Transcription
I'm going to be giving you eight grown-woman habits that are going to take you from girl to woman.
First time in a long time hurting deeply [Music] inside. Welcome back to my channel. I'm Chelsea. If you're new here, I do lifestyle, beauty, and fashion content. I also talk about how to create a life that you can't get enough of. So, if that sounds like your vibe, hopefully you decide to subscribe and join the family. So, let's go ahead and get into today's video. Today, I'm going to be giving you eight grown-woman habits that are going to take you from girl to woman. In today's video, we're going to talk about all of the things that you should be doing so that you can go from girl to woman. And this video is great for not only my girls, but also my women who just want to evolve and just be better women ultimately, which should be everyone's goal, no matter what stage of life you're in. If you're 18 watching this video or if you're in the latter part of your life, you can still benefit from some of these tips as well. So, let's go ahead and get into today's video.
My first tip is to learn to say no with no explanation. I've talked about this tip in previous videos, but it is so important as women for us to just learn to say no without overexplaining ourselves. I know that sometimes we can feel like we have to overexplain or always just give this big drawn-out explanation for why we do not want to do something. But it is more than okay for you to say, "No, I don't want to do that." And that is a complete sentence. The person that's receiving the message is going to accept it or they're going to accept it. Whether or not you want me to do something does not change my answer. If I don't want to do it or if I'm not able to do it, it's just simply no. And that is okay. And if that person chooses not to speak to you anymore because you chose not to do something that they want you to do, that may not have been the person for you. I don't care what their relationship looks like in your life. I know it's always easier said than done, but it's so important for you to stand firm in those nos. Not only will this give you the confidence that you need, but it will also create boundaries for other people and yourself. And boundaries are good things. The boundaries that you have set in place for yourself should not create distance between you and another person, especially if they value you in their life and vice versa. So, I feel like it's important for you to create boundaries and just stand on the things that you know that you don't want to do or that you simply just cannot do. And also, when you're afraid to say no to things, it kind of creates this sense of insecurity and you give that off when you are afraid to say no. So, say for instance, if somebody invites you out and you know for sure that this will overextend you, you know for sure that your battery is currently drained, you're not going to be able to show up in that space the way you would want to. That is okay for you to say, "Hey, I'm not going to be able to this time, but the next time you're going out, definitely let me know. And if my schedule permits, I'll be there." And you don't even have to add that explanation on it either if you simply just do not want to. Just say, "Hey, no, I'm not going to be able to tonight." And that's the complete sentence. Creating boundaries for yourself is such an important key when it comes to being a grown woman because you're not able to be moved by people. There's nothing that someone can say to you that will change your mind or shift your thinking on something. Especially if you know for sure if you know for sure like deep down inside that you don't want to do this thing. Those boundaries will not only protect you but it also helps you prioritize your own needs because you are the most important and valuable person that you will ever encounter. And this is not to be confused with if something is important to a friend, for example, and you know for sure that you need to show up in that way and you're just saying no just because that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if you know that it's something that you truly don't want to do and you cannot do and it's not something where somebody needs you in a moment where you can show up. That's just me saying if you are, you know, going out three to four times a week and you know right now, hey, you're not going to be able to do it. It's okay for you to just simply say, hey, no, I'm not going to be able to. And that's okay. When you have those boundaries, it just helps you foster relationships that are mutually beneficial as well. Because I know sometimes we find ourselves in relationships where we are always the person giving. And that's not me saying that every relationship you have to get something. But there is reciprocity in relationships, okay? You have to be receiving as well and you have to be giving as well. It's not a one-way street ever. I don't care if that's a relationship between you and a parent or maybe a sibling. There's always going to be a two-way street. Um, there's always going to be something that you're going to be giving and there's always something that you're going to be receiving. So sometimes if we find ourselves in relationships that are only one way. That's why those boundaries and saying no is so beneficial as you are growing into womanhood.
