Transcription
Honey, what about you? What? Any fun, you know, fantasy type things? No.
>> [laughter]
Come on, you got to have one. Nope.
Ross, you know what?
>> What?
If you tell me, I might do it.
>> [snorts] [laughter]
Okay. Um, did you ever see um, Return of the Jedi?
>> [laughter]
Yeah. Do you remember the scene with um,
>> [laughter]
Jabba the Hutt? Well, Jabba had as as his prisoner um, Princess Leia. Oh.
>> [laughter]
Princess Leia was wearing this um, gold bikini thing.
>> [laughter]
It was pretty cool. Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay? We tell each other everything, you know? I mean, come on, guys do the same thing.
Wait, what about that locker room stuff? That's different, okay? That's like uh, who dated a stripper or who did it on the back of the Staten Island Ferry.
Both of those, Joey?
Yeah.
>> [laughter]
But you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Not even with your best friend?
>> No.
That is so sad. You're missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know? And and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Hm. So, what? You tell each other everything?
Pretty much. Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we ought to be doing it.
All right. You want to? We're not going to talk about birth, are we?
>> No.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah.
All right. You go first.
Okay.
Okay. I'll go first.
>> Okay.
So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies. And I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing.
Princess Leia in the gold bikini?
Yes! Yes! Well, wow. Well, that, that was easy. Okay, you, you go.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Well, you know, you know when you're in bed with a woman and uh, you know, you're fooling around with her and you get all these like mental images in your brain, you know, like uh, Elle Macpherson or uh, that girl at the Xerox place,
>> belly button ring?
Oh my, I know. And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head. And you're like, "Mom, get out of here." You know, but of course, like after that, you can't possibly think of anything else and you can't, you know, stop what you're doing, so it's kind of like you're, you know. You know. You don't know.
Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner. And you have a really weird look on your face.
>> [laughter]
What? I mean, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? Or did you just picture it differently? What, what?
No, no, it's um, it's not you, it's um, it's,
>> [laughter]
Well, what is it? Come on, sweetie, you're kind of like freaking me out here.
>> [laughter]
I HATE CHANDLER. THE BASTARD ruined my life. I took the quiz and it turns out I do put career before men.
Get up.
What?
You're in my seat.
How is this your seat?
'Cuz I was sitting there.
But then you left.
Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom. You knew I was coming back.
>> What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
The big deal is I was sitting there last. So, it's my seat.
Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so...
You guys, you know what? You know what? It doesn't matter because you both have to go get dressed before the big vein in my head pops. So.
All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing really quickly. It's not a big deal.
GET UP!
ALL RIGHT, FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'LL BOTH SIT IN THE CHAIR.
>> [laughter]
I'm so comfortable.
>> [laughter]
Me, too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
>> Okay, look, we have 19 minutes, okay? Chandler, I want you to go and change, okay? And then when you come back, Joey will go change and he'll have vacated the chair, okay?
Okay.
All right, fine. I'm going. When I get back, IT'S CHAIR CITY AND I'M THE GUY WHO'S SITTING IN A CHAIR.
ALL RIGHT, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So, in the words of A.A. Milne, get out of my chair, deal hole.
Okay.
>> [applause] [laughter]
What are you doing?
Well, you said I had to give you the chair. You didn't say anything about the cushions.
The cushions are the essence of the chair. That's right. I'm taking the essence.
Oh, he'll be back.
Oh, there's nobody in the room. Where's my underwear?
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Come on, come on, what? You took his underwear?
He took my essence.
Okay, hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
'Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Okay, um, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight? It's a rented tux, okay? Not going to go commando in a man's fatigues.
>> [cheering and applause]
Well, then it looks like somebody's going to have to give somebody back his cushions.
Okay. You hide my clothes, I'm going to do the exact opposite to you.
What are you? What are you going to show me my clothes?
Hey, opposite is opposite.
>> [laughter]
HE'S GOT NOTHING.
>> [applause]
OKAY, buddy boy, here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
OH MY GOD.
