Transcription
[Music] [Music]
She emerged from within me like a goddess from water. She filled her lungs with new air with a sigh that meant everything: relief, rebirth, release. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became whole. She lives in me. She saved me. She is me. Come.
[Music] [Music]
Hello, gorgeous goddesses. I love reading all your comments. At the beginning, during the animation, today's our first module, and I want to set a powerful context for this. So, I have a question. First of all, who here feels like when they see the image of the goddess, the one that's dancing in the sand and letting herself cry freely, and all of her self-expression and dancing, and and just the goddess with the Earth elements and the fire, who feels like that is the majority of their identity in this group? Is there anyone here that feels like, "I operate mostly in that"? Okay, a couple. Cool.
So, if you look at that and you say, "I know that there's a part of me that has that inside of her. I'm seeing maybe more of her lately, or I used to have that part in me, but like, gosh, it's been a long time," or maybe even, "Never that I feel that free." And when I see it, it it wakes up something in me, or it stirs something within me, but for sure, less than half the time, that's who I am. Who's there? Okay. Okay.
So, why this is so important is to know that the, the vision of Fatalis is that this version of us is always accessible. So, it's not so much that you're expected after this program to dance naked in the sand at moonlight with fires blazing, but the idea that if ever you felt called to do that, you'd be able to call that identity up in a second. It wouldn't feel like something you have to dig very far to find. It would feel like a piece of you that is always there, whether you wanted to live this way 100% of the time, whether you chose to live that way 50% of the time, whether you chose to live that way 30% of the time, or whether this is just a part of you that you'd bring up a few times a year, but it would not be hard at all to access that part of you.
Everyone is so different. Every woman is so different, and we have different ratios of goddess, badass, and boss in our system, but we all have the goddess. And a lot of times, and I don't know if this has happened for you in your life, but a lot of times, women are taught in any kind of way that the goddess is the weakest of all the archetypes. If you're in goddess mode, you're very soft, and you're weak. Has anyone ever felt that way? That the stronger parts of you are the badass that gets things done, the boss that makes things happen, makes the money, does the thing, and the goddess is more of like the weaker part?
So, I always thought that. I thought the feminine was the weak part, although maybe beautiful, weak. And the stronger parts were the parts of, "I get myself going, I pick myself up, I do what I've got to do, and I get the results." And it wasn't until I flipped those things that my life actually completely changed. Because what I realized is that the goddess is the strongest part. In every struggle the badass ever goes through, it's the goddess that says, "You have the strength for this. You got this. It's okay." Even every boss move that you need to make, it's the goddess that says, "Hold your boundaries firm. Don't worry about what they say. You know who you are. Do what you've got to do. You've got this. We've got this."
It's the goddess that whispers in your ear every time you do anything that requires strength, courage, power, healing, forgiveness. That's most of the hard stuff. And it saddens me that not a lot of people know this, because we actually give away the, the most strong, beautiful part because of what the world told us it looked like. I am weaker when I'm trying not to cry than with tears streaming down my face. I have done more for the world with tears running down my cheeks than I ever did trying to hold back my tears. But what it looked like, maybe, was that I was stronger when I swallowed my feelings. That's not the truth.
And so, the frequency of the goddess is very connected to the frequency of the god zone. It's not about what it looks like. It's about what it is. It looks soft because she's dancing freely, barefoot in the sand. But most people wouldn't even allow themselves to do that out of fear of what they look like, and what people thought, and what it might cost them if people didn't respect them as much, and what it would mean financially. And so, really, they don't let themselves be who they are because of other people's opinions. And the goddess is the soft one. Sounds to me like the goddess is the brave one.
So, when I started seeing this goddess part of me, and for the longest time, I've got to be honest, it was even hard for me to call this part the goddess. I thought, "Oh my gosh, I'm a goddess now? How did this happen?" Like, the drama, the goddess, like, it's so dramatic. But for me, what the goddess really is, is divinity inside of me. Like, God makes the goddess. It's, it's the feminine energetics of the god zone. And so, when you're in the, if, when you are the goddess, you're basically in the goddess zone. This is, this is the, the breaking point is that you realize you are so close to your freedom in every which way when you're empowered in your goddess energy, because no one rules you. You're not manipulatable through emotions. People can't just make you feel a certain way and make you not go for what you want. They can't, they can't corner you into fearing them. They can't corner you into doubting yourself because of their validation or invalidation of you. They can't use an old wound, like a mother wound or a sister wound, and suddenly make you uncomfortable in your own skin or in your environment. They can't use power over you. They can't use force over you, because you are in the goddess zone. There's, you're not accessible through any kind of mind game, because your power lies far deeper within.
