Transcription
When are you going to ask this? You're going to ask this when your client is stuck, especially in surface level storytellings. This is going to cut through the fluff and it's going to get to the real issue. It may take a little bit of a pause, the moment of awkward silence after it. Do not start stacking questions if your client doesn't answer that right away. They're going to answer it eventually, and then you're going to be able to move forward.
Hey everyone, and welcome back. In case you didn't know, your job as a coach is actually not to have all of the right answers. It is, however, to ask all of the right questions. So, we're talking the kind of questions that make your clients pause, think awkward silence, sometimes, make them think, and make them actually shift their mindset. Because, let's be real, not all questions are created equally. They're not. Some questions tend to keep clients more stuck. Some actually guide them in the wrong direction, which we absolutely don't want to do. And some spark some real breakthrough.
So today I am giving you 10 powerful coaching questions that you can use right now or in your next coaching session to take it to the next level to create a breakthrough to get your clients out of the cycle of stuck if you will. I'm also going to break down when is a good time to use these questions. But to be honest, you're going to want to write down all 10 as I go through them and just kind of keep them. Like one of the things that we teach in IGC coaching school is that learning to coach is like learning another language. So you're going to keep this list of questions. You're going to practice reading through them. You're going to make it so that your vocabulary and your brain automatically go to these excellent coaching questions so that you can easily and naturally start using them in your sessions. You can also say, "Hey client, give me a second. I'm trying to come up with the best question to ask you right now." Insert question.
So let's insert those questions. So these are 10 must ask coaching questions. Very first one, what would you like to walk away from this call with today? You have to ask this at the beginning of all of your sessions. If you do not have a clear coaching request or a clear what this person wants to walk away with, you're going to be potentially taking your client on a loop-de-loop roller coaster circular situation and they're going to walk away at the end more confused than when they got there. Because at the end of the coaching session, you're going to ask them if they got what they needed. And if you don't know what that was, then you can't ask that question. And then you have no idea. And now your client doesn't want to work with you anymore. But this forces clarity. Instead of aimless talking about the weather, talking about the kids, talking about this, that, and the other thing, and why things aren't working, you got to get the request first. You need to know clearly what they want to walk away from the call with today or the session with today, however you're doing it. So this is essential. It can definitely happens at the beginning and it can also happen if a client starts spiraling. They're going through a tough decision. They can't really figure it out. This really helps them define their ideal outcome for the session instead of just using it to potentially vent because that's what friends are for. Maybe even what therapists are for. That's not what coaching is for. And if you really can't get them off that, you might say, "Do you just want to use this hour to kind of talk things through and I'll try to gather some notes so we can get some clarity towards the end." Fine, but make sure they declare it.
All right. Number two, tell me what this is really about. That one typically requires a moment of awkward silence after it. Tell me what this is really about. When are you going to ask this? You're going to ask this when your client is stuck, especially in surface level storytelling. So they're kind of going on and on about what is happening and the dues of their life and all of this and you're kind of like what are like are we talking about this day or that honey? Don't say it like that. Say their name. Tell me what this is really about. What's really going on here? This is going to cut through the fluff and it's going to get to the real issue. Again, it may take a little bit of a pause. Do not start stacking questions if your client doesn't answer that right away. They may say, "What do you mean?" And you know what you're going to say? Tell me what this is really about. They're going to answer it eventually. And then you're going to be able to move forward.
All right. Number three. What are you responsible for inside of this conversation? This is my favorite question in life. This is when your client is playing the blame game. Why they couldn't get things done, why nothing's working, why their life is this or that or the other things. The goal of this question is to help someone shift from victim mode to self-awareness. And we all do this. This is not to shame them. This is not to make them feel bad. It's to make them be able to take action by noting what they are actually responsible for or taking back their power. What can you actually do here? This is often comes up in family dynamics like someone complaining about something going on in their family or or at their work where they really don't have much control over it, but asking that question helps them see which aspects of it they actually do have some type of responsibility or control over. So if they're saying something like, "Oh, my boss never listens to me." Or this is, you know, they're this and they're like that and they're like this. Okay, he sounds extremely difficult, but what can you take responsibility for inside of this conversation? Or what are you responsible for inside of this conversation? Again, it may require a pause. They may say, "What do you mean?" And I may just say it again. What are you responsible for inside of this? I know everything that he's doing wrong, but what do you have the power to change here?
