Transcription
Welcome everyone. Today we're talking about temperaments and personalities. And today we are going over how to assess if you are a melancholic personality. Brother Justin, how do we do this? Because many people were asking.
Also, we talked last time about the cholerics and we dedicated a full episode. You can go there in the series. You will find it. So today we consecrate some time for this uh melancholic. How do we go over it? Melancholics are something it's actually pretty fascinating. A lot of writers say the melancholic are the temperament of saints because they're reflective, right? Some people go move quickly through life. Others go deeply noticing every shade, every silence. The melancholic tends to uh live inside their internal forum. They live inside. They live indoors. Everything you do.
So, one of the things that a choleric mistakes with a with a melancholic is that they'll say something brutal to them and they'll smile at them. The reason is it's sort of like they've just sent a missile into a deep cave and it's going to take some time for that bomb to explode. The problem is is that the melancholic is going to work over the bomb. It's going to dissect it. It's going to start devising methods on how to answer. So a week later all of a sudden when the choleric has already forgotten or or or had feted their victory, they receive they they get a counteraction and they don't know where it came from.
You don't know where it came from, right? And it's even worse with the sanguine because the sanguine since they don't continue, but they don't understand it, they they don't know where it come from. They think it's random. So it's really important. But the other point that's really important with the with the melancholic is they might, they over years they grow a rough exterior, but they're incredibly sensitive. So every action against them hits them very deeply, shatters like rocks them up. So when they get angry, get out of the way. And it's going to be very profound because it will have reasons which have been very well examined. Right. They're planners. Yeah. They plan. They when they're hurt, they know why they were hurt and they and unfortunately, if they are not saints, they devise methods of revenge.
Dear friends, I'm brother Gustavo and today I'm asking for your help. If our prayers and podcasts are strengthening your faith and helping you stand firm, this is the moment to support the mission. Click the Patreon link in the description and become a member. Tier one is just $2 a month. Tier two is $5 a month, less than a single coffee every 30 days. That small sacrifice allows us to continue producing faithful, solid Catholic content and to reach more souls searching for truth. If you believe in what we are building, do not wait. Click the link, join the community, help us reach more people. Even your $2 make a huge real difference. We are deeply grateful and truly need your support to keep going. So please go to the link, join the community and help us to continue this work. Thank you so much. Salv Maria.
The choleric also has revenge, but their revenge is in line with their goal. The melancholic is because of their sensitivity being hurt. So you may say, who's more vicious? The melancholic. Now the melancholics also have a core orientation here. We have that they have depth, they have reflection, they also have, as you said, sensitivity, and they're perfectionists. That's a problem. Um, because humans are not perfect, and when a human is not perfect, um, this could be a point of frustration, and the melancholic tends to start spinning because they realize their imperfections and they start trying to acquire that perfection or demanding perfection of those around them, and unable to accept that they are in a valley of tears and that there are, um, people who are flawed around them. Um, again, matched up with the choleric, this is where there's a problem. The choleric demands perfection, thinks that if they demand it loud enough, it will happen. The melancholic wants it, and it hurts them that there isn't the perfection. But so the, in, in other, in other words, the melancholic is much better, superior.
But it's also difficult, right? Because especially those who are a little bit superficial, right, they do not understand sometimes that the melancholics, right, are not simply oversensitive, but rather they go, they descend into things in detail. Another characteristic actually of the melancholic, which is kind of funny because you, the melancholic shares this with the sanguine, which is that, but the melancholic is more of the leader in this, is that they live in a messy world. Who? The melancholic because of their perfectionism, they tend, they they tend to disrupt themselves in that process of not being able to attain their end. They're messy. They, that messiness keeps them in a sense, uh, protected. So their mess is their protection. So the reason we're going over this is that even you in the audience, you may find out or try to self-assess if you're a melancholic, but also we share many times, times, well, family space, we share work space with melancholics, and we need to know how to deal with them as well.
Right. So what's some of their quality strengths of the melancholic? Right? The melancholic are deep thinking. They're introspective, right? The melancholic has no problem sitting in a room by themselves, thinking, staring out a window, thinking, or reading a book that is incredibly dry, as long as it has purpose.
Because they cannot be also. The general public sometimes tends to confuse, let's say, melancholics with people who are romantic, right? Or, sad, or who live in a world, you know, of of of introspection, but for the sake of, you know, what self-admiration or something like that. We need to understand that melancholics are could be saints too. Oh, yeah. And and and it's important to understand them if we are going to have a good commiality. I mean, if we just decide simply to shut everything off.
