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Me and my wife are trying to figure out how to tell our daughter it's it's time to move out without making her feel like, you know, we're kicking her out. That's a tough one because one of the hardest things for parents to come to grips with is that we cannot manage somebody else's feelings, >> right? We can be respectful and treat people with dignity and do the next right thing and then they get to absorb that, hear that, feel that. >> Yeah. >> In their own way. >> Yeah. >> So, how old are you guys? >> Um, my my wife and I are in our late 50s and we've been married 34 years. Three children. Yeah. Congrats. >> Yeah. Great. >> How old your daughter? >> Thank you. >> Um, our youngest daughter is the one I'm I'm calling about. She's 24. Okay.
So, why do you want her gone? >> Well, um the main reason is I I'm just thinking actually when I say I we me and my wife are on the same page with this, but but we don't see that there's going to be growth for her continuing to stay with us. Um she moved out uh when she went to school. She went to school for two years at a local state college. Um and then didn't continue on. didn't wasn't sure what she wanted to do. So, we of course told her, "You're you're always welcome to come back home." Um, I guess we weren't thinking it was going to last this long. >> No way. >> No. See, we had with our two older ones, we had similar situations where when they graduated from college, they did come back home, but it was 3 6 months somewhere around there. >> Sure. >> And then they moved on. they moved out uh with roommates or a partner. Uh and we're just trying to figure out the best way to uh tell tell our daughter that it's time. Uh because again, I don't see any growth with her staying with us. She's a little bit of a reserved person. So, she spends a lot of time in her room. She's a reader. She watches movies. But, um >> she working. >> She is working. Yes. Uh, a little fact, she works actually with me at my job. >> Okay. >> So, I get to see her pretty regular. Um, she's a great kid. We don't have any issues with her. Um, she helps around the house. She does dishes. She'll cook a meal or two during the week. She helps mow the grass. >> Oh, man. >> She's very f financially responsible. She's been working since she was 14 and has a huge savings account. Um, we've discussed, you know, her buying a home cuz she has a really nice nest egg to purchase a home. >> Um, and and she just kind of says, "Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm looking." Um, but that's where it kind of stops.
So, I I love this conversation because she's not I get this call a lot, but it's often I've got a kid who's just laying around and won't get a job or I've got a kid who's smokes weed all day and plays video games, but doesn't want to go x, y, and z. You don't have that. And you've got a pretty amazing young woman who is at 24 finding herself in what I think is the great trap of the 21st century, which is comfort. >> Yes, >> it's just comfortable. And she sounds like she's an amazing person of character because she's helping out all over the place. She's not just She's She sounds like she's awesome, but she's also just comfortable. >> Yes, she's great. We go on vacations with her and my other children. Um, she, you know, she is a great person. >> Can I high five you and your wife, dude? That's amazing. Amazing. >> Yeah. Thank you. >> That's awesome. Thank you. >> So, I Here's where I think this is pretty cool. And y'all get to do a couple of things. I want you and your wife to, and you probably have already done this, but I'm going to say this for the listeners. I want y'all to begin to dream about the third and fourth quarter of your life. Statistically speaking, you may be at the beginning of the fourth quarter or you may be in the middle of the third quarter, >> but what do we want our life to look like? Who do we want to be as empty nesters? >> Yes. So, we we definitely have discussed that the third and fourth quarter of our life. We were empty nesters for about two years. So, we got a taste of it when our youngest um went to school for two years. So, we were we had the house to ourselves, which we were we enjoyed. Not that we don't love our kids, but we enjoyed. >> Oh, you don't got to qualify it. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. >> We we Yes. We we were kind of excited to finally be empty nesters and and get on with the next chapter. >> Awesome. >> Um >> Yeah.