And so, it took a little minute for me to get comfortable with the goddess. But when I saw it this way, like, the goddess is the divinity within you that makes you whole, that makes you what you, what you are, who you are. It's the unapologetic truth that it took thousands and thousands and thousands of ancestors for you to be who you are, that it took series of miracles after miracle after miracle for you to be here, and that there was no accent in that. And when you hold that power to see this beautiful life in its strength and its fragility, and the fact that we get such a finite amount of years on this planet, there's so many people to love, and there's so many people to lose, and there's so much to celebrate, and there's so much to cry over, and there's so much to be passionate about, and there's so much to be fiery about, and our whole life is about being all that. When you actually take that on and feel that in your life, you're a different kind of human. It's like your fire is at the forefront of your existence.
A lot of people live their life with the fire on the back burner. They show a very mild, very kind, very nice, not even, not even kind, just very nice, very mild, very helpful person with a fire on the back burner. And then if something comes in where they've got to fight for themselves or what they believe in, they bring the fire out. And people are like, "How very dare you be bold, have an opinion, be upset? Where's this fire from? I've never known this fire. I thought you kept that thing on the back burner. Put it back. It makes me uncomfortable."
So, what we want with the goddess is to start really activating that. The fire is the forefront of our body, but it's a contained fire. We're in charge of it. It's not something we hide and we pretend doesn't exist, and then we lose control and then it burns everything down. We actually learn to live with the goddess. Now, what blows my mind about life in general is that this is not the most important skill taught to women: how to actually be an emotional being that creates with passion and desire, that is so emotional, and is so connected to pain and pleasure, and is so connected to herself and to love, and how to navigate and create a full life without shoving that down. Like, how is that not the top main skill of life? I don't know. But I think we would have very different women on this planet if it was.
And the thing is, you change the women, you change the men. We would also have very different men on this planet. We would have a very different planet as a whole. Every being would be changed if women went to a different kind of school growing up, if it was more about who you are and developing your inner power, and your ability to communicate, your ability to be in relationships, and your ability to trust, and to forgive, and to get up one more time, and to find the courage to be yourself, and to find your uniqueness and your individuality. If that is what we were taught before math and science, and we still got around to math and science, but this is what we were taught first, if this was the most important thing, I think we all would have gone a lot further.
But girls fight on the playground, in the classroom, all the way to with their neighbors, and then online with absolute strangers, and it never ends. And all the while, most grown-ups feel like they've lost themselves a little bit. When you actually speak to a person, really speak to a person, and it's rare because people don't really talk to each other, but when you really speak to a person and you say, "Are you happy?" A lot of times, the look on their face changes because they haven't asked themselves that question in a really long time. They'll say things like, "Yeah, of course. Things are going well at work. Things are going well at this. Things are going well at this." But it's like, "I'm not asking you if you're successful. I'm asking you if you're happy. What makes you happy? What makes you sing to be alive?" You know? And it's like, "Gosh, I, I lost that part of me a long time ago. I don't even know what makes me happy. I know what makes me feel proud. I know what makes me feel successful."
So, people who enter the personal development world are usually 300 steps ahead of most people on Earth because they're actually thinking about their joy and they're thinking about their happiness. But still, people will still use their development as a badge of honor and start showing people that they're more happy than everybody else. "I'm more happy than everybody else." Now, people are like, "Am I happy enough? Am I as happy as this girl? This person? Am I as happy as this person's popular for being happy? I'm not popular for being happy. Maybe I'm not happy. Maybe if I were really happy, I'd be popular for being happy."
So, a big piece of this program is also for you to find yourself again. There is a version of you that's very free, freer than you've probably let yourself be in a really long time, that accesses the kind of joy that is just lifegiving. Like, what are some of the things you used to do when you were a little kid that brought you so much joy? I can tell you one of my happiest childhood memories in my life is taking my brother and sister to fish for tadpoles. We, there was a little stream, a little lake near where we lived, and we'd go there with our buckets and spades, and we'd just go in the marsh and just get tadpoles, or we would make fishing rods with twigs and my granddad's old lures, and we would just stand there trying to catch little minnows and fail all afternoon in the little stream. And it was the time of our lives.
Like, I remember a summer in England where I just remember sitting in the grass, being with my mom and my aunt and my grandma, and the kids. It was all the kids. And I was eating peas right out of the pod, and they tasted sweet, and the grass was kind of like cool and cold, and the air was crisp, and it smelt like the seaside, and I just felt so happy. Like, real happy. What are some of the things? Like riding bikes, playing with your Barbie, reading a book? What, when you think back at your youth, you'll think about things? Catching caterpillars, maybe, you know, raking leaves and jumping in them? If you used to go skiing, if you used to have sitting with your dad, you know, having, let me just see here, um, Grandma's house on the farm, the ouse, the wash house, swimming in the creek, it was so cold. Um, sitting with dad's cattle for hours in the stillness and the magnitude of them.
