Transcription
Today, a 26-year-old divorced single mother says she's attractive and ready for a high-value man. Kevin Samuels explains what the market really demands.
"Um, so I'm calling just um to see like I guess what I am doing and what I can avoid because I don't know if me having standards is getting in the way of finding the man that I want."
"Uh, so let me go ahead and see if I can repeat the question. You want to know if you having standards is preventing you from getting the man you want."
"Yes."
"Okay. So, let me start with some background. How old are you?"
"I'm 26."
"Oh, you heard me say it in the in the chat room. Did you go to college?"
"I did."
"But you didn't graduate."
"No, I just got my um associate of arts."
"Okay, cool. Height, weight, and dress size."
"Um, so I'm like 5'5, 5'6, and my weight is 128 to 130."
"Okay."
"Depends."
"What dress size do you wear?"
"Like a four."
"Uh, and and lastly, um, what what part of the country are you in? Northeast, south, west? like um like West Coast."
"West Coast. Okay. And what kind of men do you want?"
"Well, I like black men. Like that's like my first choice, but I'm like I don't mind swirling."
"Okay. I'm talking about from a from a on paper standpoint. What kind of money we talking about?"
"Oh, like success. Like successful like I'm not really."
"Let's define successful. Do you want to be a stay-at-home wife?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay. And do you want to have how many children are you planning on having for this guy?"
"Um, just depends on how many he would want from you."
"Three."
"Okay."
"I mean, if you ain't got no you got nothing else to do except stay at home. 26, right? One kid, you one kid, you be getting off pretty damn easy."
"Wouldn't you agree or would not? Tell me. What do you think?"
"No, I think that's true. I think, you know,"
"okay,"
"the average family has 2.3 kids or 2.5 kids, but you talk about a successful guy. So, a successful guy, are you in uh Northern California or Southern California?"
"Um, Northern."
"So, in Northern California, um, so to be a stay-at-home wife of three children in Northern California, how much do you think, uh, a man would need to make annually to make that happen? for you to have a decent home, have your own four-door sedan, uh to have the kids college paid for, private school if necessary, or high-end public school, you know, with kids activities, uh kids having cars at 16, having their college paid for if necessary, plus have the things of life, 401k, retirement, everything else. Still being able to eat well, travel, you know, not just go to Disneyland. I'm quite sure you want to go out of the country, maybe go to Europe on a family vacation, that kind of stuff. Right."
"Right."
"Right. Okay. How much you think that person needs to make, that man needs to make annually?"
"Um, I would say a significant amount."
"Give me a dollar. Give me a dollar value."
"I'm not good at math. Like probably like um over a h 100,000 maybe. I don't know. Maybe like 80,000, 90,000, over 100,000. I'm not really sure."
"$100,000 a year for five people in Northern California."
"I know. Oh, man. Okay. So, I don't know."
"Okay. So, problem number one, the things you want, you don't even know what it takes from a dollar standpoint to make it possible for a man to make it possible for you."
"You think this [ __ ] just is just magic? Let me give you the number. The number they throw this six-figure number out, that's enough for one person to be successful. roughly a hundred roughly $10,000 a month. That's the number I tend to use. That's in Dallas, Houston, Austin. If you adjust that for the Bay Area, you're $100,000 a year, you're still broke. You're talking about closer to 220 250. There's a police officer in San Jose who made 225 $250,000 last year, and he's a cop. Okay? So, the kind of man you're talking about, he's going to need to be making around 700 to $900,000 a year."
"I'm open to relocating. Like, I don't have to stay. Like, I'm I'm like so open to moving somewhere."
"Well, do you think people make that kind of money in Cedar Rapids, Idaho, Iowa?"
"No."
"Do you think there a lot of black men? Black men are concentrated in 10 cities. See, this is part of the problem with young lady with ladies. You want this fantasy of a man, not a fantasy. You want this high high value man. These men, listen, these men are are concentrated in 10 cities. Black people are concentrated in 10 cities. Okay? And I don't I don't fault you for wanting him, but I just say you got to understand where he is. And to to to and to think a guy can make $80,000 and you would be happy with that kind of money. You'd be working on 80 grand and then there'd be tension in the marriage. I forgot to ask you one question. On a scale from 1 to 10, where would most people say you rank as far as a beauty facial? From a facial standpoint,"
"like a nine or a 10. Maybe an eight if someone's hating on me."
