Transcription
Today I'd like to talk about my experience with reverse culture shock upon moving back to the United States after having lived abroad. So for those of you who are new to this channel, I have lived in six different countries. Of course, one being my birth country, uh, the United States, and also, uh, five other countries, three of which were in Europe and two of which were in Asia.
What is reverse culture shock? The experience of readjusting to the culture and way of life of your home country after having spent an extended period of time living and traveling in other countries. So, let's dive in. Here are the 13 ways where I experienced reverse culture shock upon moving back to the United States. And I have notes, so I will occasionally look down at them. Bear with me.
The first, and these are in no particular order, the first point is that Americans feel rushed, stressed, and obsessed with work. This is something that is extremely hard to adjust to, particularly if you have just moved from a country with a slower, relaxed culture. And Japan, China, South Korea, and Singapore. They definitely are right on par with the American obsession with work and identifying with their work. However, the US takes the cake in the West. So, here are some things that really rubbed me the wrong way upon moving back about a decade ago. The hustle culture, the grind, grinding it out, that kind of stuff is that mentality feels destructive. Um, there's also that const, the constant talk of being productive. Even when we're not working, people are concerned about being productive. And it's a very odd mentality for anyone who's lived abroad or anyone who just maybe lives a slower, quieter life in the countryside. Another thing is that people are using words like optimize. They have to optimize everything in their life. I mean, whatever just happened to living? And then the other thing is that is hearing people talk about their five and 10 year plan is enough to make me laugh. It really is. Um, I, I don't remember the exact quote, but something like, you know, life is what happens when you're busy making plans, or, you know, uh, make, make plans and you know, God laughs, or something like that. So I've never had that mentality. I have never had a five or 10 year plan in my life. And some people could say that that's why you don't achieve so much or whatever in the conventional sense. However, I, I've always known, uh, I've had a mental list of things that I would love to do in this lifetime, and it, and it changes over time, but I've never actually had a plan. I just kind of pick one in my brain and move in that direction and then go from there. Now, Americans are just, they, they put work at the center of their lives. They identify with it, and that is not something I can relate to. It's actually very difficult. You know, I found that there are a lot of people I know who, when you want to catch up with them, all they can talk about is work, and then they use all this lingo from work that anyone who doesn't work there doesn't understand. It's, it's a very strange experience.
So, the next thing, politics. Number two, politics in your face 24/7. Doesn't matter whether it's an election cycle or not. Uh, politics is the new religion in America, and it's really depressing. Now, when I moved back from abroad, it was 2015, and that is when politics were heating up in a way that we've never seen before, and it has only intensified ever since. Um, you know, everywhere you go, there are signs, people are wearing, uh, you know, political swag with, you know, logos on them. Um, the signs in people's yards, and then also all over the news, the papers, the magazines, and also bumper stickers. Americans are obsessed with bumper stickers and have to put their political ideologies all over their cars. You know, I, I always wonder why people buy BMWs only to cover it in bumper stickers. It's beyond me. But anyway, that is hard to adjust to, especially because I simply just view politics and the two-party system as two wings of the same bird. They're all getting richer in the process, and we're not really getting much at all.
So, the third thing, small talk. For me, small talk is utterly painful. Now, I realize that small talk is a way that people who don't know how to connect with another human being try to connect and just be pleasant. I get that. But I don't, I'm, I'm not interested. I, I'm kind of a very direct, uh, no BS kind of person. And in the sense of not liking small talk, I resonate so much more. Sorry, there are mosquitoes. I resonate so much more, uh, with, uh, the Nordic cultures in that sense, because, you know, when they speak there, it's for practical reasons, or there's meaning and depth to it. Now, for those who have ever been to America or who are from the US and have lived abroad, you'll notice that when you come home, "How are you?" "How are you?" "I'm great." "I'm good." "I'm great." You know, and people just ask you, "How are you?" as a greeting. And sometimes they're not even interested in the answer. And then if they do wait for an answer, they don't want a sincere answer. You say, "I'm great. I'm good. I'm well. How are you?" And that's how it goes. That's basically how it goes. A simple hi and a smile, or just a smile, um, as long as it's sincere, is is more my style. And it's hard to get used to a lot of the nonsensical small talk.
