Transcription
A lot of the times when people are like, "Oh, I don't have time." Then why do you know all about TV shows and the latest songs and the latest this and that, but you have no structure, discipline, or consistency in your routine? You know what's going on in the latest trends of social media, but you have no structure, no discipline, no consistency that is helping you get to your higher self. You really want to glow up. Do you actually really want to glow up? Because glowing up is not being fascinated or involving yourself into the media or into trends. It's being disciplined in your own routine and creating structure for your own life. Also, taking accountability for your own life. And your distracted mind is usually keeping you away from your goals, from your ambitions, from who you want to become.
Whether you've lost yourself as a mother, lost yourself in a relationship, maybe you've even fallen off when it came to your fitness goals. I know we're doing a 30-day challenge. And you know what? Not every day is supposed to be perfect. Maybe you've fallen off. Maybe you got back into some bad habits that are throwing you off, that are making you feel guilty. Maybe you're even out of your fitness routine. You don't know how to get back into it again. We're getting ready for summer. We're getting ready to step out as the higher version of ourselves. And you may even be feeling guilty. And because I work with so many women, I always hear this weekly that they want to give up and they want to reset. They want to start over because they now feel guilty. And so in today's video, I'm going to be giving you a ton of tips that are going to be reassuring to your path, to your growth, to your glow up, to your energy, to the momentum that you need.
No road is supposed to be smooth. We're supposed to embrace the journey. And I feel like oftentimes we set a lot of goals, which is a good thing. We set goals and then when we may self-sabotage or we cave in or we fall off, we beat ourselves up really hard. I had a client text me this morning and she was like, "Shen, I had a few good days, but then last night I ate a cookie. Is there any way that we can restart and consider this week a trial week and next week we can start fresh?" And I said, "No." Right? No, you cannot start over. No, you cannot reset. No, you cannot have a new fresh week to begin a new program. You have to embrace the learning curves throughout the journey. And if you keep starting over because you think, "Oh, this time I'm going to be ready. This time I'm going to be perfect," you will never be able to learn the tools that you need to move forward into becoming your higher self.
And so tip number one is going to be giving yourself more grace. And I feel like especially as a woman, I can only speak as a woman, I feel like I'm really hard on myself, especially as a competitor as well. This is why I hired a coach to reassure me that I'm on the right track. And so when I do work with clients, I always reassure them and I also hold them accountable. So if you are cutting yourself short, of course, I'm going to let you know that. But as a coach, I always stand to hold you accountable. Now, when it comes to myself, I am hard on myself. But I have to remember to give myself grace and look at every situation as how can I learn from this? Or what was my emotional state like in the time of me caving in or self-sabotaging or making decisions that weren't going to serve me? It's all about processing things that you are feeling shameful or guilty about. If you don't work on those things, you are never going to get rid of the trigger. And the trigger is what's going to keep bringing you back. When you're triggered, that's what's going to keep bringing you back to making those same bad decisions that eventually are going to make you feel ashamed, unhappy, or guilty.
And listen, I need you guys to understand that no road is supposed to be smooth. You are going to have bumps and I need you to embrace the bumps during all seasons. We are all human and I think we forget that we are human. We are not meant to be perfect. We are bound to mess up. But even when you mess up, I really want you to remember that you haven't messed up forever. There are many blessings that come out of mistakes. It doesn't mean keep making the same mistakes, but there are lessons that are meant to be learned when we do things. And also, we need to pay attention to the bad habits and to again the triggers that trigger us to do those things that are throwing us off. So, just keep this in mind. You cannot keep waiting for the perfect time or this is when I'm ready or this is when I'm actually going to be dedicated. No, the next day I need you to get up. If God has given you another day, I'm going to need you to get up and try a little harder and really sit with yourself and start to learn what throws you off. Learn what triggers you. Learn how your mind is. Learn your mindset patterns of the ways that you think. If you are a lot harder on yourself, then yes, these are things that you need to pay attention to because it's hindering you from becoming your dream woman. It's hindering you from becoming your higher self.
