Transcription
[Applause] Stay healthy, and if you can, stay single. That's the way I've been signing off my videos now for about—I don't know—six or seven or eight months, something like that.
And recently, I started saying, well, maybe younger guys, maybe uh, you guys should consider getting involved. So, I thought I'd make this video here for how to mitigate the risk of marriage.
Now, obviously, fewer and fewer guys are getting involved in marriage because of the risk-reward math. You don't even need Greek—Greek symbols—to figure this out. It's pretty straightforward. Um, a lot of risk, that much reward, but there are ways to mitigate the risk to some degree. And I don't think a lot of men consider this.
And I'm making this video specifically for that handful of guys who are really committed to the idea of having a family, who want to get married and have a traditional family. Cuz I think we're scaring off a lot of good guys. And I don't intend to do that. That's not my intention. When I say stay single, that's for the vast majority of guys. But you can fall into a special category. If you follow these steps, you might be able to really mitigate your risk and give yourself the best opportunity to make that dream of a family come true.
So, let's talk about it.
So, for those of you who don't know, I spent a good deal of my life in the insurance business. And being in that business, we had to advise clients all the time on how to mitigate risk. So that falls in line with exactly what we're talking about here.
First, you have to identify those things that are within your control and those things that are not. Now, when you're dealing with women, obviously, there's a lot of stuff that's not within your control, but you yourself are 100% within your own control. And I think that a lot of men enter into a premature proposal or unnecessary nuptials because they are unaware that they have a lot of say in how this thing rolls out.
Getting into a relationship before you are ready is the most common cause for a failed relationship. As a man, we make a habit of lying to women to get them to share a little intimacy with us. The problem is I think that sometimes we believe our own lies. I think sometimes we tell them how great we are, and we put up this front like we've got our act together when maybe—maybe we really don't. And um, so you got to start off by being honest with yourself. Are you really ready?
And when I say ready, here's what I'm talking about. Number one, your career is established. You have an established career path. Number two, you have money at the end of every month that is not designated for some bill. Like, you can actually put this money into savings. And I'm not talking like $20 either. I'm talking like at least say 10% of your annual income, 10% of your monthly income. You should be able to save with ease so that you have shown some financial responsibility before you enter into a relationship.
Um, number three, you've had a few relationships before. You've had the opportunity to see what it's like to be in a relationship with a woman for at least six months before you have um entered into this relationship. So, that relationship had its beginning, its middle, and its end. So you've gone through the whole cycle at least once and ideally a couple of times uh before you enter into that, you know, penultimate relationship, that one that's going to be the last one hopefully.
Um, you must have a vision for your life, for your future. You must be able to see how this is all unfolding, and you can see how this person that you're seeking out or that you want to have a relationship with fits into it. And you also know exactly what you're looking for in a woman. Now, this woman doesn't need to score 100% on this test, but she should be scoring a strong B, a strong B+. Maybe she doesn't need to get an A+, but she's got to be up there in that 85% range, you know, where she's really a good um candidate for being that ideal person for you.
Um, you should get acceptance and approval from your friends and family of this woman. I know that sounds kind of um, prehistoric or some, you know, out of time, you know, that was something that was done in the past like, oh, getting approval for marriage. Really, you should get approval. You should get your parents, your siblings, your friends to all hang out with her and get to know her on many occasions so that you're getting feedback on the regular, and you're asking for this feedback on the regular so that you're not um covering up any blind spots. You know, we all have them. We all have blind spots, and when you're sleeping with somebody, um, those blind spots get pretty big. So, you need to have someone there watching your blind spots for you. Your friends are probably going to be the best because your mom's probably going to be diplomatic about it because she's a woman.
Um, you know, your sister is the same way. But, um, yeah, your friends hopefully they will tell you exactly what they think. And if they think she's not completely what she appears to be, you'll find out from them. And so I strongly suggest that you um you get some opinions on this woman before you make any commitment to her.
Um, the next step is to start identifying any potential conflicts in your relationship and how are they being resolved. So, if you guys are struggling with um, I don't know, you know, living situations like, you know, just cleaning chores, meals, division of labor, all that sort of stuff. If you're having, you know, some headbutting with that, how are you resolving that? Are you resolving that in a manner that seems fair, agreeable, and something that you can live with? Because if it's not, that's a red flag for you right there. You know, in my last video, I talked about how we're all so good at, you know, catching tigers, but then living with the tiger is a completely different situation. And you're going to be living with this tiger, and you need to keep that in mind. She's going to be there every day, day in and day out. And you want to make sure that you um have vetted her to the point that you feel confident that you could bet your life on her because that's really what you're going to be doing.
