Transcription
The jogan Experience. What the [ __ ] man, we're weird, so weird. What a stupid culture. What, you know, what I can't stop thinking about is the guy that farted at the sink at the airport. The airport. We talked about it for 10 minutes afterwards. Dudes fart when they pee. We go to the bathroom, dudes are constantly farting in public restrooms. Yeah, but we were at the sink and the dude was washing his hands and he cut a monster fart. And I told Tommy about it. He was like, "Dude, this guy, he broke, he broke the rules." Yeah. I walked out just before this happened. I unfortunately missed the incident, but you said it immediately and I was, I, I kept wrapping my head around it. And I think what I've come to the conclusion is that if you do that, all I'm looking for is for you to acknowledge it. Yeah, yeah. You need to say something. Yeah. I want you to say something about that.
Cuz I was thinking about how, uh, an old guy one time farted next to me in, um, uh, like on a tram on the, in, in the airport. And I was like, "Geez, he let a [ __ ] pretty big fart." And I looked at him and he goes, "Snuck out of me." And I was like, "All right." And I, it kind of took away, like, you know, what was upsetting. I was like, "Well, thank you for acknowledging your, your fart right now." Yeah. This guy was just washing his hands and he just, the sink is not the urinal. I don't think you get it. Pee there. Yeah, it was. I don't even. The urinal, who does that? Do you? It was definitely a gray area. It's definitely a gray area. People fart all the time at the urinals. That's so common. Yeah. I heard a lot of farts, but if you get done, zip up, walk all the way around, you wash your hands. In the middle of washing hands, you just unload. And no one said a word. Everyone just, just let it go. And then we got outside. I was like, "Yo, dude, how do you feel about this?" Yeah, yeah. I can't stop thinking about it.
And then we're trying to figure out what kind of farts girls cut when they're in the bathroom. And whether or not they wash their hands and fart on each other. Probably not as much. Not as much, but they definitely drop heat in there for sure. Once they close that door, I think they allow themselves. Yeah, they allow themselves to, to [ __ ] fart it up. Yeah. You know, they, they let them rip. Yeah. Once they get in that door, they close that door, they just, ah. You have to. If you're taking a [ __ ], you're going to fart. But I wonder if they fart while they're washing their hands. These are the things that I think of. Yeah. Absolutely. I wonder about. What we need in more of this in the world. Do you mask your farts when you [ __ ] in a public restroom? No. No. Let it out. You got to do with you. What do you hold up to the camera? "I love girl fart." You're an idiot. Jesus Christ. Does you have that on your phone? Yeah. "I love girl farts." Yeah. 40-year-old man, he's got that on his [Laughter] phone. Christ. It's a huge fetish now. It is. It's amazing. It's always been. Yeah. It's amazing. There's been fart poring forever where dudes like sniff farts right out of a girl's ass. Yeah. I, um, they're naughty. We played some, uh, fart clips on our show and I, we were talking about it and the guy wrote in and he was like, "I have a big time fart fetish." And we're like, "What? Like, what's thinking about it?" And he was like, "I think it's just back to the taboo of it. That the pretty girl is not supposed to." So he's, you know what I mean? Like that it's, yeah, that she's being a dirty girl. Yes. And that's what he, and he loves, you know, a pretty girl doing it. It's like, like the ultimate thing. Yeah. That's the thing about people is like, they want people to be naughty, right? Just cuz we feel so, most people at least feel so confined by the rules. And I think women, so even more so than men, women even more so than men, because, you know, society wants you to be a lady, wants you to be sure, you know. And there's [ __ ] shaming. You're not allowed to be a [ __ ]. You're not allowed to do what you want to do. You know, like if a woman wants to go out and [ __ ] a bunch of different guys, like if a woman wants to [ __ ] two guys in a night, she's a terrible person. Like if you find out about that, "Oh my God, she, she went to this guy's house, she [ __ ] him, then she left and she