Transcription
Welcome back to my channel. Tonight's caller is 25 years old. Convinced that life and dating are still wide open because the world is big. She believes she has time, options everywhere, and that marriage can be figured out later. But when Kevin starts asking the real questions, income preparation, marriage timelines, and what she actually brings to the table, the fantasy quickly starts to fall apart.
[music]
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"Is it over?"
"Um, I would not say so, just because I think there's too many people in the world for it to be over."
"You know what I mean?"
"What do you mean too many people in the world?"
"I mean, the opportunities to meet someone new, um, or someone who..."
"I live in Philly. Most people don't live in Philly."
"They don't. That's, that's very true. Um, slim pickings here, I'd say. But in comparison, you know, if I travel, if I really want to meet somebody."
"Last time out of country?"
"Um, 2013, I think."
"Where, where'd you go?"
"I went to Spain."
"I ran. So basically, 20. You're 2021 right now."
"And did you go to, did you work? Were you said you with your family when you went to Spain?"
"No, I went with this, um, basketball group. I was literally there for two weeks to run basketball camps. Was not on."
"So you get paid for it?"
"No, I didn't pay. I did pay for it, actually. Yeah, of course."
"How much, how much did it cost you?"
"But like, so I was 18 when I went. So the intention was never to go there to date or meet anybody. Travel, right?"
"It cost like two grand."
"You ain't been out to stay there for..."
"To stay there for two weeks. But again, it was, I mean, my mom."
"So, no. See, what I'm trying to show is how unrealistic what you just said. I don't think it's, I don't think it's over because how big the world is and you end up being out of the country on your own money."
"Right. But if I wanted to, I could. Right. I was too young back then. If I wanted to now, of course."
"No. Could you?"
"Yeah, I could."
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a leasing consultant."
"And in Philly, how much you making annually?"
"Enough to try if I want it, but I think..."
"I don't know what that mean. Why? See, y'all [snorts] can't get on here and and play [ __ ] with me. You can't put out there and say I could do it if I if I if I wanted to. When I ask about it, it'll get vague. Then it's going to be bad."
"I just don't want to put my financial situation out there."
"Well, then I'm going to call [ __ ] because then if you could, you would."
"Well, I don't feel the need to because you're a lease consulting in apartments out."
"Yeah."
"All right. You ain't rich."
"Definitely not rich."
"You're middle class. That's the point. See?"
"Yeah."
"This is why this is why things go bad because you there was no reason to come in here and make this situation anything other than a pleasant conversation. You start off with..."
"Unpleasant. Uh, well, when you start becoming evasive, when you say I..."
"No, no, I'll tell you what was unpleasant. Because this is, I don't, I don't think sometimes a lot of you black women realize how shitty you're being."
"You think being snarky and impolite is just normal, right?"
"So, I'll tell you what was wrong. When I sat back when I said when I said, 'Is it over?' He said, 'No, because of the opportunities of all the people around the world.' And then I went to test that."
"Have you ever been out of the country?"
"Yes."
"On your..."
"Well, I I think you were assuming that I was I exhausted all..."
"Paying attention to how you got there."
"Well, I haven't exhausted all my options."
"Are you, are you paying attention to how we got to your the snarky part yet?"
"No, I don't think I was being snarky. I think it would be different if, yeah, if I had exhausted all my options here."
"Hey, hey, [laughter] hey, hey, hey. That's not how this [ __ ] works."
"How does it work?"
"You're about to find out real quick."
"You don't get to change the subject and do that. If I was talking about something, we're going to stay on that subject. Oh, you are free to strike up here on Instagram and talk about whatever you want to. That's, that's rude."
"How old are you?"
"I apologize. How old are you?"
"I'm 20. I'm 25."
"And in Philly and I, in Philly got some of the worst women in the world."
"Am I one of them?"
"So, so far you, you're right on par. I'm proud of it, too. No, I just, I apologize."
"You ain't got to apologize. You going, that's you. This what you got to deal with, not me. This how you go into conversations with people you don't even know. Just making it pissing and [ __ ] all over the place just because that's cool. It was unnecessary."