But that's a, that's also a defect of the melancholic, right? So the melancholic, when they're encountering a world of non-understanding, they tend to hide within themselves again to protect themselves because of the sensitivity. They have a strong uh sense of meaning and of purpose. Now, when you take away their purpose, they spiral. They spiral fast. They can't. They need an objective purpose, purp, and they need a subjective purpose. You take away those purposes, they spiral, and the worst things will happen because there, the walls, the chair in which they sit on is all being taken away, and they don't know what to do. They don't know what to do, and then they lack. Um, there's another point, and it's, it's, it's in your third point here, but there's another point which is that, attention to detail. Attention. But the friendships. The friendships are made incredibly deep, but if broken, they can never be repaired. Never be repaired. The the resentment, the, um, the desire to, uh, revenge oneself is the, the melancholic is the type that will, once a friendship burn, uh, breaks or over a lack of fidelity or something, they will burn the house down because there is no way back. A choleric, you could think, you could think them back, or other ones, you could think them back, then. There's no way. It's desperate. So it's high standards, ideal vision, attention to detail, and also attention to excellence. Oh, absolutely. Those are the characteristics. You drive them crazy by incompetence. That's the characteristics of melancholics.
And what are the weaknesses, brother Justin? Let's go over them. Yeah. So overthinking, anxiety. I mean, anxiety is a big thing because of this element of thinking. They're, they're coming, they're coming with all of these possibilities that will go wrong. And if things start going wrong, that's the spiraling effect. They stop. Analysis paralysis. Yeah. They just, and they're done. They need a friend who maybe is a choleric, or they need a friend who's a sanguine, and to pull them out. Pull them out. Give them, you know, give them 10, get them out of the hole because.
That's an exceptional, you know, hint for those who are parents and have children who are melancholic. Yeah. Those who are teachers and have students who are melancholic, right? Those who are superiors and have people they have to take care and, you know, really guide. The idea is that you, you decide you're going to drop on them a truth bomb. Be careful because they're already adding the 10, like they're adding attacks on it already. It's very naturally added. When you do it, you think you're dropping. Oh, I'm just doing this. Again, if you're not thinking about what you're doing, and you, you, you just bury the person.
Well, it has some nationalities who are by definition superficial, right? So, what happens in dealing with them? You have to overdo like 80% so the outcome you're gonna get is 20%. Right? Yeah. But you have to be careful because if you do that with people who are not melancholic, right, it's one thing. If you do that to a melancholic, and you're asking for 120% to get 20%, they're going to try to go for 130%. Yeah. And then break. And then you go, I don't understand. Well, you don't understand because you didn't study. Well, what you need, you have to, you have to understand. We have to understand.
So the, the other one is self-criticism. And this is a big problem for the melancholics. Is the melancholics will criticize themselves in their own minds. They're not cholerics. This is the important. They're not cholerics are certain that they are gods. These ones here are sure they're sinners. So you coming in and telling them that, they really don't need it unless you, unless your purpose is to crush them. Mhm. So you need, but then be ready for the reaction because when you crush, the revenge is going to be burning the house down, and it's, and, and for you who is not one of those, you're going to not understand the repercussion. Tendency toward sadness or discouragement, which comes out of the same very same thing. They, uh, a small criticism turns into a huge criticism. Uh, a, a small slight turns into a huge slight. Um, a teacher tells the student that their work is is sloppy, and all of a sudden, everything you see a melancholic student, and they'll erase their whole book because one page isn't good. The, the sanguine will erase the last word and try to repair it because, well, for him, it's the last word that you're talking about. The melancholic is taking the whole year. So you really have to balance your approach.
And one. So perfectionism that tends to lead to paralysis, that one we also, right, we talked about. Okay. Can we go on to a practical self-assessment to see? I'll make the questions, and then you please complete whatever necessary for the audience, for their, you know, their children, co-workers, and everything.
Do I replay conversations or decisions in my mind? That's a classic. And that's a lot of times when you have the melancholic sitting by themselves, is that they're running their day through their head, and they're thinking, "I should have said this. I should have." Because the melancholic isn't quick like some of the other temperaments. They, they beat themselves up because they missed the moment. So the melancholic, the best way of, if you want to do good to the melancholic, is you sit down and you give them time, and they will start to develop their thought. They'll start developing it. That's the melancholic. And they will respect you. You want respect for a melancholic? Give them time. They'll respect you for giving them the time because they had a chance to explain everything nice and clear. The others are top, top, top. I've got time. I've got to do something. So child, you have a child that they're clinging and they want to explain everything. That's usually a melancholic child looking for someone to understand them. Long conversations, meandering conversations, all kinds of details. Melancholic.
Second question, am I highly sensitive to criticism or failure? So, if that hits, rings, that's a melancholic. They, that's why you don't need to insist.
Do I set very high standards for myself? Sometimes they do. Sometimes the melancholic will, if they, if they've been bashed around a lot, they'll protect themselves in that point.