"A nine or a 10. Okay. So, we're talking LA 9 or just."
"I just know I'm very beautiful and I'm not just saying that. I don't know."
"Hey, sis. I give it to you. So, you these are good things. So, from a from a from a money standpoint, uh the kind of money you're talking about is a guy who's going to he's going to have to have a serious high earning career or he's going to have to be a small business owner and own a a significant concern. Um that means you're going to be looking at men who are at least about 10 probably 15 years older than you."
"Oh, definitely."
"Okay. And and that's that's what you're going to be looking for. But the question is, what do those kind of men want in a wife?"
"Um, well, I would I just I know that they want, you know, someone who's just a lady. I would hope so because I'm really open to just being a lovely housewife and just doing what I need to do."
"Translation, I'm I'm open to you taking care of me. That's what you just said. I'm open to just being a I'm open to you just taking care of me, which is cool. But what you've also said is you've done no homework or no research or no nothing on what it is you want. That's why you're not getting it."
"That's so that's that's like golden. That's true."
"This is why this is why your non-black counterparts, your white counterparts steal black men like this out from under you because one, you don't even know how to identify them. too. When they're there, you got no sales pitch. It's just I'm I'm I'm I'm pretty good. Okay. You're beautiful. You're you're 5 foot whatever your dress size four. You are smoking. After we have sex, what else? Depth. Um, you know, I don't I don't flaunt my my things that I know or my experiences, but I'm a deep person and I can't hold a conversation and."
"like I make a lovely housewife, good mom, things like that."
"Were you were your parents were your mother was your mother and father married?"
"Uh, no. Well, yeah. My background is crazy, but."
"I am divorced."
"Let me let me ask let me let me simplify the question. Were you raised to be a housewife?"
"No, I wasn't actually."
"But how can you talk about you're a lovely housewife?"
"Because I was married before and I saw what didn't work and I was like that's why I don't want to do I don't want to go to work. I want to focus on."
"Okay, let's back up. See, that that was the that was an important part. You were married before. How old was your husband?"
"He's like 29 or something."
"How old were you?"
"I got married when I was like 18 or 19."
"And where's your father?"
"I didn't grow up with a father."
"I I didn't say that. I asked where is he?"
"Um I don't have a very strong relationship with him."
"Why?"
"Um because I was adopted."
"Okay. Do you know your biological mother?"
"I do. Yes."
"But you don't know your biological father?"
"I do, but he's um recently like got sick and he's in the hospital. Like he's like I just."
"Okay, I'm gonna ask you a hard question. Are you ready?"
"Sure."
"Do you know his side of the story from his mouth?"
"Um, no, not really."
"Then why in the hell are you judging him?"
"I'm not."
"Well, but you know your biological mother. No, you're not judging him. What? I asked you, where's your father? I didn't grow up with a father. I didn't ask. I said, where is he?"
"Well, he wasn't in my life. I was adopted."
"Okay. But you know your biological mother. See, when I ask you about the woman that rap the woman that birthed you, you could answer those questions. But about your father, it's all this vague stuff. And my question is, why have you never sought to understand your father?"
"Well, he was the reason why I was adopted was because of."
"Nobody knows you, sweetheart. I don't know you."
"Abuse, sexual abuse that was going on. I had six sis I have five other biological sisters and we all got put in the system because he was sexually abusing my sisters and that's why we got."
"Well then that's cause then that's cause that's different that's that's very that's one of the few things I will accept if there was actually a reason why you should a safety reason then there's no reason to interact with this person but I would say let's move on past that if there was reason because I don't want to dig too deep into because they're not relevant. If there's a reason, there's a reason. But you were adopted."
"Yeah."
"And you were raised by a a mother and father or a mother?"
"Just a mother."
"All right. So, you're raised by a mother and and the reason I'm asking these questions, if you got married at 18 to a 29-year-old, who who who uh advised you on that? That's what I'm trying to get to."
"Nobody."
"Okay. Um All right. Why Where's Whose advice do you seek in trying to guide you through life?"
[Music]
"I don't I'm just kind of I guess learning through trial and error."
"That's very dangerous."
"Well, that's why I'm calling you."
"Well, but you but you you're calling me but you're not paying me. See, this is why I'm not going to give you this off. I don't I mean, your circumstances try trying as they are. You're a 26-year-old. You're not 14. You know your background. How you know it's troubled. Are you seeing a therapist?"