"All right. So, let's talk about what you wanted to talk about then."
"Well, 25 year old, you, you got the floor. Go ahead. Cuz I was going down a path, but apparently I know what I'm talking about. So, you got it. Tell, tell us about..."
"This is, this is your platform. I'm just..."
"I've already tried, I've already tried it my way, but apparently you got something else to say. Go ahead."
"No, I think I want to talk about what you want to talk about. People don't want to watch this to hear what I want to talk about. They want to hear what you want to talk about. So, I'll definitely, I want to listen to that."
"When's the last time you had a relationship?"
"Um, like five months ago."
"How long did that last?"
"It was three years."
"And who ended it?"
"I ended it."
"Why?"
"I ended it because it was just becoming toxic. Um, I think when I started the relationship, I wasn't ready. Probably, I don't think either of us are really ready. So it just kind of spiraled. So before we hated each other, we just decided to just get out."
"What does toxic mean?"
"Toxic is a buzz. Toxic is a buzz word that women throw around like men throw around entrepreneur."
"Sure. Toxic in the in the sense that it was just the cycle of hurting each other that we couldn't seem to stop. It was not healthy for either of us."
"Okay. So, what do you want? You want to, do you want to be married one day?"
"Eventually. Yeah. But I think that relationship kind of just..."
"You want children?"
"Do I want children? Yeah."
"How many?"
"Yeah."
"Two. Max."
"So, so, so what do you mean eventually?"
"You're 25."
"You're 25, right?"
"Yeah."
"You're 25. So eventually..."
"Eventually."
"Eventually, there's a time, there's a, there's a clock that all you women biologically have to deal with. So you can't just say eventually. There needs to be a time frame."
"Yeah, I guess."
"So when, by what age would you like to be married by?"
"I guess I would ideally, I would want to be married by, married by 32, I'd say safely."
"Uhhuh."
"So be married before you have your first kid."
"Probably like two years. So I guess I would be married. I would..."
"Okay. So you'd be married at 32. Two years before you had your first kid. So you wouldn't start having kids until you're at geriatric pregnancy, 35?"
"No, no, no, no, no. You, so I, I mean, I should have said ideally I want to be married at 30, have kids at 32, but be married by 32 for sure."
"Uhu. So, another sister that thinks that you should start worrying about getting married at the wall."
"30 is too old for me."
"I just want to be ready for marriage. I mean, I just want to be ready. I don't want to just rush and get married just for the sake of..."
"Well, I would say, I would say this. Were your mother and father married?"
"They were. And my mom was a special. She actually had me when she was 37. So I mean, special case, it doesn't happen often."
"So your mother. So does your mother, how many children does your family have?"
"It's just me, which is why I feel like I need to have kids."
"I know that. Now explains a lot. This, see, only children, especially only children, are the women, some of the most difficult, problematic people on the planet."
"Yeah."
"Yeah. Spoiled, spoiled, selfish, delusional."
"Okay."
"Only child syndrome is real. So, um, huh. You..."
"What?"
"So, how, what kind of dog do you have?"
"I don't have. I'm a cat person."
"Oh, okay. You have. Where'd you go to college?"
"I went to Drexel."
"Do you have a graduate degree?"
"No, I don't have a graduate degree."
"Do you plan on going to grad school?"
"Um, it's not in the cards right now. I don't have plans to do it. I might."
"Where'd you get your undergrad?"
"I would just, um, I went for biology and athletic training."
"So, now comes the hard question."
"Why did you go to college and become an apartment leasing agent?"
"Why did I? Oh. Um, I think, you know, as you move along in life, you just realize that you don't have, you know, I'm married to whatever you went to college for. You can choose different career paths if you want."
"What did you plan on? What did you plan on doing with that?"
"I planned on doing, I mean, I planned on doing athletic training, of course, but then I just realized..."
"From home."
"Yeah. So, that's the thing. It's like the trajectory of that career path just wasn't, um, it's not for black women really. I can't really level up to the level that I wanted to."
"No, no, no, no, no. Nope. Nope."
"I mean, it's just like..."
