Transcription
What if the chaos you're seeing right now isn't the narcissist gaining control, but losing it? What if the tension, the distance, or even the escalation you're experiencing is actually the moment their hold on you is starting to break?
Well, that's why in today's episode, I'm bringing together three powerful teachings that show you exactly how God deals with the narcissist when he's had enough and the clear signs that God is setting you free from that toxic person. Well, hey my friend. In case we haven't met yet, my name is Chris Reese and it is my hope to help you navigate difficult relationships and conquer codependency biblically. If you're not already subscribed, go ahead and hit that button. And while you're down there, be sure to grab a copy of our free narcissist survival guide. This is my free gift to you. I'll include a link in the description box below.
There are three phases that you can count on every time when dealing with a narcissist. They follow a pattern and once you see it, you'll never unsee it. And these phases aren't just predictable, they're inevitable. But just as sure as the narcissist's destruction comes, so does God's intervention and ultimately his justice.
You see, narcissists are master manipulators and deceivers. They are agents of chaos who thrive on sewing confusion and destruction. So, it's no surprise that their main targets are often Christians. Because they are loving, compassionate, and forgiving, a Christian makes an easy target for a narcissist to exploit. But it goes much deeper than that. They are actually being used by Satan to distract, derail, and discourage you from stepping into the fullness of what God has for your life. So, stop being surprised when you're a target, but don't be afraid because your weapons are far greater than theirs if you know how to use them. We're going to get to that soon.
First, I want you to understand that the narcissist's plan always follows the same pattern. Phase one, they zero in on their target. And whether their goal is your destruction or simply their personal gain, the strategy is identical. They present themselves as everything you've ever wanted. The ideal parent, the perfect partner, the answer to your prayers. And this is all designed to weaken your defenses. And it works. You let your guard down. You let them in. Sure, you see some red flags, but you convince yourself it's just a mistake or something you two can just work through together. And they will certainly give you that impression.
But soon enough, that mask begins to slip. They can't keep up the facade and the inconsistencies start to show and you start questioning their behaviors, their motives, and that is when things start to shift. Suddenly, you're either hit with an overwhelming dose of love bombing or they play the victim and gaslight you. Both tactics are meant to cloud your vision, to distract you from the real issues. And isn't that exactly how Satan operates? Everything is a carefully crafted illusion. Beautiful at first, but dark and destructive beneath the surface. And by the time you see the truth, you are entangled in the web. The web of confusion, manipulation, gaslighting, and invalidation. And here is where you begin questioning your own sanity, doubting your worth, and starting to feel guilty for how you reacted to their emotional abuse, ashamed of the behaviors that you're not proud of, and now left wondering, "Am I the problem?"
And this is all part of how Satan uses the narcissist for destruction. It's like a tornado. At first, it seems calm, but the closer you get, the more you realize you're standing in the middle of a raging storm. And the destruction they cause isn't just external, it's internal. They're going to twist your mind, your emotions, and your sense of selfworth. But here's the truth. They can't maintain that illusion forever. And eventually, that storm takes its toll. The love bombing fades, the manipulation grows stronger, and the gaslighting becomes unbearable. and you're left questioning everything. You see, they don't want to just break your heart. They want to break your spirit.
But don't fret, my friend. This is where phase two comes in. God's intervention. Imagine you're in a burning building, frantically trying to put out the flames with a water spritzer. And you're doing everything you can, but the fire only grows stronger. And just when it seems like all hope is lost, the fire brigade barges in with their powerful hoses and all their equipment. But here's the thing, you have to step back and let them do their job. If you keep trying to control the situation all on your own, you'll actually be standing in the way of your own rescue. And that is exactly how it is when God steps in. He is ready to step in and extinguish that chaos.
One of my favorite stories in the Bible about God's surprising intervention is the story of Joseph and his brothers found in Genesis chapters 37-50. Now, it's a lot to read in our time today, so I encourage you to read it when we're done here. But in essence, Joseph's brothers were jealous of him. And instead of just letting him be, they sold him into slavery and faked his death. And as a result, Joseph endured false accusations, imprisonment, hardship. But even though Joseph's life had taken what seemed like a terrible turn for the worse, all because of somebody's jealous vengeance, God was with Joseph every step of the way. God gave Joseph favor in Piper's house, in prison, and eventually as the second in command in Egypt. And through Joseph, God saved so many lives, including his own family during a famine, which brings us to that famous scripture that I love so dearly in Genesis 50 and 20. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
God will step in. The narcissist may think they have the upper hand, but this is where God's intervention begins. And the Bible is clear. God fights for his children. That's Exodus 14:14. And while the narcissist wages war against your mind and your spirit, God is already at work behind the scenes protecting you. Your job is to put on the full armor of God and get out of his way. This isn't the time for retaliation, trying to get them back, passive aggressive digs, or forming hatred in your heart to protect yourself from the hurt. Your tactics to win them over, get them back, or prove your point can and will delay God's intervention because now he's got to go undo what you've done or worse, deal with you because now you've gone down a wrong road. I know, I know you want to fight. It's not a bad thing, but stop doing it in the natural and take that battle in the spirit realm. This is where your victory is going to be won.