Which leads to number two: reflect and do not ruminate. I need you to ask yourself whenever you feel like you've fallen off or you're feeling guilty. I want you to ask yourself, what has led me here? So, it's really important to start to assess what's going on in your life or around you or in your mindset again with the cues or what leads you to self-sabotage. Emotions most of the time, right? Triggers most of the time. And once you become aware of that, it's asking yourself how you want to move forward with paying attention to these cues so that you so that they no longer have any power over your goals or over your steps. I feel like for many people, they're always going for a rut. You may even be going through a rut. Life just comes with many seasons, and it honestly depends on how long you personally let that season run, how long you want it to run its course. It's really important for you to step back, not to dwell in it, but to learn from it because there's always something that you can learn in every situation. And the faster you end up learning, the faster you are able to move forward.
Tip number three: one thing that you can do to get back on track is going to be starting small. Restarting small or just starting small. Listen, I need you to pick one thing that you can win at today. Not a million things, just one thing that you can get really good at and then you start to add more once you're good at the first thing or once you've ingrained it into your routine or once it's become a habit that you have gotten really good at. As simple as drinking water, let's maybe back it up and do two liters, but let's get good at two liters. Once you get good at one thing that you can add more to your plate, often times you put way too much on your plate and you end up overcomplicating things or making it really overwhelming for yourself. This is another example when it came to my client. She had felt a little bit overwhelmed, overthinking every move. Listen, when you make and set goals, you need to list it out, right? What is top priority to the least amount of priority? Then you work from there. You don't try and do everything all at once. It's like having a full plate and then stuffing your face all at once. No, it's impossible for you to get all that food in your mouth at one time, right? You have to take your time. You know what happens when you overeat or when you just eat too fast? We end up overwhelming your digestive system. And that's exactly what happens to yourself. You'll end up overwhelming yourself. I need you to start taking your goals day by day, focusing on winning, doing something that allows you to win each day. So even if you pick one thing like drinking water or getting 5,000 steps, even though you may feel like 10,000 steps is impossible for you in that day, start off with one thing and go from there. So important for you to just look at what you do in your day and not how far you are from the actual goal; what you do day by day. Even little things do add up. It's like watering a plant. When you first bring home the seeds and you start to plant it into soil, you start to water it and it takes a few years. It takes a few months, sometimes years for it to even blossom. Yes, that is how patient you need to be with your goals. And along the way, you're sitting waiting by the plant wondering when are you going to blossom? When are you going to be 3 feet high? But you know what? Along the journey, you're learning, you're being patient, you're being kind. And I need you to have that same kind of energy and love and grace and patience for yourself and reminding yourself and reassuring yourself that you're doing the best that you can in today. It could even be as simple as smiling. You never know, sometimes your energy because you feel like you've fallen off or you're further from your goals or maybe your goals feel impossible. I'm sure it affects your mood and especially if you're in relationships, you may be married or dating, your mood is going to throw off the energy in the home. All right? As a woman, we carry the power in our homes. We carry the power in conversations, in relationships, in friendships, to either make the relationship or break the relationship. You have the power to fill someone else's cup or drain them. When you start to reassure yourself and become your own hype person, trust me, the relationships around you are going to blossom because you are spending more time with giving yourself more grace along the journey of getting towards your goals.
Number four: do something every single day for at least 15 minutes that is going to get you closer to who you want to become. 15 minutes minimum. And trust me, it's going to make a huge difference in 6 weeks, in 12 weeks, in 6 months, in 1 year.