"It's not for black women, right? Okay."
"I mean, because there are sub. One thing we don't do talking. When you went to school, you went to school for biology."
"Yeah."
"Right. And you planned on being an athletic trainer. What does that mean?"
"So, an athletic trainer is a medical professional for athletes at different levels."
"School in physiology."
"It's all kind of molded in the same degree. So, I went, it was a dual degree program. So, I..."
"So, you went. So, you went to become a. So, you went to become an athletic trainer at the collegiate level."
"So, once you get the degree, you have the option of doing it collegiately. Sure. Collegiate at the high school level."
"What did you plan on doing?"
"See, my goal was to do it collegiately."
"All right. So, well..."
"But it takes time. It takes time."
"No, as far as job experience."
"So, this is what I mean. You can't. This is going to be another one. Just..."
"Go ahead. I'm saying..."
"You can tell. Don't tell me what to do. I'll go when I get ready. Cuz I'm really trying to be polite to you, young lady, but I'm about to, uh, it's not going to turn out too well. I don't know if you did you talk to your father this way?"
"Um, unfort. I mean, no, but he passed away when I was young."
"Well, you don't talk to. I'm not your peer. Not your age."
"I'm trying to understand where your head is, right? Because you're at the school in biology and you're an apartment leasing agent talking about there's never too late to people all over the world and what are you doing with yourself? You want to get married at 30, have your first kid at 32, but you're..."
"From what?"
"You're saying that's unrealistic."
"Nothing you said is realistic. You. How much student loan debt do you have?"
"I don't have any debt."
"Good. [clears throat] But you have a useless degree in biology. It's useless. You have no high income skill. That's why you're leasing agent of departments because you have no high income skill. And if you don't get married, the amount of collegiate trainers is finite."
"Yes."
"How you plan on taking care of yourself until from here? How do you plan on taking care of yourself to the end of your days if your relationship problems persist?"
"Well, I I guess the point is to learn from those relationship problems or they don't, you know."
"Uh, and how are you doing that now?"
"By taking time to kind of just stay."
"Right. You're, you're on your, you're your own. So, you're, you're in charge of this process. The person who drove it in the ditch. See this? That's what I mean. Gentlemen, ladies, women in general, black women in particular, have been allowed to go to school with no plan. Just go out and do [ __ ]. Act like time doesn't matter. Again, everything I've asked you about is time frame, schedule, and structure. And the, and if you just listen, it makes no sense. And, and how do you, and when I asked you how much money you make, you didn't want to tell because you ain't making. I mean, the average apartment leasing agent makes less than $50,000 a year."
"So we can knock off the BS. You have no plan."
"So if you don't get married, you living on one income, how you going to get to how you going to get to retirement and living comfortably in retirement by yourself on one income with a biology degree?"
"I think I'll get married. [ __ ] [snorts] You think this is gonna get married? [laughter]"
"Why? What's Why don't you think I'm going to get married?"
"[ __ ] [clears throat]"
"Why do you think I'm going to get married?"
"Why?"
"Oh, wow. Some of these young ladies don't even know what they don't know. And, and you think it's funny, but I, I'm not a toy. So, I'm sitting there just, I'm like, I'll let you talk because I'll make money off of this."
"Absolutely."
"But I'm supposed to. You. On the other hand, this isn't funny."
"What is your plan for life? Seriously."
"I'm honestly still trying to figure it out. But I think the one thing that helps is that I know myself pretty well. So I'm kind of just using that to help me navigate where I am."
"Who you live with?"
"I live with, um, my roommate."
"You both live in, in my house?"
"In your house?"
"Yeah. Yeah."
"So by what? By what age do you think you should have? Because if you say you gonna be married by 30, you're 25, you're not seeing anyone seriously."
"Mhm."
"About what age do you think you should start panicking?"
"Never panic. First of all, I probably will start dating seriously again and looking to date seriously by around like 28. Two years. So..."
"We start off, we start off is we, this whole thing started off with men saying they don't want to give up, but they feel the average black woman is too far gone and you've done nothing to assuage those fears. You think two is enough to..."