Now, you may be saying to me, Chris, how do I do that? Well, first, I want you to arm yourself with the heavy artillery found in Ephesians 6. The narcissist wants you to feel powerless, but God wants you to back off, suit up, and stand still. He will fight this battle. God's intervention is like that fire brigade. But you have to stop fighting the flames your way and trust his power to bring peace and restoration. And what the narcissist doesn't realize is that they're not just fighting you, they're fighting God himself. And that's a battle they'll never win.
Phase three is God's justice. Here's the question. When God steps in to intervene, are you prepared for what happens when that fire gets put out? Think of it like a wildfire that has been raging out of control. The flames consume everything in their path. And when God steps in to douse those flames, the fire doesn't just stop. It actually reveals everything left behind. And this is where justice comes in. You see, once that fire is out, everything that was hidden in that chaos is now exposed. The lies, the manipulation, the damage, all of it comes to light. Phase three is where God's justice ignites. But just like any other fire, we can delay it or we can get burned trying to control the blaze ourselves.
So, what does it look like when God brings justice after the storm? And how can we make sure that we're not the ones holding it back? Well, let's dive into what his perfect justice means for you. Number one, they will reap what they sow. Galatians 6:7 reminds us, "Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. For whatever one sows, that he will also reap." The narcissist may have unleashed destruction, but they cannot escape God's justice. Say that with me. They cannot escape God's justice. And I realize that it may seem slow in coming, but their lies, their manipulation, their spiritual sabotage will come back to bite them. And while they think they've won, God is a God of justice. And Romans 12:19 reminds us that no injustice goes unpunished. This will lead to the downfall because as they continue to manipulate and control, because that's what they do, their web of deceit begins to unravel. And whether that's through legal consequences, financial ruin, crumbling relationships, mental disturbances, you name it, the narcissist will face the fallout of their behavior if they don't repent. and their attempts to destroy your will inevitably lead to their own self-destruction.
So, what does this mean for you? Well, it means you're victorious, whether you feel it or not. Believe, my friend, that you have emerged from this spiritual battle, stronger, wiser, and more rooted in Christ than when you went in. And when you doubt, I want you to jump right back to Genesis 37 through 50. Because while the narcissist's fate is sealed, your walk is victorious, healed, protected, and even stronger than before. While they scramble to pick up the pieces of a broken life, you walk away with more compassion and better communication. While they find another victim to target, you head into healthier, more godly relationships that actually refine your character. What they meant for evil, God will use for your good. The narcissist may have set the trap, but they will be the one to fall into it.
But to ensure that God's justice is served in a timely manner, there are three critical steps that you can take. Number one, give up the notion of what God's timing should be. Look, I get it. You want justice quickly. We all do. But Isaiah 55:8 reminds us, "For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." But make sure that your prayers not only align with his will, also with his timing. And we often think we know what's best. We see them getting away with something. We see what we're doing and we think, "God, strike now. God, now." Look, God's timing is perfect, even when it doesn't align with ours. and trusting in his higher plan will free you from that frustration.
Number two, allow God to do his work within you. I I can see your eyes burning through this screen right now. Look, but narcissistic relationships leave deep wounds that require healing. And Psalm 147:3 reminds us that "he heals the brokenhearted. He binds up their wounds." And before justice comes, let God restore your heart and mind. And his healing will prepare you for the justice that he will bring in his time.
Number three, trust him and surrender. It's not your job to force justice. God will fight for you. Remember Exodus 14:14. "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." Surrendering your will for control and trusting God fully is key. He is more than capable of bringing justice. And your peace comes from knowing that he is the one in control. By releasing your timeline, allowing him to heal you, and trusting in his plan, you create that space for God's justice to unfold in just the right way at just the right time.
But here is where it can all go terribly wrong. You see, the enemy is going to tempt you to step in with your water spritzer. He's going to cause you to question God's sovereignty. He's going to fill your heart with so much hurt and hate that you feel justified holding on to that unforgiveness. Your job is to resist his tactics and not become another casualty in this destruction. Let God do what only God can do.