And a beautiful segue to that question number four that I'm going to give you is, how do you want this situation to go? How do you want this situation to go? This is also when a client is stuck in what's wrong instead of what's possible. We are not therapists. I mean, unless you are, then you are. But coaches and coaching is a separate skill. It is not therapy. And what we want to know is what's possible. We are an architect with them of the creation of their future. So instead of focusing so much and I'm not saying disregard their life and disregard what's going on, but we want to focus coaching on possibility, on growth, on creating the thing that we wish existed in our life. So how do you want this situation to go is the perfect question when someone is looping, I call it the doom loop, about everything that's going wrong. And then once we know how they want it to go, that's when we start creating commitments or action steps around it. We are not making commitments and action steps around problems. We are making them around possibility. So if your client is complaining about stress and the kids and da da da and starts suddenly unable to see, we need to pause them. We need to take them out of this and we need to say, how do you want this to go, honey? Let's start with the ideal vision. That is my job as your coach to be helping you co-create your life, your career, your relationship from a place of possibility. And I need you to get on board with me and knowing that that's possible. So paint the picture for me and let's start there. I can promise you that's going to be an instant shift in the conversation. Use that one.
The next one going a little in a different direction here. The question is, what if you did know? Because there are going to be some people that are so stuck in the doom loop and so so stuck in the cycle of chaos and what's wrong. We've all been there. Hello. Welcome to the human experience. And they're going to say, "Well, I don't know. I don't know." And I want to say, "What are you paying me for?" But I'm not going to say that. I'm going to say, "Well, what if you did know?" And a real stubborn one like myself would say, "I just told you I don't know." And what am I going to say again? Well, what if you did know? What do you know so far? And we're going to keep putting that back on the client because we know and ethically we must trust that our clients are the highest and best are the all knowing of their life. So use that question, use it especially when a client says, "I don't know." And stand for them to come up with what they do. This one is difficult. It's difficult to stick to. It's difficult to not start stacking a bunch of questions one on top of the other to kind of make it stingless, but it's not about stinging or being too tough on your client. It's about making progress. And that does require you to not be in the friend zone, but be in the coach zone. And the coach is asking high gradient direct questions.
All right. Number six. What are you willing to commit to in service of a breakthrough? What are you willing to commit to in service of a breakthrough? This is when a client has figured out some of what they want, but they know that the vision without action isn't anything. So, they're aware, they know what they want, but they are realizing that parts of their life as they currently are are not set up for where they are going. So, you are going to ask them, well, what are you willing to commit to in service of this breakthrough? In service of this vision coming to life and then you're going to start, this is where you're going to get your actions from the session. Here's what I'm holding you accountable to this week. Here's what you're saying you're going to do. Okay? This is this is that awareness to accountability, the question that bridges that the realization of what they want and the and the commitment to making those actual changes. So, what are you willing to commit to in service of a breakthrough? Do you see how this is like another language? These questions to me are so beautiful.
Okay, number seven. Where else is this breakdown showing up in your life? Oh, everyone hates the saying how we do one thing is how we do everything, but it's kind of true in a lot of things. This is when the same issue keeps coming up. It maybe looks a little bit different in different contexts, but it's the same thing. Think of in IGC, we teach a lesson called context and stories. So, these are those stories and lenses through which we see the world again and again and again. And one of mine used to be I'm recovering from this one is I don't have time. I don't have time for that. I don't have time for that. Like we all have the same amount of the hours in the day. And I am not downplaying the struggles that we go through. Trust me, I'm a single mom with a no help. I know we don't have time often, but that is not a helpful lens for me to see the world. It is not helpful for me to just default to this way of thinking all of the time. And where else is that breakdown showing up? business, personal relationships, income, health, wellness, cooking, clean. It could show up everywhere. So, this question is meant to magnify the problem that this breakdown is causing in someone's life because when you can really shift that context or that breakdown into something new, that is going to trickle into all those different areas of your life. So if you stopped associating with or feeling into this I don't have time I'm just using my own context. What becomes possible in your life? I think I just told you the next one without meaning to. But where else is this breakdown showing up in your life is a beautiful question to ask when your client is running into the same issue either within one session or on and on and on over the course of your relationship. It reveals patterns. It helps them connect the dots and it helps them to see how important it is to finally change this once and for all. And that is your job as a coach to create longlasting transformation with your clients. And they must be able to make these connections. And it's less about you saying, I think you said the same thing last week. Not helpful. And having them self-identify and come to that moment of awareness.