I know there's a lot of religious considerations when it comes to, you know, living with a girl or a woman, um, and premarital sex and all that stuff. And I get it. You know, if you're really devout and all that, then that's something you're going to have to deal with. But for the rest of us, I strongly recommend that you live with the girl, the woman, before you get married. And the reason for that is you need to see exactly what she's like when she's actually in the house because it's sort of like a—like a rehearsal for marriage when she's living with you. You get a sense for what she's really going to be like after the vows are said.
Um, I had a few girlfriends before I got married, and one of them uh moved in with me for not long, like maybe—maybe a couple of months. And when we were dating, she was one way. You know, there was—it was fun. It was all, you know, very—I want to say reckless, but it was a little like a reckless vibe to the relationship. It was fun and exciting, and there was a lot of hype about it, and we were really having a great time.
Um, once she moved in, that energy kind of went away, and she became this like sour, dour woman who—I don't know—it was almost like she was a um—like a—I don't know—like a 19th-century school marm. I mean, she was just like—I don't know—it was just impossible to be around her. She just was unpleasant to be with. And um, yeah, so that—that didn't last very long. And also, she had cats. Now, I'm not—I have a cat now. I do have a cat, but at that time I had not had much experience with cats. And she moved her cats into my house. And it was a very little townhouse at the time. And there was already a dog there, and my son was there. And those cats were just a problem. And we had difficulty managing what was going to happen with the cats at different times in different places. And it became a real issue. As stupid as that sounds, that really truly became an issue and probably led to the demise of the relationship. Thank God I had the opportunity to vet her by having her live with me for that six weeks because I was able to see how her personality morphed. I was able to see what she was like to live with in terms of her, you know, her habits, her cleanliness, just, you know, just the way she was in the morning. I mean, the whole thing. You really—like once you take off those rose-colored glasses, man, you can start to see the red flags fast. And when she moves in, those rose-colored glasses are going down, and all those red flags are going to start to appear everywhere.
So, I strongly, strongly recommend before you get married that you live with her—really, ideally for a year or longer—so you can get a sense for what she's like when things go badly. You know, when there—there's financial problems, when you got to make rent, there's a, you know, a medical emergency, you know, um, there's stress, you know, because life is full of stress. Life is going to test you. It's just going to test you. Nothing is going to be like a Caribbean vacation forever, you know. It's not the honeymoon. It's going to be some go down, and you want to have someone by your side who can actually handle whatever is going to happen. Like, she can actually deal with it. She's not going to lean on you for every single thing. So, um, yeah, I strongly recommend having her live there at least a year so that you can vet her much more thoroughly.
Finally, I strongly recommend that you be very trigger-happy with ending the relationship. So, if you see these red flags popping up when you take your um rose-colored glasses off, you've got to be willing to pull the trigger and end this relationship ASAP. Now, I'm not talking virtually. I mean—I mean I'm not talking about literally shooting her. I'm talking about just ending the relationship. You got to make sure that you end this thing abruptly and finally. Do not allow it to be one of those things where there's a negotiation where she's trying to get back with you and all that stuff and there's crying and there's "I'm sorry." Girls will pull the tears out the minute they think their life is falling apart. The minute they think that their plan is—is going down the tubes. You're going to get all the tears. You can't fall for it. If you're going to end it, end it. Make it final. No negotiations. It's over. Do not allow her to—to rope you back into anything.
When it comes to identifying red flags for her, I could give you a list a mile long. I mean, I've made a number of videos on this, and you can check them out. Um, but definitely, you know, body count is a big one. You know, her attitude towards her exes, that's another big one. Um, how does she get along with her family? That's a big one. Mental illness in her family, that's a huge one. I know people can say, "Well, she can't help that. Oh, God bless her. She can't help mental illness in her family." You're right. She can't. She can't. But you need to be aware of it, and you need to weigh that against the possibility that that mental illness is going to show up in her 20 years from now, 25 years from now, and you're going to be stuck dealing with it. Now, I know you can't predict all of that stuff. And I know it's impossible, but you should at least have that thought in your head that this might be, if not a red flag, definitely a yellow flag.