"She wants to start. She wants to start worrying about. She's gonna start seriously dating at 28."
"Again."
"A woman who had a three-year relationship that you said ended because you. Again, again, as if you control the access to marriage. Men control access to marriage and relationship. See, that's what I mean. Black women have been allowed to just think, 'Well, whatever decide I want to do it, I'll get it.' What about you has, what about your relationship history has proven to you that you can be a wife?"
"I think the fact that I'm willing to learn from the relationships, honestly."
"That means somebody needs to marry you on your potential. I asked what about your relationship history has proved to you that you are ready to be a wife."
"Um, well, maybe I'm not a wife right now."
"Well, then how do you plan on seriously dating to become a wife at 28 if, if the only person in charge of this process is you? If you're the one that drove her into a ditch, see, that's what I mean. You just admit, let me give you a little secret here."
"You don't take relationships seriously. You think they just happen."
"It's true. Or you think men are supposed to do something and it's you the one that's unfit. You're unfit. Unfit for anything other than dating. Casual fun."
"At this point, I would agree with that. That's what I'm doing."
"And you're doing nothing to change it."
"Yeah. So, this is why I don't feel upset or bad when you're in the danger zone or in no man's land because just like a person who doesn't prepare to to to pass a class, if you don't prepare to be in a relationship, when you fail at them, this is what you get. So when you become one of the three out of four black women who don't marry in your lifetime, you'll look back on this conversation and said, 'I came on there joking, thinking it was funny and haha, and I blew an opportunity to find something because I take life as a joke because I'm 25 and I feel like I'm young and I got time.' And you don't."
"You don't. You're in the prime of. You're in the prime of your breeding. You're in the prime of your marital years. After 25, it goes downhill. But do you think it's possible for someone to learn how to be a better wife or partner when they're single?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Learn how to be a better wife."
"Partner. Yeah. I mean, do you think that someone should actually..."
"Who's teaching you how to be a wife?"
"I mean, as far I mean, yeah, but just like as far as..."
"Supposed to teach you how to be a wife?"
"I guess some women learn from their mothers and things like that. Or I mean..."
"I, no, no, no, no, no. I specifically said, 'Who's supposed to teach you how to be a wife?'"
"Who's supposed to teach me? I mean, I guess I don't see marriage. I mean, I don't know. I feel like when you're partners with someone, you learn from each other, like, and you work together."
"No. So, again, this. So, the answer is who's supposed to teach you? And you don't even know who's supposed to teach you. Who's supposed to teach me?"
"You're a mother, right?"
"Cuz she's supposed to be a wife, right?"
"But this is my point. So, if you would even step aside from outside yourself and just use your education and your intellect to realize how unprepared you are, you're approaching relationships like a kid."
"Yeah."
"Like it's just supposed to be on the job training. Excuse me, sir. I want you to hire me for the most important job you'll ever hire a woman for. The mother of your children, the person you co-mingle DNA with, and I need, and you're supposed to entrust me with the raising and nurturing of your legacy. And I want you to do that all on the basis that I am open to learn on the job training. Sorry, nobody hires anybody on potential. People hire people on competency."
"Well, how would they know?"
"They get taught."
"No, but how would they know that?"
"They get taught. How?"
"Because I've known. It's easy to see. You're not serious. You think relationships are games and jokes. You're not being. You're not learning. You haven't been prepped to learn. You think that modern women like yourself think that, hey, I'm just supposed to be in a relationship and then when I'm there, we'll just figure it out. No. You're supposed to be getting taught this stuff from the time you were a girl."
"That's why you're 25 and you don't even know who's supposed to have taught you. Women have failed you to the point to where a a reasonable conversation has become contentious because you think men are toys or be played with like it's a game. You have this whole dynamic is going to further go to prove my point, the disconnect between so many modern black women and men. You treat us like your adversary instead of being on our team as our ally, even one that's twice your age."
"Yeah."