"I've done a lot of work."
"Okay. Is it."
"I've done a lot of work."
"Are you in a healthy place?"
"I I am actually."
"All right. So, and you said you were married to a 29-year-old. How long were you married?"
"Like five years. So, you've been divorced less than less than three years."
"Yeah."
"Okay. Any children?"
"When?"
"A boy or girl?"
"He's a boy."
"Okay. Um, you're going to have a lot of problems."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"No."
"I don't care how attractive you are. Your your background, ma'am, is messy."
"What if I don't tell anybody, though?"
"People aren't stupid. Especially the kind of man you're talking about you. And it makes you a horrible person. See, a person who's gone through therapy would not say that. A person who's in a healthy mind space would not think to try to deceive somebody."
"Well, just I mean, no one wants to know your whole life story, though. Like,"
"we're talking No, no. We're talk we're talking about people who No, ma'am. So, the only people we've been talking about is the kind of men that could provide for you and put you in a home and take care of you."
"But the re the real answer is yes. My background is messy. No, the work's not done, but I want what I want. So, yeah, I would say the work's not done because that's not a that's not a healthy thing to say. That's a that's a predatory thing to say regarding another person. I'll just lie to him about my background. You gonna lie to him about your kid, too?"
"No, I was just saying like just don't put out all on the table like."
"Well, you mean about put it on the table on the first date? But it has to come out."
"See, you are who you are. You are who you are."
"And the kind of men you're talking about did not get there by luck. High earning men, wealthy men, successful men didn't get there by luck. See, that's why I started at the beginning. Do you even know how much money it would take? And you don't, which is kind of troubling because I wonder how you're even living with a child. I mean, are you you got two years of college, an associates degree."
"How are you living in California? Well, I mean, technically I'm I just I'm technically not. I just didn't want to put like my where I am. So, you know."
"I don't but but I mean are living do you are you in your own place?"
"I am. Yes."
"Are you paying the rent there in full yourself?"
"Yes, I am."
"All right. And is your son provided for?"
"Yes."
"All right. Is and is the father in the kids' life?"
"Yes."
"All right. Are you getting alimony or just child support?"
"Child support."
"All right. So, all that is a mess. Your child is young. There's not enough hotness to overcome young child from a divorce with your background. There there are other women who are as hot or hotter than you that have none of that."
"That's number one. Number two, there are other women out there who were raised to be a wife who have none of that. Number three, there are other women out there who at least understand what the man on the side of the table that you want to come take care of you and another man's child would have to do to make that happen. In effect, you want a fairy godfather is what you want."
"Okay? You don't like the words, but that's really what it is because none because you don't know who he is. He's just a genie. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a receptionist and I do nails on the side."
"So, um, you ready for this? Um, I don't know. I I Sure. Sure. I mean."
"well, a receptionist receptionist receptionist and nails on the side."
"That's not enough to even provide for one person in California if that's where you live."
"Mhm."
"You have a child."
"Mhm."
"It means you can't take care of yourself."
"Okay. Is that."
"I I do. But okay."
"Okay. How do you make enough money to take care of yourself without the child support?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay. Well, where do you live? Cuz this makes no sense, but go ahead."
"Well, I don't want to give up my location."
"I don't care. Ma'am, what do you think? I've got Why do Why? Why? You called into a Hold on. You called No H No. Let's understand. You called into my show. Ask me questions that you're not paying for. Don't play with me. I don't have I don't have no need to know who you are or where you're at. It's not that serious."
"But what I'm trying to understand is whether or not you're telling me the truth. And there's this holes in this story. Are you in the Bay Area? That's all I need to know."
"No, I'm not. I'm in a small small town."
"All right. But it's still Northern California."
"No, it's not California. I just threw that out there. Like I just I'm."
"All right. So, you're [ __ ] lying to me."
"I'm not lying to you. Like."
"all right, you have one chance. You have one chance to go ahead and tell me where you are. I don't play games, man. Don't do this. I'm not I'm not playing games with you. Tell me where you are, the area, or get off my [ __ ] phone. Seriously, I mean, you too old doing this stuff. You want my help? Let me help you. If not, go figure it out yourself."
"Washington State."
"See, you know why that's important? what I just said, ma'am."
"Why."
