Transcription
There's a version of work advice that sounds really nice in theory, and I hear it all the time, uh, on my social media platforms. I'll hear people responding to some of the people who were following me, and they'll say things like, "Just quit. Just leave already." Or, "You should just follow your passion. Leave toxic environments. Why do you stay?" And that sounds great in theory, but we know that that's not reality.
If rent, groceries, kids, and health insurance were not an issue, if that didn't exist, then you know, then maybe that would be good advice. But it's just not. A lot of you are in a season where you can't leave your job. Not yet, not safely, not without blowing up your whole life. And I think that there are probably a lot of people in that situation. So today, we're going to talk about something real: how to protect your peace while you're still there. Because, you know, you still have to survive it. You still have to make it, uh, so that you come out on the other side with your paycheck and your dignity and your peace of mind, your sanity intact. Because staying doesn't mean surrendering your sanity. Not at all. If you're in a job you can't leave yet, uh, you're just not alone. You don't need to love your job. That's not necessary at all. You just need to survive it strategically until you can make your next move. And so today, I want to talk about six steps that will help you keep your sanity while you're still there.
Um, number one, stop taking work personally. And no matter what your employers say, and even though you spend a ton of time at work, I get it. These people start to feel, uh, like, uh, your family. The reality is, your job is not your family. Your boss is not your friend, and, and the way they treat you is not a reflection of your worth. Not at all. And what I have found is that most workplace stress comes from emotional attachment, wanting to be liked, expecting fairness, uh, wanting to be appreciated. And I get that. I mean, it makes sense. But, but, but here's the thing. Here's the reality: jobs run on power, not feelings. It's not personal. So here's your mindset shift. This is a business transaction. You give labor, they give money. Keep telling yourself that. That's all that work is. And people, um, have started trying to find their personal life or trying to make a personal life within the confines of the workplace. And that's never a good idea. Never a good idea. All their friends are at work. Uh, sometimes the relationships are found at work. It's just separate the two. Work is a business transaction. And the sooner you start looking at it like that, the better off you'll be. That emotional distance alone will save you so much stress.
Number two, control what you engage with. You don't have to attend every argument. There's so much drama in the workplace, and it's so unnecessary, but you have to rise above it. Stay away from it. Don't, uh, get involved with that at all. You don't need to respond to every tone. You know, somebody snapping at you, uh, or every jab you have, the mean girl network rolling their eyes and doing what they do. You can just not pay attention to it. And, and I know it might be easier said than done, at least initially, but you'd be surprised when you stop reacting to it, they stop doing it because they feed on your reaction. So if you don't give it to them, you know, as they are doing what they do, you're thinking to yourself, this is a business transaction. Uh, nothing more, nothing less. It's a business transaction. And I mean, it will get so much better. You'll see. They don't get the response they want, and eventually, you're not fun anymore. Peace at work is about what you reply to, what you ignore, and what you don't explain. At the end of the day, you don't owe co-workers emotional access to you. And that's a big one. That's a big one. And you don't owe managers your personality. You owe them your job duties. That's it. That, that's a transaction. They're giving you a paycheck, you're performing a service for them. That simple.