>> [laughter]
THAT IS SO NOT THE OPPOSITE OF TAKING SOMEBODY'S UNDERWEAR. Look at me. I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing ANY MORE CLOTHES? MAYBE IF I WASN'T GOING COMMANDO. YEAH. I'll tell you it's hot with all this stuff on. I, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
Okay.
Okay. Enough. Enough with the lunging. No, I'm sick of this. Okay, I've had it up to here with you two. Neither of you can come to the party.
Geez, what a baby.
WHOA.
>> [laughter]
SEE, JOE, THAT'S WHY YOUR PARENTS told you not to jump on the bed.
Hey, look at me. I'm making jam. Been at it since 4:00 this morning.
Where'd you get fruit at 4:00 in the morning?
Went down to the docks. Bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale.
I didn't know there were docks.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, is it broken?
No. I'm going to wear this thing for a couple of weeks.
Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
No. Had a whole story worked out, but then uh, Chandler sold me out.
Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was going to buy that it just fell out of the socket.
What is this?
Fruit. Monica's making jam.
Oh, jam. I love jam.
Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Because the kids need new shoes.
I'm going into business, people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. We need to plan. Plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam.
Come on, Joey. DON'T. IT'S WAY TOO HOT.
>> [cheering]
THIS WILL JUST BE MY BATCH. MINE? MINE? Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.
Joey, take your time with that. It's my last batch.
No more jam? Well, what happened to your jam plan?
Huh, I figured out I need to charge 17 bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Oh, you're going to need much bigger jars.
I've got three of my five.
Three of your five what?
Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
Oh my god, you are giving this a lot of thought.
>> Hey, it's hard, okay? I only have two spots left. All right, who you got to narrow down to?
Okay.
>> [clears throat]
Elizabeth Hurley. Ooh, very attractive.
>> Yeah.
Forgiving? Susan Sarandon.
>> [laughter]
Eh, you know what? She's too political. You know, she probably wouldn't let you do it unless you donated four cans of food first.
And Isabella Rossellini. Ooh, very hot, very sexy. But, uh, you know what? She's too international. You know, she's never going to be around.
So?
So, you got to play the odds. Pick somebody who's going to be in the country like all the time.
Yeah, 'cuz that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini. Geography.
Hey.
Hey.
Hee hee hee. So, what happened? Did a forest tick you off?
>> [laughter]
No. You know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail?
Yeah?
Well, I started building one, but then I decided to take it to the next step.
You're building a post office?
No, an entertainment unit with a mail cubby built right in. It's a one-day job, Max.
Okay. My word, those are snug.
Oh, yeah. These are my old work pants. Sergio Valente. Power saw kind of got away from me there.
Oh, sorry. Did I get you?
No, you didn't get me. It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me. Calm down. Do you want this unit or not?
I do not want this unit.
Oh, you should have told me that before. Not a mind reader.
>> [laughter]
And we're out of beer.
Okay, I'm going to Monica's.
Fine.
You seen Joey?
What's the matter?
Oh, just this. You know what? It's my fault, really, because the couch is where we usually keep the varnish.
>> [laughter]
Hey, somebody want to hand me one of those tiles?
What's going on?
He's retiling my floor.
You, spackle boy. Get up.
Uh-uh. Now, you started this, you will finish it.
He started mine first.
Build the unit, Cinderella. Lay the tile, Cinderella.
>> [laughter] [music]
Okay, on three. One, two,
Why don't we just go on two?
Why two?
Because it's faster.
Yeah, I could have counted to three like four times without all this two talk. All right, but in the future, LET'S SAY,
>> OKAY, OKAY, EVERYTHING NOT GETTING LIGHTER. OKAY. ONE.
>> [snorts]
TWO. So we ARE GOING TWO?
>> [laughter] [laughter]
A GOOD JOB, JOE. WOW.
>> [laughter]
IT'S BIG.
YEAH, YEAH, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller. Maybe my ruler's wrong. Maybe all the rulers are wrong. But it's not that bad. So what? It blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Yeah, you know what? I got a better idea. How about, how about it blocks none of my door and a lot of your door?
