What Nobody Tells Men About Life After 50

Nobody told me about turning 50. And I'm not talking about cuz my knees all of a sudden started hurting or because I suddenly needed reading glasses. Honestly, none of that surprised me. What surprised me was how differently I started looking at time. Somewhere after 50, I stopped assuming that my best years were still ahead of me. And I started realizing every birthday isn't just adding another year, it's taking one away. Nobody prepared me for that.

What's up, good people? Welcome back to Four Titles, One Truth. Hey, I'm Tommy. >> And I'm Lance. Today's conversation is about what nobody tells men about life after 50. Let's get into it.

Brother, >> before turning 50, [laughter] >> what did you worry about that turned out not to matter nearly as much as you thought it would?

>> That's a good question. Um, probably the the biggest thing was a um like what was I what was I like money? What was I going to do for money from >> career w you know that type of thing.

>> Yeah. >> Cuz I didn't >> I mean I figured that you know looking at parents and folks that I knew was like oh they worked all the way through >> 60 you know they were up there working all the way through. So I was like okay once I get out the military >> what am I going to do?

>> Yeah. what am I am I going to go back to N you know do I want to go back to nursing and then what type of nursing do I want to do and I mean it so it was and knowing now after retiring it's like wasn't even a work you know because it's not I'm not uh >> I'm not chasing >> dollar signs you know which is >> or positions or rank you know I'm not chasing any of that so it's like okay >> I don't got to worry about that you know and that was probably the biggest worry because I know folk you probably know folks too that are our age and don't have any type of >> Yeah. >> security, you know, retirement. Yeah.

>> So, I mean, that probably was my biggest thing was just worrying about that security, you know, worrying about that security and what was I going to do? I was going to be able to take care of my family and and you know, help out and do the the things that I seen, >> you know, some of the older generations, you know, >> do willingly or unwillingly, you know. So, it was like, okay, I'm gonna do that and still live the life that I want to live, you know, live too. So,

>> yeah, I get that. Um, this question is a little hard for me because um I never really I didn't really look too far in the future. >> You know what I'm saying? So, >> turning 50 didn't really come up till I was into my 40s. You [laughter] know what I mean?

>> I I I agree with you. I agree with you about that. So I think uh I think my biggest fear about aging >> is uh you know I probably mentioned this to you before but there was a conversation had uh between my grandfather and my father's brothers >> and my father right >> and that comment that was thrown out uh Uh a question that was raised was um he said, "How long do you think you all live?" And his comeback to that was because Joneses don't really live that Jones men don't really don't live that long, you know. and he was uh and the conversation went on uh the context of it was that um Jones men tended to die in their early 60s. >> You know what I'm saying? And every one of my uncles died in their 60s. Yeah. And then my I have uh one uncle that reached mid to late 70s. And so that wasn't a thing to me when I was younger because it never really resonated. Yeah. Never resonated. But >> uh my dad passed away when he was 63. >> Mhm.

>> And now me reaching 50. Yeah. That's that's a decade, man. That's some change, right? And so, um, my biggest fear is, and it's and and I can't control it, but, uh, anxiety is is is knocking on the door >> the closer I get to 60. So, um, what that's led me to believe is that, uh, if that's going to be something I can't seem to get over, then I have to stop, uh, worrying about the simple stuff. You know what I mean? And just start uh, doing what I think is best for uh, my family and me. >> Right. >> Right. And so that that's where I am now. Uh, but if I was to sit there and think about being old uh when I was younger, it it'd probably have to be my ability to work out and maintain because >> yeah, for decades I was just it was what I did, you know, and and the thought of maybe either >> by doing that so much hurting myself and and not >> uh allowing me to live my best life when I'm over 50 was a was a fear concern and but then when I turned 50 I just I woke up and realized not on that day but my mind woke up and realized that if you make adjustments to that workout, right? >> You know, you can work out until you till you're in the box, you know. >> So that's that's pretty much where >> my mind goes when this question's asked. It goes to the extreme [laughter] and it comes back >> to a little bit less. So,

>> all right. So, so what's something nobody warned you would become harder after 50?

