Transcription
So what is willingness? Willingness is a a deliberate choice, a choice in any given moment to take in what life is offering you, even if you don't like it. There's nothing in willingness that is about liking or wanting or approving of it. It's simply noticing that in your efforts to not have whatever life is giving you, that there can be more struggle, and ineffective struggle, and that life can feel more and more stuck and more and more on hold.
When we take an active willing choice, we're making the decision to say, "Okay, I didn't plan for this. I don't really like it, and yet I'm willing for it to be just as it is, so that I can get on with the business of seeing what is my next step." In this way of thinking, willingness is not an end in itself, but a means to produce more flexible responding, a greater awareness of what your choices are moment to moment.
Willingness, sometimes we use the word acceptance to mean the same thing, is not a stage or a state that one gets into, um, after, you know, years of practice. One can become accepting in some way, or that after years of processing that this one can accept things. We think of it really as much more a moment-to-moment choice. Now, if you take that moment-to-moment choice and become more willing with each choice, then gradually life will become more stage-like, and that you will be able to feel more accepting in that kind of a way.
But what we really mean is this kind of moment-to-moment choice to notice the ways in which you're getting hooked into struggling, to let go of that struggle by saying, "Okay, I don't like this, and this is how it is, just now." So that then in the next moment, you can say to yourself, "What are my choices right now? What can I do that will take me more in the direction of things that I care about?"
One of the things that helps to cultivate this willing approach is using strategies developed from mindfulness meditation. You may have heard of mindfulness. It does seem to be quite popular right now. In ACT, we use mindfulness, uh, as part of a well-researched scientific program of behavior change. We don't really do mindfulness as an end in itself, in the way that some traditions do. We use mindfulness as a way of connecting with the here and now, so that we can greatly recognize the moments when we are being willing versus being less willing. And by cultivating that awareness that comes from mindful practice, we'll be better served to make choices in the direction of things that we care about.
On this page, near this video link, you will find a downloadable MP3 file called "Just Noticing." On that file is an audio exercise that you can practice, and it'll help introduce you to the practice of mindfulness and elements of willingness within that. It's a short exercise, only about 10 minutes, and I would encourage you simply to try it out and see if it will be something that can help you to recognize in a moment-to-moment way what your choices are, and and what you could do in the moment.