Listen, before I forget, that side is still wet.
You know what?
Mhm. I could fit in there.
I got five bucks says you can't.
Get out your checkbook, mister.
>> [laughter]
Oh, I think I have the cash.
You a dog, man. I totally fit.
Yeah, you got me. I'm out five big ones.
>> [laughter]
Here you go.
Thank you.
Ching ching.
WOOHOO, THE CURSE IS BROKEN. I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.
Huh. What? Ugly naked guy looks awfully still.
>> [laughter]
Huh. Huh. Oh my god, I killed him. I killed another one. And this curse is getting stronger, too. To bring down something that big?
Well, maybe he's just taking a nap.
I'm telling you, he hasn't moved since this morning.
Maybe we should call somebody.
And tell them what? That the naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving?
Well, we've got to find out if he is alive.
Yeah, but how are we going to do that? There's no way.
Well, there is one way. His window's open. I say we poke him.
Remember, something this big and long is going to be very difficult to maneuver. Fortunately, I have a lot of experience in that area.
>> [laughter]
Can we please focus here? A naked man's life hangs in the balance.
I'm telling you he's dead. What we're about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
All right. Ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful the angle. Okay. Okay. We're approaching the window. Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
He's alive! HE'S ALIVE!
>> [laughter]
AND YET WE'RE STILL POKING HIM. OKAY, retract the device. Retract the device.
>> [laughter]
He does not look happy.
>> Hey, hey. Now he's showing us his poking device.
>> [laughter]
Hey, that's never going to make it all the way over here, buddy.
Ross?
What?
>> Want to play football?
Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Says who? Your mom?
>> [laughter]
Yes.
>> [clears throat]
Well, every Thanksgiving, um, we used to have a touch football game called the, the Geller Bowl.
No, no, no. You say that proudly.
Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind of competitive, and one year, Geller Bowl 6, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
It was so not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw a big fat grandma arm elbow in my face. Just kept running. Just scored the winning touchdown, by the way.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, woah, woah, woah. Uh, you did not win the game. The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal, oh, and by the way, savage nose-breaking. I won the game.
Oh, yeah? Then, how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
>> [laughter]
There was a Geller Cup?
Yes. It was the trophy you got if you won the game. But, our dad said nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy,
>> [laughter]
threw it in the lake.
>> [laughter]
And, was the curse lifted?
Anyway, that's when Mom said we were not allowed to play football again.
You know what? I think we should play a game. Come on, it's been 12 years.
Can I see you for a second?
What?
All right, we're going to play.
>> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [screaming] [applause]
Hey,
>> [cheering]
you know Rachel, funny thing, actually the end zone starts at pole. So, you're 5 ft short, SO WE WIN.
>> [cheering] [laughter]
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SO, EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME THOUGH. If, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going?
And when you have a second later, I want to show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.
I'm training to be better at a job that I hate. My life officially sucks.
But Rach, wasn't it supposed to be a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff.
>> Well, yeah. I'm still pursuing that.
How exactly are you pursuing that? You know, other than sending out resumes like what, 2 years ago?
Well, I'm also sending out good thoughts.
>> [laughter]
If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
The fear?
He's right. If you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Well, then how come you're still at a job that you hate? I mean, why don't you quit and get the fear?
>> [laughter]
Because I'm too afraid.
I don't know. I mean, I would give anything to work for a designer, you know, or a buyer. Ugh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work here.
Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28 and still working here.
>> [laughter]
Rachel?
Yeah.
Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.
>> [laughter]
Can't I just look at the handles on them?
You would think.
Okay, fine. Gunther, I... You know what? I am a terrible waitress. Do you know why I am a terrible waitress? Because I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf. I don't care where the tray spot is. I just don't care. This is not what I want to do. So, I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm going to give you my week's notice.
What?
Gunther, I quit.
Does this mean we're going to have to start paying for coffee?