Which leads me into my second tip. Learn to advocate for yourself. And I feel like as women sometimes we are taught to be passive. This doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel like mostly women we are taught to just, you know, sit back and be quiet. But it's also important for you to advocate for yourself and create those boundaries. Say no to things that you don't want to say yes to. That would be my second tip for developing yourself into a grown woman and the woman that you've always wanted to become. Also, when it comes to this journey from girl to woman, we have to learn to articulate ourselves so that that message can be received properly. Because sometimes it can be a lot easier for us to talk at people and we may feel like that's going to get you to understand my point. But honestly, that just causes more disconnect between you and the person that you're speaking to. So, it's so important for you to also be conscious of your tone as well. Even if you're hurt in the moment, maybe take a step back from the relationship or maybe take a step back from the moment itself and just give yourself time to calm down. Especially if you are having trouble with articulating yourself without being disrespectful. Um, because I feel like there is a line with that as well. Even if somebody hurt your feelings or even if somebody disrespected you in the moment, that doesn't give you the okay to disrespect that person because they'll always remember how you treated them. No matter what the situation is, that is going to be the story that they carry. Um, and communicate that with other people about their experience with you. So, you want to make sure that you are articulating yourself in a way that they get the point like, hey, I'm not playing or hey, you know, this did hurt me in this way. However, there is a fine line with being direct and disrespectful. So, we want to make sure that we are staying within those lines as well. Overall, the moral of this point is to just make sure that you are standing up for you. There may be times where people may come to your rescue or advocate for yourself, but you will always feel better when you're the one advocating for your own needs and what you need out of the relationship. Um, you will always feel better about that. So, make sure that you are not just getting your feelings off, but also articulating yourself in a way where it can be received. And that's not me saying that everybody's going to get the point that you're trying to make because that's not the case. There will be times where no matter how well you explain yourself or how well you address the issue, that person is still going to find fault in what you do. That is a different topic for another day. However, it's important for you to make sure that you are articulating yourself in a way that that person knows, hey, this affected me and this is why.
Which leads me in my third tip from turning from girl to woman or from just growing in womanhood in general. Learn to pick your battles. Okay, I know sis, sometimes we feel like, hey, I'm not letting nobody play with me and I'm going to tell you exactly where you had me messed up at. But sometimes we have to learn as women to pick our battles. And what I mean by that is say if you're in a relationship and that person is doing a lot of things that are that is getting on your nerves. It's so important for you to learn to pick those battles. Sometimes we create discomfort in relationships by nitpicking at every little thing. Say for instance if somebody is doing something that you just don't like. Maybe break it down to them like, hey, this is what you know I expect or this is what I do prefer, um, and this makes me feel this way when you do this, you know, um, but sometimes when we pick at every little thing, it can cause a disconnect and a rift within our relationships with people. So, it's so important for you to also learn to pick those battles. It just creates uneasiness within ourselves. So, say for instance, if you're always that person that's bringing up an issue, you can create just so so much disconnect and uneasiness within yourself where you're always frustrated. As women, when we're frustrated, sometimes we don't operate to our best ability if we're frustrated. Um, so I feel like it's so important for you to learn to pick those battles. You don't want to create a sense of uneasiness within your nervous system because that affects a lot of things. And that's something I'm learning more about as a woman. Um, just the importance of having a balanced and calm nervous system cuz that disrupts your hormones. That disrupts a lot of things where you can't even function or you can't even think straight because you're always so frustrated. So sometimes we have to learn to pick those battles. And what that looks like sometimes is just letting things go because all you can do is just let them let them be who they are and you op you operate from there. So say for instance if their actions are no longer aligning with who you want and what you desire for yourself and partnership let them but just remove yourself from the situation.
My fourth tip from turning from girl to woman or just developing yourself as a woman is to learn to disenter men and relationships. That's not me saying that, you know, it's not important for us to find partnership or find a mate or find companionship and whatever that dynamic looks like for you. Whatever your orientation is, whatever your preference is when it comes to relationships, learn to disenter people, especially if you find yourself single, like myself, I'm approaching 30 and I am single. So, sometimes you can feel like a push from society to just find this partner and you have to be the right woman, you have to do this, you have to do that in order to find a man. But for me, I am learning to not make that a major priority. I would rather feel comfortable and confident within myself. Um, that's not me saying that I don't have the desire for companionship or I don't have the desire to have a partner. However, I don't have the desire to be with a man just to have a man. I want him to be the right man. I want him to be a generous man. I want him to be a kind man. I want him to be a God-fearing man. There are so many different things that I am desiring in companionship and in partnership that I am becoming that myself. I am becoming the person that I want to attract because I don't want to just be with somebody just to say I have a partner or just to say I have a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband because the