Transcription
Let's talk about the art of effortless seduction. The harder one tries to be seductive, the greater the likelihood of failure. True seduction lies in appearing effortlessly alluring.
But modern dating is getting harder and harder, and more competitive now than ever. Dating and seduction have also become more visual than ever in the age of Tinder and Instagram. So you might be quick to think it's all about having an unlimited well of charisma, sex appeal, and an ultra-fit body to stand a chance with someone you like. But that's not necessarily the case. Luckily for us, psychologists and researchers have studied this field exhaustively, so we can understand what exactly works and what doesn't.
So how do you become extremely seductive?
One: Do you feel sexy? Seduction can feel disheartening if you feel like you aren't good enough to be seductive. Do you ever look in the mirror and think, "Who would want to be seduced by me?" Your mindset and perspective of yourself is critical to being seductive. You might feel clumsy, awkward, or shy when you attempt to be seductive, but no matter who you are, you are capable of being seductive. As we move forward with more practical tips, remember that the only way to begin being extremely seductive is to believe that you can be.
Two: Don't be afraid. Confidence can go a long way. If you're clearly nervous and as you're making your move, it might come across as unnatural, poorly thought out, or even creepy. Seduction is a very sensitive process, like how birds dance to impress their mates. One slightly wrong move can ruin the whole thing. In the same way, we tend to put a lot of pressure on our seduction techniques, but remember that it should be fun, too. So don't worry too much about how you look, as long as you're being respectful and not crossing any boundaries. If you mess up and do something that isn't exactly sexy, the seduction isn't over. You can actually laugh about it and move on. By being less self-conscious, you can focus more on what your partner is reacting well to, and over time, it will be easier and easier to perform that special dance together.
Three: Get to know your crush or partner. The same words and actions that turn some people on are complete turn-offs to others. There is no one-size-fits-all for seduction. If you really want to get specific, the best thing you can do is learn what your crush likes and doesn't like. You might assume that the things you enjoy are universal, but when you try to do them, you're met with cold indifference. A whisper in the ear can be more powerful for some people than the most passionate kiss. It also helps to know how seduction is typically gendered. Men and women use different techniques, so in heterosexual seduction, we can miss the hint. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that women were more likely to seduce non-verbally and visually, while men were more likely to use verbal seduction and acting. If you want to appear extremely seductive, try to appeal to the types of seduction that the person you're seducing will recognize.
Four: Make it clear that you're being seductive. Making an odd sexual remark here and there doesn't count as seduction. A lot of the hints we send out often go over people's heads, so try to make it clear that you're trying to be seductive. A lot of the time, our seduction can have unexpected and unwanted consequences, like realizing that the feeling isn't mutual. Look for signs of whether what you're doing is working or not. Remember, it's okay to be cringey, as long as you are both still having fun. It's like an invitation for the other person to play along or shut it down before it gets too serious. But how do we make it obvious that we're trying to be seductive?
Five: Use your words. According to a study by social psychologist Dr. Sally Farley and Coles, both men and women tend to lower their voices when speaking to someone they find attractive. Speaking in a low, warm, calm voice is a great way to make it clear that you're trying to be seductive. It's inviting and playful and makes the process of seduction seem less intimidating. The other person can also reciprocate by adopting a seductive tone of voice as well. By being the one to initiate, you also get the benefit of seeming in control and confident.
Six: Be physical, if you can. If the person you're seducing seems open to it, try touching their hand or getting in close with them. If they appear comfortable and happy to have you in their space, that's a huge sign that you're succeeding. The physical aspect of seduction is pretty much the finish line. That being said, enjoy being in the early stage of physical seduction. Enjoy the handholding and the flirtatious pushes and nudges. Going for a kiss too soon can make it seem like you're trying to rush through things. For women, in particular, studies found that a gentle approach was usually more effective. Just because you've reached the final piece in the puzzle of seduction doesn't mean it was a success. If the person you're flirting with ever pulls away or shows discomfort, you should stop. It's not just unhelpful to keep trying when someone is uncomfortable or disinterested, but also immoral. Seduction is supposed to be fun and exciting. If someone isn't enjoying it, there's really no point.
Be okay with your seduction not working out. It won't work every time, even if you think your method should be foolproof. No matter how gentle you are or how perfect your words are, sometimes your partner or the person you're seducing just won't want what you're offering, and that is perfectly fine. If someone doesn't want to be seduced by you, they won't be. That being said, the best ways to be extremely seductive are rooted in the way we approach with our words and our body language. Being confident enough to laugh at yourself can go a long way. Rather than striving to follow prescribed steps meticulously and trying to appear seductive, true allure emanates from embodying seductiveness naturally, without effort.
If you have any good tips for seduction, let us know in the comments. Remember to like the video if you found it informative and subscribe to Psych Too for more videos like this. Good luck, Psych Too goers!