Imagine walking across a bridge, believing it will carry you to the other side. At first, it looks solid, maybe even strong. But the more you step forward, the more cracks you see. The wood begins to splinter. The ropes start to fray. And before you know it, that bridge is collapsing beneath you. And you keep trying to patch it up, tying loose ropes, nailing broken planks. But no matter what you do, it keeps falling apart. You see, that bridge was never meant to carry you forward. And some relationships are just like that. No matter how much you try to repair them, they keep breaking.
But what if I told you it's not an accident? And it's not anything you're doing wrong. What if the very thing you're fighting so hard to fix is something God is trying to remove? Have you ever noticed how when things start falling apart in a toxic relationship, it's like a mask is being ripped off? A switch is being flipped. What was once in the dark, like this seedy nightclub or a dingy bar, now starts to come to light. and you start seeing things you never noticed before. Their words don't match their actions. Their kindness feels more like manipulation. And no matter how hard you try to communicate, no matter how much you try to show them, it only makes things worse.
Look, this isn't just a coincidence. One of the clearest biblical signs that God is removing someone from your life is when their true nature starts to come to light. when their true character is revealed. The lies, the manipulation, the hidden motives that were once easy to excuse suddenly now become undeniable. Luke 8:17 says, "For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light." When God is preparing to remove someone, he starts by exposing who they really are. Yes, their true character, not the person they portrayed themselves to be, the real them. He needs you to see this because he's going to do what you otherwise wouldn't have done. Their mask is going to start to slip and suddenly the person that you thought you knew looks completely different. They're not as sweet as you once thought. They're not as loyal as you once hoped. And they're certainly not someone you feel comfortable giving valuable information to. It's like the blinders have been removed. And you would think that this would bring you tremendous clarity and peace. But instead, it often brings pain and even more confusion. That's because what you once thought you had with this person now has the potential to have actually been built on lies.
So I want to help you to gain even more clarity to this confirmation. And to do that, let's talk about what this looks like actually in real life. So, let's dive into the five signs that God is showing you their true character. And number four is the reaction they'll never recover from.
Number one, you start seeing patterns of manipulation more clearly. Things that you used to justify now stand out as toxic, and you realize that their kindness was conditional and their love came with strings. And the healthier you try to be, the more manipulated you feel. Well, that's because they're losing control. And it's likely that this person has never learned how to relate to you or anyone in a healthy and godly manner. And it's more likely that they've always been driven by manipulation to meet their motives. You're just seeing it now.
Number two, they can't hide it anymore. When toxic people start slipping up, it's like an avalanche. You catch them in contradictions and straight up lies. They say one thing today and then another thing tomorrow. Their excuses no longer add up. The things that they once got away with are suddenly coming to the surface and people around you start noticing it too.
Sign number three is their mistreatment of you escalates. At first it was subtle, maybe even passive aggressive little comments, small guilt trips, but now it's just blatant. They don't even try to hide their disrespect anymore. They've gotten away with their abusive, vile behavior for so long, they actually feel entitled to it, which is why they defend themselves so strongly when you try to call them out or stand up for yourself.
And number four, they turn on you for little to no reason. When you stop tolerating their toxicity, when you call out their nonsense, when you challenge their lies and then stand your ground, their reaction, it goes next level. Their default tactics are no longer working. the lies, the manipulation, the sweet smile, hiding a deceptive heart, all of it is exposed. And now they're panicked. And that's when they turn on you. They don't just get distant. They attack. They start blaming you, smearing your name, or trying to guilt trip you directly or through others. It is the ultimate proof that this person was not for you. In fact, they're proving that they've been against you.
And sign number five, God removes the rosecolored glasses. There was likely a time where you cherished this person deeply, which is why you gave them chance after chance, grace after grace. Now, I'm not saying that we don't apply grace and certainly not second chances when somebody repents. We certainly received more than we deserved. And I'm not saying that people can't change. But where you once made excuses for them, now you can't ignore the red flags. You can't unsee what God is showing you.
There's actually a story in the Bible that shows all of these signs. In 1st Samuel 18:10, we see that God exposed Saul's true nature to David. And here's what it says. "The next day, a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul and he raved within his house. And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, 'I will pin David to the wall.' But David evaded him twice." David once served Saul with loyalty. But as God's favor lifted from Saul, his true character started to show. The jealousy, the manipulation, the hatred, it all became impossible to ignore. And eventually, God removed David from Saul's presence entirely.