Oh, another question here. Do I often feel things more deeply than others seem to? That's a classic melancholic problem for a child because as the melancholic gets older, they realize that's true. But as a child, they're looking around. They say, "I don't understand. Why is it that this person, this this this outcome didn't hurt or or disturb this one? But disturbed me. I didn't sleep at night." Another one, melancholics, they need lots of sleep. When they don't get their sleep, they're basket cases.
Another capital question. Do I hesitate out of fear of not doing things perfectly? The fear of being told you're wrong for the melancholic is paralysis. Um, they're not the type that will jump in and do things. Everything they do is calculated. So, uh, when you have a child who is a melancholic and you see that they're hesitant, you need to support them, but don't falsely pump them up because again, they're going to analyze it. And if they feel that you're just pumping them up for the sake of it, they're going they're not going to trust you. And when they lose their trust in you, you can never recover. So, really important to be that friend. Be that friend who's there when they need you to come. But they might just come and sit beside you and just like and not say anything. Why? Because they're still running it all through their brains.
So let's let's wrap up this very first part of the of the episode. In other words, if you replay conversations, if you're highly sensitive to criticism, if you h, if you set very high standards to yourself, if you often feel things more deeply than others, and finally, if you do hesitate out of fear of not doing things perfectly, if you have say yes to most of them, definitely your majority, the major side is is melancholic. Wonderful. But again, uh, something very important that we, we decided to to set here, which is that, okay, recognizing this temperament is not a way to labeling ourselves. That is very, very important to analyze and recognize where are the strengths, where are the weaknesses, but also how to deal with others in case we are in presence of melancholics. Let's go to a quick infomercial with Ryan Murphy, and then we come back with questions uh from the front lines.
So Maria, I'm Father Ryan Murphy of the Heralds of the Gospel, and I'm delighted to extend an invitation to each and every one of you. That's why I would like to personally invite you to join us every day at 3 p.m. for a special and powerful devotion, the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I'm looking forward to praying with you every day at 3 p.m. And until we meet again, may almighty God bless you, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
So, let's go with questions from the front lines in this topic about melancholic personalities. And this is a question that keeps coming over and over. And the very far first part of it, it's, it's easy to answer, but it has implications to the melancholic. Is being melancholic a bad thing? I mean, having a personality is a bad thing.
Well, the key, the key is is that the perfect me, the perfect temperament was our Lord Jesus Christ, right? And our lady. And so the temperament itself is not a problem, right? It's, it's, it's a way in which you reflect God. So it's, it's, it's perfectly fine. The, the problem is is with or without virtue, with or without sin. Um, so your temperament in itself is not a bad thing. There is no perfect temperament, and there is no temperament that is going to be better than others, right? I'm, I'm this, therefore I'm better than you. No, they all have their bonuses. They all have their negatives. And the ones that seem to have higher thresholds usually have worse elements on the bottom. So one of the great things about the melancholic is that they tend to be deep people. They tend to go. So when they, they're attracted to spirituality, they go into areas of the spirituality which is deeper than some of the other temperaments. Right? So it is good to have a melancholic on a team, let's say, because at that moment, if you assign things to them that are going to go deep, uh, this is the right person to have.
Well, the other aspect about the melancholic, because they tend to think things through, is that they're going, they're not always going to rubber stamp everything on your team. They're going to be the one who comes up with maybe a problem. Look, this could go wrong. Now, you may not like that. You, it might get in the way, but that person's helping you. Give you a set of eyes that is directing you. This is the problem when you only want yes men or yes women to have in their team, right? Because if you're going to have some melancholics, they are going to be able to point out things that may be a problem. Uh, and you cannot gloss over that. I mean, it's, it's a matter of importance to give them the time and also to give them the possibility to point this out because if we're going to shut them off constantly just because they are bringers or they're pointing out that maybe things are maybe wrong, what kind of uh results are you going?
They're not, they're not the f, they're not kind of happiness bringers, but they're going to ground you. Um, now, now granted, if you have a virtuous melancholic, this is going to be a real advantage at everything. Problem is that if, if they're not, then they're just going to bring a lot of discouragement, despair. Uh, everything is dark, everything is hopeless, everything is this. There's there's never a solution. That's when there's that's when they're a broken melancholic, right? So, they need more friendship. They need someone to help cheer them up, in a sense, get them back in the spot where they need to be. Um, everyone has their ups and downs, everyone has their difficulties. So, we need to encounter that and and go forward, right? And.
Next question, brother Justin. Question from the front lines. Why do I overthink everything? And how can I stop it? Set limits. Give yourself a point in which you stop. Stop. Put it aside.