So, let's get into the fourth point that is related to small talk, and it's the other end of the spectrum, and it's oversharing. I'll never forget returning to the United States and being in line at the grocery store and having some lady talk to me about a coupon. And then that coupon topic, which was boring as all get out, and I would never talk to a stranger about coupons, uh, turned into her telling me her life story and just like vomiting all of the details of her life onto me while we stood in this massive line at a grocery store. And I just thought to myself, welcome home. That is something that is not necessarily one of our most endearing traits as Americans. And, uh, even as time goes by, we are getting worse. We certainly don't understand, uh, boundaries and, um, the separation between private and public. And so getting used to people vomiting up their life stories and just spewing at you as a stranger is never easy to adjust to for me, ever. Um, I'm still not used to it, and I've been back a decade.
So, the next one is point number five. It's really personal in the sense that not everyone has this experience. It's the people that you know, they can provide the greatest culture shock ever. Now, the people you know when you return, they expect you to fall in line and behave as you used to behave, do all the things you used to do, and be interested in all the same things that you used to be interested in. And having lived abroad, I can tell you that you inevitably change, and that you are not always going to be interested in those same things, or enjoy talking about the same things, or doing those same things. So for me, people always wanted to go out to the bar, and there was a bar that we always used to go to, or at least they always used to go to, I would go to occasionally. And when I got back from living abroad, you know, mostly I wasn't drinking anymore. I was drinking a little bit, you know, a glass of wine or cider with a nice meal, but that's it. I was not really into drinking heavily. And, um, and now I don't drink, so it's even less so. But every time they wanted to do something, it was always about going to the bar. And I just wondered, why couldn't we go do something outdoors? Why couldn't we all, you know, have a barbecue together? Why couldn't we go for a hike? Why couldn't we watch the sunset and then hang out there and have a picnic and, yeah, bring drinks with us, but why do we have to be at the bar? And people got quite, how should I say, not necessarily mad, but they didn't like that I was not interested in going to the bar. And they, uh, some people just stopped calling me altogether when I would decline. Um, I would often invite them to do other things, like the things that I suggested, and they would decline and never be interested, and then eventually those once friendships just kind of faded away. There were certainly, uh, some people who were interested in catching up and having a great time and doing whatever outdoors, you know, getting in a canoe and going paddling, or hiking, or whatever. And that was awesome. And those people are still in my life because it was a shared experience that we have when we get together. It wasn't just about drinking and getting intoxicated. So I should mention that those are also the people who were interested in my experiences of living abroad. The other people wanted to pretend that I had never left, that I hadn't changed, and that nothing had ever changed. And it was very odd. And so letting them go was a natural experience.
