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Having a sickness [music] that exists only within my head isn't that no one else can see it. It's that I can't see it either.
Maybe you are just a normal person struggling up and down, having mood swings, also. Who's believing this heterochromia? No one.
There's something I'm seeing now with young people, something that they're posting that is so dark and nobody dares to touch it because God forbid we say that somebody isn't suicidal. Somebody God forbid we be contributing. They speak about suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts and attempts with a strange performative pride.
>> On the day that I tried to end my life, I woke up that morning and I took a shower. I brushed my teeth. I put moisturizer on my face. I made my bed. >> [music] >> I went to work. Everything appeared normal on the outside. But on the inside I was dying. I was in absolutely excruciating emotional pain to the point where I felt like I could no longer go on. >>
You can see that they pause to savor the reaction that it might provoke from you. The reaction they expect is this stunning someone into silence that they suddenly realize, "Oh, they're in the presence of someone with moral authority, someone who's really struggled." I've sat with a lot of patients very suicidal and had attempts behind them that was do genuine cases. I find it disturbing why no one has the guts to say "I'm sorry, it doesn't look like this. I don't think this is what you have." And question how we got here, that this is something you perform with pride. This is the logical conclusion of psychopathology becoming social currency. This is the natural end point of a culture that awards status to victimhood. Not telling 14-year-olds that you are not as deep as you think you are. This is every 14-year-old's attitude of "I'm so I'm so deep you can't possibly understand the depths of my emotion." No, you're hormonal. We've all been there. It'll pass. They want a participation medal just for showing up, just for staying alive. And how did we get here? We got here by making mental health something untouchable. You cannot possibly tell someone they're not suffering as much as they think they are because mental health is hidden. So, the only one who can tell you how they're really feeling is the person themselves.
This is what struggling looks like. She's sitting in her car, made up, looking lovingly into the camera. "Oh, I'm just I'm looking normal on the outside, but inside I'm screaming because I'm so deep you couldn't possibly understand. I'm not like any of the other girls." >>
a day in my life with me and my high-functioning depression. Starting off strong with my medication and vitamins if I even want a fighting chance. If you're curious >> She's clearly depressed. >> made one [music] of these videos in a long time, it's not because my depression is cured. I wish. It's more so because my circumstances have changed. Like for instance, right now [music] I have enough time to do my hair and makeup and eat a nutritious breakfast while going >> I'm sorry, that it's hilarious. Nutritious breakfast. Is that the nutritious breakfast? >> Who because of how blessed I've been no longer has to work and can come with me to all these things. But transparently, it was easier to have depression. I don't >> She's so blessed she doesn't have to work anymore. She can go and speak at a conference and sit in a in a limo and laugh with her mom. High-functioning depression is a contradiction in terms. If you are clinically depressed, you are not functioning. We measure that by decreased functioning. That really gets my goat when they're twisting the few definitions we really have into meaning something that it doesn't. High-functioning depression is an oxymoron. >> easier to have depression. I don't know if that makes sense. [music] Or I guess at least be open about it. When I had something to blame it on like having five jobs and being overworked. Or when I was on food stamps and not being able to afford a nutritious breakfast every morning. Or even lucky enough to spend all [music] of this time with my mom. These are all things I once wish I had and I thought [music] having them would make my depression go away. Like >> It's very nutritious. >> my dream life. [music] My next stop of the day I was invited to lunch from the >> She's living her dream life while having high-functioning depression. Give me a break. She gets dressed, goes shopping, plays sports. In other words, she has a normal day. I mean, that's not normal. I wish I had days like that. But what they do here that is that once every activity is placed under the heading of met- mental illness, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. That's the sleight of hand. You get a participation medal just for showing up, just for doing a 9-to-5 job. No one's going to applaud you for doing a 9-to-5 job if you're normal, if you are functioning properly. Once you can say, "Well, I'm doing a 9-to-5 job despite of my high functioning depression, then it's you don't have to do anything else than go to work and go home and lie in bed all day. Nothing else is required of you then. Well done for just getting up in the morning. Suddenly, basic functioning is recast as bravery. You're struggling against adversity. You don't even have to feel awful anymore, right? The pride is in becoming the kind of person who heroically carries an unseen burden. That's what she's doing here. Because the suffering is unseen, the normal appearance, it just it it even strengthens the claim. So, you've no idea what it took me to look this normal. I'm just wondering, how do you think the rest of us are feeling, right? This is what you get when you don't tell kids that struggling is normal. Life is struggling. We are all warm and tired. We are all hungry and thirsty and um haven't slept properly. Then, what are they imagining that the rest of us are going through? We get this. >>
The worst part about having a sickness that exists only within my head isn't that no one else can see it. It's that I can't see it either. >>
Maybe you are just a normal person struggling up and down, having mood swings also. Who's believing this heterochromia? No one. >>
It's that I am unsure whether I believe myself when I say that something feels off between my ears. I am constantly pleading a case with my consciousness to prove that I am unwell. But well people do not try to prove to themselves that they are sick. Well people do not question if they are well. Well people don't write poetry to dissect themselves. When will I let my unwellness be proof of my unwellness? When will I let my ache be evidence of my ache? I don't need you to believe me when I say that I am unwell. For once, I just want to believe myself. >>