"your When I said your your background is a mess and you said, "Why don't I just not tell him?" You are willing to lie to a man to get what you want. You just proved it with me. I'm better at it than most men and I'm dogged about it and I can smell [ __ ] But you are willing to lie to someone to get what you want. And I don't care where you live in Washington state, high earning women are not receptionists and nail techs. Those are women that live around the poverty level. The only way people tend to make live I mean you're not making $40 an hour as a receptionist."
"Right? So that means in order to take care of a small child, you're having to either get significant child support or some sort of assistance or you must be living in a hubble somewhere. Either or you're living paycheck to paycheck without a without the government or a man supporting you."
"Yeah, I do. Like I said, I do nails on this side."
"Right. So is his what is his father his father is gainfully employed. Your ex-husband gainfully employed?"
"What does he do for a career?"
"He's a police officer."
"How come I that was going to be my guess? That was going to be my I'll tell you guys why I knew that. I'll tell you guys why I knew that later. Um why didn't he have custody of the boy?"
"Um because I do. Oh, we were we he was in the military when we got married and we moved to his hometown which was not in Washington state."
"I don't care. I ask you why."
"He makes more money than you. Why didn't he have why didn't he have the boy?"
"Um because he has two other children."
"What the [ __ ] What does that have to do with anything? Why doesn't he have his son? He's the more stable. He has benefits. It would make it easier for you to get what you want."
"Yeah, but I just I guess I just like being a mother."
"No, that's not it. He's a check. You may love being a mother, but you cannot raise a man. You never even saw a man. You obviously don't Hold on. You obviously don't pick. Well, you have not made the best choices for your life and you think you're going to be able to help a boy become a man and you're the only one leading you. No one else is leading you. Ma'am, you this is problematic at best. Boys need their fathers, but as a woman who did not have a father, it doesn't surprise me that you just think guys are just genies. And no disrespect, but I feel like I'm talking to like a teenager at some levels. So, I'm going tell you, you the boy would be better off with this father. I don't know why the man didn't petition for custody of his child because you can't care for him. You're a nail technician uh and a receptionist. It will be better for you to give the son over to his father and you pay child support and let him be raised by a man who has a career and benefits. You get yourself together and give yourself the best shot to date. Because high value men, men with money, you'll be a side chick. They will have sex with you. They'll tell you things, but ma'am, you are a bad investment just from a practical standpoint, the fact that you have a child and all these other loose ends. And then you mix in the if the abuse thing is real, which I don't have any reason to doubt, but the deception you've played around here is how you move through the world. Men aren't suckers, man. Especially successful ones. Last question about your son. If this is how you think about men, what do you think that's going to do to his what his view of manhood?"
"If what is how I think about men?"
"Well, you've not really said anything positive about us."
"I mean, you you want to lie to us."
"Positive."
"Yeah. You mean you."
"it's not come across as a as a positive situation. I mean, you were married. Um, do you think you're the best f you do you think he's going to become a better man under you than under his father?"
"My son."
"Uh-huh."
"I think so. I really do. I do. I I try to give myself."
"But do you know this that do but you do you know the data on the matter?"
"The data I mean I understand that you know this just single moms in general is not ideal."
"No, it's not. That's beyond not ideal. Um, I'm assuming you're you're black."
"Mhm."
"Is his father black?"
"I'm sorry. What is your."
"Is his father black?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Go look up the statistic for single mother raised black boys."
"I will do that. Uh."
"well, all you have to do, you don't have to go that far. I'll tell you. They're at the bottom of the barrel. reading at a fourth grade level. Single mother raised black boys are in some of the most precarious positions of any person on this planet. And man, do respect, you have two years of college and just a a job and he would be in a better position. Is his father active in his life? Like does he see him every other weekend or I mean, is he."
"or do you just have custody and he's getting you just have full custody and you getting a check?"
"No, we do like um like he has visitation because we don't live in the same state."
"right?"
"So, you know, it's like the holiday thing summer."
"But you lived in the same state when you were married."
"Yeah."
"Why' you move Why did you move away from the father?"
"I didn't want to, but it was because my family uh uh."
"let's stop right there, man. Let's stop right there. You were a wife. I don't want to hear [ __ ] about a family. Your family is now your husband and your child. Who filed for the divorce?"
"I did."
"Why?"
"Because he had a a child."
"Excuse me?"
"You got someone pregnant during the marriage?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Keep going."
"So, I filed for divorce. And."
"And are you better off now than you were when you were married?"
"I am. Yes."
"Financially."
"yes, I would say so."