So, the sixth one, the size of everything. Whether it be stores, homes, vehicles, portion sizes, clothes, and people. I'm sorry folks, but this is not normal. The rest of the world is not on the McMansion size everything. And the gluttony and excess and resulting obesity epidemic that we have here in the US is astonishing. While obesity and excess and gluttony certainly exist in many countries around the world, uh, never, it's never to the point that we have here in the US. It's also hard to get used to seeing people who don't even look like humans anymore because they have polluted themselves so much and their bodies have become so distorted. I, I know that some people will take that offensively, and it is not made to be offensive because I, I feel sorry for all of us. It's, it's not a good thing. Um, food, food. The food was shocking. You know, when you live abroad, you realize that American food is heavily polluted and filled with toxins. You know, something as innocuous as, or should is normally innocuous, such as ketchup, for example, is not innocuous. In the US, instead of using a tiny bit of simple cane sugar, it is pumped full of high fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most countries. So that is a perfect example as to how our bodies are becoming polluted. I also wanted to say that we just do weird things to food. We inject, uh, wax into our fruits and vegetables to make them look shinier and more appealing and as a preservative. Um, which is gross. And, you know, everyone thinks that apple peels are nutritious and healthy, and normally they are. But if you're not picking the apple off the tree and it's not organic and it's been sprayed with pesticides as well, it's not good for you. It is not good for you at all. So, that is one of those hard things to get used to. Americans are obsessed with making things look more appealing for sale, but it has nothing to do with health. Now, so for example, uh, I will never forget going to the grocery store and buying, um, some pepperoncinis and the pickled ones in a jar. And I looked at the ingredients list, and it had, and I wrote this down, FD&C Yellow 5. I actually went to the store to find that same brand, and it turns out all of them have this in it. FD&C Yellow 5. I don't know what FD&C stands for, but why do we have to artificially color pepperoncinis? Are we little kids and things have to be bright and appealing for us to consume them? I, I don't get it. Uh, is the original color bad enough? Overall, the food is horrendous. I'm sorry. We just have so many additives and so much junk. And, um, even though I shop and eat the perimeter of a grocery store, I don't do the packaged foods in the middle. Um, my digestive tract had a hard time adjusting, and it still is very unhappy. I'm not going to lie. Um, and then the weight gain that comes with it. Well, I'm not exactly, uh, overweight at all, but I noticed that, you know, I gained an extra inch around the midsection moving back to the US. And that's just ridiculous because I would eat more living abroad, and I would eat well, and just stay the same size.
Point number eight, taxes. Uh, when you, and I'm not talking about tax returns, that's for another, uh, video, but I am talking about the price tags that you see on items in the store. In the majority of countries around the world, the price tag that you see on an item or below an item on a shelf is the price that you pay at the register. You don't show up to the register like you do in the US, and then taxes added on top of that. So in the US, when I got back, I was totaling up what I had purchased in my head in terms of cost, and I would have the cash ready, ready by the time I got to the register, and that was because I forgot about tax, and that tax had not been included in the price, and I would have to dig out more money, or I would hand them the money, and they tell me it's not enough, and I would go, "Oh," and I would get out more money and hand it to them. Um, so that was something hard to get used to.
So, driving. The majority of the US is or has been constructed and is made for vehicles. It is not made for humans or cyclists, you know, pedestrians or cyclists. It is made for vehicles. And sure, ve, humans are driving those vehicles, but it certainly diminishes the quality of life. And for those of you who don't know, public transport in the United States, aside from a few cities, is absolutely abysmal. Even cities like New York and Boston, their, um, subway systems are on their last legs, let's put it that way. They need immense amount of repairs and are vulnerable to flooding, as we've recently seen in New York. And so not being able to walk everywhere, or to cycle, or to just, you know, use public transport and get around is really frustrating because it seems to me that this country was built for vehicles so that the vehicle, the auto industry, which started in the early 1900s here in the US, would forever be in business. That's my perspective. I'm sure there's some information on that somewhere, but I haven't looked. And so that's why it's really depressing. I also think that that's why any attempts at high-read, high-speed rail have been useless. They've been seeped in corruption and they never amount to anything. Uh, the closest thing we have to a national rail system is Amtrak, and it's not really that awesome. It used to be all right, um, but it is going the way of Greyhound buses. And if anyone knows about Greyhound buses, Greyhound buses are not some, you do not board those buses unless you are desperate, unless you have absolutely no other options. And that is because Greyhound buses, and I believe they got bought out, but I do know that they are still the same. I've had, um, a former coworker have everything they own stolen from them other than their small backpack on, uh, Greyhound. But these are the most unsavory of people. I mean, criminals and drug addicts and alcoholics are, and, you know, I have compassion for everyone, but you don't always want to be on the bus with people who are involved in such things, and also people who don't always have the best personal hygiene. So, I don't do Greyhound, and that clientele is also spilling over onto Amtrak as well, from what I understand in some places, and eventually, I suspect it will only get worse. So, not having public transport and having to spend the money and time commuting around to meet your basic needs is mildly depressing. I don't mind driving if it's optional and I want to be driving somewhere different and new, maybe to go on a vacation, but I don't want to be forced into owning a car just to be able to live somewhere that's, uh, naturally beautiful and not a city. You know, in Europe, you can essentially catch a bus or a train to almost every part of the continent. I'm not going to count Russia in there because I have never been to Russia and I don't know. But in, within, um, the majority of EU countries, you can get to most villages and towns, and including those non-EU countries, but the, um, those in the European Economic Area, you can catch buses or trains to pretty much anywhere. And cities are walkable. In the US, there are places without even sidewalks.
