Transcription
Okay. [clears throat] So, let me let me give you an idea what I just did. So, the other day we're coming back from an IMG tournament uh this weekend on Father's Day. Villain had five games uh and on the way back we go to this one restaurant in Naples. It's called uh Milano Cafe Milano. Ridiculous food. The the best burrata cheese with the small tomatoes, phenomenal good cut. Parmesan chicken parmesan, it was great food.
Anyways, the pizza's phenomenal good thin sliced. We're there I start talking about career planning with my youngest son and what our next moves are. While I'm talking to him, I transition off to another one of my kids. And I said, "Hey, you know you're playing water polo what level do you want to go with this water polo?" He says, "Why do you ask?" I said, "What if this water polo thing gets good? You know, typically Ivy League type of schools like these weird sports like water polo, lacrosse. There's these rich sports that you play. I don't play lacrosse. I don't even I don't play these type of You know, rich sports. Give me some of the rich sports. You guys know what it is like badminton. Poor people don't play badminton. You got lacrosse, you know, I don't know what these sports are. You guys can put in the com- paddle, stuff like this."
Okay, Nash is laughing with his wife. I miss you guys. We had a good meeting last time. But he says, "Why are you asking this question?" I said, "Well, I'm just saying if you want to take water polo to the next level, if we get a good coach, maybe you get a full ride scholarship to go to Harvard, Yale, one of these schools." I don't want to do that. I just want to go to Naval Academy. All right. But it's good to have options. I don't want to do that. I feel like you want me to go to college.
So, 2 hours on the way home, I'm bothered by this. I don't like this feeling. And I love my kids and you know, I I I want I'm the happiest one they're around me. You guys already know this. So, we get back home. The entire time for 2 hours, all I'm thinking about is how am I going to address this with them when we get back home. We get back at Everyone's out taking showers. I'm outside responding to a couple minutes by the water who says, "Hey Dad, come inside. We're doing a Father's Day thing." I come inside and everyone goes to shower and then we're downstairs. I said, "Okay, let's sit down. You and I need to have an intervention meeting." And he sits down. "Am I in trouble?" "Not at all, buddy, but we need to have a conversation."
And I sat down with him and we did the one thing that I do with everybody in my life. And it's something that I don't think we do enough of. Let me pull out a Microsoft Word to just show you how I do this because I think you need to have this meeting with your son. And here's what it is. I'm going to create a blank here. Guys, can you just tell me if you can see what I just put up? >> I can see it. >> Okay. We can see it. We can see it.
So, five things. Every relationship, when one party is trying to persuade the other side, every relationship has five things in mind. They have their own set of concerns, their own set of motives, their own set of assumptions, okay? Their own set of assumptions, their own set of fears and asks. So, we sat there and we went through it. And it's private between he and I, but I said, "What are your concerns with me helping you out with your career?" And he started saying things. And when he said that, I said, "You're right. You're 100% right. I do think about that." He gave me the second one. I said, "Nope. That's zero thought. Don't even think about that." He's like, "Really? You don't" I said, "Nope. Zero. I never think about that." "Well, that's very relaxing." I said, "This one I also don't think about." "Great."
Then he says, I said, "What do you think my motives are?" "Well, your motives are to this." "Okay, great." I said, "Can I add a couple other motives?" He said, "Yes." I put a couple motives. And I said, "Do you think Are there any motives that I have that you think I don't want you to do better than me in life. He says, "No, I know for a fact you want all of us to do better than you in life." I said, "Great, I'm glad you know I'm not competing with you." He says, "No, Daddy, I know for a fact you want us to do better than you." I said, "Great, what motives do you have?" He said, "That, I just want to live my dreams." "What are the motives you got?" "I just want to be able to do this." "What are the motives you got?" He told me.
Then I went to assumptions. I said, "What assumptions do you have with me?" And he gave some assumptions. I gave some assumptions. We were both wrong on a couple, and we were both right on a couple. Then I went to fears. I said, "What fears do you have?" He's giving me his fears. So, "Well, what if my dreams don't become a reality?" Well, he said, "What are your fears?" I said, "My fears are I'm 70 years old and we don't have a friendship and a relationship together." Uh my fears are that I'm later on in life that you and I are not close. Cuz I I I just want my family Everything I'm building is so we're close long-term and I can pass this down to you guys. He says, "That's fair, I can see that." I said, "What other fears do you have?" He gave it to me.
And then last one was asks. He made asks of me. Very private. He said, "Well, my ask of you is to do XYZ." I said, "No problem, buddy, and I have these asks." He says, "I think that's fair." Then people start coming down, and when we have a very good meeting, it's very emotional. We love it. We have a very good connection. Mommy comes in and we look at Mommy. I say, "Tico, why don't you tell Mommy out of all the meetings we've had, you know, the big one that we had a big breakthrough?" He says, "Yeah, what about it?" "Where do you rank this one?" He says, "This is the second most important meeting Daddy you and I've ever had." I said, "Really?" He says, "It's number two out of all of them." I said, "I freaking love it." And it was like we lifted 500 lb off our back.
So, what you need to do is pull your son aside, take him out to somewhere where nobody else is around but the two of you guys, not a lot of noise, grab a paper out, and say, "Son, each of us have these five things in mind. I'm going to share you mine, and I want you to share with me yours. Concerns, motives, assumptions, fears, and asks. Let him tell you. You're going to understand him on what's important to you. He's going to understand you on what's important to you, and then you move forward. And by the way, he may tell you some things that you're not going to like, so just be prepared for that as well.
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