worst thing that you can do is be with the wrong person and look back at your life and be like I wasted 10 years of my life with this person when I could have been here if I would have really focused on myself. And that keeps you from being caught up in fairy tales. That keeps you from being deceived as well. Because when you are focusing on yourself, you know what you like, you know what you don't like, you know what you will and will not tolerate. That goes back to my tip number one about having those boundaries. When you are firm in yourself and you are firm in your stance with who you are and what you want out of this life, you will attract those people that reflect that as well. I feel like it's so important as women for us to just learn to not put the focus on finding somebody. Because when you're focused on yourself, you may stumble across the perfect partner. But if you're out here looking for Mr. Right, you don't have time to develop yourself or you don't have time to work on those habits that may need a little bit of adjusting. And sometimes like we question why things are not being sent to us because maybe that part of yourself has not been fully developed yet. And it keeps you from having bad experiences with life as well. It keeps you from having those bad partners or those toxic relationships that you know are not beneficial for you. Or you may be easily manipulated when you are not firm in who you are, what you want and what you expect from partnership and what you are able to give because that also goes into that point as well. We may want a partner but we have nothing to give. And like I mentioned before with relationships, no matter what the dynamic looks like, I don't care if it's a relationship between you and your parent, you and your friend or whatever the case may be, or platonic or romantic relationship, there's some giving you got to do, too. Okay? You got to do some things. You got to show up for that person the way they need as well in order for the relationship to succeed. So, I feel like it's so important as women, especially if you're a younger woman watching this, um, I wish I would have done that when I was younger, is to disenter men. And that will also separate the boys from the men as well because you know what you're looking for. You know what you require. When you know what you require as a as a woman, you will separate yourself from having those experiences that are not so great. You will create distance between those guys who are playing around and the guys that actually want commitment and want a relationship. I just feel like that is the worst thing to have a partner just for the sake of saying you have a relationship. I feel like it is better to be alone and be solid within yourself and then let the right person come into your life. And not only will that enhance your life, you'll be able to enhance theirs and you guys can grow together because that is the main point for me and the main purpose of having a relationship is for you guys to help each other grow because you're going to constantly be evolving. The person that you are at 21 is not the person that you're going to be at 35. You're going to be completely different. So, you want somebody that is also open-minded as well in that aspect. That can also be inclusive to friendships as well. Especially if you're the person who may not have a lot of friends right now or may not have any friends. Maybe you need to work on yourself so that you can be be a better friend. And so when that person does come into your life, you can show up as whole and not be taken away from them as well. We desire friendship or we desire like companionship, maybe we're not at that point where we are able to give to that friendship or pour into that friendship the way that the relationship needs to be poured into, um, so that it can grow as well because that is important when it comes to friendships and this is a whole separate tip and a whole separate video but have those friends for different things. One friend may not be the complete package for everything, okay? She may not be the going-out friend, the going-to-brunch friend, the venting friend, the finance-talk friend. She may only fit in one of those categories. That does not make her a bad person or a bad friend to you, but you also have to learn to find different packages in different people. There may be somebody who's good with talking about business ideas and finance, but you may have those friends who may only be good for going out and partying with, and that is okay. And that's something that you also learn when you are growing from girl to woman. Every person may not fit for everything that you need in life. So sometimes you have to outsource. You have to find those friends who are good to talk about business ideas with and actually act on those ideas with. Um, and you may have to find your group of girls who are just good for going out to dinner with, catching up, and then going from there. But the moral of the story is focus on yourself and the people will be added in your life. Um, the more you grow and the more you become a woman or just grow into the woman that you've always wanted to become. These tips can apply to whatever stage of life that you're in, but I really feel like it's important for you to make you a priority so that other people can treat you as such.
Which leads me into my next tip. Learn to enjoy your own company. Although companionship is very beneficial for our lives. Although relationships and friendships are beneficial, we also have to learn to be okay with it just being us. I wouldn't say this has been the hardest thing for me because I'm my only child, so I'm used to being on my own. I'm used to, you know, just being to myself or doing things alone. Be okay with being and doing things alone. That means taking yourself on those solo trips and those solo dates or just sitting by yourself in a lobby and reading or whatever the case may be, or just sitting and just having a drink, whatever that looks like for you. Learn to enjoy your own company. Learning to enjoy your own company is such a beneficial tip when it comes to being a woman because it also helps you just establish that relationship with yourself. I am telling you from experience, the worst relationships sometimes come from us yearning and wanting those relationships because we miss the signs. If you've gotten to this point of the video, comment below and let me know what has been your favorite tip so far. And also, if you have some tips to share, feel free to drop them in the comment section.