Write down your, uh, write down your problem. Melancholic. One of the things they usually say is sit down and write down your problems. Put it in a book, and then consult it when you have the time and space to do it. Um, melancholics also, they need time. So if they use a book as a kind of an element, a depository of their problems, they can go back to it later on and feel that emotional element with time. Give themselves space. Kind of like a hard drive, an external hard drive. You know, put those problems on the side so the brain has space to be able to navigate.
Is it safe to act even if you're not completely ready? Is that something that sounds counterintuitive for if the person is a melancholic? Absolutely. If the person was a sanguine, I would say not, because, um, the, the melancholic already thought far more than the sanguine ever did, right? He, he or she is not completely certain they're ready. The sanguine wasn't ready when they acted.
It's typical these days when people launch projects that they launch it half-cooked. Why? Because they prefer to fix it on their way. And that applies also to software tremendously. Yes. Platforms tremendously. Lots of frustration, you know, lots of, you know, the technical support problem is there, but also happens in in every, you know, aspect of life as well, right? I mean, you may have a project for evangelization. You may have a project for, if you're always going to be waiting until all, you know, the graces are lined up, you may not leave, you know.
There's a balance, and that, and I think that's where the real problem lies, is the balance between the two extremes. Um, to be prepared is good. Excellence, praiseworthy. Overprepared, I think at that point, you're, you're, you're never getting out. You're never going to get there. You're never going to do anything. You, you, you kind of like imagine a sports team that never leaves their their bench because they're not prepared enough to play. Oh, my friend, it's the time is now. Move. No, but you sit there.
It's valid for every single sport, too, right? Imagine you never compete on your sport, right? Well, I mean, you study it. That's as far as you go. So, it's like that in the spiritual life, too. I mean, you're not going to be perfect. It's, it's not possible. You, you receive baptism when you're a baby. You, you receive holy communion when you're seven. Uh, you, your first confession probably before that. Um, I cannot tell you that your, your first confessions will be perfect. They'll be flawed. But if you, if you overthink it to that point, you end up with what? You end up with a disaster because you don't do anything. You don't go to communion. You don't go to confession. You wait till baptism until I don't know, you're 35 years old or whatever it is, to make sure that you completely, you're not sure if you ever have contrition for your sins because you only think perfect contrition is the way out. It's a disaster, you know. It also applies to arts, right? I mean, I know many photographers, for instance, that are are fantastic in the studio. You move them to cover a situation, to cover a photojournalistic thing, to cover something that is life, they are a disaster. Why? Because again, you know, they prefer to leave in the studio with control lights, with where everything cannot go wrong, and they have tested it. And then, but when you move into the real world, right, you're going to have people moving, you're going to have lights changing, you're going to have actions happening, and if you're not sensitive to that, well, you know what? There is something in you that has never flourished and probably will never flourish, right? So, there we go. One last point. Just, it's, it's like that with teachers. They're very good in teaching college, right? But when it comes to the point that they have to go into a classroom, within a few weeks, they burn out. Burned out.
Because everything, everything they studied, they're not able to do. They're not able to fulfill what they thought was possible because everything was in this perfect situation, and, and that perfect situation in real life doesn't exist. And, you know, it also can be applied to, uh, certain vocations, right? Everything works well while they're in a lab, and in a lab, you know, that is what has always the perfect temperature, has always the perfect environment.
They talk about that in seminaries. They say everything is perfect, and all of a sudden they walk out into a parish life, and all of a sudden it's like, uh oh, parish life, missionary life, stress, whatever. Immediately they just come and say, I don't have vocation anymore. No, no, it's not that. It's that you just need to, you know, the melancholic must learn to step out of the mirror into the real world, right, as we say here in the notes. Wonderful. So, brother Justin, where do we send melancholics to learn more about themselves?
I would say Eucharistic Adoration. I think Eucharistic Adoration was created for the melancholic. They have a moment to be in front of Christ. Christ is there to listen, and they can come up with the longest story they need. And like you have some types that have to be always active, always moving, others that just sit and they're just there. And that element, that's something. Now, if you're going to study, there are many works out there. There are many books. Um, you have, we've already talked about the Bennett's book on temperaments, which is very helpful, and it's very accessible. It's very easy to read, and they have various versions of the book of their books. Uh, one is for the person, the other one is for the person with their children, another one's for the person and their spouse. All of them are interesting, all of them are applicable, and you can learn something different from everything. But mostly, I think the important part is to try to get within oneself and understand oneself. And, um, it might sound lax, but give yourself a break.
I would like to point people out towards three practical exercises that we can do. One is daily gratitude, and being thankful to God for the good things we have, and that counteracts negativity. Next, limit over-analysis. Right? Set yourself deadlines that are going to keep you, or have friends to help you set deadlines that are going to keep you on track. And finally, one concrete.