Seeking Validation From The ‘White Man From Town’

The curse of the white man from town. Before I begin, I want to make something very clear. Throughout this video, you're going to hear me say black women. And for the sake of clarity and flow, I'm not going to stop every few sentences to say some black women or not all black women. So, let me clarify right now. If what I'm describing does not reflect you, then I'm not talking about you. If you are a black woman who respects black men, who doesn't weaponize false statistics, who doesn't chase validation from outside of the community, and who isn't online tearing down black men, this message is not directed at you. But, if you are a black woman who fits this archetype, the women who openly disparage black men, WHERE THE WHITE MEN AT? I'm I'm at THE POINT WHERE I'M sick of you [ __ ] Like, I I am. I am. I'm effing tired of the amount of emotional labor that comes with dating black men. The women who spread misinformation, And one thing what we are now hearing is that these so-called passport bros are coming back HIV positive.

>> The women who seek validation from white men, They think this the one right here. They put black asses up. They don't want y'all. First of all, who is they and who is y'all? Cuz by they, if you mean men of other races, and by y'all, you mean black women, you are entirely 100% completely [ __ ] wrong. What you mean they don't want us? They want the blackest woman they can find. They don't want that watered-down [ __ ] that black Americans like. They don't like that mixed crap. They want a real black woman. They want dark-skinned, 4C type hair, but she wear the wig and it sit back a little bit, and the texture don't match. But, that's the kind of black woman they want. What you mean they don't want us? Or the women who believe the false narratives about black men being less than. Black men are having a hard time because they can't compete financially with white men currently because white men out-earn them. And they also can't compete in their households because even though currently they are making more than black women, not enough to be considered the gap in income between a black woman and a black man isn't enough for him to get the label of primary breadwinner for his household.

>> On average. >> On average. So he's stuck in this place where he can't he feels like he can't compete with the white male because he's making less money, and he also feels like he can't um sustain his household because even though he might be making more than his wife, the gap isn't big enough for him to say, "I am the primary breadwinner for my family." I'm talking directly to you. This distinction is important because I refuse to interrupt the flow of the message every 5 seconds to soften the truth. If it applies to you, you will know. If it doesn't, you can move forward understanding you are not the target of this critique. Make sense? Now, let's cook.

>> [music] [music] [music] >> People hear the phrase "the white man from town". The white man from town. It symbolizes a mysterious curse that follows a man wherever he goes. Today, I'm speaking about a modern version of that curse. Not one rooted in the supernatural, but in social media, validation, and misinformation. In today's digital world, we are watching white men insert themselves into conversations between black men and black women without any historical awareness, context, or cultural grounding. Yet, their words are elevated and celebrated simply because of who they are and not what they know. And because many black women have been conditioned to believe consciously or subconsciously that the white man's ice is colder. The opinions of these white men often carry more weight than the experience of the very black men who live these realities. That is the curse of the modern-day white man from town. And today, I'm breaking it. And just like I did in the intro, let me make something absolutely clear once again. Nothing in this speech is meant to justify, condone, or minimize violence of any kind. Violence between men and women, regardless of race, relationship, or circumstance, is unacceptable. The purpose of this message is not to excuse wrongdoing, but to expose misinformation, break down the cultural dynamics driving these narratives, and challenge the forces exploiting division between black men and black women. My goal is clarity and not chaos.

>> [music] >> In recent years, white men have discovered that social media will reward them handsomely if they say flattering things about black women. These men don't even need to know black women, date black women, marry black women, or understand black culture at all. All they need to do is offer affirmation. If a white man makes a video praising black women or criticizing black men, he is instantly elevated as a truth-teller. He gains likes, followers, and comments, not because of the accuracy of his statements, but because of the emotional impact of his delivery. Or his white skin. Meanwhile, black women often accept these statements as truth simply because the validation comes from outside of the community. And a white man has never given me an issue about my appearance. They have never had an issue with me changing it. In fact, in fact, white men absolutely love it. The white men at work, they go 10 toes down when black women change our hair, change our makeup. They want to be involved in the creative process. They want to know, you know, what are you doing this week? They want to see the braids, they want to see the ponytails, they want to see the color changes. They are just like, and it's a difference. It's a big difference between that "Oh, changing your hair color again?" that we get from Karen versus from Tom, that Tom energy. Tom is all up in it. Tom is like, "Goddamn, how did she do it again?" That's the energy that I get from white men in the office. I didn't know black girls could be pretty like that. I didn't know that black girls could be that pretty. So, really I was I was astounded. It It took me back. And That's sweet. What? That's sweet. Bro, what are you talking about, man? That's sweet. Bro, I'm out, man. All [ __ ] tripping. This is the psychological effect of centuries of conditioning where the approval of white society, particularly white men, was made to seem more authoritative than the words of black men.