Ross, do you realize this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about? This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean, if you don't get that...
>> I get that, okay? I get that big time and I'm happy for you, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine, okay? I don't know what to do anymore.
Well, neither do I.
Is this about Mark?
Oh my god. Okay, it's not. Oh my god. I cannot keep having the same fight over and over again, Ross.
No, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.
>> Oh, I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do?
I don't know. I don't know. Look, maybe we should just take a break.
Okay, okay, fine. You're right. Let's, let's take a break. Let's cool off, okay? Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
No. A break from us.
And the advantage
>> [music]
is in collating in the past 5 years, I mean, we just get an NX 5000, you know? NX 5000 makes the NX 50 look like a T-71.
Hey, it's the dinosaur guy.
Hi, Russ.
Hi, Chloe.
And I want you to meet some friends of mine. This guy is my hero. He comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400% which we don't do that. He says, "You got to." And you know what? We did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say, "Let's Russ it."
And that's the only color that comes in?
Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Yeah, a little change of plans. We're going to break up instead.
Hello.
Oh, hi. It's Mark.
Oh.
What? Is it my breath?
No. Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, look, I was just going to leave a message. Isn't tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Well, what? Rach, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You want to talk? I mean, I can come over.
No, really, no. Please. That's, that's okay.
>> All right. All right, I'm coming over and I'm bringing Chinese.
Oh, yeah, I'm not, I'm not hungry.
It's for me.
>> Oh.
Okay.
Bye.
So, what are you going to do?
What can I do? What person wants to break up, you break up.
Hey, no way. Come on, this is you guys. Call her and work it out.
>> Come on, we just had this huge fight, all right? Don't I have to wait a while?
Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat. Pick up the phone.
Well, that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Yeah, tell that to my uncle Lenny.
Well, what happened to him?
Nothing. He just really believes in that.
Oh, and then we got to this big stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him treats me like a park ranger or something. Oh.
>> [laughter]
And then I told him I wanted to take a break. I don't want to take a break.
Oh, I'm sorry. Um, April?
No.
And then I called him and he wasn't there.
Well, maybe he's probably just out.
Oh, thank you. That's very helpful. I'm glad you came over.
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
Hi.
Oh, I'm so glad you called. Really? I've been thinking this is crazy. I mean, don't, don't you think we can work on this?
Hey, what do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody.
Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Is that Mark?
Hello. Honey, look, he just came over.
>> Yeah, I got it.
Hey, dinosaur guy. Look at you, so sad. Come back.
Uh, that's okay, thanks.
Hey. You don't have to smile. Just have to dance.
>> Look, I don't feel like dancing. I feel like having a drink, okay?
Oh, okay. Hey, two beers.
It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
>> A mistake? Where were you trying to put it in? Her purse?
>> [laughter]
Where? Where did HE PUT IT? MARK, YOU HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?
Oh my god. Oh, I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk.
>> Oh, you guys knew about this and you didn't tell us? He has sex and we get hit in our heads. You know what? I want you to leave. Get out of here. Just get out now.
I know. I want to stay. I want to talk about this.
Okay. All right. How was she?
Uh-oh.
What? Was she good? Don't answer that.
Well, she said you wanted to talk about it. Let's talk about it. How was she?
She was awful. She was not good. Not good. Nothing compared to you. She, she was different.
Oh.
>> Uh-oh.
Good different? Nobody likes change.
>> [laughter]
What the hell? Should we do something?
Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
>> [laughter]
I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I, I was disgusted with myself and then this morning I was so, I was, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as FAST AS POSSIBLE.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. Wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave?
Oh my god, she was there. She was still there? She was in there when I WAS IN THERE?
OH, JUST LISTEN, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, THE IMPORTANT THING IS SHE MEANT, SHE meant nothing to me.
And yet she WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING OUR RELATIONSHIP?
LOOK, I DIDN'T THINK THERE was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up.
>> We were on a break.
That for all I knew could last forever. That to me is a breakup.
>> You think you're going to get out of this on a technicality?
