yourself it's going to take too long. Stop giving yourself a healing timeline. It doesn't matter how long it's going to take. Do it because you deserve it. Do it because you love yourself. And do it because you need to understand you're worthy just as much as you will be when you're healed as you are now. The only difference is you're deciding to do the action steps. But I want you to understand it's you. You're doing the action steps. It's nobody else. I don't care if I'm giving you advice. I don't care if somebody else gives you a whole game plan to do. You have to follow it. You have to do the action steps. So you deserve it today, if not more now than you do in the future, because the now you has to put in the work.

And the final one is self-trust and not productivity. Don't be so focused on being productive and "I have to be productive" and going back to what I said of "I have to do this, this, this, that." Get self-trust with yourself. I have to get self-trust with myself as well all the time. Tell yourself, "Hey, I'm waking up at 7:30. I'm out of bed by 7:35." And do that. That's what self-trust looks like. Self-trust doesn't even always have to be, like I said, the big things. Self-trust is, "I'm going to do this thing and at this time I'm going to do this thing and I'm gonna do it." It could be so easy. "I'm not going to use my phone when I eat." Get self-trust with yourself. Stop being so fixated on "I have to be productive. I have to be productive" because you need to trust yourself to be productive. That productivity sometimes doesn't even come because the self-trust isn't there. You don't even trust yourself not to go to the bathroom and use your phone. So, how do you think you're going to trust yourself to wake up every morning and go to the gym? You can't even trust yourself to not text that man back. Sorry. Sorry about that one. But some people, you don't trust yourself. Start with that. Start with just doing things and just to say, "Hey, I know when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it because I do it with the little things. When I see a wrapper on the floor, I pick it up." Like get these little things of self-trust so when the big things come, like I always say, you don't even have to question it because your body, your mind, your soul knows if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it.

So, with all this, I really just wanted you to get out of it that you're human. And because you are human, you're not going to be perfect. But because you are human, that means every single day you get an opportunity to experience life. And you should allow yourself to experience life to the fullest. But at the same time too, don't convince yourself that you can't have a certain experience because you're not a certain kind of person. And people like you don't do those kind of things. Um, all in all, I just want you to understand there's nothing wrong with you. You allow yourself to experience everything that this life has to offer. You should allow yourself to experience happiness just as much as you allow yourself to experience sadness. You should allow yourself to experience excitement just as much as you allow yourself to experience embarrassment. And I had to learn that like every feeling that you have is valid. And when you go into places and spaces that are new, and when you're doing things that are new, you're going to experience things that we classify to be bad emotions. But they're emotions. Like, I've mentioned this on previous videos before, every single emotion should be allowed to be felt if you're feeling it in that moment. But for so long, I thought it was something wrong with me because when I was doing new things or when I wanted to experience something different, I would feel embarrassed. I would sometimes feel ashamed. All these different feelings and I would convince myself that that was the confirmation that I shouldn't be doing those things. That was the confirmation that this thing is bad for me and I'm not the right person. I'm not fully healed yet. And when I'm healed, I'm not going to experience these things. But then I noticed I keep moving the goalpost because even when I do achieve a lot of the things that I said I wanted to do, even when I do go to a lot of places I said I wanted to go to, whether that's mentally, physically, financially, I still did not feel like I was enough. And I had to realize I am enough as who I am. I am enough right now, just as well as you are. But I just, I wanted to create this video because I felt like that's something I've been getting a lot lately. Whether it's under my videos or just talking to people like people really just being like, "How do you do it? And like, what point in your life did you get to to realize that this is what you, you know, you you wanted to do?" And I know I want to do this, but I just don't know when to start. And it's like, that's all you got to do is start. Like you can't keep telling yourself, "When this changes and when that changes." You can't keep putting yourself in a deficit. I recently created a video, well, a while ago, talking about giving like 10 plus tips on, you know, what to do after work so that you don't waste time because a lot of us waste time after work. And when I tell you there were so many comments of people being like, "Well, I, this is for people who don't have kids and, you know, I have kids so I can't do this and, you know, oh, you obviously don't have kids." Don't get me wrong, I do not have kids. So some of the things I said probably weren't, um, helpful for people who had kids, but it's like, if I can make a video of like 10 plus steps of what to do and you're telling me you, or tips I should say, of what to do, and you can't do any single one because you have kids. I want you to convince yourself or tell yourself you're putting yourself in a mental deficit. So many people do this in life. You convince yourself because you can't do things perfectly exactly the way somebody says you can't do it. My life looks nothing like the lives of individuals who I tried to emulate, who I tried to look to when it came to this content thing, when it came to this entrepreneur thing that I like. It doesn't look like it exactly, but take bits and pieces even from this video. There might be certain things that you heard and you're like, "Yeah, that really works for me." And there might be certain things you're like, "You know what, girl? That don't make no goddamn sense." And that's okay. That means that you are your own person. You have your own thoughts and you've had your own experiences. But I know I keep rambling. All in all, I hope you guys enjoyed the video. Don't forget to of course comment, like, subscribe. Um, I have something very exciting for you guys coming in September. It's somewhat of a challenge that I will be doing with you guys. So, definitely follow me to stay updated with that. I do have a podcast that you guys can listen to. I know I've been slacking, slacking, slacking. The podcast comes out on Tuesdays. It's just these videos in audio form if you prefer audio. Um, and I know I haven't made a video in like the past two weeks. I've had a lot going on. I'm moving. People in my life are getting married. It was just so much going on. But I had a great experience just not focusing on content. I'm going to be completely honest with you guys. I love what I do, but like I said, sometimes I'm so hyperfixated on being productive and accomplishing goals. And just for these past week or two, I was able to really experience life and not feel guilty about it. And I think that was an amazing experience and I think it will help me come back to content with new ideas and just feeling very refreshed. So I will be back consistently. Um, I know I did not do my lives that I usually do every other Wednesday. I was supposed to do one this past Wednesday. I didn't do it because I haven't posted a video in like two weeks. So I felt like people forgot about it, especially because it's fairly new and I've had so much going on. So the next one will be August 13th. That will be the next one at 7:30 Eastern Standard Time. Um, I will make a video link for that so you guys can be notified when that starts if you're not familiar with that. If you are going through anything specifically, you are going to be kept completely anonymous. I will make videos just helping you guys get through anything you're going through. They're not like this as far as me giving psychology case studies and all these other things. It's really just me giving my own opinion. Don't get me wrong, I do have information, but it's me just being honest with you guys, giving advice like that. It's not as, you know, research-based. It's really just me talking to y'all. And of course, if you're on the live, you can ask questions as well. And I think that's about it. Don't forget to go below and sign up for my newsletter because that's also where I'll be sending out the challenge. And just thank you guys so much for supporting me. Thank you guys so much for sticking on this journey with me. And I appreciate y'all so much. And we are back and we are loaded. Have a great one. And like I said, everything that I mentioned, all the links and everything will be in the show notes below. Thank you all.