Transcription
When was the last time that you sold yourself short? When you had that inner feeling, or that pull, that you could be something more than you currently are, but you played it safe? Well, in today's video, we're going to explore this inner feeling of emptiness that can open up, and we're going to learn how to grapple with it. I've got this amazing book recommendation that I think you'll absolutely love, and I'm going to give you some structure as well to help you learn how to appreciate the uncertainty, the anxiety that you might be feeling, instead of just being overcome by it. There's also four very specific questions at the end of this video that I'll go through to help to make this as practical as possible, as soon as the video ends. But let's begin by looking at this very powerful quote to get us started.
It's in this book, *Creating a Life*, by James Hollis, and it's on page 121. So if you like to follow along, it's just this little part here in blue—if that all turns up on in focus—"What a defilement of our calling it is to live the lesser life. We may be frightened by the scope of such calling, but it is even more frightening to have stayed stuck in a life of no consequence, of no contribution." And here's the key point: "Fear of the call is a good fear, for it reduces the other fears to their lesser claim on us." What an unbelievable quote that is! And James Hollis is full of captivating passages like this. So let's break this one down. It's not saying that we need to become Renaissance men and excel as geniuses in all areas of our life. But what it is saying is that whenever we feel that inner pull, or that inner calling, that magnetic force that pulses towards the future, or an idea that feels with passion and vitality, that we must pay attention to it. And this will, by definition, be an uncomfortable but exciting experience, as it takes us out of our known world and calls us to pursue an adventure. And an adventure is stepping into the unknown. So, of course, we might be hesitant at first, but that's no reason to refuse that call. If we repeatedly refuse life's attempts to pull us in these directions, then we'll just feel an inner restlessness, an inner longing, a vague idea that life could be more than this, or should be more than this. But in essence, we are split. We've got our conscious mind, and that's telling us to ignore our unconscious mind, claiming that it knows better. But thankfully, the unconscious is significantly more vast than the conscious. So if we can learn how to tap into this natural power, then it can break through.
In Jungian psychology, the unconscious is often compared to a deep ocean. We cannot truly know its depths, and it will always remain, to some degree, a mystery. So when we receive a calling from this mysterious unknown, we have a choice: Do we play it safe and live the life that we know, or do we dare to dream, to become more than we ever thought we could be? And if we slow down and pay attention to ourselves in moments of quiet and solitude, we often realize that this isn't even a far-fetched dream of who we could become. Let me just put all these in the frame so it's a bit easier to see. So if we slow down and we pay attention to ourselves, it's not even that far-fetched from our conscious mind; it's filtered and safe version because our true capacity for good, our golden shadow, or our highest unconscious, is completely blocked off from our conscious mind. It might even seem quite bizarre to us that this is even a possibility, because it's so far removed from our current everyday life. That's exactly why I'm using this picture to help illustrate this. So what we need is a solution to this problem; otherwise, we'll live this life of slow and subtle internal knowing deep inside of us. But thankfully, James Hollis suggests a wonderful three-part framework earlier in this book, on page 57. So though he doesn't make this link explicit, I found this to be extremely helpful when I've been grappling with my fear of this higher calling. So just on page 57, just down here at the bottom: "The test of a psychologically mature person, and therefore spiritually mature, will be found in his or her capacity to handle what one might call the Triple A's: anxiety, ambiguity, and ambivalence. While all of us suffer these onslaughts and react reflexively, the immature psyche especially suffers a tension and seeks to resolve it quickly by a shift right or left, to a one-sided solution." In other words, this is where your coping mechanisms might start to show their heads, as you move towards short-term safety instead of long-term growth. But anyway, back to this quote: "The more mature psyche is able to sustain the tension of opposites and contain conflict—um, sorry—and to contain conflict longer, thereby allowing the developmental and revelatory potential of the issue to emerge."
