Transcription
All right. So, in this video, I'm going to share with you guys something that is going to forever change your life. If you've ever wondered why it is that women always seem to go for the thugs and the guys that are just all around seem to be pretty toxic towards women, let me first tell you something that's really, really weird about the human brain.
So, there's this thing in neuroscience, and it is called dopamine anticipation. Now, in case you didn't know, dopamine is essentially the feel-good chemical. It's the thing that lights up whenever we eat food, whenever we win a game, and when we get a message from somebody that we like, we get little hits of dopamine. But here's the twist. Here's the crazy part about this: Dopamine actually spikes the most before we get the reward.
Okay, so, in other words, what this means is that we get the biggest hit of dopamine right before, or in anticipation of getting the reward, before we actually get the reward. Okay, so not when we get it, not after we get it, but it is the buildup, or the waiting, or the guessing, or the not knowing before we actually get the reward that drives our brain absolutely crazy with excitement. Okay, so we get the biggest hit of dopamine in anticipation for the reward. And so what this means is the thing that our brain loves most is basically the feeling of chasing something rather than the thing itself. And that right there, that right there actually explains an enormous part of attraction. And it basically unlocks one of the most secretive parts of female psychology known to man.
Okay. So, what this means is that this has everything to do with how women experience attraction. Okay, so this is where most guys totally fail. Okay, if you look at the majority of men out there and why they fail with women, this is the reason why. So, most guys are basically told or programmed from a very young age that the best way to attract a woman is to just be honest. How many times have you heard that growing up throughout your life, that as long as you're honest, as long as you're a good guy, then women will want you? You will be able to attract all the women that you want.
Okay, and so we're programmed to basically tell women everything. We're programmed to say everything that we feel. We're programmed to open up to women right away, right after we meet them. And we're told to just be clear, direct, honest, and real. And don't get me wrong, honesty is important. But the problem mostly comes from when you give it. Because when you're too honest, and when you're too honest too quickly, what ends up happening with women is that you basically kill all of the attraction. You basically destroy all of the mystery, and you basically eliminate what we call in attraction the chase, which is basically the only thing that women care about.
Okay, women are always in this chase. Okay, and so they want to feel something, and they feel something from this chase whenever they're chasing a guy, whenever they're chasing, you know, information about him, whatever it is. And so if you think about it like this, if you've ever watched a movie where they revealed everything in the first 5 minutes, that movie probably doesn't exist. You probably never actually seen a movie like that. Okay, because it doesn't really exist. Because movies, especially good movies, they never reveal everything in the first 5 minutes. You have to actually sit and watch the entire movie.
Okay, and so in a movie like this, if there were a movie where everything was revealed in the first five minutes, you'd have to ask yourself the question, "Where is the hero's backstory? Where is the twist? Where is the ending? Where are all the things that actually get you excited?" And the answer is they don't exist because everything is dumped onto you right away within the first five minutes. That would be a pretty boring movie, right? If everything in the movie happened in the first 5 minutes, there'd be really no reason to watch it. There would be no suspense, and you wouldn't be sitting there going, "What is thinking to yourself, what's going to happen next?" or wondering, you know, what exactly it is that this movie is about.
Now imagine the opposite. Imagine a movie that drops tiny hints. A movie that you know has a main character who's really difficult to figure out. You know, somebody who makes you think, "What is exactly the story behind this guy? Why did he just say that? What is he hiding? What is the secret behind this guy?" That is a movie that you can't stop watching. And so here's the thing: That is also the exact guy that women can't stop thinking about.
Okay, and there's actually a name for this in psychology. It's called the Zagnar effect, and it basically means that people tend to remember unfinished things better than they do finished ones. And so when something feels open, when something feels incomplete, when it feels unresolved, our brains tend to hold on to it more. In other words, our brains tend to obsess about it more. And this is precisely why mystery is so incredibly powerful. And in fact, it is why mystery is always, when it comes to attraction, 100 times more effective than honesty.
Okay, because if you give a woman all the answers right away, if you're too honest with the woman too quickly, her brain basically closes the loop, and there's nothing exciting about you. There's nothing about you for her to chase. There's nothing that keeps her wondering. There's nothing that makes her think about you, and you basically become just another guy. You become just another ordinary, average, nice, or good guy that she will forget probably within minutes. Okay, but if you leave some things unsaid, if you keep a woman guessing a little bit, if you let her wonder what's really going on inside of your head, then all of a sudden her brain can't let go. And she starts thinking about you when you're not even there. She starts re-watching the text that she sends you in her mind. She asks herself, "What exactly did he mean by that?" And that's the magic. That is the hook.
Okay, now what I'm saying is I'm not saying you should lie. Okay, I'm not saying that you should inherently play games or pretend to be someone that you're not. That's not what this is about. What this is about is simply holding back just enough to keep yourself attractive. Okay, not telling a woman your whole life story on the first date. Not dumping your emotions on her two days after meeting her. Not trying to prove to her that you're good enough by overexplaining yourself. Okay, it's about being okay with not being fully known yet. In other words, letting a woman figure you out piece by piece by piece and making it so that she has to earn your truth, or she has to earn information about you. Okay, that's when attraction builds. When you are mysterious, that's when attraction is building. Okay, that's when you stop being just a boring, average, nice guy that is completely forgettable, and you become the guy that women can't figure out because they can't stop thinking about you because you are so mysterious.
Okay. So, the truth that nobody wants to tell you, the truth that most guys simply don't understand, is that when it comes to women and when it comes to attraction, mystery always beats honesty. Okay, never ever forget that: mystery always beats honesty. As men, we tend to have this urge to reveal as much as we can about ourselves when we meet women. Okay, a lot of guys do it because they are trying to, you know, prove themselves to the woman. A lot of guys do it because they are nervous, and they just start talking, and they say too much that they shouldn't be saying about themselves. Okay, there's many different reasons why guys do this. There's many different reasons why guys are always super honest. A lot of guys believe falsely that women will be more attracted to them if they are more honest. When in reality, it's actually the total opposite of that.
Okay, in any situation when you're dealing with women, what you have to understand is that honesty will never ever beat mystery. Okay, being more honest will never ever beat being more mysterious. Okay, so always err on the side of being more mysterious. Don't tell a woman too much. Never give women too much information, especially when you first meet them. Okay, when you first meet a woman, it should be kind of like a sliding scale. The longer that you know a woman, the more that you can reveal to her about yourself, about your life, about things like that. Okay, but especially when you first meet her, that's when the mysteriousness should be at the highest point. When you first meet her, that's when you should be the most mysterious about yourself and your life and everything about you. Okay, 'cause what you have to understand is that honesty makes women understand you, but mystery makes women want you. Okay, honesty makes them understand you, but mystery is what makes them actually attracted to you. Mystery is what makes them want you. And in the game of attraction, wanting always beats understanding. Okay, having been in a situation where a woman understands you is always going to be far worse than being in a situation where a woman doesn't understand you. Okay, because wanting always beats understanding. Mystery always beats honesty. So always be a little bit more mysterious than you think you're being. And with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed this one. And until next time, thanks for watching.