Um, and if that mental illness was in that family, how did it impact her growing up? Because that's another huge consideration. If she was living in an environment that was toxic, well, that's normal for her. So, she's going to be toxic. That's just the way they will be.
Um, her relationship with her father—critical, critical, critical. You know, if she has a strong relationship with her father, that's a big plus. If she doesn't and she's got a negative attitude towards her father, that's a huge red flag. Do not allow that one to slip by you because that's one of those things that we don't think about. Oh, my dad's an a**, you know, he supported her. He married his—her mother. You know, I mean, there's more to the story than meets the eye. And her just to write him off as some kind of an a** is probably um not the whole story. So, I would strongly recommend that you um look at that as a red flag: she's got a bad—a bad um relationship with her dad.
Um, relationships with her brothers, relationships with her friends, does she talk about people? Um, you know, just the basic character things—you know, does she have any spirituality in herself, in her body? Is she—is she a person of faith? You know, it doesn't even matter what the faith is. I don't care if she's Hindu or Buddhist or Christian or whatever—if she's got faith, then you got something you can work with. If she's an atheist, well, then you may have a problem—you know, that might be something that you need to be concerned about. I don't know, I'm just saying that you—it's one of those things you need to consider because when people don't feel they're um accountable to anyone other than themselves at the end of the day, then they're much more willing to do things and say things and um act in ways that are um, you know, don't require or don't get a lot of accountability. You know, they're going to be um much more uh unstable in lots of ways.
How's her money? That's a big one, man. You got to watch her money. If she's in debt up to her eyeballs, guess what? That's huge. That's huge. Um, what was her schooling experience like? What kind of job does she have? What's her career? You know, you don't want to marry a stripper or an ex-stripper. What's her—what's her Instagram look like? You know, does it look like she's uh looking for external validation all over the place? You know, that's another thing. Social media—what's her social media, the whole thing like? You know, social media is the poison pill of our generation. Um, it affects women much more than men, but it does affect men, at least some men, too, in that they're looking for all this external validation. They're seeking eyeballs, so they're wearing their bikinis. They're doing suggestive things. They're making videos that are inappropriate by anyone's standards. You don't want that in your life because she's eventually going to get bored with you, and then she's going to go back to social media for that external validation. And guess what? There's going to be some other guy out there that's going to be more than willing to give her that external validation. Going to be some Chad or Tyrone or whatever—is going to be all over that. You know it, and I know it. And she's going to fall for it like an idiot because that's what most women do.
So, that's just a quick list of red flags for women. I'm sure I've missed a couple here, and you guys can certainly fill it in in the comments, but you do have control over your half of this equation, you know, and if you can mitigate the risk on those things that you can control in your life by having your act together, having your money right, knowing relationships, um, knowing what you're looking for, knowing what kind of person you want—if you have clarity about that, then you're going to have a really good chance of having the opportunity to have a happy marriage.
If you don't start thinking about that until you start sleeping with her, it's too late. You're already lost the ability to think rationally. Once you start going down that path, once you're spending the night at her place and you're—you're in there all the way, you are—the blood flow to your brain has ceased. It's going in a different direction, and your ability to make good decisions and think through these problems and try to find a—you know—the right path forward is null and void. You are headed for disaster, I guarantee it. Once you are—are having sex and you haven't got your plan together, you don't have your act together, you don't have your life together—yeah, just—just sign the divorce papers now because you—you just give her your house, give her all your money, and just walk away because that's what's going to happen. It's just going to be a matter of—
I can tell you that being a father has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Would not miss it for anything. It is a peak experience, and it continues every day. So, I wouldn't recommend anyone pass it up. I know the risks are high, but if you can, if you have the desire to be a parent, to be a father, then uh, I suggest you get your act together and follow the outline that I've given you because it's worth it. You know, it's hard to put that risk-reward when you're considering all the intangible benefits because there are a lot. And um, yeah, you will become a better person. You will be more connected to the universe, to the world, to other people. You will develop empathy and love in ways that you never thought possible. It will make your life richer and better in every possible way. But there's a lot at stake. You know, there's a lot at stake. And God knows women these days are crazier than they've ever been. So, I don't envy any of you in this endeavor.
All right, that's all I got for you. You know, if you know someone who's going through this kind of uh dilemma, trying to figure out what they want to do with their life, please share this video with them. But for the rest of you who have opted out of the whole marriage situation, stay healthy, and if you can, stay single. Oh.