And maybe you've been feeling guilty for seeing the truth about someone. You've asked yourself, "Ah, am I overreacting? Should I be more forgiving?" But when God is exposing someone, it's not to punish them. It's to protect you, my friend. If their true character is being exposed, don't ignore it. God is showing you what you need to see so you can stop living in deception.
So, what do you do next? Well, for starters, stop explaining away their behavior. If you keep seeing the same toxic patterns, you don't need more proof. You need to yield to what God is showing you. No, this doesn't mean that you exchange toxic for toxic or justify more dysfunctional behavior. It means you pray. And that's number two. Pray for them and pray for confirmation. Ask God to make it even more clear if this person is meant to be in your life or if he's the one exposing them for a reason. And number three, prepare for separation. When God exposes someone, it's often the final step before he removes them from your life. Don't fight to hold on to what he's trying to take away.
And here's something that I need you to know. This is important, so please listen closely. This removal may be permanent or it may be for a season. Sometimes God separates us from someone so that they can come to repentance. But however long the season and for whatever the reason, your job is still the same. Keep your heart free from bitterness and stay open to God's restoration if he leads them to true change. Romans 12:19 says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine. I will repay,' says the Lord."
Now, keep in mind, this does not mean that you should just discard a marital covenant lightly. Nor does it mean dishonoring your parents. But it does mean recognizing when God is pulling you away from toxicity for your protection. Sometimes for a season, but always for a reason.
There's a character in the Bible that always reminds me of God's justice. Perhaps you know her from the book of First and Second Kings. She was a Phoenician princess who was the wife of Ahab, king of Israel. And her name was Jezebel. Jezebel was a spiteful, manipulative, wicked, malicious woman who presented as charming and attractive and at times a victim. Sound like anyone you know? Narcissists are notorious for putting on the performance of being everything you need. But beneath the surface, they are self-centered, immature, entitled little brats who will stop at nothing to get what they want from you.
Now, Jezebel was infamously known for promoting the worship of Baal, a Canaanite deity in Israel that directly was in opposition of the worship of God. And she was also famous for her role in the persecution of the prophets of God and the murder of Nabboth just for his vineyard. Why? Because her husband wanted it. Her actions led to severe confrontations with the prophet Elijah. Now, in our lives, she's the mother who seems to always get her way with her constant abuse. She's the woman at the office who has the boss fooled, or at the very least, they're afraid of her coming unhinged. Now, here's the thing. She doesn't have to be a she. This Jezebel behavior is no respector of genders. You see men with these same traits as well. And you'll see God do the exact same thing. In fact, there are some predictable patterns that I want you to start looking out for. Patterns you might otherwise miss if you're focused on the fear and frustration.
For starters, God will not tolerate idolatry and falsehood. Jezebel's promotion of bail worship and her attempt to attempts to suppress the worship of God actually represent the pinnacle of how the narcissist operates. They are idolizers and liars. Like Jezebel, narcissists create these false images and they exalt themselves at the expense of others. But let's remember this, my friend. God hates idol worship. In fact, let's go back to Exodus 20 where it says, "You shall have no other gods before me." Now, you may be thinking, "Well, it's not like they've got carved images that they worship." Or do they? I think a lot of their carved images are in the shape of a long piece of glass, and it's called a mirror. Narcissists worship themselves. They exalt themselves and anything else above God. And don't be fooled, my friend. They're not content with just worshiping themselves. They need you to worship them, too. You ever wonder why things always go south when you raise an issue or express a concern or a dislike about them? Their ego is as fragile as that mirror. And just like God warned the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6 not to follow other gods, he also sent warnings to Jezebel. And he will also send warnings to the narcissist. You can expect God to be merciful and give chance after chance. And that is going to be the first phase. God will send warnings. You see, the truth is Jezebel's fate didn't have to end that way. More on that in a moment. And like narcissists and all of us for that matter, we are given chance after chance, warning after warning. I mean, how many times did God have to tug at your heart to tug at mine before we answered the call? And if we heed those warnings, it can lead to repentance and restoration. Ignore them and you head for destruction. full steam ahead.
And that's exactly what he did for Jezebel. Elijah and the other prophets were sent to stand up to her. But instead of heeding their warnings, what did Jezebel do? Well, she set out to destroy Elijah. And after he had demonstrated the power of God on Mount Carmel by calling down fire from heaven to consume a sacrifice that completely humiliated the prophets of Baal, whom Jezebel supported. So what did this do? It infuriated her. And she sent threats to Elijah that he too would be murdered. Now, we already know what she's capable of. Remember Nabboth? And isn't that just like a scorned narcissist? Cross them and their hatred has no expiration. And crossing them doesn't take much. Once they feel betrayed or scorned by you, their attempts at revenge will be relentless.