>> You know what? Somebody didn't warn me. >> What What caught you completely off guard? I just this may be a a vanity thing, but just looking in the mirror and seeing how much you changed, [laughter] you know what I mean? >> How your body works. >> Just everything from your face to like my face is fat now. I ain't never had a fat face, you know? And I ain't fat, you know? Uh >> you [laughter] sit there and do that. >> Like now you see why people >> Now you see why people pull [laughter] bad man. And then uh like my dad grayed early in his gray hair. >> Uh by the time he was my age, it was like 955, you know, gray to black. >> And so that wasn't really Yeah. Just think what I'd see in the mirror, man. And and then what I thought I'd be able to maintain and what I thought I'd be able to consistently beh That ain't so true. I told you that time I was standing in the mirror. I was I was two years into retirement. Uh I was working out like a mug, but my body started, you know, just started, you know what it does, right? And so uh I was in the mirror and I stopped working out for months, man. And I was just eating everything and I looked in the mirror. I have my shirt off and I thought somebody was standing [laughter] thought somebody was standing behind me, man. >> Get out the way. >> [laughter] >> you know, so that I guess that was uh just the uh looking in the mirror and seeing a new a different you that you've seen for 30 years, man. For 30 years, my face has been the same [laughter] when I look at that mirror. So, what about you?

>> I understand. I mean, that that that's that's a big one right there. But just not understanding like all of you know all of the my kids are talking about something or just the different words and things like that. I mean it's just like what are you talking about? >> I understand. Yeah. You know cuz it could be stuff like my wife will know something >> and they and I'm like what are they talking about? She's like are you serious? I'm like I what are I'm serious. What are they? I don't know. >> So I mean so that that on top of looking in looking in the mirror just like what in the you know it's like I was >> 60 pound you know I'm looking at myself and [laughter] >> what and then like I start losing my ass I'm like what in the hell why why are these pants looser than what they supposed to be [laughter] and it's like oh okay I mean so it it's uh yeah that that physical [laughter] >> that physical piece of it is is a mother boy especially when that's >> what you've been doing for >> that's what I'm saying >> 30 40 you've been working out and you been keeping yourself in shape and you feel like getting up to that point of >> retiring that it's like I've been doing what I'm supposed to do so I'm going to be straight >> and now what's worse is if I look at the picture from retirement I look different >> that was just five years ago >> that's [laughter] I can look at pictures whenever I was a dead first uh second lieutenant to the time when I walked across the stage and got my >> thing and I'm like, "Okay, >> let me grow some try to grow some hair on my face. Try to hide this double double [laughter] chin. I had double chin or something. Let me >> Why is this vibrating? Why is this vibrating right here? It's >> all [laughter] of that, man. >> All right. >> It's all of that."

>> Well, hey, let's talk about Hey, if you could go back and spend time with we'll say 37 year old, right? Because that that's pretty much the time you're over. That's when you start to see 40s coming. So, >> trying to see what year was that? >> Oh, we Oh, >> now I gotta do math. >> But, while you're thinking, what the one lesson you'd make sure that 37year-old Lance would understand?

>> 15. That's like 200 five. Shoot. Uh, what's one lesson? >> 2005. I was on the trail. I think it's our first class drill. Sorry. a lot. It's dealing with health because that's probably been my biggest thing after turning 50. What I've been >> uh dealing with is like don't wait, don't skimp, don't waste, don't uh hesitate, >> go to the >> because I can tell you when I was younger, >> I mean, it' be like, it's okay. It's not it's it's fine. I don't need to go >> Yeah. >> bother somebody with that or worry about that. because I feel like a lot of different >> things that uh I deal with now >> I'm not going to say I wouldn't be dealing with them but I feel like it would be >> a lot less easier. Yeah. >> Yeah. A lot Yeah. A lot easier. A lot less or things that I wouldn't be you know have to take a pill for or something you know.