So, I just came out of Kroger's to buy some groceries [music] for next week. And I've got a question. So, what is it with a lot of I said a lot of many of not all of them black women in the grocery store. You look at them right in the face and you say hello and they act like you didn't say anything. Am I missing something or is there a memo that I did not hear? For the black lady in the grocery store who did not speak back to you when you said hey, please understand, sir, be glad that you spoke to her and not me. Cuz there is a black woman that will meet you with that fire if you don't back your and stop talking to me. Maybe that black woman would have spoke to you if you paid for her groceries. Instead of a hi, if you said a "Hey, can I cover your groceries? I think you're a really beautiful woman and I'd like to make your day better." Since when has the grocery store ever become some kind of meet and greet? That man got on here talking about some white women don't want to speak in the grocery store. Listen, we don't owe y'all any type of conversations, okay? The only conversation that I need to be having is the cashier asking me do I want to use cash, debit, or credit, okay? And all the time that I need a man to open up his mouth and say something to me if he's the bag boy loading up my groceries and he asks me do I need help taking it to my car because yes, I do. Black women don't go to the store to talk, fraternize, or network. We're there for one thing, to shop and get the [ __ ] out.

So, I went to the Dollar General about a month ago and this older guy, like he he saw me get out of the car and I was like, "Oh god, here we go." Y'all know what I'm talking about. He watched me get out of the car and I had the whole time I'm shooting looks like, "You're disgusting." I'm clearly letting him know I don't want to have a conversation through the [ __ ] air. Do you know I walked past this man, he damn near sucked the moisture out of my [ __ ] skin. That [ __ ] thirsty. Who he how you doing Oh, he's just being nice. Okay, so then why was he trying to still talk to me and follow me around in the [ __ ] store?

>> posted a video with his whole chest and his gray hair saying, "Black women don't speak at the grocery store anymore. Like, black women don't talk." Every day every day there is a new criteria for black women. It's just like we cannot just exist. We cannot just exist in the background cuz there's going to be something that we do to piss somebody off. Like, at first I thought we was loud and ghetto. I thought we was loud and ghetto or ratchet and we do too much. Now that we're Now that we're quiet and we just mind our business, now we're not doing enough. Now we're not kissing y'all feet enough. Be so serious. That old saying, "The white man's ice is colder" still influences perception today in ways we rarely acknowledge. This dynamic becomes especially dangerous when white men use selective, incomplete, or outright incorrect data to flatter black women while implicitly undermining black men. For example, when a white man proclaims that black women are the most educated group in America Every time I post that black women are the most educated demographic in the United States, it never fails to trigger the most insecure men who think so highly of themselves. Because they don't believe that black women are the most educated demographic in the United States.

