Transcription
As soon as you get over your ex, that's when they come crawling back. As soon as you get married or get in a relationship, that's when you get the most prospects. As soon as you turn gay, that's when all the girls come coming to you.
What I'm trying to tell you is that there is a personality that everyone has when they are attached to the outcome and when they are detached to the outcome. Meaning, you have a different personality depending on how much you want something right. Um, when you really are attached without noticing, you give off signs of weakness. You give off signs of worry. And that causes people to lose respect for you. And the reason why that is is because everyone's personality, yeah, everyone's personality changes according to how much they want something. And your most attractive self isn't when you want something. It's actually when you don't want something. When you're able to desire something without being attached to the outcome, that's when your true attractive personality shines through.
Without you noticing, you will do everything right. Everything you say will be correct. Everything you do will be correct. You'll be in this flow state of your personality. And this flow state is created through love. You got to re-realize attachment to things, money, validation is always a lack of self-love. When you achieve ultimate love, which is enlightenment, you detach yourself from the outcome. All you want to do is be be there like a [ __ ] statue, right? So, by you developing non-attachment, what you're truly developing is self-love. And this self-love has a gravitational force.
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So, I want to talk about today why that is so attractive, why people are drawn to you, and how you guys can use that in your life, right? Um, because at the end of the day what being detached is all about having presence of mind. What's presence of mind? It's the ability to stand back, allow chaos to happen around you and still think clearly. It is to not let people rush you into making rash decisions. In other words, it's not reacting. It's choosing to think clearly despite the pressure around you. And in order for you to think and be present during nervous situations like wanting something from someone but being able to keep your cool comes down to you being able to detach. And what does it mean detach? Well, detach from your thoughts. Being able to observe your thoughts and not react to it. I'm going to say how to do that later on in the video. But essentially, this presence of mind causes your reactions to be so cool and relaxed. Your your non-verbal cues will give off an air of relaxation because when you're in your body listening to someone, not reacting to things, but rather listening, you give off all of your all of your non-verbal cues will be in sync with them. Meaning, you will be reacting to them, not to your own insecurities. Whatever they say, your response is going to be in the moment because you're not saying, "What should I say next?" You're saying, "What are they going to say next?" And because you're so in sync with them because of your because of you having presence of mind, being secure enough to not care what they think of you, you do everything correctly, you come across as way more charismatic. But that only matters when you don't need anything from them.
And the way you stop needing everything from them is for you to pay attention to yourself. Keep awareness in the body. If you as you talk to people, if you bring awareness to this part of the body, the nose, as you're talking to people, just become aware of the nose, right? Notice how the sensation of the nose feels like. Rather than asking yourself, how am I coming across? Observe the sensation of the nose and bring all of your attention to this tiny little area. And as they're talking to you, bring awareness to that. Don't bring awareness to the thoughts of what I should say next. Bring awareness to the thought of the sensation of the but of the nose, the sensation of the breath in here as you're listening. Literally, all of your nonverbal cues will be in line. They'll feel a connection with you because you're actually connecting with reality. You're connecting with what they're saying.
The next one is that you make people less defensive, right? When you're detached, you do not have a shield in front of you protecting you, right? You really don't. What you have is the confidence that you have in yourself. The ability to know that your thoughts are not yourself. That you could be right and not could be wrong. That I like you. That Have you ever met people who when you talk to them, they're so stubborn. They make you stubborn, right? Where you're like, "Yo, why you got to be so stubborn about this? Like, dude, it's no big deal." Like, "No, man, but this is right." You're like, "Dude, you're wrong." And they're like, "No, this is right." But you're like, "Motherfucker, you're wrong." Like, you got the their defensiveness makes you defensive, right? But it also happens where people are so on defensive, so open-minded that it completely opens your mind. They're so relaxed. They have no like emotional attachment to any belief. They have no prejudice against any form of people that wherever they go, they open people up because they're not defensive. They're not trying to hold on to their belief system. They understand that their thoughts are things that are impermanent. Anicha arises and passes away. arises and passes away.