"This is our culture and you're endemic of it. Now, go back to how we began this all. Do you think it's over? No. I think there are worldwide people. Uh, you don't, you don't make enough money to travel worldwide. You ain't been worldwide. So, that's just talk. It's just talk. You can't go worldwide just like men can't go worldwide. That means you have to date in Philly. Well, pickings are slim. There are more men that are husbands than women that are wives. I, I do want to say something about the whole, um, you know, using the black men, how we're, we treat them as an adversary. I will say as far as how I was raised, I didn't really, I wasn't raised to see a traditional marriage in the sense of seeing like my mother and my father. So my father was sick for the majority of my life. Mother took care of him. That's pretty much the whole capacity. I've actually seen the tail end of marriage and like what marriage can become. And that is, I feel like why I'm so hesitant to start relationships because you have to be prepared for the worst when you get married. You know, no one can really teach you how to be resilient as far as, you know, you have to kind of learn that and through your own experiences."
"What do you think you just told me?"
"Your wife, your mother took care of her husband as as she was supposed to because it's her duty. It's hard. That's my point. It's very hard for years. And so it's like marriage. It can come to that."
"So, yeah, but not everyone's ready for that."
"That's why that's why you need ladies are going to become cat ladies. Spencerville. No waiting. Because you don't want hard. It's hard. It's going to be hard. Like being a husband and taking care of wife isn't hard."
"Uhhuh. Yeah."
"But that's not why I don't want to date. It's just because like I'm, I had to be ready for that, you know?"
"Uhhuh. Yeah. Just talking."
"Sorry, my phone."
"Just, just talking. This generation, your generation of women are, you're like the boys of summer. You expect life to be easy. You saw your mother do her duty until your father passed. That's part of the vows. For better, for worse, for richer, for poor, sickness and hell, to death do you part."
"Yeah. And..."
"Yeah. But you only want. But so, so ma'am, I'm helping you out right now. You're not fit for a relationship. And that's fine. And you're not trying to become fit for a relationship. You're not trying to be anybody's wife. So what that means is after you have passed 35, because you're 25 right now and all you know is youth, but in five years you're going to go back to this conversation and realize that you know what, he was trying to tell me something to get my [ __ ] together, but I just thought I had more time."
"Yeah."
"And when you run out of time, you'll be like so many other women who are going to be complaining about the caliber and quality men. Ain't no men out here because you mismanaged your prime marrying years."
"Yeah."
"And, and why'd you do it? To get a useless biology degree? To go be a leasing agent in an apartment complex because you don't have a career? You went to college for nothing. So, as far as I'm concerned, it's a waste."
"I can go again. I have no debt. Well, if I wanted to."
"You say that again."
"I could go to college again if I wanted to. I have no debt."
"What did I say, gentlemen? When it gets hard, when it get tight, where one of the first places black women run back to school? [snorts]"
"Is that bad? Should I not do that?"
"Is school going to be your husband?"
"No, but I find my husband at school."
"And this is what we've allowed our young women to believe."
"Oh, no. I mean, so what?"
"I wouldn't go there looking for a husband. I would go there if I needed to."
"That's your problem. You should go everywhere looking for a husband. That's what your counterparts do. That's why they get married. Black women go to college to prove they don't need a man. Most women go to college to find a man, right?"
"Yeah. I definitely wouldn't go with me. I can meet a man for free. I don't spend thousands of dollars to meet my husband at college. Oh, Lord have mercy. Juxtapose her with that 24-year-old the other day on Friday. This is the perfect bookend. She thinks she's being funny. This is what they've been raised to be. Useless. Useless to any, useless to anyone but themselves. Ma'am, let's see how honest you can be. Okay."
"What use are you to a man at this point in your life?"
"At this point in my life, um, I don't know. I mean, I date, I have fun. I, we, I'm a good time. I'm funny. I have a good sense of humor. I am caring. Yeah. I'm very funny."
"Um, I have a good sense of humor. Attractive. I am."
"What would you rank yourself on a scale from 1 to 10? Just to face. You can't use seven."
"Okay. Um, without makeup, I'm probably a six."
"Okay."
"With makeup, I'm probably honestly an eight. I say that comfortably."
"How tall are you?"
"I'm 5'11 and a half."
"What size?"
