Transcription
Let's just start here. Men are not protectors. Not by nature, not by default, and definitely not in practice. And if you're already offended, close the tab. This isn't for you.
I am not here to argue with men in the comments trying to win some imagery point on a scoreboard that does not even exist. Go spit in the wind. What I'm saying today is not opinion. It is data and it is lived experience. It's reality. And debating reality is just another way to delay change, which let's be honest is men's whole point. So for the women watching, this one's for you. Let's talk about the myth of men as protectors, where it came from, who it serves, and why clinging to it is keeping us all totally unsafe.
The idea that men are protectors didn't actually just appear out of nowhere. It is a story that has been passed down forever through religion, through pop culture, through fairy tales, through family systems. Men are the soldiers, the knights, the head of households with strong arms around the weaker sex. Right? Women, we're fragile, emotional, dependent. We need shelter. We need guarding.
I'm Lisa Sunny. I'm an expert in abusive and toxic relationships. I've written four books and I've spoken all over the world on domestic violence, abuse, and healing. So, hit subscribe because I expose the truth about abuse and abusive men.
Okay, so but who exactly were men ever protecting us from? That's the ironic part, right? Other men. This is the part they always skip. They want the role of protector without admitting that they're the threat. Men created the danger and then appointed themselves as the solution. That's not protection. That's a hostage situation, but it has better PR. Experts even call this hero syndrome.
I want to look at the numbers, okay? Not to make it fair, but to make it real. According to the World Health Organization, one in three women globally have experienced physical or sexual violence. And 81% of the time it's from an intimate partner, a man. The UN reported that in 2021, 47,000 women were unalived by a partner or a family member. Do you realize that is one woman every 11 minutes? And most of them were killed in their own homes. Now, in the US, over 96% of people who commit sexual violence are male. In Canada, 44% of women report experiencing intimate partner violence. In the UK, women are twice as likely as men to be victims of domestic abuse.
So the next time somebody says men protect women, ask them, "Protect us from who?" Because the numbers are screaming. Women aren't unsafe because men aren't protecting us. We're unsafe because men are hurting us. And they're not strangers in alleyways. We're talking about partners, fathers, boyfriends, brothers, husbands. You know, the men who say that they love us.
But I want to talk about one of the most common things that I hear, right? Men protect what's theirs. You can't expect men to protect women they don't know. And they toss that out like it's noble, right? It proves they've got this built-in moral compass. But actually, what it proves is ownership. You're not saying that women deserve safety. You're saying that women get safety if they belong to you. A man in my comment section quite literally said, "Men protect what they own. my wife, my kids." He said own. He said it out loud. That's not protection, right? That's property management.
So, I want to be honest, right? When that property acts out, when that property disagrees or leaves, that's when the danger skyrockets because women are the most at risk after they leave an abusive partner because that protection, it was never about safety, it was about control. And that's the damn proof, right? And even that so-called protection that they offer you while you're with them, it is conditional. It's not love. It's like a contract, right? Be obedient. Be quiet. Don't challenge him. Don't grow. Don't leave. And the second you stop being easy to control that protection, it evaporates or worse, it turns into punishment. That's not safety. That's intimidation. Why do they call it protection? It was just a leash. And when they lose the control, that real man shows up. Real talk. You know how many women have been told, "I only get this way because I love you." That's not love. That is fear. And it's dressed up like a promise. Protection. Like real protection. It doesn't feel like walking on eggshells. And it doesn't show up as jealousy and tracking your location and controlling who you talk to or deciding what you wear. "I just need to know where you are all the time to keep you safe. That's why I have your location on, but you don't have mine because I don't need your protection." Right? That's a cage.
So, saying, "I protect what's mine," doesn't make you a hero. It makes you sound like a pissed-off landlord with a temper.
So, over on another app, I told a story about being robbed when I was 15 by a guy who was probably like 18. It was a stranger on the street outside of a McDonald's. This man, like 6 feet tall, muscular as hell, right? He's walking his pitbull. Actively didn't make eye contact with me and walked by like, "I don't see you. I don't see you." Right? Men said in the comments, "Well, it's not his job to protect me." I actually know that. I really do. Men said it in the comments, too. Right? "What if that man had a family? He can't stop to protect you, a complete stranger, and risk his own life." I hear you. That man knew that men are dangerous. The grown man afraid of a teenage boy robbing a teenage girl. So, he didn't protect me cuz I wasn't his. Thank you for the evidence that men are not protectors. If it was natural, if men were natural protectors, we wouldn't need protection. They wouldn't be harming us.
What's wild is that a woman is who protected me just a few minutes later. Women often protect women. Women look for other women when we're in danger.
Now, here's another thing that men just love to say, right? "Just because I don't protect strangers doesn't mean I'm harming them." Like they're morally off the hook because they kept their hands to themselves. Can we just be real, please? Can we? Doing nothing. It's not neutral. When a woman is being screamed at in public and a man walks by and does nothing, he knows exactly what could happen. And they'll say, "Well, I can't intervene. He might attack me." So, once again, you are admitting that men are dangerous. Congratulations for proving my point. It happens every time. You walk face first right into the point. You're saying that men are violent enough to kill and that you're too afraid to step in. So, who exactly is protecting women? Not men. Not men. And that's the point, right? Men are not protecting women. They're protecting themselves from risk, consequences, discomfort. They will happily protect their reputation, their ego, their image. But women only if there's something in it for them, right? Safety for women, that's really not the priority. It's a potential side effect. Good for her if she is compliant and convenient and quiet. But honestly, that same man who's like, "Listen, it's not my place to get involved." That's the same guy who expects a woman to smile at him in a bar or thank him for not being a creep. You don't get a cookie for being not the worst.