Tip number five: when it comes to getting back on track when you've fallen off is going to be limit the noise from social media. Listen, because I have fallen into the social media trap many times. When your brain is overly stimulated, it's going to be really hard for you to focus. It's also going to lead to a lot of emotions where you may even have FOMO or you may be missing that validation or attention that comes from you posting your stories and posting what you're up to and you're constantly posting for that validation and attention. When you feel like you've fallen off sometimes, it's because you've gotten to a point of losing focus of your purpose. Like what are you actually working towards? Is it towards attention? Because eventually that's going to lead to burnout. And so when you are focused on your goals and showing up with intention, you're not focused on social media. You can take a step back whenever you feel like you need to rest or you need to clear your mind or you need a break from seeing what other people are doing or posting what you are doing because you need to get better in your habits because you need to become more consistent. You cannot do it all. Right? I gave up Instagram because I knew that I couldn't do it all. I knew that it wasn't even important to me to carry on a certain app when I knew that I needed to change a few things within myself before coming back onto the app. I no longer wanted an app to control my time. I no longer wanted an app to control my attention, my energy, my life. And so I had to pull away and start to develop myself even more: education, knowledge, spirituality, my morals, my values, refocus. Who am I meant to become? And often times when you are distracted on social media, you forget your sense of self. You forget what you are actually working towards. You forget your morals. You forget your values. You forget you. You end up losing yourself to the world. It's important to come back to self every now and then and take the break that you need. Uh, you can take as long as you want and I also want to remind you that often times when you are heavily distracted by social media, any kind of app, you do lose a sense of self, but it also leads to toxic habits like comparison, jealousy, envy, and then you honestly feel like you're not doing enough and you compete and you compete instead of competing with the person in the mirror. And so that's why I say if you cannot focus because you're distracted by what everyone else is doing or you're trying to keep up with a facade, then yes, you need to remove yourself and work on getting good at at least one thing. Really getting clear and defined in your own routine in who you want to become and not try to live by a standard of social media from trends that are always changing, influencers that are always exposed. When you remove yourself from the noise, it allows you to actually do the grounding work from within that is going to allow you to shine. That is going to allow you to become your higher self and also give yourself more grace because there is no race against other people. It's really about being consistent within yourself, being disciplined and also believing in yourself. If you truly believe that God doesn't have anything good for you, you really should not be on any app comparing yourself. Take that time away to just focus on getting good at the habits and getting good at skills, getting good at cooking, getting good at being yourself, and then you can go back on those apps. You need to be very confident within yourself. And being confident is not about being perfect; it's also about embracing when uh you've fallen off. Embracing the challenges that come about in life and knowing that you will rise from it. It's just a moment in time.
Which leads to number six: I need you to talk to someone that makes you feel safe. Now, I'm going to share something that happened to me recently. I had a moment filled with doubt and I took my journal out and my Bible devotion and I fell off from journaling and my devotion. Not my morning routine with reading the Bible, though. That has been consistent. But the writing things down part, I've fallen off from that. So, I had a moment where I was feeling really doubtful and I wrote in my journal. When I doubt myself, I feel like I'm doubting God. I opened my devotional after I was done writing a few pages in my journal. And it was day 51 and the topic was on self-doubt. Throughout journaling, I was praying and I was asking God to just talk to me because sometimes I feel like I can't really hear him. And I was just like asking God, "Send me a sign. Just talk to me. I just need some reassurance. I just need to know that I'm where you need me to be right now. I'm where you want me to be." And the chapter was on self-doubt. I read the chapter and at the end of the chapter it said, I'll take a picture. It said, "Yes, when you doubt yourself, you are doubting God." And I said, I was I started crying. I started balling my eyes out because I was like, "Wow." I've had moments where I've asked God to show and reveal that he can hear me. And in this moment where I was doubting myself the most and I was like, "God, I need you right now. I need your reassurance," I was able to see it, right? And I share this with you to say you're going to have so many moments in your life filled with uncertainty, filled with doubt, filled with fear and maybe even comparison or jealousy. And I want you to know that you really have to talk to someone that makes you feel soft. And that someone for me is God. And since I started my walk with God and getting closer to him, I've been able to feel a sense of more confidence and ease and clarity in every step that I make. I also now maneuver differently day-to-day. I would say that I'm more purposeful. I'm more intentional with my choices, with my actions, with my attitude. And that allows me to get back on track whenever I feel like I've fallen off or when I feel like I've shifted or when I feel like I need more clarity and reassurance. And often times we feel like we don't have the reassurance we need. We doubt ourselves and then we fall into bad habits. We fall into self-sabotaging. I'm not perfect. I can easily self-sabotage my life with one choice, even an action. And so I say this and share this with you because that was the reassurance that I needed that day that set the tone for my entire week of adding back to my momentum of you're on the right path, shine. Even though you do not see the things that you want to see right now, God is molding you. God is using you. He is helping you become better. And and although we're expecting to be the higher version of ourselves right now, we're expected to be in our dream body and our dream this or dream that. You have to allow God to do the work on you as you learn and are built daily. Talk to someone safe. I want you to sit down. I want you to journal. I want you to really take time to pray over your fear. Pray over when you feel stuck or when you feel like your life is stalling. When you need clarity, when you need direction, when you don't know if you're going to be making a good choice, it's really good to think about what you're about to do. The choices, the moves, the attitudes. It's really important to think before you actually do it.