I have a hard time when people refer to fun in childhood. I never say anything, but I never had that freedom. I did not ride bikes, etc. But it's not even about, like, did you ride bikes? It's also about, did you dream about something? Did you have an imaginary friend or a best friend or a teacher that made you feel special? Was there a storybook that you loved? Did you have a song that you used to sing at the top of your lungs? Did you used to, um, draw with chalk on the sidewalk? Did you used to know what a song by heart? Did you used to learn the routines to a song by heart? Did you read a book to yourself? Was there a person that you loved so, so softly?
Like, I can tell you, I have coached people that have had some of the most traumatic backgrounds, people who were in and out of the adoption system, like people who have had extremely tumultuous childhoods. But this question always sparks something. One of my clients, it took her such a long time to come up with it, and she had had a really difficult childhood. But what she remembered, makes emotional, what she remembered that made her happy was every time that she would be driven out of foster care to potentially meet a new family, they always took a very similar route out. And she used to see there was this, um, the way the highway was made, there were these pillars on the side of the highway with yellow lines, and she used to count the yellow lines. And every time they'd go in the car, she'd, she'd think to herself, "This might be the last time I ever count the yellow lines." And she remembered feeling that joy, counting the yellow lines. Like, there are things that are so simple, but that bring joy.
And when you think back in hindsight, it's like, gosh, that was so simple. Catching fireflies, making potions with berries. I remember making perfume with my grandmother's roses. It smelled terrible, but I was so happy. Sledding with siblings, swimming, swinging in the trees, talking, giggling with friends. For me, it's not specific memories of doing things, but just a quality of energy of enjoying life and interacting with its fullness. Art, baking cookies. Yes.
What if you don't even remember what made you happy? That's possible. Is there something later on in your life that made you happy? And the other thing I would ask is, has it been, has it been something that you have taken on as an identity, maybe, that things don't make you happy, or that you've never been happy? Because if it's an identity that you've taken on, it means you may have disallowed happiness just to keep an alignment with that identity. Cracking hickory nuts with my dad on a Sunday. Being at the beach.
So, we are seeing some really simple things here. But like, when's the last time you did some of the things on this list? When's the last time you made a fort in the middle of the living room, or actually just went and chased fireflies, or went skinny dipping in the lake, or went and caught tadpoles, or did something that was actually about you and your joy? Sometimes it's amazing when you have children, you're able to live a lot of these memories again, because you're doing it for your kids. And a lot of people will live those things watching their children do it and remembering how they, they used to feel. But have you ever done it again and allowed yourself to feel?
And I, I, what's so powerful with this when you contemplate it is that a lot of our life is set up to succeed rather than to live. And why I think this is such an important piece of the puzzle for me is like, I always wish for my, my clients, the women that work with me, that all you ever do in your life is work and live. Work with all of your heart, love what you do, and earn money and love it. And every other second outside of that, I hope you are just living. That everything you do feels enjoyable. And that's really, I think, the biggest goal in in life is that you have a job or a career or a company that creates and produces and supplies income to pay for all the dreams that you may have. But all the minutes that you're not working, you're living. You're doing all the things that actually make you happy.
When you first began to be an entrepreneur, I know a lot of you here have decided to be entrepreneurs. The reason we chose to do this mostly was because we imagined we'd have the kind of life we wanted. It was far less about the money we thought we'd make. Probably never even made those calculations. As a matter of fact, if we could have just replaced what we were making, so if you're making $60,000 a year, if you could replace that $60,000 a year but work from home, then you could have breakfast in bed, and then you could have lunch on a terrace, and then you could finish it too, and then you could go and play, and then you could go and dot dot dot. Who here doesn't leave their house much? Who here actually feels like since they've been an entrepreneur, they actually live a little bit less somehow?
So, what I found is that when we have something to fight against, we imagine all that we could be. And then when we're given it, we forget everything we we're fighting for. And this happens in all kinds of different scenarios. Now, of course, you get to love your home, and you get to be happy and satisfied being in your house, but you might be shocked to find that everything you thought that you would want to do is not something you're necessarily still fighting for. Now, days go by very quickly, and you may not have as many memories as you thought you would end up making. You know, you might have chosen a beautiful place to live that you thought, "I need to live here. The, the village is so beautiful, and the people look so nice." And you literally never leave your house, where you imagined yourself taking a stroll near the little creek, and having a little coffee shop over there, sitting at the coffee shop over there, and going to dinner, and doing this and that. And it's like, time just goes and goes and goes and goes and goes.
