Because You’re Worth It. Apparently.

So, I was talking to a brand team last week about emotional triggers when people buy stuff. You're going to love this. Or maybe not. >> Probably not. >> Okay. >> And they were all terribly excited about the idea that, you know, people don't buy for pleasure anymore. >> They they buy to feel better, which to be fair is true. >> I mean, it's worryingly true. You might call it consumers uh psychology, but I'd call it emotional avoidance because people aren't um shopping because they love the product. They're shopping because they hate how they feel. >> Yes. >> But I mean, the line between those two particular states is where influence lives, isn't it? >> My job is to teach people how to meet that emotional need elegantly. And you'd be amazed how often a a purchase starts with self soothing. >> I mean, I see the same thing in therapy only, you know, in therapy. But I get them after the bill comes in from the shopping. You know, people say things like, "Oh, I felt lighter when I bought it." But then guilt follows and they're desperate to feel that lightness again. And it it's not greed at all. It's repetition. Right? >> Classical reinforcement. And because the brain connects the act of buying with temporary relief and that relief then becomes the reward. So the loop closes and the more stressed you are, the stronger the loop. >> Well, and that's where it becomes dangerous because it looks sophisticated. Um, it's easier to spot a problem when someone's drinking too much or gambling maybe. But you can't diagnose buying a handbag, can you? >> No, quite. I suppose not. I mean, and we've also given it moral cover as well, haven't we? So, we say things like, >> "I've worked hard. I deserve it." I mean people do that with alcohol as well but you know it's essentially the the price quality heristic which has been reframed as emotional justification. The more it costs the more legitimate the relief feels. >> Well yes but except it's never real relief is it? It's just a reset button. You're not solving anything. You just quieten the emotional noise for a bit. U which is why precisely brands lean on language that is therapy related. So things like you know look at L'Oreal you're worth it or because I'm worth it. >> Um or dove be kind to yourself. >> It works because it sounds familiar. >> Yes. >> It gives it gives permission to indulge without guilt. I mean, it's borrowed from v uh counseling vocabulary, but but but it's stripped of any accountability. And so, therapy uses that language to encourage self-reflection, whereas luxury is using it to encourage the next transaction. >> And that's influence, by the way, not manipulation. just before you say it. >> The client the client still chooses, >> you know, we're just meeting them where they already are emotionally. >> And that's the razor thin line we always end up talking about, you and I, cuz it's influence versus manipulation. And you tell yourself you're giving people what they want, and I end up talking to the ones who realize afterwards it wasn't what they needed. you know, big difference, >> right? But you're assuming intent. Most brand teams, they're not out there to cause harm. They're solving a commercial problem. How to make people feel something, >> you know, emotional resonance cells. It always has. >> Well, I Okay, I know that. But you're still playing with very human vulnerabilities like loneliness, self-doubt, shame. And those are very powerful levers or levers rather to um pull for profit. You know, >> I mean in fairness, people have sought comfort through symbols long before advertising existed. jewelry, ritual objects, keepsakes. >> It's a form of narrative control, buying something tangible to stabilize an intangible feeling. >> Okay. And that's fine when it's kind of occasional, but when it becomes the only way someone can regulate their mood, it definitely would cross into compulsion then. Because I have clients who can't sit with that discomfort, you know, for 10 minutes without scrolling resale sites, for example. >> Do you know there's actually data on that? You know, the anticipation activates reward pathways. >> Yes. Yes. >> More than the patches itself >> and people become addicted to the buildup >> and the moment the box arrives that high drops >> and then they start hunting again. >> Right. Exactly. So they're not actually addicted to the product. They're addicted to the seeking because it's the same mechanism you would see in gambling or addiction uh sorry drinking. The hope of the thing not the actual outcome of the thing. >> I mean I do wonder sometimes if digital shopping has made it worse. You know the friction has gone. You used to have to dress, drive, and speak to someone when you went shopping, >> but now that relief is a it's just a click away, isn't it? So there's no social regulation, no cooling off period. >> And actually sites like Temo or Teu or whatever it's called, actually gify the buying experience. Very similar to online gambling. Actually, >> that's so true. Actually, I'd not really thought of it in that way, but yes. And the then of course the algorithms will learn what triggers you, won't they? And I suppose it's like having a therapist who interrupts you