Now, I got to assume that Elijah wondered, "God, what are you going to do about this woman? Where is your justice?" But God is faithful. It is not his will that any should perish, but all come to salvation just like you and me. And God will give ample opportunities for us to turn from wickedness and repent. And he often times sends warnings through people. Now, I realize this first warning phase can seem very, very long for those that are waiting for the justice and the change. And it's even in this stage that many start to embrace destructive retaliatory efforts of their own and then sadly wonder why things continue to get worse. And many unfortunately in this phase actually give up on God and give up on hope before they reach the next phase which is this.
God will bring divine justice. My friend, he will bring justice. Jezebel's fate is often cited as an example of God's divine justice. And there is nothing that Elijah could have done to have stopped this woman. God had to intervene. And in case you don't know the story, in the end, I'll cut to the chase. Jezebel's story ends in a very gruesome manner as prophesied by Elijah. She was thrown out of a window by members of her own court, trampled to death by horses, and eaten by dogs. leaving nothing but her skull, feet, and the palms of her hands. Go ahead and check that out in 2 Kings 9. This brutal end was a direct consequence of her actions and is seen as divine retribution to this day. God will not be mocked, my friend. Jezebel's story is a classic example of how breaking the principles of God and the persecution of his people will ultimately lead to downfall and punishment.
That narcissist in your life that uses manipulation like sport. The one who lacks empathy, exploits people for their own personal gain, and uses twisted scripture to justify his or her means. Yeah. Is headed for a fate similar to Jezebel. No, it it may not be as gruesome, but it will be just as just because God's justice will prevail. Because the truth is, any one of us, narcissists included, will eventually face the consequences for our actions. And look, your narcissist may not be as bad as Jezebel. Maybe they are. Maybe they won't suffer such a brutal physical death like her, but God may allow them to suffer in other ways. Frequently for a narcissist, this is done through a lack of supply, failure, and a perpetual dissatisfaction. Which is why you see the narcissist getting worse with old age. In other words, God will reach a point where he hands them over to their own debased mind and sinful ways. And when that time comes, my friend, it can look like there is no justice for you. But believe me, it is torment for them.
I want you to imagine living life constantly dissatisfied, always wanting more, but always out of reach. And the only thing that brings you temporary pleasure is the misery of others. Now, I'm not saying that your justice will only be in the form of seeing them suffer. I'm simply saying that their happy lives aren't as happy as you think. Your justice is grounded in the truth that God will restore the years. God will use what the enemy meant for evil. God will turn your mourning into dancing. You just need to be still.
Look, I'm also not saying that any of this so that you just feel sorry for them. They chose this way of life. Their constant rejection of God landed them exactly where they are. And now they're grounded in it. They're grounded in the misery. They're grounded in the hatred. They're grounded in the constant unsuccessful attempts to fill their needs. Nothing changing, nothing working. My friend, that sounds like hell. Literally, it sounds a lot like what hell is like. And that will be the fate of a narcissist living in a constant state of hell and torment in their own mind and lives. Now, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't trade anything that I'm going through for that.
But wait, it gets worse. What is the narcissist's greatest need? It's supply. And where do they get this supply? From you, people. And how often do they burn through people that they use and abuse? Pretty frequent. So, where do you think this leaves them? Alone. Everyone has walked away. No one is tolerating their abusive behavior. Well, maybe for except a few codependent family members and a clerk at the grocery store that seems to think they're all that, but that's it. There's no one. Family has been exhausted. Kids have pulled away. Friends are nowhere to be found. They've burned all bridges. And yes, they will consider themselves victims and blame everyone and everything, including you. But ultimately, the fate of a narcissist is misery.
Now, I realize that you may love this person and you don't want to see that kind of harm come to them, but the truth is your enablement will not change their fate if they don't repent. The names and faces of the narcissist will change, but God never will. He is no more intimidated by your narcissist than he was Jezebel. And I can assure you that the narcissist will not get away with it. Not when God is your defender. Because my friend, there is no demon in hell or narcissist on earth that can surpass the power of our living God.
And one of the ways that narcissists pull you into their trap is through twisting of scripture that leaves you wondering if you're the one sinning against God. And that's why I want you to check out this episode next for the four scriptures that narcissists love to twist. And if you are struggling with difficult people in your life, I want to invite you to grab a copy of our free toxic people survival guide. This is my free gift to you to help you identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life. I'll go ahead and include a link in the description section below.