"No. No. No. No. Ma'am, the the numbers are real clear. So your husband had an affair and got someone pregnant, right?"
"Right."
"So you filed for divorce."
"okay?"
"and what state is your husband in or ex-husband?"
"O um Oklahoma."
"Welcome. Oklahoma. And I'm from there. And you're in Washington State, right?"
"I am."
"So that's at least a 4-hour flight."
"How often does your son see his father?"
"Um, Thanksgiving. Yes, summertime."
"Does he have full summers?"
"Yes."
"And."
"so he sees his son during the summertime."
"Yeah."
"And then the remainder of the year he's with you."
"That's correct."
"And you took your son, you took his son from him for what?"
"Um, you say something about your family. What about it?"
"They were in the state, you know, of Washington, but um."
"yeah."
"No, I don't that's that's not an answer."
"You were in Oklahoma."
"I didn't want to get divorced. I didn't want to leave."
"You filed for divorce, ma'am. What do you think happened? The divorce fairy made you do it. Ma'am, you were in Oklahoma. You filed for divorce and you went to Washington. Why did you move to Washington?"
"Cuz that's where my support was at the time."
"Right. Right. Your your family your support. So, um, Oklahoma's cheaper than the state of Washington, number one. And it doesn't sound like your family is that strong or stable. So, you moved you moved and now uh are you getting a lot of help from your mother because there's no father?"
"Um, no. I actually my my adopted mom, she doesn't talk to me anymore. None of my."
"So, you're in Washington by yourself?"
"Yeah. No, I am."
"All right. So, listen listen, ma'am."
"This is why I say this is a mess. Everything you've told me continues to unravel. Here's what it is. Your husband committed adultery. It hurt. You You decided to make an emotional decision. You filed for divorce and you punished him and did what was good for you. So you thought and you took his child from him and you made him become a part-time father and you making your son suffer that only seeing his father in the summertime. And what do you have to show for it? a job as a a nail tech and a receptionist and nothing else. This is bad. That's why I said I don't need to know all the the in the ins and outs, but he would be better off with his father in Oklahoma than with you. You've made all these decisions, ma'am, outside of your husband having an affair, but then you turn around and say you didn't want to file for divorce. You didn't want to divorce your husband, but you did. Mhm."
"When I say I didn't want to, it was more like like I wanted to and I did, but it wasn't like I would love I wanted a family, but I just came with."
"But you ended it."
"But."
"you ended your family."
"Yeah. And I don't necessarily regret that because he wasn't, you know."
"Of course not. Cuz you have no idea what a family is, ma'am. And this why I said, "Ma'am, I feel like I'm talking to a teenage girl. I didn't want to f I didn't want I Listen, it's not an insult, man. Go look at what the women are typing in the chat room when this show's over. If if I'm off, they'll tell you."
"but what you're saying."
"I understand what you're saying."
"I get it. So, you are you are you've gone you you've had a a a complex upbringing. You no one you're under no one's leadership. There's no one helping you. nothing. And you're on a coast by yourself raising the most vulnerable type boy there is in this country. That's what I'm trying to get you to understand. You can barely take care of you. Let me also say this. If you weren't as attractive as you are, would you be able to make some of the moves you do?"
"Like what moves?"
"Uh well."
"I don't know. So when I'll go there. Um scratch that."
"I mean, I would say I have the privilege. You know, they talk about."
"you have pretty privilege. That's what you have. So people do stick for you that they wouldn't do for an unattractive woman, but that [ __ ] runs out. I understand."
"So the net net of it, ma'am, is let me let me let me level let me level set this for you. The moment you said I do, you became a wife. Put up the little girl, put everything else. You made an oath and you decide to break that oath. You decide to break it. Your husband cheated on you. He broke your He broke his vow. You broke your covenant. You broke your covenant with God, with your man. That's what you chose to do. If you're a Christian, uh, the whole curse thing that you're living more under that than your ex. Then you took his son from him. You didn't do it for his son's benefit. You did it for you. Ma'am, you're selfish. Everything you've been saying is about you and what you want. And I that's why I said you still need to be in therapy. There's a lot of work that needs to be done and you don't need to be parenting this boy by yourself. He's the one that's going to suffer."
"Okay."
"That's why I say why not just send him back to his father? But unfortunately, women like you feel like doing that is like a failure or if I don't have this, I have nothing. It's not a puppy. He's a boy. I know he would."
"I understand."