went to this other guy's house and [ __ ] him." "What a [ __ ] National Champion." Like girls would be like, "What a [ __ ]?" But if you told me, so he decides he leaves his, this girl's house and he's like, "You know what? [ __ ]. I can call somebody else. Saw somebody else." And he goes and [ __ ] her. And we're like, "The guy's an animal. He wasn't, it wasn't even done. He wanted to [ __ ] more." Crazy. That is crazy though, that we don't, you know, that we have that, that double standard for that. I mean, I remember in college, a guy, a friend, uh, going into a sorority house and banging girls in the same house on the same night in different rooms and like, "Yeah, we all were like, that's fantastic. You're such a hero. You're such a wonderful person." And we were all so happy with his story. But if a girl went to a fraternity house, [ __ ] one guy, said, "Good night, honey." Left. And then knocked on the door, "Hey, can I come in?" She's [ __ ] out of dirt. [ __ ] you. [ __ ] [ __ ]. But we really should applaud her. I mean, well, or not, you know, either way. We should let her do whatever she wants to do. Yeah. She's just [ __ ] people. Why do you, what do you care? Were they going to stay together forever? They're in college. Jesus Christ. If you have a problem with a girl [ __ ] one guy and then [ __ ] another guy that night, you're silly. Yeah, you are. What's wrong with you? Could be one of those guys. Yeah. You, you got to do is throw your dick in front of her. Obviously she likes them.
So that suppression leads to, like, a reaction. This just holding back leads, this need to let it go. And the girl just farts right in that dude's face. The guy's like, "I can't believe you did that, you dirty [ __ ]!" "I'm a dirty farty [ __ ]! I'm a farty [ __ ]!" "Yeah, fart my mouth again." It's so funny that people that own this, "I love girl farts," are actually watching right now. Seriously, don't promote that. So stupid. Oh my gosh. That snuck out of me. Oh, I'm a bad girl. Yeah. Just what the, the smell and the [ __ ] noise and the whole thing. The naughtiness of it all. We hold it in. Boston girls farting. We have a thing about, um, about people [ __ ] too, you know? Like no one wants to admit they just took a [ __ ]. We want to hide it and cover it up with noise and fans and we want to light matches and, yeah. It, it is weird. I mean, I, I don't like, uh, those single, single stall unisex bathrooms when you got to [ __ ]. I got to [ __ ]. And then there's like, someone's like, "You going in there?" And you're like, "Ah, [ __ ] man, why don't you go in first?" Like, "No, you got to [ __ ] on top of [ __ ]." No, I know. I, but you get that, you know, like I, I feel like I can't relax. Or you can say, "Can I please use the restroom?" Like if you're at a meeting, if you're having a meeting or something like that, you say, "I'll be right back after you use the restroom." But you can't say, "Look, I got to [ __ ]. I can't keep talking to you guys. I got to take a [ __ ]." You say, "I use the restroom." It's ambiguous. Okay, go ahead. And you leave. You know, you can't say, "I'm so sorry, uh, I was late for this meeting. I got here on time, but I had to [ __ ]." Yeah, right. Right. You can't say that. They'll be upset. You got to go to the restroom. And then you, you know, that the clock's running. Cuz if you come back 15 minutes later, covered in sweat, they're like, "Wow, you took monster [ __ ] huh?" Like, you can't really put that out there. You're like, a [ __ ] now. I got to grind this thing out quick. And sometimes that's what you have to do. Sometimes you have to take a 10-minute heater. Yeah. Like sometimes you just, you take a [ __ ] and it comes out clumpy and you're like, "God, there's a lot more up there." God damn it. Happened on the flight yesterday. Oh no. As soon as I sat down, I was wanted to go to sleep and I was like, "I got to take a [ __ ]." And it was during takeoff. So then you're like, waiting for it to hit 10,000 feet, you know? And then you're, you're waiting for them to turn the seat belt sign off. And I go in there. I'm like, "This is going to be, this is like a, a [ __ ] marathon [ __ ]." But I didn't have time for it. So I really dropped half of it off just so I could fall asleep. Oh no. Yeah. And then later on, I finished it. It was, it was pretty, pretty dramatic.
