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foreign [Music] our work together and by the way even though in the old days people would say We've Ended our work that's it forever it's possible in the future you might have some problems you might want to consult with me again you know that's a possibility good to know but in the meantime let's assume that we're ending you're going to be working these things out on your own I do see the risk that you might begin to think if I were in therapy he'd help me he'd have a solution and you might begin to idealize my capacity to work on problems and you might begin to devalue your own ability to do that so I just really want to earmark that so watch out for yeah yeah yeah but I think I've yeah that's a good point about not devaluing my own ability and I think that's why maybe it has gone to the background because I I'm not scared of it enough not to I I realized that remember over a year ago you said it struck you as very strange how numb and detached I was when talking about it I agree with you on that but but there's still the issue that it's weird that I haven't addressed it fully but I realized that talking about it in a numb way isn't helpful yeah so maybe that is indeed when the time is right it will happen that I will get to access that feeling well you've my experience with you is you've done that to some degree here yes yeah a great degree but I'm thinking about when you were telling me about Martin first you were kind of taken with him you know thinking what a great guy and then you saw something you didn't like about him and you were just about ready to kick him out of the door and um then we talked about how understandable it is to want somebody that's just perfect and I think that's a human tendency especially when one is in a time of difficulty when has a person has some problems to wish for and imagine somebody would just have the right answer and I'm just predicting maybe wrongly that at some points in the future you might be struggling with some of the difficulties that life has we all have difficulties in our life and instead of thinking you know I'll just deal with this the best I can you might think oh if I were back in therapy he'd have the answer right he'd help me work this out and that way you'd fall back into wishing for something that maybe doesn't exist yeah like when I was when I was discussing the soulmate concept last time yeah yeah exactly exactly yeah I hope not but it's good to know that the window is open that if things do get that I could you know go back for a tune-up yeah no that's definitely possible but I'm having this discussion with you just to try to help alert you to some very lightly experiences when you might slip back into a I think everybody wants it sometime which is the perfect caretaker to somebody the somebody who could do everything for us it's a very understandable wish but it's a dangerous wish to actually believe in sometimes when I say something like that I feel like I'm telling the person to be pessimistic and not to have too many hopes in life I don't know if you're experiencing what I'm saying that way no the the thing that popped up my mind when you were saying that was daddy issues well and I may be more funny way what do you mean by daddy issues like the idea of someone to take care of you that's always a wish yeah the question is how we respond to it exactly yeah yeah it's almost like I find it funny that I feel I need that at some point probably everybody feels that right yeah calling it daddy issues I understand it kind of minimizes the importance of it a little bit so I wouldn't minimize the importance of it if that wish could be a daddy it could be somebody else if that wish for somebody perfect begins to emerge in you try to think about it not just give in to it yeah yeah this process doesn't end when we stop meeting especially yeah pretty clear and like I said there's a little version of you in my head so okay well I can uh hear that as a positive thing yes yeah we have a few more sessions we're left in this one now great yeah so we'll go back and see what we might have missed and continue to talk about these things that are important as we get ready to end our work [Music]