Which leads to number seven: How to get back on track when you feel like you've fallen off. Create a gentle routine. Structure is so important. And you know what? I get this excuse all the time. Oh, I have no time or I'm too busy or I'm this or I'm that. Honestly, I'm at the point where I'm just sick of excuses. If you want to share an excuse but you have no solution at all, I cannot. Y'all, we need to stop giving out so many excuses and start to actually set ourselves up with solutions to our problems. Because a lot of the times when people are like, "Oh, I don't have time," then how do you have time to scroll on your phone and you know what your favorite influencers' favorite color is or where they are in the world or who they're dating and what's going on in the relationship? Why do you know all about TV shows and the latest songs and the latest this and the latest makeup and the latest that, but you have no structure, discipline, or consistency in your routine? You know what's going on in the latest trends of social media, but you have no structure, no discipline, no consistency that is helping you get to your higher self. You really want to glow up. Do you actually really want to glow up? Because glowing up is not being fascinated or involving yourself into the media or into trends. It's being disciplined in your own routine and creating structure for your own life. Also, taking accountability for your own life. And your distracted mind is usually keeping you away from your goals, from your ambitions, from who you want to become. And you're only aging, right? You're aging. You're getting older. As you get older, you get more worried. You get more nervous, depressed, anxious because time has been wasted. And so, I say this to say you need structure in your routine. When I create programs for my clients, I create programs based on their work schedule, right? How many times can they go to the gym? Not all clients are going to be able to go to the gym three times a week. Some people can only train two times a week. And that is okay. Some weeks I can only train five times or four times a week. But it comes down to your schedule. That way you do not burn yourself out. You are trying to do everything while being distracted. You need to remove your distractions and make time for what truly matters. Even if it's 15 minutes a day, instead of scrolling, how about you read, right? Instead of scrolling or coming home to a Netflix and chill scenario or ordering fast food, how about you meal prep so that you can warm up your dish when you get home from work and work on a new business venture? There's so many goals that you could be tackling within 15 minutes per day towards your goals, but instead you could spend hours watching your favorite TV show or a movie or talking to a useless man on the phone that can't help you do much but cuddle you or tell you that you're beautiful or call you over for a good time. You're wasting your time. You need structure. Every woman needs structure and order in her life. You cannot just be out here living and winging it because the people who are winging it, they look like they are winging it. They're unhealthy. They're unhappy. They're miserable. They've got a lot of health conditions. And you know what? If you just tightened up your routine, tightened up your structure, you would be the happier, hottest version of yourself. Period. So, a lot of people will definitely give the advice that they don't have time or they don't have this or they don't have that. One of my best friends said to me, "There are people out here with less that are doing more than what you have." People out here with less that are making no excuse and still showing up. So, yes, you can get back up and you can try again.