"And you would be better off by sending him to his father because you'd have a a his son would have a fighting chance right now, man. You can't provide."
"Yeah, I know."
"Is Is your father Is your ex-husband remarried?"
"Um, he's not remarried, but he does have a girlfriend, and they do have two other children. I I don't care about the other children, ma'am. I really don't. All I care about is your ex-husband remarried."
"No."
"Does your ex-husband are you guys on a on a reasonable page?"
"Well, we kind of are."
"Okay."
"This has really helped me."
"Listen, listen, listen, listen what I'm asking. I don't care about who he [ __ ] and however many kids he has. Get over it. Really, get over it. You have a h you have a husband and he's still tolerating this [ __ ]"
"I often times it's best for men and women husband and wife to reconcile because let me tell you why men like me I there's no way in heck guys like me would take a woman like you seriously. It's not though you're not a beautiful woman, but it just it's too much too complicated. It's just far too complicated. You have a marriage and a child. When you decide to get married, you decide to put up the girly things. When you decide to get have the child, life became about that boy."
"Mhm. Um, if you can resolve uh uh resolve with your ex, that would be more the more likely scenario. I know going to be some women saying, "No, don't do that. He cheated on her. You you've been married. You got a kid. Don't listen to people who ain't been in this fight."
"because what's the alternative? Can you really see a life in Washington DC where you have a a job or a career that you can provide well for you and your son?"
"Washington State."
"Washington State. Washington State."
"I you know I I do."
"What kind of skills do you have?"
"Um just basic skills."
"Clerical skills. You're an unskilled laborer."
"Okay."
"I mean I'm not trying to be funny. Ma'am, you are unskilled labor. You don't have a college degree."
"Unskilled. You know, I'm just."
"You're unskilled."
"I do. I have an associates degree. I have my associates."
"An associates in what?"
"Associates in arts. It's just like a g I was It's the one you get before you go towards a four-year."
"right? It's an associate. An associates degree and an associates in arts."
"Yes."
"Okay. And ma'am, what does an associates in arts command on the free employment market?"
"Well, I mean, if I wanted to, I could probably get a job in like social work or not being a social worker, but working with, you know, people like like that. Um."
"you saying you can get a job as a social worker with an associates in art?"
"Kind of like a peer counselor because I I did a lot of work."
"And how much money do those people make?"
"Not a lot. And it's not worth it to me."
"Not a lot of money. I don't."
"So man, when I say you're an unskilled worker, why did that offend you when you have a degree that won't even allow you to get a an okay job."
"ma'am?"
"I guess because I just I don't know."
"It's because it's true. You have no science, engineering, technology and math, accounting, medicine, uh, law. Those are careers. You have basically what accounts to a high school diploma plus."
"Yeah."
"Unskilled labor."
"Oh gosh. Wow."
"Why is that? Okay. Listen and hear. You have no skills. That's why you're a receptionist. What is it required? What what skills are required to be a receptionist?"
"Um, you know, answering phones, being organized."
"right? Basic clerical skills, stuff that's not changed since the 1910s. And you don't even have to type or file anymore. You are a woman 26 years old completely out of completely without anyone covering you. No one's covering you. No one's protecting for you, providing, teaching. You're out here making it up as you go. And that's fine, but it's not because you got a little boy. He suffers all your mistakes times 10. And you're talking as though just because you have the power of wish and sunshine that you can make it happen. And no, ma'am, you can't. Four million people have applied for unemployment insurance since co. And you honestly think you're going to be able to get a job when people who have actual skills are losing their jobs in this new market. You're too naive to even know what you don't know. And you have a boy. Did you hear what I just said? Did that make sense?"
"It makes perfect sense. It really, really does. And I think the reason why I'm just kind of like um not thinking I'm I'm just like okay is because um I just kind of I am like I do nails on the side. So, I do have a little bit of like a side hustle and you know I I I want to like have my own like little um little business where I or my own income and I don't work for anyone because it's just like that's just how I am. I'm just a little bit, you know, but I I do take care of my business. I do handle my business and things like that. So, it's like I understand what you're saying and I know I sound like a 12-year-old."
