Transcription
of our childhoods. We have trauma. We are hyper vigilant when it comes to we see something happening and we can predict what will happen or we think we know what's going to happen. So we're we're walking on eggshells in the world around us. And we start to really understand others and we don't see ourselves. We're more outer than we are inner. And that's a kind of empathy. You know, being able to see that that person is having pain before they say they have pain.
However, uh very often you're wrong. A lot of the time we think that because we recognize the patterns or what people are doing and we see pain and they're not saying it, so we we can name it, we think we're right because of our past experiences because of but often if we don't remain curious and we don't ask questions and we just start to assume, we can actually take over another person's existence in a very negative way. So I do believe great leadership requires empathy.
However, the different types of empathy for example you have the compassionate empathy, cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, attunement empathy, sympathetic empathy, vicarious empathy, somatic empathy, phological empathy, uh um background empathy. This is a good one. Background empathy is a type of empathy that involves seeing how someone's past experiences, culture or personal history shape their responses. Anyone can learn that you might not have that kind of empathy that I explained that you see a cut and you feel it or you're hypervigilant and so you know what someone's pain is but you're you remain curious and open and you understand that people have different backgrounds. you you studied maybe about different cultures, a culture map or something and you're aware that it exists and so you you allow for those other cultures to exist. You can actually grow that kind of empathy. You can also grow a kind of empathy where you like rapport empathy where you where you really build a rapport for people. You you ask questions. you you uh understand that there there's differences in them than in yourself and you you maybe get really good at coaching that making sure that you you uh ask about how they feel or or what's going on or what values they need but it doesn't mean that you feel it.
>> Start to assume you know what another person's experience is and that's where most leaders fail.
>> Yeah. You cannot because there is a whole background and a lot of dragons that even if you see the person's view, you're not dragons. You're not feeling all the trauma.
>> You see similarities. You go ah this person also has been adopted or oh that person also has ADHD or oh they have the same abandonment dragon as I have. To remain curious always because just because you have some similarities you are different. And the way you communicate if you want to communicate effectively is being hyper aware of that the difference exists and it helps you remain open and curious asking the right questions and really including the people in your space.
>> Yeah. I I definitely visit a lot the courageous conversations so I can really frame it in a nice way and see if you're not missing anything. It does comes like for my values. I already got myself just like hey I'm taking that decision and this decision it is between my values right it is the values that I I wrote it here and and even revisiting the values like hey is this value even still making sense it's still like who I am and I do think the book would be a really nice guy to like read it and sometimes just >> it's time to get this book it's such an investment >> you go from from from from part to part. You know,
>> I do think I I noticed that I'm more more and more about community and I'm developing more and more my community and people around me and stuff like that. And I do believe that if if this is spread to the world like that, I do believe that we have a better word because people that understand each other, people that communicate with each other is way better, right? And if I'm if I'm at a like a traffic jam, someone cut me off or something all like that. If you know how to communicate and if you know how to to to express yourself in a way that it's impactful as well for the other person is change. And that's what we have been talking, right? Someone could be really mad at you. If you know how to communicate with that person, you change. and all of the sudden you see that you're drinking a beer or a coffee, you know, like you completely can change. I do think if it is a butterfly effect,
>> it's in a way you're changing by becoming more yourself. Yeah.