I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay? I thought our relationship was dead.
>> Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
You know what? I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
>> What? What are you doing? You can't go out there.
Why not? I'm hungry.
>> [laughter]
Because they'll know we've been listening. God, and I have to hear about it from Gunther.
>> Come on, like I wanted him to tell you. I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen.
Oh, that is so sweet.
>> [laughter]
I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
You know what? I think we can go out there. I mean, they have more important things to worry about.
>> Yeah, we'll be fine.
Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I thought I should. I, I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
>> [laughter]
Wax the door shut. We're never leaving ever.
Ross did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
>> No, okay. Come on, you know, if he asked you first, it's only fair.
Boy, do I feel bad.
Oh, yeah. Very bad.
Chandler, what are you doing? Chandler! Oh my god.
>> [laughter]
You're smoking again?
Well, actually yesterday I was smoking again. Today I'm, I'm smoking still.
>> [laughter]
Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
>> [laughter]
Weren't you nine?
Yeah.
>> [laughter]
I'm telling you something, that first smoke after nap time.
>> [laughter]
Oh, that's great. With my luck, that's going to be him.
Him, him, Ross?
No, him 253. His eyes are on the sparrow.
>> [laughter]
All right, my parents got divorced. That's when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
Hi. Do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend and go skiing.
Huh? I'm asking you first, right? I mean, I'm playing by the rules.
Absolutely.
Chandler, you're smoking. What are you doing?
>> Hey, shut up. You're not my real mom.
Dad's ready. All right, let's go.
You're welcome.
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me or were you sleeping with someone else?
>> [laughter]
We were on a break.
>> Okay.
You know Ross, why don't you just put that on your answering machine?
>> Hey, hey, it's valid, okay? And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Monica agrees with me.
What?
I don't know. That's what you said last night.
What I said was, was that I understood. Joey is the one who agreed with you.
Okay.
Really, Joey?
What?
You know what? But there is, there is no right or wrong here.
No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
Obviously not to Joey.
What?
>> [laughter]
Joey is not going to tell you the same thing that I did. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I, I guess WHAT I AM.
>> [laughter]
OKAY, THAT'S LIKE THE LEAST FUN GAME EVER.
WELL, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit.
Oh.
Nope, that patch is no good.
>> [laughter]
Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for 2 weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Huh. What's your problem?
Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
>> [laughter]
Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
>> Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me, okay? All right, 'cuz you always pull your pants down on the count of three and play wipeout on your butt cheeks.
All right, you know, forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men. Or what my father calls Thursday night.
Falling fast asleep. Deeper, deeper, deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who doesn't need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
>> [laughter] [cheering] [laughter] [music] [applause]
The millionaire's here.
Oh my god.
>> [laughter]
Guys, please. I'm just going to have dinner with him, okay?
Okay.
Okay, just because he buys you dinner does not mean you owe him anything.
>> [laughter]
I know.
Okay, then get the lobster.
Oh.
>> [laughter]
Every night.
>> [laughter]
Don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman
>> [laughter]
that does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. Joey's your best friend.
>> [laughter]
You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day.
>> [laughter]
And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Hi. You uh, wanted to see me?
>> [laughter]
Yeah. Uh, here's a box of your stuff.
What?
Uh, you know, it's just like hats and shirts and CDs, just sort of stuff that you've left here.
What are you doing? Are you, are you trying to hurt me or something?
No.
Ross, if... It just seems that, you know, it's time we, you know, move on. I, I mean, don't you think?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, I do.
Good.
Yeah, I, I, I really do.
Hey. This, this was a gift.
Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
It's still a gift. I got it from the gift shop.
>> [laughter]
Okay, all right. Give me the mug. I'll keep the mug.
>> No.
You know, you know what? Don't do me any favors. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff? Huh? Like, like my um...
Hey! This book is mine.
>> [laughter]
And, and, and, and that T-shirt you're sleeping in, I'd like that back, too.
Yes, I do.
>> [laughter]
You know how much I love that T-shirt.