>> I get that. >> Uh for me it would be uh start saving money better. That's what it would be for me because that at that age I was still uh ignorant and hard-headed. >> But you wish you told yourself that before I mean even before 3. >> But at 37 even just even though that's just like freaking 17 years ago, >> right? But at 37 if I would have just focused more on I was I was I cleaned up my credit. I was good with that. I could buy whatever I want on credit side. >> Um I was making decent money as a s first class on drill s pay. >> So there was uh there was extra income coming into my absolutely that I could have >> that I could have used better. Yeah. and and and also I'd tell my younger self to uh and I'd love my mom beyond. Mhm. >> But I would still tell myself to be more present, more relevant in that relationship. Um, it took me till COVID to understand that I need to talk to her and see her once a week >> and start showing FaceTime and stuff like that. So, but I would have uh and my mom traveled a lot, so we were we were together a lot between uh she was with her kids a lot. Okay. >> Cuz dad passed in '04. So, mom was uh starting to get into her travel >> mindset. So, >> um I don't regret the relationship because I didn't I don't think I failed, but I would just >> feel like you could have done better. Yeah, you could have done a little little more. I mean, and I think that's a with a lot of stuff as we get >> older. I mean, you you look at because I can look back at things now and be like, I ain't need that. You know, [clears throat] you see a lot of stuff that you could do without. Yeah. >> And it's some stuff that's like, nah, that's I'm always I'm always do that. But it's a lot of stuff now because I was telling Audrey, it's like >> I ain't a minimalist. >> Yeah. >> But it's something I be like, I don't need Yeah. >> You know, I don't need to where back in the day be like, no. >> Yeah. I got to have them ri. That's where all my money was, man. But that but yeah that I mean as far as when you talk about the s I mean that's with my kids that's the one thing that I told you know early on you know in their careers is like start doing this you know because I didn't have anybody do I mean I wish that somebody would have told me that at the time before I >> you think you would have listened because I like for me the reason I asked that is because for me >> my mom talked about saving money >> uh dad didn't really talk about it because he just gave it to That's I mean mom really didn't >> talk about you know >> it was just like okay I just >> Yeah. >> I mean and it's not like I didn't know about it but it wasn't >> didn't act on >> wasn't you know it wasn't like really stressed on priority you know cuz it was like okay I'm working I'm working I'm doing this to >> have a retirement. It was like I could have had more. >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> A lot more than what >> now. Yeah man. think I mean, yeah, thinking about stuff, but it's >> you worried about how people see you. You're spending stuff and on uh you're spending money on stuff that is only truly relevant to you, but you think it's relevant to everybody else, like the clothes you wear, the car, the rims, the the sounds, >> your house, all that stuff. Yeah. All that. >> Then when you have kids, it's it's u okay, I want to take them to >> Yeah. this place, you know, I want to be able to do that because I didn't get to do that whenever I was a kid. I want them to be able to experience that. So, >> trying to uh >> give them some experiences that I didn't have uh growing up, you know, I mean, it's it's a lot of stuff. >> Yeah. Go. >> Yeah. I mean, and it's but it's like but it's exactly what you said. It's like would would I have listened? >> Yeah. >> Oh, no. [laughter] Like, shut up. >> Yeah. >> Who are you? I mean, you look like me, but >> No. [laughter] Get out. >> My daddy. >> Yeah. Get out of here. Go back to your uh uh your future. >> Go back to your [laughter] >> go back to the other multiverse. Yeah. >> Yeah. The multiverse.

>> All right. Have your priorities changed or have you finally become honest about what has always mattered?