It's one of the weird things about your body is that there's like this intangible sense of how much [ __ ] is in there. You know, like when you're taking a [ __ ], like you have that feeling, that weird feeling. Like I smell a [ __ ] or I feel a [ __ ] brewing. I feel a [ __ ] cooking in the oven. And then once you're taking that [ __ ], you got this pressure thing. Like you know it's in there. You know it's up there. And this certain amount like, "God damn it, this isn't ready. This isn't done." All right, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to empty it and then I'm going to come back later. Yeah. And that's, and that's the worst. You like when it's all gone. Yeah. Certain foods too will trigger, um, just amazing amounts of [ __ ] to come out of you where you're just like, "Is my body mostly [ __ ]? Like, am I just a walking, talking [ __ ] machine?" Because sometimes I, I'll like, the amount that will come out of me is just incredible to me. I just cannot, I cannot get over what's coming out of me. If you think about how much food you eat though, if you see, think of like the, your entire day. If [ __ ] once a day, think about breakfast in there, and then lunch in there, and then your dinner in there. Like this giant mound of, of food that goes in your body. And then snack. Like you might have a protein bar along the way. And then you have all this, you drink thing. You might drink milk, which has got some solids in there. And then slowly but surely compress that into just logs, big ropey [ __ ] logs. It's amazing. It's not really bigger.
Now picture of a pretty girl squatting over your face and letting that all over you. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the underglass like a big thing. Some guys, coffee. Some guys like women [ __ ] on on glass coffee tables. Yeah. I always heard that about Stallone. Those like one of those rumors, probably made up. It's probably like the Richard Gere gerbil thing. Yeah. Someone decided to say it and then it sounds cool, so people repeat it. Yeah. Was Stallone likes, likes to get into tables and girls take big juicy shits on those tables. He loves it. He wants them to [ __ ]. He just wants them to [ __ ]. I'd like to watch people [ __ ] if over a glass table, just to see it come out. I think. Really. Sure. What about a guy like Joey Diaz? That's, I think that's the one that would be at the top of my list. What if he fell and landed on the table and the table shattered and you died? That'd be horrible. Glass went through your neck. [ __ ] was in your eyeballs and you died knowing that [ __ ] was all over your face and feeling the the hot blood rush out of your neck. Wow. Sorry, dog. Sorry, dog. I slipped. Whoops. I had too much sodium. I think that it would be much more interesting to watch Diaz [ __ ] than some model. I'd like to see him have explosive diarrhea on a glass table. Well, I would like to see a girl who's like addicted to stimulants like who's trying to be really skinny and how just how little she actually shits in a day. Just hair comes out. Probably shocking to see like little tiny poops. Curly, squirrely turds out. Little slightly bile, little yellow smell to it. Like, what's going on? Sorry. That's a big one. Do you eat anything? Just half of her [ __ ] is pills. Oh, powdery broken pills come out. Yeah, like non-dissolved pills. Clumps. Yeah. But I mean, it would be fun to watch a couple times, maybe once. I don't know about fun, but maybe fascinating. Yeah. Fascinating. I think as an art exhibit. You know, we're talking about art a lot this weekend. It'd be great to set up a live exhibit. I've always thought of this where you have like 10 people, 50 feet up, and they're butt naked and they have different body types and they're sitting on glass toilets with glass tubes coming down. And then the exhibit is you walk around and they all [ __ ] at the same time. Like that'd be kind of a fun. And they flush it and you see these glass tubes fill up with [ __ ] and come tumbling down. Yeah. And then you a septic at the bottom, a giant large tank filled with [ __ ] that's all glass. And you have different colored hair and you're like, "I, this is my creation. I, this is if you wanted to buy this, it's $5, $15 million." Yeah. I [Music]