Number three, and this is another big one, keep your personal life personal. Oversharing at work is expensive. The more people who know your struggles, your fears, your money, your plans, the more they can use it against you later on. And it's not that people start out, uh, anticipating that that's what will happen. I mean, sometimes you just form these close relationships at work because you are in a situation and you're experiencing whatever you're experiencing at the same time, or, you know, it's just a matter of spending so much time with people at work, and then you start opening up and sharing. And that is a dangerous thing because when push comes to shove, when the rubber meets the road, and they're trying to decide, well, who to lay off or who to promote, I mean, you know, then they start raising your personal issues. They start bringing those, well, you know, um, she is trying to get pregnant and she's gonna be out for a long time, so why would you promote her? Or, you know, she's, uh, got this family member that's giving her a lot of issues, and she's probably going to be out for a while. I mean, you just, and, and again, I don't think people set out to do this, but this is what I see happening all the time. And at the end of the day, they wouldn't know any of this stuff about you unless you told them. You tell HR only what they need to know. So if you're looking for an accommodation, tell them the accommodation you need. You don't need to go into how is, uh, whatever you're experiencing has caused a lot of family strife and a lot of other financial problems because I can promise you, if they have to at some point make decisions about things, that stuff will come up when they're trying to decide who to promote or, uh, who to let go. All of that stuff will factor in. They're not supposed to do that, but I can tell you they do. So, uh, protect your peace. Protect your peace by keeping conversations light. I'm not saying don't communicate with people. You know, a lot of times I will talk about, uh, not sharing so much at work, uh, and people will say, you know, they get upset with me when I don't talk. I'm not saying don't talk to your co-workers. I'm saying keep conversations light. Talk about neutral topics. Save your real life for people who don't sign your paycheck. So you can talk, you can communicate. They don't have to think that you're antisocial. The question is, what are you communicating about? How are you communicating it? Your co-workers don't need to know your story. They just need your output.
Number four, create a work persona. And I already know people are going to say, "I just can't be fake. I have to be me." This is survival. It's not about being fake. Your work persona is calm, polite, professional, predictable. I mean, I'm not saying be somebody else. I mean, that's okay, too, if you want to do that. But you don't constantly talk about your personal business all day, every day. I'm saying choose that part of your personality that is calm, polite, professional, while, while keeping the conversation light. That part of your personality doesn't argue, it doesn't vent, and it doesn't overshare. You clock in as that version of you, and you clock out as your real self. That separation protects your nervous system.
Number five, document quietly, always. Peace comes from feeling prepared. You know, knowing that if something goes awry, if things just don't go your way, you're ready. You don't want it to happen, but if it does, you're ready. So, if things feel off, even if they don't feel off, [laughter] save emails, write down incidents, keep timelines, screenshot messages, and don't keep this information at work. I mean, don't wait until things go south. If your employer is, uh, praising you in emails, keep copies at home. And so, if, for example, you report, um, unlawful conduct and suddenly the emails, uh, change, the tone changes, and they're criticizing you, then you have those emails, too. And you can show, look, before this happened, before I reported, these are the types of emails I got. But you don't, you can't do that if you wait until something, uh, happens to start keeping your file. So, you have to start thinking about your work as, um, a business, a business transaction. Your employer's documenting you. They're not waiting until things go really, really bad. They document things all the time. And so you have to do the same thing. You don't need to wait. Do it from the beginning. Keep it in my journal. My, uh, document everything journal is I thought I had a copy here, but my document journal, document everything journal is a perfect place to keep it all together. The link is in the bio where you can get the journal on Amazon. But that is a perfect way to every day go home, just make it a habit. Take five minutes to write down what happened, uh, during the day at work, and it will make it seem very credible if you have to rely on that information later on because this was just your routine, just like it's your employer's routine to give you evaluations, uh, periodically, to, uh, give verbal counselings that they happen to write down [laughter] and put in your file. That's their practice. Your practice should be the same. Writing down what happened at work every day so that when something bad happens and you make note of that, it seems very credible. This is what you do all the time. And this is how employers establish credibility. You need to do the same thing. And it's not because you're being dramatic. It's because you're being smart.
And finally, number six, build a life outside of work. Your job should not be your whole identity, but for a lot of people, it is. I mean, while you're at work, you're working. Before you go to work, you're thinking about going to work, or you're complaining about work. And when you leave work, you're definitely complaining about work. And before you know it, that's all you ever talk about. You have to have something to look forward to outside of work. You protect your peace by having something to look forward to, uh, after work. Spending time with people who don't talk about work, doing things that remind you of who you are. Because if work is your whole world, a bad job feels like a bad life. And it's not. If you can't leave your job, that doesn't mean you're stuck forever. It means you're in a strategic waiting season. You don't need to win at work. You don't need to love your job. You just need to get through it with your dignity, with your paycheck, and with your peace intact. And one day, you'll walk out of that building without fear because you prepared quietly while you were still inside. I'll see you next shift.