"I'm four. So you're almost six feet tall, which is going to make it exceptionally difficult for you to find a spouse."
"Absolutely. Well, yeah. Yeah. That's, that's just how it is. Exceptionally difficult to find a spouse. So, and you, and, and I'm going back to what I said. What makes you of use to a man? And you said that I'm funny."
"Yeah. Goes a long way. I can cook. Guys like girls who can cook. Whatever. I can cook. What else? I can cook. I can clean. Um, I can be supportive too, as well. You know, like you said, I don't necessarily have a career of my own at this point. If I did meet a husband who has a better career than than me or..."
"And honestly, and this is what I mean, ma'am. So if you were to put a salary on what you bring to the table, those things, how much do you think it'll be worth as far as what a man makes? If you say what I bring to the table, all those things should equate a man making about X a year. What would that be?"
"I'd say 100 grand. [laughter]"
"GOD DAMN IT. YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS [ __ ] UP. You think being a Holy [ __ ]. This is our women are. Oh my god."
"What else you guys want?"
"You think, you think what you think what you just described puts you in the top 10% of all earners in this country? 10% of 10% of men make..."
"Grand. I think a lot more people make a hundred grand on average."
"Look at her face, guys."
"Yeah."
"She's really believes this 10%."
"Well, maybe I just know different people. I just know a lot of people that they just make..."
"Man. [ __ ] man. And this, and, and gentlemen, this is why it is so easy for women like her to devalue you because she thinks being funny. So she says, 'Can you [laughter] cook? Can clean. You think you, I mean, you think you're the [ __ ]. I mean, no offense. You think you're the [ __ ]. You come across like that. You talk like that. Your whole demeanor is like you like you're like you're like you're the stuff. And I've just let you do it. I've let you do it so you could so you could just, I have not said anything to just let you glow up. And you've only gotten brighter and brighter and brighter. You really think that? And you honestly think that that is a worth a man going out to make a $100,000 a year. That is why so many young black women are going to die alone. Remember what I told you about Dr. TS Johnson that women in their college class looking at men in their very same college class felt like what they were bringing to the table was worth $100,000 more. Ma'am, that ain't even worth $40,000. But I, I meet men who average. Sorry."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then again, what did I say before, guys? Because they can date them, deal with them, they think that means their new sexual marketplace value is up there. Unless you've had a man making over $100,000 a year drop to one knee and present a ring with significant heritage in public and ask you to be his wife, it doesn't matter."
"True. So people may not like my tone, may not like anything, but it's all rooted in the same facts, status, statistics, logic, and the knowledge of our people and our women. And this is it. This is what you really think $100,000. No, ma'am. Let me finish. This is what far too many women and you think that a $100,000 black man deserves. This is it. Well, to my credit, I mean, they knew that I didn't want a marriage, so she don't get it. [snorts] And the sad part is this is what your mothers and the women of our culture have allowed you young ladies to believe that you just can go be there. And really, what you're saying, I bring to the table, I just bring me. You don't know anything about men. You've proved that you don't even, none of the, none of the things you really said on your list are what men want. I'm funny. Men don't give a [ __ ] if you're funny."
"You don't think so? I thought I mean..."
"Oh my god. Why do you keep asking me like I don't know? Who the. This is ridiculous."
"You're 25 years old and questioning me like I don't know what I'm talking. I don't think so. No. What do men? What do men want from women?"
"Especially, especially kind of men you're talking about. The kind of men making $100,000 or more. Anything else. Yeah."
"More than anything else. Probably just for someone to not bother them, not to cause drama in their lives. You know, I'm not, um, coming to. I don't. I think men just want women who don't make their lives complicated, who can support them emotionally in ways they can't."
"So, so if that's the case, then why were you toxic?"
"Uh, we were toxic."
"No, you. We were toxic. That means you were too. So why were you toxic if you believe that?"
"Um, oh, you are that."
"Um, I think..."
"Didn't see the redirect."
"What?"
"What is that? I'm sorry."
"Go ahead. Why were you that?"
"Well, I mean, again, I wasn't ready to be a wife. I wasn't looking to be a wife. So..."