Number 10, buying power. In other countries, I seem to get more bang for my buck, so to speak. So, that just means that my money went further. For example, in France, um, oh, in the US, I spend $5 and maybe I'm lucky if I get a latte. Maybe I'm lucky if I get a large latte. It's usually a smaller latte. And for example, in France, I can get a milky coffee or something, some equivalent, a café au lait, milky coffee, whatever, and I could go buy a baguette, and that's €5. So €5 goes a lot further than $5. So that's what I mean by the buying power is much better. Also, I had a lot more money left at the end of the month. This is what we disgustingly call in the US disposable income. I don't believe in disposing of my money. I don't know about you, but I had a lot more money left over at the end of each month from my paychecks.
Number 11, and we're almost there. There are 13 total. Uh, 11. Tipping culture. Tipping culture is out of the, out of control in the US. When I moved back, uh, 10 years ago, I felt that way too. And even though I often worked in the service industry, I still felt like it was out of control. 20% is the expected minimum. And there is a weird sense of entitlement that has been developing around tipping in the US, and it, you know, um, that was hard to get used to after living in countries where tipping is not done, or tipping is very minimal. For example, you know, like leaving small change in Europe when you go out for coffee and lunch, you just, you know, 10% or just round up to the next euro, whatever it is. Um, and then in other countries, countries like Japan and China and South Korea, where tipping would be an, would be a rude gesture. It would actually be an insult. And I asked one of my Korean friends about this, and she said it is like telling that person that they are incapable of making a living on their own and insulting their professionalism, because even though they may be a server in a restaurant, they take their job seriously. So I thought that was really interesting. So having moved back from cultures where tipping is not done in the way that the US does was really hard to get used to. And I consider myself to be a generous tipper. I usually do 20%. Very rarely would I tip more than that. But nowadays, people will tell you that, you know, they have those point-of-sale systems where they turn around, they turn the screen around to you and they ask you to pick your tip amount, or they say, "Oh, it will ask you a few questions." I even caught myself doing that once, and I had to stop. It was too much. Sorry, I've got a mosquito here.
Um, number 12, advertising and consumerism. The sheer amount of advertising in the US is out of control. The only place where I felt that it was comparable was living in London in the UK, and after all, that is the hotbed of advertising. It is the home of advertising. It is where advertising was invented. Um, and I say this even having been in, um, shopping meccas like Singapore and Tokyo and Seoul. The US has advertising unlike anywhere I've ever been. And another thing is that, um, a lot of our ads are do dominated by big pharma. And there are so many different drugs that are available that you can't watch anything without learning about a new drug. And that is disconcerting. Now, on top of this, it's our consumerism. We buy so much, and the amount of waste that this country produces is shocking. For example, in South Korea and in Japan, everything is almost totally recycled. In South Korea, for example, and I don't know if this is like this in all towns and cities, but in Seoul, they had compost bins for our food scraps. And they would usually have one or two per street, and you would go there with your food scrap bin, and you would dump it into that community bin, and it would be emptied regularly. And also, they would have, uh, little bags where you separate your recycling. And your trash was very minimal, at least mine was, you know, and their trash bags were tiny by comparison to the US. So, I think that really says a lot about our culture, the fact that we can buy 50-gallon, 55, 60-gallon, uh, trash bags. It's like we just throw out so much and we waste so much, and that was really hard to get used to upon moving back to the US. Um, also the vast amount of choice. Our level of consumerism is out of control in the sense that we have more choice about everything. And in my experience, life was so much more peaceful not having that level of choice and just having to make do with what's available, even if it was weren't necessarily my first choice. And not having so much choice makes life simpler. So moving back to the US, life was felt so much more complicated and unnecessarily stressful. Um, it's really hard to resist falling into that trap of having exactly what you want and all that choice. And I'm even speaking about that from a food perspective. So that is something I have to say that I have slowly gotten roped into over the years, having been back in the US for over a decade.
