Transcription
Why do you think it is that women do not want to sleep with their husbands? Good question. This question I get a lot.
Is that we've used sex as a tool to get the marriage. So once we get the marriage, then and and we know we've secured the man and we've secured a good man who's going to be loyal and not leave, we didn't have sex from the beginning out of a genuine interest in sex for having the sake of having sex and and what we call it making love. That wasn't the purpose. It it was an agenda to get the marriage, to get the man. So once we have that, it was a means to an end.
Uh, to believe it's a woman's hormones um that change or something going on with her biologically. And while those things are true, and that we go through biological changes and hormonal differences, it isn't due to those external factors. It's that we have never learned as women to truly enjoy sex for the experience of ourselves. We've had sex for the man. We've done what we thought we needed to do to impress a man or get the man. Uh, and we put on a show. And so we've never learned to slow down and have sex as an experience of ourselves that actually really allows us to get to know ourselves as women and that softness and feminine and nurturing side. And so it's been a tool again, kind of going way back to our beginning of our conversation, Monica, and that radical responsibility. I have to see as women, one, my desire and interest in sex is not as high as a man's. That that's a biological difference in us and a matter of what's most important to us in a relationship. I often say it's going to be one, two, or three for a man in a marriage. It might not even be on the top list of 10 of what's important to us in a marriage as women.
Uh, so we have to to meet each other and find that dance and those differences. And what I teach women of all age ranges, whether they're going through menopause or hormonal changes or had children or anything, anything that we can create a story around is no, you have to look at yourself, that learning to enjoy sex and engage in sex in your marriage is just a choice. So we can take the complications out of it, and we can come back to know this is part of a healthy marriage and it's a gift I give myself that my husband gets to benefit from. That is very important to him and learn to enjoy it for ourselves, and then it just becomes a choice, and even if I'm not feeling in the mood or even if something hormonal is going on, I can slow down internally and be in control of that in myself and know this is a healthy aspect of me as a woman and something that is absolutely a a healthy part of a marriage that without it it can't be healthy. I blew up my channel when I said uh once a week is a is a healthy commitment to come together in those differences as a good man and a woman. And a good man being very reasonable, very open to compromise. It's like that would be wonderful. Like that would be really great.
And then there's I learned there's a camp of men out there that think no sex should be on demand in a marriage and it should happen every day. And I don't see that as being realistic because of our differences uh in us as women and men that it's not it's hard for a man to understand sex isn't as important to a woman or she doesn't desire it at that frequency. But a good man is is can be might not totally understand the difference but comes to accept that difference and wants to be in that dance. And if his wife is engaged and learning to enjoy it for herself and genuinely coming to the table to make that important aspect of a marriage, he's going to be fulfilled and satisfied within that. Then it becomes a simple choice and understanding we're made with all the right parts to enjoy it. And as things change, you might need some things to help uh and aid you in it being comfortable. And you commit to that and finding that so that you keep that healthy in yourself and healthy in your marriage knowing that it's really important.
I'm gonna push back a little bit on this um because as far as I know you've not gone through the menopause experience yet, correct? Correct. Yeah. Okay. So this was actually my whole biology was the whole reason I became self-aware as a wife because at 45 I went through early menopause and I went on bio identical hormones, the estrogen and then the testosterone as well, and we were fine like you said, you know, once a week, normal average couple before then, and that once I did that it bumped us up to three to five times a week and because I was giving him sex more frequently he became super happy and then I was like, oh well what else can I do to make him happy and then it started this path to where we were now and so I was like and I kept on trying to outwife my out wife myself so for me the basis of the biological hormones is what started my self-awareness ironically and I can even tell because I'm on pellets I will start I'll be like h I'm not as interested I must it must be getting close for my pellets must be needing to be redone. To say that it's 100% a choice without hormones playing into a role as much as they do, I I don't think that's true. At least it hasn't been my experience.
Having walked in men's shoes and understanding the innate drive that men have because of the level of testosterone that they have. Uh, if I were to ever go off of it, I would make that choice to always make it more of a priority. It's it's the effort like you said at level 10. I don't even think it's number 10. I think it might be number 514 on a woman's priority list. Uh, sometimes especially with everything going on with life and kids and school and sports and you know craziness when you're entering into a marriage, he does have that biological drive. He wants to connect to you emotionally that way. And it's a different way than we connect. But it should be important for you enough your marriage and your husband to want to meet him where you can meet him. You can't just say, "Well, it's how I am." Like says, you have to show up. You have to make the effort to get whatever corrected needs to be corrected. And and that's where I get most frustrated is that women just are like, "Well, it is what it is." No, it's not what it is. I think when you take biology out of the equation with menopause is essentially what that does is it takes away the I call the hormones the helper. You have a a helper saying, "Hey, you know, once a month with ovulation, um, we need to get our sexy time in." Now, now things are even going to get worse. Women need to choose priorities. Your husband, if he's not the priority, I I don't know what else you're doing with your life. Like what what's the point of being married if you're not putting your husband as the priority? It doesn't make sense to me. You recognized an issue and went out and got the support you needed and not using that as an excuse and that's living in Campique responsibility. The problem is women use hormones and menopause and issues around that as the golden ticket that they've been waiting for to disengage from sex because we weren't interested in it from that get-go. This is the perfect excuse that he can't question, right? Society won't question. And so that's where we have to look at it. Well, when you if that is an issue, what do you need to do to support yourself? And how do you get to the place to make this a priority for yourself and your marriage?