The next thing is the peace that emanates from you. This comes from you accepting your mortality. Um, when you accept that this is all impermanent, that we're all going to die one day. You know, it's actually something beautiful that happened. I remember I took a DMT trip and I saw an alien like an entity. Scary as [ __ ] by the way. This [ __ ] that that was the scariest experience I think I've ever Oh [ __ ] I think I've ever had in my life. Anyways, so as I was looking at the entity, I saw two roads, right? There were two roads and two skinny roads and I saw myself in the middle of the road and the road extended from infinity to the left and infinity to the right. But then there in that road there was like a little space that was highlighted and the entity told me that's how much you guys have to live. Why not treat each others with kindness? And I'm like you that is crazy. Think like I mean I mean just think about the infinity thing, right? It's crazy. There's an I saw a line of infinity that started in an infinite point and ended in an infinite point, but then he told me that my life was this little section in the middle that's highlighted. It is such a crazy way to explain the concept that you never come from you come from from infinity. You're going to go back to infinity. But for some reason, this little moment is highlighted. I don't know. It just blew my mind. I'm like, yo, it's so true. We're not going to be here for too long. Why not treat each other nicely? And this is what happens is that when you are aware that you're going to die one day, that all of us are going to die, you see people with kindness. I see you. I'm like, but look, man, I know you're mad at me, but we have a very short time to live. The the understanding of the eternal of the [Music] eternal loosens you up. It makes you love people. But when you are afraid of dying, when you are afraid of death, what happens is that you stop being at peace. Because if you are fundamentally afraid of the ultimate reality, the ultimate disintegration, it's going to bleed out to the other areas of life. Have you ever met someone who's who's okay with dying? They're peaceful people. Have you ever met someone who's afraid of dying? They're relentlessly controlling, aggressive, because the fear creates a fear response, and some people get aggressive, some people get angry. And so this aggression causes people to project aggression out into the world and unconsciously create hostility. When you accept the eternal, when you accept the inevitability of life itself, there's going to be a calmness from you that radiates from you where without you even noticing and without you even trying, people like you more. Right?
And the next thing is that not wanting things not wanting attracts it. Meaning like I always say, high intention, low attachment. You want it a lot, but if you can't get it, you're able to walk away. You desire it, but if you can't get it, you won't cry about it. I was going to go down, but you can't see me from here, right? And this is like I remember I when I went to Italy, um there was this old it was it was it was mostly people between their 20s and 30s, right? And there was this older 70 year old guy. He was he was actually a nice guy. And one of the things that we liked about him is that he wasn't eager to hang out with us. We would ask him, I was like, "Hey, hey, um Nigel, could you want to hang out with us?" He's like, "Oh, nay. Oh, guys, don't worry about you guys hang out by yourselves. The old younger people and we were like, "No, Nigel, come." Him us thinking that he'd rather hang out by himself and not go out with us than go out with us who are younger people for some reason that that kind of like we were like, "Okay, this guy's pretty cool." Like there was like a detach like he wasn't eager to hang out with us. He wasn't eager to be like there was almost like a I'm okay with being by myself that made him more likable. And this is why what we imagine when somebody's in love with us. We imagine that when we love them, when they're alone, they're having the best time, right? We're like, "Oh man, I bet they're they're watching TV. Oh, I want to be there. I want to watch TV with them. Must be so fun." And that's a reflection of the type of self-love we want to have for ourselves. Because when we are by ourselves, we don't feel that. We feel like we want to be with them. And so, we project what we want to be onto them. We assume that they're also at peace when in reality they also want to be with us. But that's the type of a detachment we all have to learn and gravitate towards where you're by yourself not moving and at peace. And if you're able to be at peace in a static position, you'll be able you'll be able to be at peace in a moving position. Right? Actually, it's actually easier to be at peace in a static position. That's actually very true. It's actually very very very true.
So, how do you do that? Well, practice visas meditation, right? I I would highly recommend you guys check out the meditation retreats dharma.org dharmadmma.org or just practice meditation. Um, like I said, I want you guys to just bring awareness to the sensation here. Just aware of what's going on in this area. You just become aware of all the biochemical reactions that happen in that area, in between that area. And you just notice you. So you notice I notice it gets colder here. I feel the air here. I feel the coldness here. I feel the breath here. Like you just become aware of what's happening. Just notice notice. Notice. And by steadying your consciousness to one area when your consciousness is always moving around. What am I going to do tomorrow? What am I going to go there? What am I going to go there? What am I going to go there? So what happens when you talk to people? You don't know how to just relax and listen. You're like, "Oh my god, what is he going to say?" Like your your mind is accustomed to going in different directions. When you conversate with people, there's like a streamline of thought that you have to go with. You can't just go in whatever you got to listen. So to build up those listening muscles, you just become aware of this. And this causes you to be more at peace, more relaxed, develops empathy. Literally, it develops empathy. It increases empathy. It increases gray matter in your brain to be able to think more clearly, which makes you just more charismatic, more attractive, more um what do you call that? A magnetic person. Um, there there's going to be an an unseen quality about you that draws people to you, right?
So remember, um, presence of mind, it gives you the clarity of mind, the relaxation that makes people relax talking around you. When you're relaxed, you say everything correctly. Everything that you say would be said in a correct way if you are relaxed and you don't need anything from them. You're you're less defensive. People will be more relaxed around you. They're not they're going to be less confrontational about you. They're going to be more malleable. They're going to say yes more often. They're going to want to do more things for you. The peace that radiates from you will cause people to feel more relaxed around you. When you're relaxed, they get relaxed. When you feel hostile, they get hostile. And above all, not wanting it attracts it. That's the law of of detachment. Whenever you in fact, whatever you repel, a lot of the times comes towards you. Whatever you don't want comes to you. It's It's the rich get richer prop. I mean, rich get richer uh fantasy, right? It's a fantasy. Anyways, man, how do you guys Hopefully you guys enjoy this video. Um, let me know what you guys think and let me know what other videos I should make next. Take care. Bye-bye.