"So how often do, when you, when you get in an argument with somebody, you, you try to use humor as a, as a defense and a shield?"
"Never."
"Okay, good. You shouldn't. It's not a..."
"But I [clears throat] would tell you the thing that you said men just want women such and so forth. Would, would your relationship say that that's you non-drama, non-chaotic, just peaceful?"
"Because of that, how that relationship was? I know not to be that. Yeah. I've learned from it for sure."
"So the answer is that they would say you are or you are not."
"No, I'm not."
"Okay. Thank you. So even the things you say men want, you're not."
"No. No. Um, I'm saying no. I'm saying I am. I try not to be those horrible things that I was in my past relationship because I know that that's not what men want. I don't want that in a man. So I know that men don't want that in a wife. You know what I mean? That's my name. [clears throat] Sorry."
"Claire's mud. Claire's mud. So, you are those things or you're not those things."
"I have the potential to be those things, I think, because I'm more aware of the fact that I shouldn't be those things."
"You're still those. You're still those things."
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"You're still those things. You just know you're those things and you still do it. And it's still not what most, it's not what not what ranks them highest on a man's list of priorities. That's what I mean. You don't know men. You haven't been taught to know men. But the way you talk is though you're questioning me like you sure you're the one who. Well, [clears throat] I'll give, I'll give you this. I'll give you this. Men want cooperation and you're not a cooperative person. Cooperation."
"Cooperation. That's what, that's what men want. The more..."
"I can be though. I think it's..."
"Yeah, you can be, but that's not the point. You're not. And the higher up you go, the socioeconomic status, the higher up the power rankings go, the more cooperative a woman has to be. The more fit, feminine, submissive, cooperative, and that's not you. You got an opinion. You push. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, and I'm gonna finish and I'm not, it's not a judgment, ma'am. It's just what I read from you. Take if you think it's not you, fine. But I will honestly say this. What you bring to the table qualifies you for an average man. An average black man in this country makes $40,000. 40,500, not six figures. What you just talked about does not make you special. It makes you average."
"Okay?"
"So this is the. Ladies, gentlemen, ladies, understand this is the number one problem. What you ladies think you bring to the table, you massively overvalue it. You thought that was worth a h 100,000 plus."
"Only, only because, uh, of my own, I guess dating experience. But I also wanted to say I feel like women can be as cooperative as the man that they're with. You know, I'm much more likely to be cooperative to a man who treats me right and cares, you know, listens. Didn't have that before as much. So I think that's where the contention."
"So her be, so her doing what she's supposed to do is contingent upon you making her feel like she should do it."
"It's partnership. Yeah. I think it's a give and take."
"Thank you right there. You heard it. You heard it, guys. Partnership. Ma'am, you've been a fountain of information and a goal of mine. And this is why our relationships are so [ __ ] up. Marriage isn't a partnership. It's about duty and responsibility. See, whether you, whether your mother did what she was supposed to do even when it's hard because that was her duty. That's the oath she took. That's the vow she took. Your mother proved to show her worth."
"Before we wrap this up, this conversation really highlights a much bigger issue that a lot of people don't want to talk about. Too many modern women and men too are moving through life like time doesn't matter, like there's always another option, another relationship, another reset button. But the truth is, life isn't a game. You don't get unlimited retries, especially when it comes to relationships, marriage, and family. What this call showed is the danger of confusing attention with value. Dating options don't automatically translate into marriage options. Being liked, being attractive, or being fun doesn't mean you're prepared for commitment. Marriage requires discipline, cooperation, responsibility, and sacrifice, not just potential or good intentions. Another big takeaway is preparation. [music] You don't wake up one day at 30 and magically become ready to be a wife or a husband. Readiness is built over time through structure, accountability, and learning what the role actually demands. Waiting until the clock is ticking is not a plan. This isn't about attacking anyone. [music] It's about honesty. If you don't take your prime seriously, the consequences don't show up immediately, but they always show up eventually. And by then, reality doesn't care about excuses, feelings, or what should have happened. If this conversation made you uncomfortable, that's probably the point."
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