"Yes, ma'am. You do not. No, ma'am. Because if you just said, "I know I do nails on the side." Understand something. Filipino Vietnamese women who don't speak English come to this country and do that. It doesn't require a lot of skill to do that. You are effectively a day laborer and you want that job that you like doing because it makes you cash and you can feel like you make money every day because it's cash. That's that's why a lot of women like you wait tables because if you didn't do this, your options would be the strip club or prostitution. I'mma get real with you. Those are your options. Cuz what you want to do, no one's going to Listen, ma'am. What you want to do, no one's going to hire you for. You want to make being a nail tech a career. It's a job that you can do in any po dunk town in Oak. You can go to Walmart and be a nail technician. Ma'am, they got a little salon there in Walmart. You ain't going to make $75,000 a year as a part-time nail tech."
"You have no skills. You have no plans. You're And at this point, ma'am, you're dangerous to yourself because you're talking about, well, I like to just have my own little side hustle to where I can possibly flip this into a a job to make my own business because that's just how I am. Yes, you're a freirit unstructured woman who needs a strong man to take care of you because you are incapable of doing it for yourself. If no one's told you, I'm going to tell you. You're incapable of taking care of yourself. You sound like a teenager. And the problem is you have a boy who's what? Two, three."
"No, he's six."
"Six."
"So he's at the He's six."
"Ouch. Yes."
"When we go back to school, don't be surprised if you start seeing a a little Helion with disciplinary problems. I'm gonna I'm gonna really sleep on the advice about, you know, his father. I think a lot of the things that you said is true. I don't want to be a selfish parent. And I I have this pandemic. I have been a little bit struggling and things like that. And I I did kind of consider myself like I don't necessarily want to be a failure, but I don't want to be selfish. So, I'm going to really take that."
"failure. Failure. Failure happens when you look at the truth and you decide to stick your head in the sand like an ostrich and hope it goes away. That's the only way to fail."
"Okay?"
"Is to make an emotional decision versus just saying, you know what, it's not ideal. Oklahoma, Washington, look, it'll be better for you to be in the same state with your ex-husband because at least you'd have some help. and at least cost of living is lower. Uh trust me, you'd be better off there. Uh so I'mma leave it there. Keep in contact. Let me know how it goes though. But um but you really need to take into consideration you don't I don't think you understand what's about to happen with this economic market. They're not the jobs just aren't there, ma'am. It's not what it was in February. The world has forever changed and we haven't even scratched the surface of what happened. Is Washington off lockdown?"
"We're like phase two. Okay. So like our nail."
"Here in Atlanta here in Atlanta, I was in Neiman Marcus the day they shut everything down. Neiman Marcus announced that it was looking to to file bankruptcy. Long and short of it is Neiman Marcus is probably is going to cut about 40%. All those people in retail, those millions and millions of women out there who have who have more skills than you, more work history. I'm not It's not funny, ma'am."
"It's not funny, ma'am. when the when the when the when the uh um when unemployment runs out and all that runs out. See, what this country has never seen is has never seen homeless women. But we're going to see homeless women because there's not enough jobs for all of these unmarried, unattached women. The we are not meant to be by ourselves. Ma'am, you have zero support and you're an unskilled laborer. you might as well be an illegal immigrant with your with your skill sets. You you you think that's you think that's hyperbolic, but I need you to understand what I said, but for the fact that you speak the language and you graduated from here on paper, you have literally no skills that that an illegal immigrant to this country, someone coming up from Mexico or coming over the border, off the boat, you're doing unskilled work and you're not going to college to get a degree or going to get any certification. So, you're not going to get any more skills. So, and to think I'm going to turn this unskilled thing into a $100,000 a year hustle is folly. You got a lot of serious thinking to do, man. And you better you got to hurry up and do it cuz you got a boy. But, uh I'm I'm going to stay on what I say. You need to you need to just you need to you need to talk to his father and and especially and and last thing and I got to run. You do realize that a boy only needs his mother up to the age seven. After age seven, he needs his father more than he needs his mother."
"Okay."
"that's been his that's since the dawn of time. Heck, the ancient Spartans even figured that out."
"Well, no one told me that. So, I mean, it's really good to know. Okay. All right."
"So, thank you so much for your time and advice."
"Bye-bye."
"You're 26, attractive, and you've got a son. Okay. But wanting a high-value man and qualifying for one are two different lanes. High-value men have options. Lots of them. Younger women, child-free women, women with fewer complications. That doesn't make you unworthy. It means you have to be realistic about the competition. You chose marriage once, it didn't work, and now you have a child. That changes your value in the marketplace. Not because you're a bad person, but because high-value men care about legacy, access, and risk."