>> It's [clears throat] to me that's the same question. >> Well, what do you care about? uh less today. >> Yeah. And that's so yes, my priorities changed. Uh >> and the reason my priorities changed is because I stopped just thinking about myself. >> For years, I thought only about myself. And uh so my priorities have changed to the point to where there's no question I'm an adult. >> There's no question I'm a man. You know what I'm saying? There's no question that I'm educated. There's no question that I've >> had a decent career. There's no question that I've checked a lot of blocks. >> So, and you sort of mentioned it earlier is the fact that I consciously am aware that I don't I'm not in the rat race anymore. You know what I'm saying? Everything that I'm doing now for the first time in my life um post 50 uh postretirement is if I want to do it. You know what I'm saying? Not I have to do that. You know what I'm saying? >> And I think that that's a uh a gift. >> Absolutely. because you still have people out there doing things because they have to even after, you know, after 50 and older than >> and have have better credentials than I have or we have. >> So, yeah, but that >> that has been uh and I say that not ignoring the fact that my first few [snorts] years out of the military was tough on me, >> right? because I was uh before I retired, I had an idea of who [clears throat] I was and what I was going to do postretirement. >> Then you actually retire. Then I actually moved and established myself here in San Antonio, you know, my wife and >> it was scary. You know what I'm saying? Because I didn't have to wake up in the morning and go somewhere to go to work and worry about thousand people's different problems >> and trying to f Yeah. I didn't I didn't I didn't have to worry about that. And that abrupt stop >> had a hell of a vacuum, man. >> And I I it took me a while to figure out how to move. You know what I'm saying? So that was my >> uh have my party ch Absolutely. >> Yeah. I mean that that's that's >> if they don't if if you're a grown and growing man and your priorities don't change it's going to be a rough life. >> Yeah. My my mind have totally and and I think about it sometimes like cuz when I was uh I turned 50 uh six months after my uh >> retirement >> father well no six months after my father passed. Oh, that's Ooh. >> So, >> I think sometimes it's like I mean this question you just, you know, thinking about it now, it's like would my priorities been different if my father was still alive >> now? Cuz he was a big part of like >> it was a big motivation piece for me as far as pushing, as far as like, oh, I can do >> I can go and do this. You know, >> he's a perfect corner man. Your pops is the perfect corner. I know that uh after he passed and turned 50 and I was uh getting ready to retire a couple years after that, it was like, okay, I want to >> change my focus more onto my kids, uh my wife if she's going to go back to, you know, because didn't know if she was going to go back to I knew she was going to go back to work, >> but just supporting uh >> just supporting those folks that were around me and then just enjoying >> taking a step back, slowing down and really enjoying >> life. I mean, you know, and people I mean, you hear people talk about that, but you really don't understand it >> until you actually sit back and go, >> okay, I'm in control of this time now and what I want to do and >> how I want to do it. And I mean it's it's such a uh because you know you have people ask all the time about uh what are you doing now you know how is you know and it's like I tell I said it's >> younger people older people just people >> both okay >> you know and I said just being in control I said just being in >> control of your time you know being in control of my time now >> that I didn't have that >> uh for so especially in the military and I know that people in civilian uh Yeah. >> Civilian side don't have you think you do but you don't because it's always something bigger >> that's pulling you from >> what you want to do who you want to be >> building that you know whatever doing whatever hobby you mean you have to be very I mean if you have u >> you know hobbies or you have things that you like doing you have to be very uh >> call it direct or very with intent. You got to be very intentional about uh uh uh actually doing that and saying, "Okay, I'm going to do this now, but I can't do this." >> Yeah. >> You know, if I'm going to do this so >> it's like j like I don't feel like I'm juggling stuff because I feel like I'm >> I'm open. >> Yeah. >> It's like what you need. Yep. I got time. We can go do that, right? >> You know, so >> outside the doctor's appointment. >> Yeah. I got to go outside the doctor's [clears throat] appointment. >> I need to go fill my meds back up. I got my pill. This [laughter] my Well, I'm with you, man. And I'm going to tell you something. Within the last probably year is when I've stopped jumping out of bed urgently. Mhm. >> You know, like I gota I gotta it doesn't have to happen at 6:00 in the morning or 7 in the morning. You know what I'm saying? >> That's the only thing I got to do is just let my dogs out. Yes. Cuz I ain't trying to >> Well, luckily we train Zuzu. She ain't she she's sleep until we wake up. So

>> All right. So, has turning 50 made you feel more free? And you sort of went down that we sort of went down that uh that hallway. >> So, is are you more aware >> are you free in the concept of what you were talking about where we were going?