This is the real problem. Men want that title of protector, and they don't want to do a damn thing to earn it. Most won't confront their friend who talks about women like garbage or call out their brother when he's emotionally abusing his girlfriend or even challenge a co-worker who's harassing women. But you still want to be seen as the good guy, the provider, the protector. You want praise for what you didn't do. "I never hit anyone." Okay, you didn't stop anyone. You didn't speak up. You didn't take a risk. You just weren't awful. You want to celebrate that? Like really? You didn't assault anyone today? Wow. Should I print you a certificate? Do you want a balloon? You're not safe because you didn't hurt someone. You're safe when women feel safe around you. And most of us don't.
Let's go even deeper, right? A lot of these men actually believe that they should be seen as protectors just for existing peacefully. Real protection isn't passive. It's not vibes. Real protection, it costs something. And that's the part that they always skip. Chuck Derry, now he's the founder of the Gender Violence Institute. He once said that if men want to be real allies to women, they have to give something up. And that's what this comes down to because most men don't want to give anything up. Not their status, not their power, not the comfort of being liked by other men. They want to somehow protect women without sacrificing a damn thing. But real protection means risk.
Now, another man in my comment section was like, "If men weren't naturally protectors and providers, then explain to me how police officers and firefighters and military and law enforcement protective roles are mostly men. They're obviously protective." Now, I laughed because again, men tend to walk face first and to the point. All of those positions are inherently tied to, no, not protection, power. It's power. You want power. You're not actually trying to protect people. You're trying to be the guy with the gun. You're trying to be the guy with the badge. You want to feel like a big, powerful, strong man and have authority and power over other people, particularly women. We're not going to pretend that 40% of police officers are not accused of or convicted of domestic violence. We're not going to pretend that.
When I talk about real protection involving risk, here's what I'm talking about. Okay? This isn't even like a threat to your life. It means calling out your friend and knowing that he's going to talk crap about you later. It means losing social points. It means taking a hit to your image. If you only protect women when it costs you nothing, that is not protection. You're just branding yourself. If your idea of protection never at any point makes other men uncomfortable, you are not protecting anyone but yourself. Because real protection means that you might get called a simp. You might lose followers. You might lose friends. And that's the point, right? If you can't stand to give anything up, don't call yourself an ally. You're literally just a spectator.
Then there's the system. Courts, cops, government, they have all been built around the same lie, the same false image of men as natural protectors. So, when women actually report abuse, we're told there's not enough evidence. When we try to keep our kids safe, we're called vindictive and bitter. And when men with a badge and a gun have a domestic violence history, they are still hired. They are sent to homes where women are begging for help. Remember that stat that I just referenced that 40% of police officers are accused perpetrators of abuse or proven. The system doesn't protect women. It protects men's reputations.
And here's the part that I think really gets under their skin, right? When women say this out loud, like when we say men are not protectors, my god, men spiral. And it's not because it's unfair. It's because it's true. And they don't want to sit with what that means. So, they run straight to those red pill podcasts and ragebait videos. They find communities of other fragile men who say, "Oh, you're the real victim."
Let me say something directly to any man that is watching this. Cuz if you made it this far, wow, you're either watching me out of hate or I you learning something. Unlikely, right? If the truth makes you hate women more, your issue isn't with us. It's with the facts. You're not mad because I'm wrong. You're mad because we don't lie about it anymore. If your masculinity literally falls apart anytime a woman holds up a mirror, you were never strong to begin with, my guy. Never.
You want to be a protector. If that's what you want, right? Because this is what I believe based on what men say. You want to be seen as a protector, then start with this. Hold other men accountable. Get out of my comment sections and the comment sections of other women and give up control. Listen without demanding praise. Stop needing to be the center of every conversation. Be willing to lose something because otherwise you are not protecting anyone but yourself. You are just playing dress up with your ego. How embarrassing.
Real protection doesn't come with strings and it doesn't require obedience or ownership. It doesn't disappear when she says no. If you only protect women that you own and only while they agree with you, you are not a protector. You are not. You are actually a risk. So, I'm saying it again and I'm saying it clearly. Men are not protectors. Statistically and globally, men are the number one threat to women. So unless you are actively working against that, you are challenging other men. You are dismantling your own entitlement and giving up control, you are part of the problem. And I'm not debating it because debating it is a distraction. Right? And in the comment section, I'm encouraging every woman in my comment section, don't debate these men.
I will never believe that men are natural protectors because there is not one ounce of evidence to support it. If you're a woman and you are done justifying and softening and explaining your right to feel safe, I see you. And you don't have to be polite to survive. You need to be powerful. You need to book a call with me. Join my community. I'll help you rebuild without needing a single man to save you. Save yourself. Click subscribe so you don't miss any more videos like this. Should I make a video on men being providers? What do you think? Now, if this video just pissed someone off, good, because that means they finally heard.