>> Black women are the most educated demographic in America. Black women are disproportionately educated. We will be serving white cake. So, you have white men that open their mouths and sing all goddamn day long. Many black women interpret that to mean they are outperforming black men. Yet, that very claim was based on temporary enrollment patterns years ago, not degree completion. In reality, Asian and white women enroll more consistently and graduate at higher rates, while black women carry the highest student loan debt. Even with fewer degrees, black men still outearn black women on average, but that is the norm among all race and gender groups. The women earn more degrees, but the men earn more money. But, the flattering narrative, not the truth, gets amplified. The same pattern emerges when white men claim that black women own the most businesses. Black women hear that they are surpassing black men economically, but Pew Research shows the opposite. The majority of black-owned businesses belong to black men and not black women. The most deceptive example involves the white men who twisted the Department of Justice Incarceration data to absolve single mothers of any connection to the backgrounds of incarcerated youth. The only surveyed about 10% of juveniles, so while it might be indicative, it should not be taken as a concrete fact. Now, the statistics on inmates are actually fairly easy to get, thanks again to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. And in 2002, they showed that the number of offenders from single-mother homes actually dropped from 41% and went back up in 2016 to 41.1%. Meanwhile, homes with a father represented 40.7% of all offenders. It's almost neck and neck. Meanwhile, homes with a father represented 40.7% of all offenders. Let me show you what he did here. This is the same study that he's referencing. If you add 35.5% of prisoners who live with both parents and 5.2% of father-only households, 40.7, which is the number he purposely told women to make it seem like the number was closer than it actually is. Let's do the same for women. If you add 41.1% and 35.5% children that grew up with mothers have a 76.6% chance of going to prison.

[music] A 35.9% difference from mothers and fathers. He actually did that on purpose because our women are sharing this information because they thought that it would make black men look bad. However, y'all look worse because you believe this white man before you even fact check this information.

>> Why wasn't you watching? Like Marlon Brando, why wasn't you watching? In one viral case, a white man cherry-picked a portion of a DOJ chart merging both parents and father-only households to create a false equivalence that minimize the impact of single-mother households. When the data is correctly analyzed, the majority of incarcerated individuals across all races come from mother-led homes, not father-led. But black women uncritically spread his misinformation because they preferred his narrative over the actual stats. Another common example was when white men proclaimed that white men and black women have the lowest divorce rate. A white man [music] and a black woman are 44% less likely to get divorced. Hmm. Pretty interesting, isn't it? My sister. My sister. My sister. Black wife, white husband marriages are 44% less likely to result in divorce.

>> Now, the tea is hot on this one. So, recent data shows >> So, recent data shows >> So, recent data shows >> that black women and white men are less likely to divorce than other interracial couples. With black women in these relationships being 44% less likely to split compared to white couples. But that claim comes from a 2008 study using marriage data from the 1970s and 1980s. Modern research shows that black women have the highest divorce rates of any race, gender group, and that interracial marriage outcomes have changed dramatically in the recent decades. Yet again, a flattering but outdated statement becomes widespread, shaping beliefs far removed from today's reality. Perhaps the most troubling example of this dynamic is when black women uplift random white men online, treating them like the authorities on the character of black men. When a white man posts that black men are childish or white men treat women better, black women across social media platforms amplify his message. Even though he neither understands black men nor chooses black women romantically, this pattern is not only psychologically revealing, it is socially destructive. Black women amplify voices that statistically do not choose them while dismissing the perceptions of the men who actually live within their communities. And the statistical reality is clear. White men overwhelmingly do not choose black women as wives. According to the census data, only 0.5% of married white men in the United States are married to black women. That means 99.5% of white men are not choosing black women. As outlined in the Dating Divide book, when white men do express interest in black women, it is often rooted in sexual curiosity rather than long-term commitment. As outlined in the Dating Divide, when white men express interest in black women, that interest is often rooted in sexual curiosity, not long-term commitment. In the study, many of the white men interviewed described black women in fetishized terms rather than relational ones. Given that black women receive very little interest from white men, experiences like Deborah's suggest that even that limited attention may be driven by prurient motives. The white men interviewed reinforced the notion that black women were viewed as highly sexual yet unsuitable for lasting relationships.