>> I feel I feel freer. I mean, I started feeling free because I was I feel like I'm more comfortable with myself. >> Yeah. >> You know, I'm more uh accepting, you know, and I and I know more what I what I want, you know, >> uh >> what I want. I'm more aware of uh of those things. And then after retiring, it really >> So, when you say accepting of yourself, what do you mean? >> Looking in the mirror >> for Oh, okay. looking who you're becoming. >> Yeah. Who I'm becoming, you know, and where I'm going, you know, the direction that I'm going in and >> uh, you know, the personality that I have, the I mean, just >> all of that where it's like >> I'm, you know, I don't have to agree with everybody just cuz they like it. Me and you don't have to, you know, we don't agree about stuff, but it ain't going to make it any >> Yeah. >> less of We still >> wasted energy. >> Yeah. We still Yeah. It's just like, no, I don't agree with that. you know, unless just like explain to me why, you know, it's like, okay, I understand. >> Yeah. >> But it's like it's not one of those things where you can just go >> blindly accept blindly accept and keep your emotions to yourself. >> Yeah. Not, you know, and and not be afraid to >> Yeah. speak your, you know, I say speak when I say speak your mind, it's like, yeah, you know, but it's I don't agree with that or to be prideful about your uh your culture or your race or, you know, it's like things that >> I feel like um >> has sort of been put on the back by >> Yeah. when I think when we're younger, when we're in our different careers and and it's because you have to do that to some to a certain extent just because of just how society is. And I I mean and if people don't agree, you can not agree, but I would beg to differ that you in order to >> uh to to really be s to really succeed, you you have to do that to you know to a certain extent >> and adjust yourself. Absolutely. Man, I feel I feel feel like after you are done with all of that and you've done all your things and I think that that lessens up as you get older and you're in your uh profession or career >> with the promotions and the >> I mean because it's like okay you I mean because you start understanding and learning that uh >> especially if you're in a uh a profession or whatever where uh you know that your merits are based on your skill and what you know how to do you know what you truly >> know you you know. So, um yeah. Yeah. I feel free. I feel mean. I'm I'm happy. You know, I tell folks and that's I'm happy. I'm content. >> Yeah. >> All of those good things in life. >> Yeah. So, I am happy. I don't want anybody to think that I'm uh over here angry and disgruntled and all that stuff. I do feel more free >> uh because I'm not tied to the phone. >> I'm not tied to the seven army values. And I'm also not tied to being the example. >> You know what I'm saying? When I leave my house, I can just be me. >> Yes. >> And allow myself to make mistakes. allow myself to >> to to take different routes in life that before I never >> right >> even considered because I was the ex Yeah and you get accepted you understand that that's okay that happens sometimes >> yeah it's absolutely freeing and the the but I will tell you the daily responsibility of Being the standard bearer is exhausting. >> It's a lot of weight, man. >> But you don't realize how exhausting it is until you stop. You see what I'm saying? And so that >> I never had a problem waking up, uh, putting on a uniform that was locked in. You know what I'm saying? And my boots locked in, whether it be clean or back in the day, super shined. uh the way I walked uh the standards, you know, you wouldn't catch me walking on the talking on the cell phone. You wouldn't catch me walking on the grass. You know what I'm saying? That's because those are the standards that I expected everybody else to live by. And so I'm sitting there locked in. And once you retire, you don't have to do that. You know what [clears throat] I'm saying? And like >> I don't have to worry about that. So that's what's so freeing. Now, on the flip side, back to the first question, >> I'm keenly aware that time could be running out and because it's linked to a finite time in my mind, >> that's where uh my the intensity that I had, that's where that's going because I'm I'm really I'm in therapy. Like I'm really trying my best to work past that, right? >> And I don't know >> and I'm just be honest with you, I don't know if will that pass at 60 or 63 or will that be an annual thing like it's a countdown. When you when you talked about that, that hit me cuz that started making me think where it's like father was 78 when he passed. >> Yeah. >> I'm only like 20 years, you know, 24 years away from that, you know, and it's like, man, 20 years, you know, goes by. >> Yeah. >> Go by quick >> cuz 30 did. [laughter] >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> So, yeah. Oh, yeah, man. So it's like trying to get all of that in and experience, >> you know, a lot of that and like like I want to have grandkids, you know, so it's like >> and be able to enjoy them, >> you know? Yeah. And it's like I but I can't >> see how your kids at 40, you know, so I just want to see all of that stuff. So it's >> that that uh >> trying to take take care of my health, man. probably my that's probably my biggest uh >> focus >> biggest focus and scared this m because it's like >> stuff comes up and it's like where did that come you know and it's like I feel like I'm not so it's like just trying to do all of the things to >> align my health up >> you know best absolutely so >> I get it and but has it changed your the the freedom that we've talked about has >> has it >> as far as you know has that changed the relationships with friends with your kids with your wife? >> Do you see that as a >> I think it's it's better I think it's it's better with everyone involved but I think it's even better with my uh >> family. Yeah. >> Just because I I >> you get time >> I'm more uh more attentive >> present you know pres Yeah. More present. more attentive. It's not uh, you know, and I notice things and I ask you know, I don't I just I'm there. >> Yeah. >> You know, I'm there for them. I'm there with them.