Number eight. Number eight is a good one if you've gone on a little rant. Don't do too many rants because we're not talking too much of the time when we're coaching. We're asking questions and listening. But your job also as a coach is to reflect something. So, for example, my coach years ago probably reflected to me something like, I'm constantly hearing this I don't have time. I don't have time thing and you know, I'm hearing it in this area and this area and this area. And maybe I'm like, oh my god. So, I may say this is question number eight. What are you hearing and what I'm sharing with you? So, this is perfect when you've just dropped a truth bomb, per se, or you've just given them some type of higher gradient reflection into how they're being and now you need to check in on what they're getting from that. You cannot always expect a positive response here. It depends on how finicky your client is. I'm a finicky client, so I know this side of the coin. But sometimes higher level reflections, aka excellent coaching, is hard to receive because we're forced to face something that maybe no one else in our life has called us out for before. So we do want to pause and we want to give them the space to process these insights in real time. And a beautiful question to do that is, "What are you hearing and what I'm sharing with you?" And just to go back on this one too, we do often want to ask, not always, but often and depends on how much relationship and trust we've built with our client, but if you do have a higher gradient or a more intense reflection to share with your clients, you may say first, I'd love to share a reflection with you. Are you open to receiving that? And now they might say, I'm scared, but okay. And then you're going to give them that feedback or that reflection from what you're seeing or the patterns you've been recognizing. And then you're going to ask them after how they feel about that or what they heard and what you shared. All right? So instead of nodding along, instead of saying totally, totally, totally. Mhm. I hear you. I hear you, you're going to want to sometimes break that up and give them a reflection. And from a co a coach who's been coaching for decades and has thousands of hours, you don't want your clients to be stuck in those rambles. You want to interrupt some of those repeating doom loop type thoughts especially offer them a reflection and then get their feedback so you can move forward.
All right, let's move on. Number nine, absolutely put this one in every single session no matter how great or breakdowny or breakthroughy it may be. What can I acknowledge you for today? Oh, people like to get uncomfortable with this one. But what can I acknowledge you for today? This is beautiful towards the end of a session, especially an a session that has been not just full of wins and accomplishments and excitement, but ones that maybe the greatest accomplishment was that they recognized a pattern that had been stopping them. Maybe the greatest accomplishment was that they actually made time for themselves to get on the call. It is better for your client to declare those things, though. You can always acknowledge your client whenever you want, but there is something even more powerful about asking your client what they would like to be acknowledged for and then acknowledging them. So, you may say, "What can I acknowledge you for today?" And they say, "Honestly, I just am proud of myself for making the time to get on this call and recommitting to my goals and my action steps, and I feel really good about the week to come." And I would say I would love to acknowledge you for showing up for yourself and making the time for this call, recommitting to your actions. And I am also sharing in that excitement with you for the week to come. You see how that really just using your client's language and reputting that acknowledgement back to them. I think about it as like magnifying their highest and best. So they're declaring it. They're having that awareness and you are magnifying it. Beautiful.
And last but not least, number 10. Love this one. Track this one. What is your biggest breakthrough from today's session? This is meant to be asked at the very end of your call. This locks in the transformation. It has your client declare what they actually walked away with. And if they're like, "Oh, I'm not sure." I would go back and say, "All right, at the beginning of the call, your request or what you said you wanted to walk away with was XYZ. Where are we at with that? Great. Now, what was your biggest breakthrough from today's session?" Again, I'm giving that question back. It's a really, really great question for them to become aware of what transformation has occurred or what takeaways they've gotten. And it's also really great for you, especially if you are just starting out or even if you're not, but to collect that data like why is my coaching valuable? I remember when I was just coaching hundreds and hundreds of hours and more career and executive coaching, I thought that my clients greatest takeaways were like, "Oh, I got a promotion or I advocated for myself in the workplace or I improved my resume." And so often their greatest takeaways were just things that I never would have known if I hadn't been tracking them from our session. So I just feel better about my life or I feel like for the first time in my life I have a sense of direction, right? So, some of those breakthroughs at the end can also be really great for your own uh assessment of your coaching abilities and of course to use in your marketing because your ideal client, your person on the other end of the phone or in that session with you has just told you how much their life has changed. That is exactly what your future clients want to know is possible through working with you. So instead of leaving a session confused, which of course if you're a trained coach will not happen because you've gone over everything with them, they are going to leave that session feeling really good and very clear about what was accomplished as well as action steps for the next one.
So that was 10 questions. You can literally use them in any single coaching session, any single niche. You can use any and all of them. I challenge you to use at least three of them in your next session. And if you do, please report back with which questions you found the most powerful. And we will see you next time for another episode of SixFigure Certified, the podcast and channel where coaching dreams become your life. See you next time.