Now I appreciate this is quite a long quote, and I'm going to explain those three A's in just a second. But what James Hollis is suggesting here is that discomfort is normal; it's to be expected. And if this turns up—and it will—don't be put off; instead, see it as a sign that you are on the right path. Remember, we are listening to our highest self; we're going to feel insignificant in comparison to this ideal, a judge that is, in essence, saying, in the healthiest possible way, "You were made for more than this." So these three A's: well, first of all, anxiety. Anxiety rises in the face of uncertainty, open-endedness. Ambiguity, in fact, yeah, ambiguity confounds the ego's lust for security, to fix the world in a permanently knowable place. Again, it's just—there's so much I can say about all this. I was going to say something there about the anxiety side, but just that that language, or for ambiguity, "the ego's lust for security"—it's just so beautiful, the way all this is worded. It's—it's not need, but it's—it's lust. But anyway, I'm getting distracted. I just—I really love this book. Um, and ambivalence: "The fact that opposites are always present, visible or not, obliges one to deal with the capacity for dialogue with that other. This experience often obliges a confrontation with the shadow, where the values rejected by the ego are not unlike exiles plotting to return home surreptitiously." I've explained what the shadow is and how it formed elsewhere on this channel, so I'll put some links in the comment section there if you are interested. But what we've got here are these three pillars to help structure the maturation process of our psyche. First of all, we have anxiety, which I'm going to represent with this snake; we have ambiguity, which I'm going to represent by this snake; and ambivalence, which is this snake over here.
Given that we are considering the unconscious mind to be considerably vaster than the conscious mind, there has to be an element of surrender and submission in this process, and a revelation and a realization that, as much as I am and as full as I am, I could be so much more. So in creating an authentic and fulfilling life for myself, I have to constantly put faith in myself that I can deal with life as and when it shows itself to me. In fact, it's more than that still; it's engaging with life as a mystery to be lived rather than a problem to be solved—if I wanted to quote Sam Kean. So if anything, I want this video to be a reminder that you're not only not supposed to have it all figured out, but that you couldn't even if you possibly tried. The search and the desire to find this perfect safety—it doesn't exist. It's born—if we go back to this original picture—it's born out of an insecure mind, or it has seeped into us from an insecure society and culture. To return to the original point in that first quote, if we're going to feel fear anyway, it might as well be a worthwhile fear that propels us towards the future that we actually want to be a part of. So it's pointless and unavoidable suffering that we struggle to deal with psychologically. Many of us actually enjoy the struggle towards something great when it takes us out of the familiar and into the unknown. So the struggle and the suffering isn't a problem in of itself. Like, think about how many people go to the gym or push themselves in running to get personal bests, and how many of us enjoy watching athletes at the Olympics push the boundaries of what is possible for humanity—just to focus on some physical examples. The call for you might not be world-record-breaking, but it'll take you outside of yourself, and it'll put you in contact with others where you can be of useful service to the world. For me, I've always known that that has been being a teacher; that was my calling. And despite an enormous amount of difficulty at times—if we go back to these—I've stayed true to it because I know how empty I would feel if I didn't, and if I sold myself short. There's a big thing going around on the internet at the moment about brain rot, but I would consider the bigger issue to be soul rot; it's so much worse. Don't just fill your life with things to do, but instead projects that require you to tolerate and make room for anxiety, ambiguity, and ambivalence. Remember, it's the mark of a psychologically mature person who can handle these three A's. It's definitely not weakness to feel anxiety; it's definitely not failure to feel uncertain; it's definitely not a disaster if you reach a contradiction. If anyone tells you that any of these things are weaknesses, then they're likely just projecting their own insecurity onto you; that is not your burden to shoulder. So try not to become weighed down by this. So instead, focus on your ideal future, not theirs; get a plan in place to take baby steps towards it; and find some mentors and good friends to support you on that journey into the unknown. Read incredible books from the masters who have gone before us and who can guide you on this journey, and pay attention to the messages that you're receiving from your highest self.
For those of you that really need to hear this and are struggling at the moment, let me just repeat that point: Feelings of anxiety, ambiguity, and ambivalence are not weaknesses at all; they are companions on your journey to a life well lived. Please don't settle to be less than you know that you could become, as we said before with this person over here. So again, let's make this as practical as possible. Just to finish this video, I'm going to go back to page 54 for this, because there's four wonderful and very thought-provoking questions just to get you thinking about this higher calling, and it's these ones here that I've highlighted in blue: "By what truths or fictive constructs do I live?" Number two: "By what truths do I understand who I am?" Number three: "How am I to use my IES during this brief transit I call my life?" And number four: "By what points of reference do I make my decisions?" For me, it's number two that has been the most significant learning: how to re-evaluate who I think I am and who I think I could become in this particular season of my life. In case it's not already obvious, I absolutely love this book, and you'll probably hear me talking about it again in the future. But for now, if you're looking for more explanation, analogies, and other ways to explore shadow work or the unconscious mind, I'll put a video and a playlist here just to help you take this further. But until then, here's the book, and I'll see you soon.