>> Can I say something that uh popped in my head that may sound crappy, but I hope you understand what I'm saying. Now I actually think about my family and have time to think about my family instead of it being an afterthought because for years it was me me and then for years it was armies army soldiers soldiers mission mission >> right >> so did I think about my family absolutely were they on my mind absolutely but now I don't have to worry about DUIs from soldiers or suicide massage or uh uh uh drugs or all that. I don't have to think about a a mass of people, >> right? >> My energy is now what's best for my family, what's best for me. >> Yeah. I mean, I don't forward >> I mean, I don't think the question was crap because I think that >> when we're in that uh rat race and when you're younger, you're you're think I mean, you're you're there with your in that provider. I need to provide for my family. I need to do this. And these are the things I have to do >> and this is what Yeah. >> Yeah. to provide for my >> even though we the our trans our translation of what we need to do >> in the rat race to be successful when we reach the retirement age we're like yes there was this but I could have you know. >> Yeah. Well, you know better. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Yeah. You know better. You do better. >> Yeah. And I think that after you as you get older, uh, then you it's more of a you start get more in touch with your emotional piece. You stop being you I think you're, uh, not as afraid to show that >> side of you if you're an evolved. Yeah. >> Yeah. you shouldn't be afraid to show that side of you because it's it's a it's a beautiful thing, you know, and and >> uh >> cuz I can't lie, my 70 year old uncle, that joker still won't uh show, you know, it's still it takes a lot of conversation to get to it and it's just like why is it taking you so long? And it and it's because it's just the the generation time. >> I mean, it's just like and it's such a burden to try to >> and his time shorter. He's got to see his time shorter. See the change stuff. I'm talking about 50 jo. >> So, you know, that's the type of stuff >> that I never considered and I definitely would never comprehend, right? >> And give people grace. But I still have trouble giving myself gra cuz when I look at that dag on old mirror, I have to duck out and come back, [laughter] >> walk by real quick. >> And then you you just try to look at your wife and see if she'll ever have that disgusting look. [laughter] >> You like, "Do you still think I'm sexy?" >> And then see if she laughs first or answers. >> Be like, "What's funny? What you laughing at?"

>> So let me ask you this question. >> Okay. freedom post 50 post retirement. >> How has that affected the time you spend by yourself?