mid- breakdown to suggest new hamburg. >> Yeah, I mean that's certainly one for a pitch deck. We replace cognitive therapy with next day delivery. >> Do don't you dare do that? >> I'm joking. I'm joking. Well, mostly I'm joking. But but it's a you know it's a valid point. Luxury now sells regulation not reward. The object is incidental almost >> and um what matters is that you know the sense of control is returning however briefly. However briefly yeah but which is why I wish brands would kind of train staff differently because sales people often end up performing emotional labor without even realizing it. They listen, they reassure, they comfort, and then they wonder why they're exhausted, right? >> I mean, sometimes I tell them the same thing. You know, influence does require empathy, but it doesn't require entanglement. You know, you can acknowledge emotion without absorbing it. >> And when you don't do that, you you blow into amateur therapy. >> Oh, for sure. I mean, that's therapy 101. And therapy without boundaries is just chaos. And when someone's crying in the fitting room, it's not a sales opportunity. >> Actually, you'd be surprised how often it does become one. >> You know, there's a moment of there's a moment of trust, >> vulnerability, you know, and that's the perfect opening to close a sale. It's mercilessly effective. I suppose I will grant you it might be ethically murky. >> I mean murky is one word for it cuz that's exploitation if you ask me. >> I mean I'd argue it's context. The client comes for attention, don't they? As much as the product. If the associate gives that sincerely, both sides get what they want. >> Maybe. But if what they wanted was comfort, it'll fade. I mean, I've had people tell me that they felt euphoric walking out with their new bag, say, and and then by the time they've got to the car, they feel sick, you know? >> Yeah. I mean, that's the guilt phase, you know. The the brain punishes over reward. It's biochemical buyers remorse, >> right? And then the shame kicks in which reignites the need to soothe. And so, back they go, right? >> I mean, you could almost admire the efficiency of it. No, you won't admire the efficiency. You >> look, I'm not defending excess, >> but from a behavioral standpoint, it's fascinating. >> People externalize their emotional architecture through possessions. >> What they can't articulate, they display. >> I Yes, I see that. And I suppose there's I mean that's why I never completely condemn it either, you know, because at least they're expressing something. It's communication through objects, I guess. >> Precisely. And you know, the trouble starts, I suppose, when the object starts speaking louder than the person. >> Yes. Or when they start to believe the object is the person. I therefore I am. You know that kind of thing. And that's when luxury becomes identity maintenance. The therapy isn't necessarily in the healing. It's in the preservation. >> That's exhausting. Imagine trying to keep your kind of self-esteem on a shelf, like a literal shelf. >> Many do. Many do. But I mean, you can't remove emotion from luxury. That's its currency. Without desire, relief, or pride, the whole sector collapses. Well, I'm not suggesting removing it at all. Just kind of honesty about what's being sold. Perhaps don't call it empowerment. Um, if what you're really offering is maybe sedation. >> I mean, fair to two degree. >> Although, if people leave feeling calmer, how is that inherently bad? >> Well, not if they um know what they're buying. It's the illusion bit that worries me. the the promise that a product can fill an emotional void >> and yet some clients genuinely derive lasting satisfaction. >> Mhm. >> For them, it's art, craft, meaning. The purchase reinforces identity in a in a in a stable way, >> right? But that's the healthy version. They're not escaping themselves. They're kind of expressing themselves. So perhaps the question isn't whether luxury has become therapy, but whether it's good therapy or bad therapy. >> Yeah. And you predict predictably are providing the former. >> Well, I prefer to think that I'm providing insight into human behavior. What people do with that insight is entirely up to them. >> I mean, that's one way to sleep at night. poop. >> I sleep perfectly fine. Thank you very much. >> Though if I do start, you know, advertising luxury as a cure for existential despair, >> you'll be the first to know. And I'll send you a lovely letter saying you were right, Helen. >> Oh, fabulous. Please do because what I'll do is then I'll frame it >> and what I I'll put it next to the Louis Vuitton trunk you'll buy to cope with the guilt. How about that? too. >> In the end, it's simple though, isn't it? If luxury makes you feel better for a moment, fine. If it's the only thing that makes you feel better, call someone like me instead. Right? >> And if you want to sell to those people ethically, call someone like me. >> There it is. The perfect business model. You break them, I'll fix them. >> Well, it's incredibly efficient, don't you think? >> I mean, disturbingly so. So, shall we go shopping then? >> Oh, only if you promise not to analyze me though while we're doing it. >> Yeah. No, no promises. Absolutely no promises.