You never even wear that T-shirt. I'm just trying to help you move on.
Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty, petty, petty, petty SMALL...
>> [laughter]
YOU ARE SO JUST DOING this out of spite.
>> Aw!
No, no, no. I'm, I'm going to wear this all the time. I LOVE THIS SHIRT.
>> [laughter]
YOU HAVE NOT WORN THAT T-shirt since you were 15. It doesn't even fit you anymore.
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look at that. Oh, okay. Okay.
>> [laughter] [cheering]
If you don't mind, I'm going to take the rest of my stuff
>> [laughter]
and relax in my favorite shirt. You have a pleasant evening.
I need to talk to you.
Sure. What's up?
Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
I know. Well, if something comes up...
>> [laughter]
Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Okay, my boss, Joanna. When you left, she started asking questions about you.
Ha ha, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checking out the chin chin man. That was surreal.
>> [laughter]
Okay, what do you think? You interested at all?
Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do it.
Oh, thank you, Chandler. This is so great. She's going to love me.
Oh.
Okay. Dinosaur attack. Quick, everybody into the house.
Hey. Did you get anything?
Open it. Open it.
>> [laughter]
Okay.
>> [laughter]
It's a chicken. It's cute, huh?
Whoa, woah, woah, you guys, do you know anything about chicks? Fowl? No. Women? No.
Okay, well, they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They, they need just the right food and lots and lots of love.
>> Oh, well, no problem.
>> [laughter]
Easy, Lenny. But this is the last time. With a chick, chick here and a chick, chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick, chick, chicken.
>> [laughter]
Hey.
Hey. How's she doing?
She? Well, yeah. Don't, don't you think it's a she?
I don't know.
>> [laughter] [applause] [laughter]
I can't tell. Whatever it was went back in too quickly.
Well, anyway, I got to go change. I'm uh, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Excuse me? What? I stayed home from work today while you were rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick.
Hey,
>> [laughter]
who was up from 2:00 this morning until 5:00 this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
>> [laughter]
You don't think I get up when you get up?
Uh, here it comes.
Yes, here it comes. I'm stuck here all day and then you come in and spend 2 seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends?
>> [laughter]
Well, I don't think so, mister.
Hey, I need to relax, okay? I was working all day.
And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
>> [laughter]
That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...
>> I know WHAT YOU MEANT.
>> [laughter]
YOU NOTICE that ever since we got this chick we've been fighting a lot more than we used to. I don't know. Maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
>> [laughter]
I'll take her back tomorrow. You think we'll get our three bucks back?
Wow, that was depressing. I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame.
>> [laughter]
Ready for the movies?
Mhm.
Oh, Rach, this is Bonnie.
Hi.
This is Bonnie? This is Bonnie? You're Bonnie?
I can show you an ID if you want.
Oh, no, I'm just... You look a lot different than the last time I, I saw you.
Oh, yeah, well, I just started wearing bras again.
>> [laughter]
Oh, that must be it. Well, I hope you have fun tonight.
Thanks, you too.
>> Okay.
>> [laughter]
You said she was bald.
Yes, she was bald. She's not now.
>> [laughter]
How could you not tell me that she has hair?
I don't know. I hardly ever say that about people.
Oh, well, this is just perfect.
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you said it was okay.
Yeah, I said it was okay when I thought you were some weird bald chick. I mean, you know. That girl has got hair all over her head.
WELL, MAYBE IT WON'T WORK OUT. MAYBE Ross won't like her personality.
>> What, does she have a bad personality?
Oh, no. Bonnie's the best.
How did it go with Bonnie?
Oh, I got to tell you. I, I wasn't expecting to like her at all. I mean, I actually wasn't expecting like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.
Oh, it's too bad.
No, I, I'm saying I liked her.
Yeah, you know what? There are other fish in the sea.
Phoebe, I think she's great, okay? We're going out again.
Okay, I hear you. Are you capable of talking about anything else?
>> [music]
Okay, would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant or inside his shower drain?