>> Uh I enjoy it. I'm not a I'm not afraid to be by myself. I enjoy it sometimes. >> Is that a change? >> Um not having people Yeah. Cuz I mean cuz >> you know I I would be at work around Yeah. however many I mean for >> 8 10 hours Yeah. >> a day. So I was always around >> people and then you get home and then you got your family and it's still I mean it's no >> right. So no >> not being Yeah. But no break, >> right? Yeah. No break. So >> because now you have to turn on a different kind of energy. >> Yes. I mean so now when I'm home alone and by myself >> twirling I'm good. Yeah. It's like okay. Okay. So then [laughter] when people do come home, it's like, "All right, how y'all doing?" You know, and I find myself energy. >> Yeah. You know, I find myself sometimes like, "What time are y'all going to be home? [laughter] What time are y'all going to come coming here?" So, >> where y'all at? >> I know. >> Looking at them on the thing on the 360 like, "Okay, okay, [laughter] they're coming up. >> They're closed. >> They're coming up. They'll be here. Let me go ahead and put this on." >> But yeah, no, I I uh [clears throat] I I mean, I I enjoy uh the time that I had. I mean, cuz I had my uh my dog. So, >> it took me a while, man. It took me the the trouble I was telling you I was having cuz I have so much energy and I had nowhere I had nowhere to to nowhere to send it, y'all. Nowhere to send it because >> the energy that I had, it was aggression, [laughter] it was dark humor, you know, it was some people could say bullying. I would never say that, but it was like it's a different kind of energy >> that uh >> every day I could get that out. And then you got PT to burn the injury or injury energy. >> And then you have work to burn the energy dealing with people and problems and and all that stuff. And then you then I'd go to the gym afterwards. M. >> So I had that energy and then I get home that was on I was at the end of my energy thing. Now you know every time I see my wife you know hey joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke [laughter] funny funny funny bully bully bully you know stuff that just don't work out but >> that was the f I mean that was the focus yeah at the time. So I mean you learn to >> change your focus you learn to to try to focus that energy into And that's the thing. So like >> first retired, I had nothing because we were moving. So I had we didn't have a stable place yet cuz the house was being built. So um >> that energy was like I was like panicking cuz there, >> you know, staying with the sister-in-law. This is not my house, so I can't make no rules. I can't change anything, you know? So I'm I'm tied up, right? So I was going to the gym. Uh, like I said, the first year after the military, I was in the best shape of my life. >> Then my back went out >> and from there it's been a [laughter] I've been fighting. >> Yeah, I've been fighting, man. Yeah. So, uh, and so like then move into the house and yes, you got your home, but now you see so many activities, so many uh uh jobs to do. you know what I mean? Honeydew's and what you got going on and then you sort of get to a place to where >> those are a lot less now. Now you got to be creative to come up with something and then is that really worth it? And so that's the point to where I was like um I was really worried because I didn't know what to do because uh Nikki had the travel agency and I was uh all about the travel agency helping and still am but it wasn't mine. You know what I mean? And so I I I didn't know uh I didn't understand how much energy to put because I have a vice because I have been a advisor my whole you know that's Yeah. And so >> um and then you get to realize that in the army they had to listen to you. [laughter] >> They didn't have to take your advice but they had to listen to you. And now >> they don't really listen to me. You know what I mean? it's because it's it's not her way of doing thing, you know. And so that was a thing. And then I had to start slowing down. I had to slow myself. I had to slow myself down. Like I said, the uh the worry about tomorrow. So that kept me up at night. >> And then I had to stop uh slow down worrying about what to do in the day. Just set a little schedule and go. And if you choose not to do that, >> it's okay. >> It's all right. Hey, just say I'm just going to go and watch TV or something like that. >> And so that's why I asked to buy yourself time because now I'm getting to the point to where >> I don't have to uh do things just to fill time. You know what I'm saying? So >> to feel fulfilled. >> Yeah. >> Like find activities, find things for yourself to do. >> And I'm not chasing that no more. So, so that that's that's the advantage I feel now.

We spend a lot of our younger years trying to build a life, a career, a family, a reputation. Then one day you look up and you realize the question isn't what am I building? It's what am I doing with the time I have left? That's not something to fear. If anything, it's a gift. A reminder to love the family a little harder. Take better care of yourself. Forgive when you can. Take the trip. Make the phone call. Stop waiting for the right time. Because the truth is, none of us knows how much time we have.

>> Facts. >> But every one of us gets to decide what we do with today >> and more facts. >> Yep.

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