I I think that's where I would start because >> one of the this is a truism in marriage like conflicts or marriage conversations is always starting with the words I instead of you. >> Okay. >> And so if you sit down and say all right you are the most amaz I just started with you there but I want to say you have far surpassed our dreams for you as as a person of character. You're a hard worker. You're a key part of our business. I hope you take it over someday. I don't know if that's true or not. I just put that those words in your mouth. But you're a great saver. You help her run this house. You are amazing. And I, your mom and I are in the middle of our third quarter. And we want to begin to head off into the back half of our life as empty nesters. And so we are going to come up with a plan for you to begin moving out. >> Yeah. >> And that will be three months, six months. You are, we love you and you are ready to fly. And because y'all are on great terms, I don't know the in my house it would be a laughterfilled. This is us kicking you out of the nest and it would but it'd be a funny conversation. That's not every household, right? >> Yeah. I think it might help to try to bring some humor to the conversation. I I think she might be >> nervous about >> of course >> the fact that that we would be telling her, "Yeah, you have to go >> and and tell us we love you so much that >> we can't let you continue to be this awesome third roommate of ours." >> Yeah. >> We love you so much. We want you to get out there and find your 35-y year marriage. We want you to get out there and have your own house, build your own equity, like we love you that much. >> Yeah. >> But if you if you notice all my language is we want we love you. We are making these boundaries not you've been here too long. You need to get out. It's time you go get a house. This is all y'all taking full ownership of how y'all feel and what y'all want to do next. >> Yes. Yeah. And then you're feeling obvious obviously say >> we hope you hear this in love but we also know you're 24 and you're our kid and you may just be like they kicked me out and y'all can laugh and be like we're kind of kicking you out of the nest but we know you can fly. Right. >> Right. Right. She can totally fly. She's an intelligent young woman. >> Of course. Uh >> it's just going to be an uncomfortable I believe you know I think more for my wife maybe than me just because I you know >> she's a little more sensitive this to this subject. >> Sure. >> Uh it it just might be a >> but I think also y'all let her know we are not being fair to you. >> Yeah. We are beginning to get accustomed to having a maid slashroommate slash somebody paying rent like I don't know how she how y'all function but that's not fair to you. >> Yeah. >> We aren't loving you to our full capacity by letting you stay in this nest forever. >> Yeah. >> And so I would also give her a runway. You got three months. You get 90 days. You get six months. Y'all get to decide that. >> Yeah. And and by the way, she does she does pay rent. That was one of the criteria. >> I mean, >> so I mean, go ahead. >> I say y'all get to say like we're going to lose money on this deal. We're going to have to hire a a a yard person. Like >> Yeah. >> We This will come at a cost to us, too, cuz we love having you here and it's becoming increasingly unfair to you. >> Yeah. >> And here's the thing. >> She might laugh. She might cry. She might hug y'all. She It sounds like she's going to be somebody that's going to say, "I know." >> She might be. I think that that's a probably a a fair statement, at least from in my mind, that she might already have a sense just in the back of her mind that this may be coming. >> Well, and some kids like especially good young folks like like you've raised, she might be worried about y'all. And you get kind of this figure. It's kind of like the infinity loop. There's like y'all love having her around, but gosh, she's 24. She's got to get out and get on her own and start building her own sea legs. And also, I don't like being 24 and live with my parents, but man, they need the extra help. And I like being here to give them a little extra money. And >> and if one person breaks that dance, sometimes everybody exhales. They're like, "Okay, good. Thank you." Right. >> Right. Right. >> And maybe not. Maybe it's both, but it may be all that all in one big mush pot. But I also think I'll help you. I will go you you get five houses that you want to go look at. I'll go we'll we'll both go with you. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um I'll sit with you when you sign your first mortgage. I will like I I'll do all those things with you. >> Um this is just it's like we're old. It's time for us to kick you out of the nest. We're not being fair. >> Yeah. Yeah. We need her We need her to grow. And I And again, I'm not certain that that's happening. And that that's we're doing her a disservice by allowing her to stay with us. If I'm if I'm explaining myself correctly, I >> I think you're I think that's she sounds like a wise wise young woman and I think she will hear that. Even if she won't like it, it won't feel good. She will understand that. >> Yeah. Yeah. I hope so. >> Yeah. But every bird kicks their baby out of the nest. Not because the bird's mean, but because the bird knows this little bird has to learn to fly or it's going to die. It's not going to make it. And so we've given you two years, three years. We're all here stable. We want to push ourselves to be uncomfortable, to figure some things out in the back half of our life. And the best way we can love you is to let you get out there and be uncomfortable in the world so you can develop your own strength, your own sea legs, your own fill in the blank. So yeah, I think this is a great conversation. and expect there to be tears. Expect there to be frustration, expect there to be, well, I didn't think all of that is a normal part of this exchange. But the more you and your wife can say I and we instead of you, the the more honest this conversation becomes. So good on you, brother, for raising good, for having a great marriage, for raising three great kids, and for not allowing the comfortable option for everybody, which is, dude, we have somebody paying rent, we got some extra money, we got extra hands around the house, we're going to love our daughter enough to let her fly.