So, why Fatalis is such an important context is because it gives you an opportunity to look at your life without lack, without anything wrong, without saying like, "Oh my gosh, I've been living my life wrong." But instead saying, "Do I even let the child in me live the life I promised her she'd have?" Because everyone promised us when we were a grown-up, "You'll be able to do whatever you want. Remember that. When you're grown up, you'll be able to do whatever you want. But for right now, these are the rules. But when you're a grown-up, you're able to do whatever you want." Well, I don't know how much we are actually letting ourselves do that. Like, are we? What would the younger version of us say about us now? Would you say, "Thank you for let for giving me the life I always wished for"? Or would you say, "You boring old fart, you swore you wouldn't become this. What are you doing? Where's the magic? Where's the laughter? Where's the fun? When's the last time we played this? And when's the last time we played that? And who's your best friend? And is she even nice to you? And who's your crush? You don't have a crush, but you have a husband. Should at least have a crush on your husband." No, not even. What have I done? Where am I going?
Then, Fatalis is about you loving your life. It's really about, "What is this all about?" It definitely is not about about how much money we make. It's not. But when we have money, then we can choose what kind of lifestyle we want. So, for me, the money doesn't represent money. It represents choice. Like me being able to do things for my family, me being able to help people I love, me being able to supply, you know, people that I love with opportunities, me being able to travel, me being able to bring people and travel with people, may being able to to have beautiful things and see beautiful things and live to the fullest and go where I want to go in the way that I want to go. And like, honestly, it's just to be able to say yes to what I want without money being the boss. Like, I just want it that money is not the boss. I don't want anybody to be the boss of me. Like, I want to be the boss of my life. And so, for that, if there's enough money that I get to say yes without asking money for permission, then I've won the money game. And if I get to say yes without asking time for permission, that I've won the time game. And if I get to say yes without asking my husband or my partner for permission, then I've won the relationship game. And really, I just want to be playing games that make me happy and win. I want to play. I want to live. I want to see. And if what I'm doing is making me happy, then I just want to be content and grateful for as long as that lasts. Because we don't feel content and grateful forever. Even with something feels good, there comes a time where we're like, "Okay, what next?" Next. And that's normal, because none of us were supposed to just come here and do the same thing for 100 years. So, even when you do find something you love, there's a moment where you're like, "I wonder what else there is. I want more."
Little Mermaid comes out and says, "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think I have everything I've ever wished for?" Yes, but I want more. I want legs. I want, I want to go out into the world. I want to be where the people are. I want to, I want to go out and I want to live something new without feeling bad about who I am and what I have. More so, just an expansion, an evolution, and a growth.
So, my biggest question for you as we kick off this program is, do you like the idea of opening up the goddess part of you? Do you like the idea of feeling more, of loving more, of of living more, of feeling more connected to yourself, to your friends, to your partner, to your life, to your joy, to your bliss, to your passions? Like, do you like the sound of that? Or, and, and please don't answer this without without thinking, when what I'm going to say next, or does it feel like, "I don't, I don't even know." You either love the idea, or it's hard to even be lit up by the idea. And it's okay wherever you are in this program. But what I would really ask, ask for you at the beginning of this is, if you can start to see what is available for you, and what life would be available for you if you just loved your life. And if you loved your life, and you loved your job, and you loved your financial situation, you loved your partner or not partner yet, if you loved everything that was in your life, and you dealt with the tough stuff, that would be a really full life. And sometimes we just don't let ourselves love because we're afraid we'll lose what we love.
So, I have found that a lot of the times, it's not even that we don't love the idea. It's that, "What if I love? And then what if I, what if I do what you say, Melanie, and I make best friends the way you're saying, and I fall in love with my friends, and I do what I do, and then they hurt my feelings? What if I actually let myself love my husband? What if right now things are on the rocks? Or what if I haven't felt that kind of love in a long time, but I just let myself discover in this program if that's available for us still? And then I find out that he's not open to it, or that we're not there. Like, and then it hurts me. You know, what if I want to believe that I could love my life, and then, but then what if life gets in the way, and then I've I've set myself up for all this desire, and I don't make it happen, and then I'm disappointed? Like, isn't it easier to just be okay with the life I have and not worry?"
So, my answer for you in this is, I would much rather for you to get a few out-of-this-world years, and then go back to your boring normal self if you want, than to control the possibility of having something exquisite happen just for it to go back to normal. You will never regret the life, the the years that you live. You will never regret the, the years that you loved. You will never regret the years that you danced. You will never regret the years that you lived fully without fear of the future. Like, you will not regret those years. The only thing that might happen is you might lose stamina and go back to comfortable, but you'll never regret these years. Ever.