Tip number seven will have to be get clear on what you want out of life. The sooner you do this, the better your life will be. And I feel like this is something that I learned in the latter part of my 20s. I am now 29. I'm about to be 30. I have learned to make sure that I am clear on what I want. And that's why I wish I would have watched videos like this earlier in life because it would have really helped me a lot sooner. But it's so important for you to get clear on what you want. If you're not clear on what you want, you can be easily moved and misdirected if you do not know what you want out of this life. You only get one, okay? You only get this life. So, make sure that you are clear on what it is that you want and how you want your life to look. Whether you want a very simple life or whether you want a very lavish life, get clear on that because that's going to help you take the steps to get there. There are steps that you have to take in order to get there. So, make sure that you are clear on what it is that you want. I don't want to look back on my life and wish I would have did something because number one, I didn't know what I wanted to do at the beginning. And that's not me saying that, you know, if you are in your early part of your 20s and you just literally don't know what life looks like for you and you're just figuring it out or or even if you're in the latter part of your 20s, you can still get clear on what you want out of this life. The more clear you are on what it is that you want, it's going to give you the ammunition that you need to take steps and to get to that point of your life that you want to get to. For example, I was so afraid to start my social media journey at the beginning because I was afraid about what people were going to, you know, think about me and what they were going to say. And then one day, I just got up and I recorded a video. Didn't know what I was doing. I was just like, "Hey, I'm just going to record me doing my makeup." Of course, people talked about it. Of course, people were like, "She doesn't know how to do makeup." Or, "Oh, her makeup looks ashy." I have to put myself out there in order to get to this point where faces beat. I had to do those things in order to get to this point. I was watching Doi. She was talking about her journey and she was like, "She wrote bad songs. She performed badly, but you have to do those things in order to get the life that you want. The ones talking about you are, I promise you, they're going to be the ones watching your journey. And it always turns out like that. So, it is so important for us as women to not be afraid to take the risk. Take that risk and know exactly what you want out of this life because I promise you, it's going to get you in doors that you have never imagined. Because honestly, if I would have been so wrapped up in what people are thinking of me or how people view me, I would have never even just started my journey with content creation. I would have never started my journey with my YouTube. I would have never gotten better at my makeup if I was so worried and I took so much of, you know, the criticism from other people talking about how I couldn't do my makeup. Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing, but I ended up getting paid for doing that, you know? So, you have to do the thing in order to get better at the thing. And you have to tune out the noise and let people judge and let people talk because one thing about it, as long as a person has a mouth, they're always going to talk. But at least you are going after the life that you want rather than looking, you know, 50 years later and wishing that you would have took that risk. You want to make sure that you are doing what you want. And don't let the naysayers or or the people who are telling you that, hey, you're not really good at this. Who is someone to say? Because if God blesses you with the talent, that means that he wants you to see it through. And don't let other people deter you from using your gifts. That is such an important tip when it comes to turning from girl to woman. Okay? You want to be clear on what it is that you want. Because when you're clear, no matter what somebody says or what nobody thinks about you, no matter who in your family is judging you, you're still going to carry out what you know that you are destined and you know that you are meant to do, you're going to carry it out. You're going to see it through. Nobody else needs to be clear on what it is that you're doing other than yourself.
That leads me into my final tip from turning from girl to woman to not care about what other people think. And I promise you, out of all of these tips, this may be the
most important. When you put so much emphasis on how somebody else feels about you, or how somebody else feels about what it is that you're doing. Now, that doesn't include if it's something that you're doing that you know is hurtful to other people, or that you know is causing harm to someone else. That's not me saying that. But if you know, if you, if chasing your dream is causing other people to talk, then that means that you're doing the right thing.
Do not let anybody get in your head. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do it. And don't even let yourself tell you that you can't do it, because self-sabotage is really a big thing. But that again is another topic for another day. The moral of the story is: don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. And don't let the people who are telling you that you look stupid doing this, or and don't even let those questions about, like, why are you still chasing this dream if it's not getting you anywhere, or if it's not getting you any money, or whatever the case may be.
Keep chasing that dream. I'm looking at you right now. Keep chasing that dream. I don't care if it takes you 3 years to get to the point that you want to be. I don't care if it takes you 5 years. I would rather you invest that time into growing and developing your dream and you getting to the point of where you always wanted to be, than you allowing other people to deter you from getting there. That will be your biggest regret. I promise you. If there is anything that you will regret, it will be letting people get to you.
It's going to be some highs, and it's going to be some lows. It's going to be some days where you have to pull yourself out of bed. It's going to be days where you have to do it with tears in your eyes. You have to keep going. At the end of the day, it is your responsibility to get you where you want to be. You go after what it is that you want out of this life, so that you can have the life that you've always dreamed of and the life that you're happy with. You go after the life that you desire.
That is going to be the end of today's video. I hope you guys enjoyed my eight tips from turning from girl to woman. If these tips were helpful, hopefully you guys decide to share this video. I love you guys so much and don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. And I will see you in my next one. Bye.
First time in a long time. Hurting deeply inside.