Oh my god. Phoebe, look at Ross and that girl. Big flip. No, no. Look at that. IT'S A LINE OF ANTS. THEY'RE WORKING AS A TEAM, BABY.
>> [laughter]
RIGHT. OH, YEAH. WELL, OH, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Oof, I hope he lets her down easy.
Let's go. Come on, Phoebe. Look at that. They are not breaking up. Look at them. Okay, that's... You know what that is? That is a, that is a second date. That's what that is. Look at that. She just put her hand on his thigh.
Oh, no. That really is nothing. She's very sexually aggressive.
>> Oh.
Phoebe, this is all your fault. Now he loves her, he's going to marry her, and this is all your fault. You said it was okay. You said she was bald.
>> [laughter]
Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was.
>> Okay, so what? Baby, we can't, we just can't let it happen, okay? We have to do something. We have to break them up, okay? You just go in there and like shave her head. YOU OWE ME ONE bald girl.
Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I don't get it. Aren't you the one that decided you didn't want to be with Ross?
Yes.
Well, isn't he your friend? Don't you want him to be happy?
Yes.
So?
I just, you know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon.
Oh.
Oh, no. What? Oh, we killed them all.
>> [music]
Did you look at them? I'm never going to find a boyfriend again. I'll die an old maid.
You're not going to die an old maid. Maybe an old spinster cook.
Thanks.
Hey, and on the bright side, worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.
Yeah, right. Why is that so funny? You made a joke, right?
>> [laughter]
So, I laughed. A little too hard.
>> [laughter]
What am I not boyfriend material?
No, you're Chandler.
>> [laughter]
You know. Chandler.
Okay, so we've established my name and hit me. But theoretically, you know, I mean, say we weren't friends. Say it's a blind date. I show up at your door and I'm like, "Hey, nice to meet you."
Hey, really? I'd probably be scared of the guy using a fake voice.
Oi! What is all this sand?
Oh, yeah, but I'm sure there might be flood damage. Either that or he has a really big cat.
What is going on here?
What? You're painting his toenails? Oh, come on. Chasing him around the room?
>> Monica, please.
Okay, he's totally flirting with you, too.
He is, isn't he?
I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe it's just being here at the beach together or I don't know, but it's like something...
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hi, Bonnie. My boss let me off early, so I took the train.
Oh. What are you guys doing?
We're playing strip Happy Days game.
Cool, I'll catch up.
Well, is everybody else having just the best time?
Shh. Shh, Joey's asleep. After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
Well, I assume the happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?
Oh, yeah. I don't know what they were doing, but at one point, sea turtles actually came up to the house.
GOOD MORNING. HEY. HI. HEY.
>> [laughter]
How'd everybody sleep?
>> Oh, great. Like a lot.
Us, too, man.
>> [laughter]
I'm going for a walk.
Good morning. Nice breasts, by the way.
>> [laughter] [laughter]
Hey, what happened to you?
Oh, nothing. I just felt like hanging out here and reading. The water was so great. We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
>> Oh.
Sorry I missed that.
God, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
>> [laughter]
I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
You know, I got to tell you, I just loved your look when you were bald.
Really?
Because I think about shaving it all off sometimes.
Really?
>> [laughter]
I mean, you definitely should do that.
You know what? I should do it.
>> Yeah.
You know what? Thank you, Rachel. You are so cool.
Oh, stop. Come on.
>> [laughter]
I'm going to shave that head.
>> All right.
HEY, EVERYBODY. WOW. HUH, LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
>> [laughter]
YOU WANT TO touch it?
No, but, but it's great.
>> Come on. Touch it.
Okay.
>> [laughter]
You can feel all the bones in your skull.
Hi there.
>> [laughter]
That's that weird voice again.
Okay. Okay. Let me try it again. You're going to want to date this next guy, I swear.
Okay, come on.
>> [laughter]
Hi. I'M DWARF. YOUR DATE FOR THE EVENING. OH, COME ON. DWARF ON DATING? THAT'S GOOD STUFF.
>> [laughter] [music]