So, during this program, I'm going to be bringing you into a journey. I'm actually going to take you into some visualizations. We're going to reconnect to this goddess. Like, there's some work for us to do. But before that, we've got to set solid ground. And there's a reconnection to the divinity inside of us that has to happen before we can go there. And so, this God Zone, this goddess zone, what it really is, is that we forget that we really are a miracle. And I bring this, this back as often as I can to the people in my life, because because the fact is, Shilam actually shared a video, and I shared it back on my Instagram, if you can find it in the group. It's like, for every person who is alive, it took two parents, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, 16 great-great-grandparents, 32 great-great-great-grandparents, 64 great-great-great-great-grandparents, 128 great-great-grandparents, 254 great-great-grandparents, 556 great-great-grandparents, 1080 great-grandparents, 2,000 something. It's over 4,000 people in the last, you know, 400 years, in order for you to even exist. And it's true. I do talk about this in the identity program. So, if you can just be grateful for what everyone's choices, what people needed to do, the miracles that needed to occur in order for you to be here, you could trust the divinity inside of you, because it could have been anyone else instead of you. One choice, one choice, one choice from one of the 4,000 ancestors that you have in the last 400 years, and you don't make it. Just one choice, one night, one moment, one yes, one just one choice. That's the power of how fragile this all is, but also how powerful this all is.
So, our journey with Fatalis and on honoring of the divinity inside of us, it's saying, "I am lucky to be here." Regardless of how many things have happened in my life that may have been hard or may have been dark, there's no way that I was born for just that. There's so much more coming for me: more love, more pleasure, more purpose, more beauty, if I learn to tap into it. And that's what we're going to do in this program. Not only are we going to stretch your love for your life, your love for other people, your love for yourself, we're also going to solidify your emotional strength so that you can handle more pain, more sadness, and more fear. We're going to help you transmute some of those feelings into power instead of fear, courage instead of fear, love instead of hate, forgiveness instead of anguish. We're going to help you transmute those feelings and empower you to be able to take action, whereas before you may have just shut down.
Nicole is going to do some incredible lineage work with us, like with the, the whole group. Really, what I love the most about this program is the thought that this is not just about how far our life gets to change, but it also changes generations after us. And in the forgiving, changes the way the stories are told about our ancestors before us. This is one thing that I have had a deep calling about in the last few years is, I would like to make the kind of change on this planet that helps us talk about ancestors again. It's been a long time. Most of the time, we speak about mothers and grandmothers, we we talk about struggle, we talk about inadequacy, we talk about trauma. I would love for this lineage work to create that we speak of our ancestors, and not just of the people who didn't quite give us what we needed. There is a huge shift coming, and the people, the kids, the children that are coming next in this world, they're going to speak differently than we did because of the work that we do. You will be an ancestor of a great movement, a leader of change, and all you'll have needed to do is model love and grace, an ability to handle your feelings.
And if you worry if that's enough for those of you in the group that had a parent or a mother who could not handle her emotions, who took them out on you, or made you responsible for those emotions, who withheld love from you to punish you when she didn't know how to parent you, who made you feel like you were in charge of her feelings, who made you feel worried that you couldn't say how you felt because if you told her how you felt, she would have immediately made it about her parenting, if you had a mom who had immediately a story about how her mom did her way worse than what she was doing to you, and that you have no idea what pain looks like, you would have needed to have a mom like that in order to know who bypassed your feelings, who wasn't able to sit with you during hard times, who really made you feel like you were alone, and that your job was to make her proud in the way that you presented yourself, in a way that you had to show the world that you were strong, and that there was nothing wrong with your family, that you had to pretend everything was okay. A mom that made you lie about certain things to certain people so that people didn't feel certain ways either. As simple as, "Tell them I'm not home. Tell them that I'm not there. To tell the person on the phone that I'm not here. Don't answer the door. Tell them I'm not home. Tell the person at the party that I'm not going." Because if it was just simple little things like that, all the way to, "Don't tell your father, I don't think he could handle it. Let's never talk about this again." This would have, this could have changed your life to just have had a mom who could have handled any of that differently.
And the thing is, her mom was probably exactly the same, if not worse and tougher, because we were not taught to handle our feelings, and we were not taught to go after our dreams. We were taught to protect the peace. We were taught to be tough. And we were taught to be tough by people who are taught to be tough. So, there's going to be a lot of forgiveness in this program. And sometimes we think, "Just our life on the planet isn't enough. Like, we couldn't just be better humans and that would change the world. It's not enough. Got to do something huge." When in fact, if your mom could have just handled her feelings, she might have changed your life, and you may have gone and changed the world a little bit sooner because you'd have believed that you could.