Lastly, when it comes to getting back on track when you feel like you've fallen off is going to be celebrating small wins, celebrating yourself more often in general. A lot of y'all, we're just too hard on ourselves. You're hard on yourself. I need you guys to give yourselves more grace. I don't mean baby yourself. I don't mean take yourself on a shopping spree or go to your favorite restaurant just because you're moody or you're emotional and you need this is your coping mechanism. No, I want you to actually talk to yourself. Reassure yourself. Have a friendship with yourself. A lot of you guys are seeking relationships and partnerships and friendships from other people with the highest amount of expectations that they need to be this person that they need to be that and this and then that to you and you can't even give yourself grace and compassion, but you can do that for another person, you can forgive when somebody has walked all over you, but you can't forgive yourself and move on. What? So enough is enough. I want you to start to give yourself grace and also talk with yourself. World, this is what we are going to do. This is the game plan and this is the punishment. If you do not show up for yourself for the next 3 days, then no takeout. You're not going out with your friends. Instead of going out with your friends, you're going to go ride a bicycle or you're going to go read a book. You don't have to punish yourself in a terrible way. You can also just tell yourself, "This is what you're going to do. Instead of ordering food, you're going to go to the grocery store, whether you feel like it or not, and go and buy healthy groceries and force yourself to make something that could be a punishment just because you don't like doing it anyways. You got to stop rewarding yourself for having a bad day or having a bad month and thinking, "Oh, next week or next month or when this situation changes, that's when I'm going to be good to myself." No. You're never going to be perfect. You're never going to be ready. You're never going to be that girl. Even when you become that girl, we still have chaos. We still have emotional battles. We still have a lot of turmoil that you're going to deal with. And so you need to master having a firm relationship with yourself, creating structure in your life, creating structure around your goals, knowing the mission, knowing what your focus is, and even when you fall, giving yourself grace to be like, "Girl, maybe you need just 24 hours."
Then, after that 24 hours, I need you to get up. I'm talking to you. I'm coming for you.
I need y'all to stop saying that you've been in a rut for this many months or years because why have you been sitting in your rut for so long? That's not even attractive. You don't even need to be attracting a partner, a relationship. Overall, that kind of energy is not magnetic. It doesn't align with anything better. When you sit in your rut, nothing good comes about sitting in your rut. You don't smell good. No one wants to be around you. If you're unhappy and miserable and a negative Nancy, no one wants to be around you. If you have no goals or ambition, you know what? It's not that no one wants to be around you. You're just going to attract the low vibrational people that have no ambition, no goals, nothing going on for themselves. And they are okay with you suffering because they are suffering themselves. And that's why I mentioned in my video before, stop hanging around with people to trauma bond. Stop hanging around with people and gossiping about your own business or what you're suffering with because you want somebody to feel bad for you, or because you want to feel heard, or you want to feel loved or connected with.
Stop looking for that connection from other people and connect with yourself and God. That is the first way of healing and moving forward. But you know what? When you don't give off a high-quality frequency, you are only going to have the worst kind of quality around you. And so, you're going to continue suffering. You're not going to be able to pick yourself up if you're feeling drained. If you're only around energy takers and people who have no ambition, they don't strive. They are okay with suffering and blaming everyone else.
Listen, wake yourself up and let's get back up. Just because you've fallen off today does not mean it's forever. Today is a new day, and we are going to strive and go after our goals. You are going to become the woman or the man of your dreams in 2025. You are going to have the tools. You are going to have the clarity. You are going to have better habits. You are going to have a better relationship with yourself because you decided that enough was enough. I don't want to hear anyone else saying, "I've been in a rut. I'm always in a rut. I just got out of a rut." How many ruts do you have to go through yearly? It should be one or two. And it shouldn't be that long, y'all. You may just be working at the wrong place, surrounded by the wrong people, entertained by the wrong things, and that is why you're constantly in a rut. Look around you.
I'm going to end this conversation here. A lot of the times when I'm talking to people, people overcomplicate absolutely everything. Why do we need to overcomplicate being happy? Like, somebody's exterior is not here to make you happy. Your partner, it doesn't owe you happiness. Happiness starts with you, here. Right? When you want to become your happier version of yourself. It is not an expectation of what others do for you. It starts with you. And sometimes we overcomplicate it by thinking for a while, planning for a while, rather than doing, so that you can figure it out and fall along the way. Doing so that you can learn along the way. If you do not fall, you do not grow. If you don't fall, you do not learn. So, enough with thinking and planning and start doing, even when you've fallen. Stop trying to overcomplicate life. Your happiness doesn't come with compromise. Your health doesn't come with compromise either. Your goals should not come with compromise at all. I just want you to know you got this. If you enjoyed this video, be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe, and I will see you in the next one.