What is unwell? What is unwell to you? We We already struggled with the definition of depression earlier, so it's whatever whatever you want it to be, I guess. She wants us to recognize her pain, although she can't define or recognize her own pain. She has to prove to herself. She has to convince herself that she is unwell, whatever that means. Someone just declaring that she doesn't need to prove that she's sick has filmed and edited and uploaded a sentimental video whose entire purpose is to prove to strangers that she's sick. Honestly, it's the desire to be seen as a heroic survivor of adversity without even the inconvenience of identifying any actual adversity. And what you get in return, it's brilliant. You get an audience, you get significance, you get a narrative, you get moral authority because you're suffering from mental health. And so, what do we end up with? If everyone's struggling, if you don't even have to define how you're struggling, we just have to believe you. What do we get? The currency of suffering will inflate, and it will inflate, and the claims have to escalate. And where do we end up? We end up at suicidal ideation. We end up with this. >>
[music] >> So, this is a a a girl has made. This is what it looks like uh before you uh commit suicide 1 month before, and she's partying. The heading is, "You can never tell. You can't tell. You can't tell. There are signs. What we look for are guilt and shame. What is absent in this these videos? It's guilt and shame. Those those are the primary drivers for those who commit suicide is being ashamed of something they done, feeling extremely guilty. And amongst veterans, there's the survivor's guilt that is a huge driver. And there are signs before they commit suicide and they it does not look like this. And nobody will come out and say, "Listen, it doesn't look like this. What you have is something else. What you have is a failure to grow up cuz adulthood is hard and we're all struggling struggling." >>
And you never want to [music] be the reason someone takes their own life. >> Right, that's why we're all so afraid cuz we're constantly told, "You don't want to be the reason. Oh, you don't want to be the reason someone commits suicide." >>
so many cases out there that people have taken their own lives to bullying [music] and it is not okay. How would you feel if you had the blood of some other person >> [music] >> on your hands? >>
We now live in constant fear of being blamed for increasing the risk of suicide. But you know what increases the risk of suicide? Freaking talking about it all the time because suicidal ideation is a social contagion and we can prove this. We have waves of of rates of suicide going up corresponding with the amount of attention around it. And that's very much what's happening now. Suicidal campaigns everywhere. And this is the number to call. Bad idea. Podcast like this. Bad idea. >>
How would you feel every time [music] you go you go to say something negative about somebody that could be their last straw. You never know what anyone is going through. So think to [music] yourself, if I say this to if I say this about this person and they find out, that could be their last straw. And the blood of that person could be on your hands. >>
How about creating, how about that person also having responsibility to withstand adversity, to become stronger and braver and doing something about their situation? How about that? That's never mentioned. You're You have agency, you're responsible for your own life. You can also make things better. This is how they get parents with the whole trans issue. They say, "Oh, they just mention suicidal thoughts and and suicidal attempts and and parents just, you know, march to that tune. Oh, better not say anything. Better transition the boy into girl because they mentioned the word suicide." >>
I posted a video about having like suicidal thoughts [music] and like I have these impulsive suicidal thoughts and I spiral. And that video I think has like 60,000 saves. [music] Put 60,000 people in a room. [music] You look at the numbers, 60K. You look at people in a freaking room. That video has like 500,000 views. People that watch the video that didn't even save it. I specifically Yes, I specifically said in the video, "Come back to this video if you struggle having suicidal thoughts." [music] >>
This is so This is so sick and so sad. This is not how they talk about it. They're using suicide as a stick to beat through their own will. How many policies have we rammed through because we toss around the the word suicide risk? And the irony is that suicide is a social contagion. So, by talking about it all the time, we are increasing the risk, not minimizing it through awareness. If everyone's struggling, then struggling gives status and what becomes the highest rank? Logically, proximity to death itself. The end point is is suicide. This is just not how they how they talk about it. The truly suicidal patients that I've worked with, they don't advertise it. They're ashamed. They're They're They feel guilty. And the other thing is that they conceal it. They don't want to tell you about it because that is often their last private exit. Something they guard precisely because exposure would mean intervention and loss of control. What we have now is an inversion of exactly this. Uh the the the true nature. Suicidal discourse is now virtue signaling like this. It's used as leverage to way to move people around you to comply. Suicide has become the stick with which to beat people into compliance. The ultimate irony here is that the best thing to do when someone is suicidal is to help them redirect their focus outward. Think about the people that it would hurt. Think about those who would be involved in their attempt. It's to do the opposite of what these kids are doing, which is sitting in front of the camera and telling everyone how much they're struggling. It's to realize that a lot of people have difficult difficult lives and I'll venture a guess that they probably have more difficult lives most people than these kids. But going and making your life about other people, that is the best therapy. Make it about someone else. Try that for 3 months and then see how that makes you feel. Put yourself into an environment where people are much less fortunate than you are. And try to feel some some gratitude for what you have. And try to pay it forward instead of giving up. That is amazing therapy. So I would say if we really want to decrease the rates of suicide, we need to help these guys grow up. We need to have less awareness, not more. We need to be better at saying no, you don't have a mental health label. You have a normal life with normal struggles. And stop raising our eyebrows when someone talks to us about how much they're struggling. That was the topic of today. I hope you're enjoying your summer. Please like and subscribe. Tell me if you found this interesting, your experiences with it. I love reading your comments. If you're listening on audio, please help me out by giving a rating, a giving a review. See you again really, really soon back here on Psychobabble. Thank you so much for watching and have a nice day.