So, what's this going to do for the next generation? It's going to set so many generations free. Because to have a mom who can handle her feelings means that children don't have to worry about their moms. They can actually form fully. And from generation to generation to generation, we will create stronger women, and it will be extraordinary. And this is not just passed down from mother to daughter. It's also passed down from mother to son. Boys who feel afraid of women in power because they're afraid they're going to be yelled at, they're afraid they're going to be bossed up. So, they they choose women that are not going to help them become the greatest versions of themselves. And then they lose themselves. They lose their power. And they become soft in the process, instead of becoming the version of themselves they were always supposed to be. They go the easy way and they hide, or worse, they retaliate, they fight back, and they find their aggression in the world. And we've got boys that are not everything they could be because of moms they weren't everything they could be, or moms who are too afraid to leave and kept the wrong husband around, and then protect their daughters from hard things, and protect their sons from hard things because they didn't have the power to leave. Like, we get to change that. And that is the gateway to a lot more simple life.
Now, some of you are listening to this and you're like, "I didn't have that. My mom was great. My mom really listened to me. My mom really paid attention to me. My mom was there. My mom was this." Like, "I don't have any of that." That's fantastic. We'll find out what your thing is at some point in the program, because we've all got a thing. And eventually, the beautiful thing in all this is that there will be a sisterhood that will form, because it doesn't matter what we've been through. What matters is that we're still standing. We've been through series of joy and pain, and it's shaped us into who we've become. But it's also created a cap on how much joy we think we can have, how much pleasure we believe we deserve, how much greatness we believe we deserve, or what we think we're capable of. And we're going to blow the roof off of that in this program.
This is your individual journey. Even though there's a group going through this, it's your individual journey. You can't mess it up, and you can't be better than anybody else at it, because it's only you for you. It's your personal experience. But for the first part of this program, and the opening, like, opening the gates of this, I want you to do something for your first homework. And think about something that you may not have thought about for a long time. But I want you to imagine, "If I could go back to the most vibrant you," so that could be you when you were four or five years old, but that could be you when you were 11 or 12 years old, that could have been you when you were 17, it could have been you when you were one, like, whenever your most vibrant self. If I could go back to you and your most vibrant self and say, "Who do you, how do you want to be when you grow up?" Like, who do you want to be when you grow up? Do you think you'd be close to that and how you live your life right now? Or would you, do you think that you would be far from that? And if you were to ask yourself, "What would bring me closer to what I would have hoped that I might be?" And if your most vibrant self is now, that is fantastic.
But if I were to ask your most vibrant part of your time of yourself, even if that part of you is now, and I were to just ask you, not what do you not want anymore, not what you wish you don't have anymore, not what you wish was different because it's bad, like, what would you wish your life was like regardless of what limitations you believe are there now, if you were free to answer whatever you wanted, what would that answer be like? What I know for sure in my life, if I were to ask the most, the freest, you know, like, I think about the five-year-old version of me that like, my dad's my best friend, my mom's my best friend. Let's say the six-year-old version of me. I have a newborn sister. I believe was carved out of the sky for me. I have my little brother who I would live for. And our family unit at that age just felt like, I just loved us. I just felt like, I, I felt it in my place. I just, I knew exactly what. And if you would have asked me what I wanted my life to be like, I know I would have said, "I want to laugh. I want to play games. I want to have friends, best friends. I want to have, I want to make memories. I want to travel. I want to see things. I want to go skiing. I want to have time in the snow. I want to go to the beach. I want to, I want to spend more time by the water. I want to go and spend time on the boat. I want to go fishing. I want to go, like, I want to go on the snowmobile at my grandad's house, and I want to stay just a little longer and smell that gas smell I'm not supposed to be smelling, but I freaking love that stuff. I want, I want to go skating. I want to see the ice outside. I want to see the stars. I want to see the fireflies." Like, it would have been a lot of like outdoors stuff, a lot of laughing, playing, friendship, um, just all, all the like freedom, joy, playfulness, games, like that. That would have been me.
But if, if you would have asked one of my cousins, I already know what she would have said is, "I want to curl up under a tree in the shade, and I want to read a book, and I want everybody to leave me alone and stop asking me to come play. I want to be allowed to just sit here and nobody bothers me. I want to be able to listen to my music with my headphones and my ears, and I just want to be with myself. I want to be allowed to wear whatever clothes I want to wear, even if they don't match. I want to be allowed to never eat meat again, and no one makes me. Just fruit, vegetables, fruit roll-ups, and chocolate, thank you very much. All the same." I want, you know, like, other my cousin would have wanted totally different things.
And I want you to look at your life the way it is now and see, like, how much of that do you let yourself have? Do you have the friendships? Do you feel safe to be fully yourself? Do you feel loved as you are, who you are? Are you, do you have a crush on your husband? You have a crush on your partner? Do you feel excited by life? Do you, are you excited about stuff? And you're, then there's two things that are going to come up from this. The first thing that's going to come up is you're going to feel good about all the things you realize, "Oh my gosh, so much of who I was, I have. I built this. Why haven't I been noticing that? I love the freedom I have. I love the, the laughter. I have a crush on my husband. I love, I love my bedroom." That would have been something when I was, "I want my own room." What do you want? "I want my own room, and I want to love it." I love my room. I love it. You know, what are the things that you really want?