Okay. And last but not least, healthcare. Oh my gosh. In the US, um, the system is set up to be an industry and has little to do with taking care of people. You know, there's an expression that sticks in my mind and it rang so, so true when I moved back to the US, and that is that big egg, that's big agriculture, big, um, farming, which is usually monoculture or monocropping. Uh, big egg creates patients for big medicine. So big hospitals, and big hospitals create lifelong customers for big pharma. And so that really rang true when I came home, and it was very hard to adjust to because most places I have traveled to and lived in are so easy to navigate in terms of healthcare. Now, I know things have declined over the last decade in many countries, and there are long wait lists to get help through the public healthcare systems, but it is still far more affordable than anything an American could ever dream of. So let's, let me give you a couple of examples. In Sri Lanka, I got a double ear infection from surfing, and I was there for about six weeks. I was riding a motorcycle around with my former significant other, and I got to see a doctor in less than 30 minutes. And lots of people in Sri Lanka speak great English due to their history with the British, and, uh, she was absolutely fluent. She was kind. She asked me all the right questions and was able to prescribe exactly what I needed to get me well and healthy again. And that cost me less than $2.50 US. Now, when I lived in South Korea, they have a national healthcare system, which I have to say is, is quite excellent. They have international hospitals, um, throughout the major cities in their country. Sorry, mosquitoes. And in my paycheck, I would always see a deduction for this national health insurance, which meant that whenever I went to a hospital, or if I needed to go to a hospital, it was heavily subsidized, and what I had to pay out of pocket was usually only a small portion of what was necessary, and that was excellent. Another thing, for example, I got a severe bout of food poisoning, um, when I lived in Greece, and it had me sick beyond belief, and I was at an international hospital for the majority of a night. It wasn't a full night. I left, you know, right before sunrise, but it was the majority of a night, and they had run so many tests on me, and they had me on IVs and everything. And I walked out of there paying just shy of $270. And that is only because I went to the emergency room at an international hospital. If I had just gone to see a regular doctor, and this had happened during the day, it would have cost me far less. Now, for those who aren't aware, walking into an emergency room in the US can easily cost you $700 up to $1,500 just by walking through the door. And that's before they even, uh, take your blood pressure and treat you, it seems. So, getting used to that, and knowing that an emergency would cost me a significant amount of money is not exactly a lovely feeling. You know, I just, you feel more at ease when you know that healthcare, and for me, healthcare is more particularly, um, acute care for emergencies that I'm concerned about, and that's it. I, I take care of myself the best that I can, and, um, I do things naturally. So anyway, those are the 13 major ways in which I experienced re, reverse culture shock having moved to the US. You know, while I have adjusted to some facets of American life more than others, having been back for a decade, I will still say that I have a hard time dealing with some of these, and that they never, they probably never will feel normal or right to me in any way. I will make another video about that, though. But in short, moving back to the US, or whichever country you are from, will inevitably bring about a sense of reverse culture shock. It can be both wonderful and challenging. There are pleasant things to return to at home, no matter where you live. And just go easy on yourself, knowing that there will be quite an adjustment or re-entry period for you, and that eventually it will get easier. Anyway, I hope this video was interesting and engaging for you, and I look forward to seeing you in the next.