Transcription
Now think of how you operate in your relationship, kind of like a spectrum. And what I think most of the marriages are struggling with is when the man has like nice guy tendencies. So we have nice guys. That is typically the guy who is kind of like a walk-over, a pushover. Um, he has the need for his wife to always be okay with him, and he's very wife-validated. He's not really self-validated. If his wife is upset with him, he, he, he just can't emotionally take it. Like he has to pacify and then soothe her. These are the guys where you almost enter into like a mother-son dynamic. These are the guys that enter into what Dr. Robert Glover, who's the expert in this area, of what he called covert contracts, where he does things not just for the sake of doing things, but he's doing them, uh, covertly in an effort to get something out of his wife. And then when he doesn't get it, he gets all pissed off and having all kinds of other negative reactions. So this is where you have the covert contracts. Okay.
So this nice guy is on one side of the spectrum. Then in between, we have what we would like you to get to, which is to become a well-framed masculine man. Okay, so if you get to this point, and this is where you want to be in a marriage as a man, is that you are self-validated. You're solid in your convictions. You would like your wife's approval, but if you don't get it, you're okay with it. This is the operating mode that you have really fantastic polarity. Not to say that there's not polarity with a nice guy dynamic, because there is. It's just a reverse polarity. So with a framed man, you also have really great leadership. And if you think about how this guy shows up in his marriage, it's one, which is light-hearted, fun, and flirty. I always say that, guys. Light-hearted, fun, and flirty. That's the vibe. That inspires the greatest chance of success for a long-term relationship. So you have the nice guy tendencies. You want to move those over into becoming a masculine-framed man. And another characteristic you're going to find from a properly-framed man is that he's secure in who he is. So he's secure in who he is, but it's not coming from a place of arrogance. It's a quiet confidence. And within the relationship, because it's light-hearted, fun, and flirty, he also creates safety and attraction. He also has his gentleman and beast mode activated. If you haven't seen my video on that, check that out called The Gentleman Versus The Beast. You will have like, have never heard of this concept that I talked about before.
We have the nice guy tendencies, which typically don't work out well for relationships. It's a reversed polarity flipped dynamic. Then you have the framed masculine man, which is exactly where we would like a man to be. But then we have on the opposite side, what I call the hammer. I'm going to go up here cuz I'm running out of room. The hammer. The hammer. Because most of the guys struggling are are these guys. And and the nice guys, and that's where most of the problems are. And that's where most of the coaching world focus on is these nice guy tendencies because it just affects so many of these relationships. And I'm seeing that there's this much-needed shift from the nice guy to being a properly-framed man. You know, they've heard the message. They know that like, I got to stop being soft. I've got to lead. I've got to have standards. So I, the guys are getting the message. This is good. But sometimes there is men who are operating too much in the hammer mode. We're going to get to it in a second. I'm going to break it down. So you can either start here, move to here, and then kind of get a little bit too far and aggressive where you then go into the hammer mode. Or you start in the hammer mode and then you have to swing back and go into be a properly-framed man. So in this case, if you're a nice guy, you might have started off as like a butter knife. And then you ended up cycling all the way to like a sledgehammer. And then you're still wondering why, like, your marriage sucks.