But then it might also show you that there are things you stopped valuing that are actually really important to you. Like, "I want to be able to say yes to things even if nobody else wants to do it." And now, as a grown-up, you say, "Well, if everybody else doesn't want to do it, I don't have to do it." But as a kid, you would have said, "When I'm a grown-up, I want to do the things even when nobody else wants to do them. I want to do them. I want to do even crazy things. Like, I want to bring the mattress into the living room and sleep on the floor in the living room, even if it makes no sense to do that as an adult. I want to do that." Laura Lee says, "I want a library inside my house." Like, you may have watched cartoons like Beauty and the Beast and been like, "I want a library like that in my house." I remember from The Little Mermaid, I wanted a collection of forks, which I have. I have more forks than anyone would ever need in the history of forks. I have every kind of cutlery you could ever imagine. I've got gadgets and gizmos of plenty, and who's it and what's its galore, and 20 of poops.
But this is what we really want in our lives. Is like, "Do I let myself have the things? Or have I started now saying, 'Well, it doesn't matter. I date people I'm not head over heels in love with, but what are the chances I'll ever find what I really wanted? I have acquaintances. I don't need friends. They've hurt me enough. I don't really need that.' I go on vacation. I don't know how, how much I feel free, and how much I actually realize how happy I am when I'm there. But I go. Sometimes I sleep in in the morning, but I don't, I don't know if I actually am grateful or I realize that I've been calling that in ever since second grade, realizing that summer break was so much better when the alarm didn't go off. Like, I manifested the freedom in the morning. Like, do I actually realize I've built what I wanted? And do I actually realize I stopped caring about things I really care about?"
And these two things are a very big part of reconnecting to that goddess. Because some of us do have very similar wants and desires, and others of us have totally different desires, and we're here differently for different purposes to enjoy different things. What I love about the Fem Fatal programs is also here to help you find your individuality. With social media, I think it's even harder. Like, you see what everybody's doing, and it feels like, "Should I want that? Should I have that? Should my house look like that? Should my style look like that? Should my hair look like that? Should I do my makeup like that? My lashes like that? And should I wear that kind of jacket? And edit my picture this way? And should my house look more like that? And should my husband look more like that? And should my kids act more like that?" Instead of the individuality of like, becoming exactly who you wanted to be before you even had an an example. We spend so much of our life now looking at examples to make sure we don't mess it up. But when we were little, most of the things we wanted had nothing to do with an example. It had mostly to do with, we figured everyone was doing everything else crazy. Like, "That's not what I'm going to do when I'm a grown-up. I won't be doing it like that. We will not be doing that." There's no.
way we'll be doing that. I have a far greater plan. Then we're grown-up, we're like, "What's everybody else doing? I'll do the most acceptable thing." So this is also going out outside the box and being a little wilder, a little braver, a little more you than you've maybe allowed yourself to be. And not worry so much about the few that won't get it. Because the thing is, there are other people that that are weird like us. Like, your weird is someone else's weird. And the internet has made it so easy that they'll find you. But if you pretend to be like someone else, you'll never feel like you belong anyway. Feels like you're wearing your mom's shoes or something too big. It doesn't work. It doesn't fit.
So the beauty in this, and what I love about Alpha F, is it is a very diverse group of people. Like, you can be so different and still belong because your quirks and your uniqueness are what make you belong. So as long as you're you, you're a little different, and you've got a little something, or you like that's it. That's it. Like, there's space for us to to be exactly who we were born to be. And sometimes we realize we're more the we're more the same than we thought. We have more similarities than we thought. And that's fun. And sometimes it's triggering. What you say that? I say that. I've been saying this for years. You say this too. I thought that was my thing. I thought I made that up. You've been saying that. I've been saying that. Sometimes it's more triggering to be the same than to be different.
But the most important thing is that you're genuinely who you are without the need to tell anybody that you are, or show anybody that you are, or prove to anybody that you are. But to actually be living and breathing your own definition of what an extraordinary life is. Because right now, you're in the game. But there will be a moment where you'll be contemplating whether you lived what an extraordinary life was. And that will be not the right day to start thinking about all this stuff. The right time to start thinking about all this stuff is now, when you're in the game, and you can change anything you want at any time.
I want you to start softening into this goddess. And for a lot of you, you'll realize that she's mostly represented in a younger way. A lot of us, the the Goddess that we feel the closest to is a little kid. It's baby goddess. You're going to learn about her in the program. But baby goddess knows exactly what she wants, even if she makes everyone very frustrated for days. Holding out for what she wants. She doesn't really particularly care. Like the moment where I, I don't want to bother people, comes in. Definitely does not occur for baby goddess. She's like, "I don't care who's bothered. I want this." So a lot of times, like being the baby goddess is easily more easily accessible than actually finding the goddess. But we'll find her in this program. But it might be easier for you at first to be like, "I remember when I felt my whole life revolved around me. Like, of course we're doing what I like. It wouldn't be absolutely in preposterous to be doing something I don't like. What do you mean? Like, why would I put myself through something of such? My life is about me and my and my preferences and my desires and my pleasure and my joy." Then eventually you grow up and you make different decisions. And we'll see all of that as the program evolves. But to begin the program, I want you to start reconnecting with your baby goddess. The childhood dreams that you had, how you saw yourself, and how you might be as a grown-up. Whether you feel you're on track with that, and where you're not on track with that. What you love, and what you're realizing right now you've actually built exactly what you wanted versus versus the things that you know you really wanted and you've given up on.
And there's, and I, I do want to say, like, you know, like, okay, I'm going to be selfish. Selfish me is back. But self-aware, self-confident, self-love, self-aware, self. That's coming back. And selfish is more like, even if it hurts somebody, no matter what the other one is, I'm not even considering right now that it could hurt someone else. That I would take an extra five minutes to take care of me. Most of the things that would actually change your life would impact you and very little other people. But it's in your head that it might bother other people. And this is such a beautiful thing. I, I, I'm running a mastermind with Amy Elizabeth, and we've been coaching in there, and it's been quite spectacular. And at the end of one of the real coaching days, that were like 20 out of 10 amazing coaching days, she said, she wrote something to me in our chat, in my chat I have with her, just her and I, as like a commentary on what we've been coaching the women on in there. And she said, "Am I willing to tip the scale in my favor?" And when she said that, it gave me a feeling in my in my belly, and my, like, I just felt it. Like, that is something we're not willing to do. And it's not necessarily about being super selfish. It's, it's not even that. It's not even that intense. It's like, if this, if the scale needs to be tipped, we feel bad tipping it in our favor. So we just always tip it in other people's favor all the time.
What would it look like if you tipped it in your favor from time to time? If you said, "You know what? I'm not going out because I'm locking myself in my house with the box set. I'm lighting a little candle. I'm sitting there. I'm turning off my phone. And I'm not doing anything for anyone. And I'm so happy." Instead of, "Sure, I'll go." What would it look like if you were like, "I, I'm going to encourage. When are, when are the sleepovers? When are you going for your sleepover? Your sleepover? Perfect. Let's have your sleepovers planned on the same evening. And I am going to have a long bath, a glass of Merlot. It's going to be fabulous." Like, to actually say it. Like, in this moment, it could be anything. But what does it look like if I tip the scale in my favor instead of doing everything for you all the time? What would it look like if you tipped the scale in your favor in your life, just a little bit more? Not to be selfish, but to be full of self-love and self-care and self-awareness, which are very important parts of the goddess.
There is going to be a lot of introspection in this program. And I suggest that you do it in a meaningful way. Take an extra long shower and ask yourself these questions in the shower. Sit in the bath and answer these questions for yourself in the bath. Go for a walk, just by yourself, and voice memo or voice rift for yourself as you're going for a walk. Go for a drive and just rift for yourself. Uh, if you live somewhere where it's beautiful. So if you could imagine the, when you think of the imbalance, I think your friend, she better, right? Um, balance. I type of skills for me. Not because I'm selfish, because I'm self-aware. Because I understand self-care. Because I have self-awareness. And then I'm not so mad when other people don't tip the skills for me. Because I tip the skills for me. I don't feel the intense lack. So enjoy this moment. Have time for yourself to contemplate this. Because the crazy thing about a program like this is it might actually be the only time that you ever do it. Like, when's the last time someone asked you to do this? So unless you're planning on taking Fital with me for the rest of your life, you won't won't get asked this question very often. So if you could be like, "In the story of my life, there was a day I sat in contemplation of my adult life and who I would have wanted to be if I could have imagined my life as a small child." And I really asked myself this. This could be in the autobiography of your life one day. It's that meaningful and also rare that you would take the time to answer this question. So don't do it because it's part of a program. Do it like it's a memory in your life. Enjoy this piece. Take care of you. Love you. And tip the scale in your favor, just a little bit more. Tonight, you have today and tomorrow to choose when and how you do this. It's a long contemplation. If you go to a coffee shop by yourself with music in your ears, doesn't matter. But how will you want to remember that you did it? Because this might be the only time in your life that you do. Enjoy. And I look forward to our second module on Wednesday. Goodbye, gorgeous goddesses.
[Music]
She emerged from within me like a goddess from water. She filled her lungs with new air with a sigh that meant everything. Relief, rebirth, release. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and its strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became whole. She lives in me. She saved me. She is me.
[Music]
For