So, I'm just going let this be known. I do not hate pink people. I just dislike [ __ ] that pink people do. Like that whole thing with you know, the pink dudes, you know, telling me, "Oh, yeah, you know, I like, you know, black women, too." Whole time a lot of them don't like black women. They might be sexually attracted to black women, but they don't like them. There's a difference, okay? [ __ ] and that's what a fetish is right there. Like, for real, like, you are sexually attracted to a person, but you really ain't trying to handle a relationship with them. You just want to try something, or you want to rebel against your family because they dislike black people. So, when that kind of turns you on, it's like a, you know, when somebody tells you no, and you like, "Oh, like, you know, you want to do it." Like, "Mother ain't going to tell me no." Like, "I'm going to go do this." You feel me? So, that's the type of [ __ ] that I dislike. And I'm not saying that I'm the only genuine pink dude out here that, you know, appreciates black women, but I just feel like a lot of pink men do not really appreciate black women. This imbalance has real-world consequences. One widely documented case involved a black woman who publicly criticized black men, praised white men as superior partners, and then tragically ended up murdered by a white man she dated. Her death is heartbreaking. It is not referenced here for shock value or condemnation, but as an example of what happens when dating choices become rooted in validation, anger, or resentment rather than compatibility and cultural understanding. Choosing partners for emotional reasons instead of authentic connection can place individuals in riskier situations. Not because one racial group is more violent, but because cultural incompatibility and emotionally driven decisions can amplify conflict.

If white men want to comment on black relationship dynamics, they must also be willing to confront the realities within their own community. And those realities are stark. White men make up 29% of the US population, yet they dominate many of the most harmful crime categories in the FBI's database. Nearly 70% of rape arrests involve white men, as do nearly two-thirds of arrests related to offenses against children and families. White men are responsible for the majority of violent crime arrests and more than half of prostitution and vice arrests. They overwhelmingly kill their own women. 79% of white homicide victims are killed by white men, while only a small fraction are killed by black offenders. Overdose deaths disproportionately impact white men who compromise the majority of fentanyl opioid and fentanyl overdoses nationwide. Entire white communities have collapsed under addiction. So, when it comes to family structure, white men are not the traditional paragons black women on social media paints them to be. Pew research shows that nearly half of white marriages today do not follow a traditional provider model, which is the same in the black community. These realities matter because they demonstrate that white men have significant internal challenges to confront. Therefore, they do not have the moral or statistical authority to lecture black men about responsibility, masculinity, or family leadership. White men must understand the damage caused when they insert themselves into black gender conversations without historical, cultural, or statistical literacy. Their commentary is not rooted in truth, but in algorithmic pandering. Their validation is not rooted in commitment, but in social currency. Their flattery for black women is not protection, it's a performance.

I love my melanated queens. Yeah, you right. I'm not following a single black woman. But that could change starting with you. Guess what I made for dinner last night? Pasta and lobster. Listen, I love me a French braid, but have y'all ever seen medium waist-length box braids? And don't let it be a 99J. Man, it's snowing outside, but I sure ain't going. I ain't never seen a pretty black girl with a septum piercing. I voted for Kamala in spirit. My favorite couple from Love Island is definitely Nick and Andrea. Baddie, baddie, shawty clock. Baddie, baddie. Listen, I follow Zendaya that account, right? White men are unaware of the trauma, complexity, and nuance behind black men and black women's relationships. Yet, they speak as if they are experts. Black women must recognize the danger of trusting white male validation over black men's reality. And black men such as myself must continue speaking up against these false narratives with data, clarity, and unwavering consistency. The curse of the modern white man from town The curse of the white man from town is the belief that white voices automatically carry more truth, more insight, and more authority than the lived experiences of black men and black women themselves. That curse has shaped perceptions for too long. The bottom line is this, if you are a white man, do not speak publicly on black relationships or publicly praise black women unless your intentions are genuine and informed. With black women already experiencing the lowest marriage rates and the highest divorce rates in the country, they cannot afford to have grown men, especially outside of the community, taking advantage of their lack of historical context or their limited understanding of how social media algorithms work. When black women believe false narratives about black men, they internalize the idea that black men are less than, which makes them vulnerable to attention from non-black men, no matter how shallow, performative, or manipulative that attention may be. This is why so many black women continue to circulate the outdated Brathwaite and King study claiming that black women and white men have the lowest divorce rates. They push that statistic in hopes of convincing white men to consider them as wives. Yet, the numbers haven't changed. White men still overwhelmingly do not marry black women. So, to put it plainly, if your intentions aren't authentic, stay out of black folks' business. Focus on the issues within your own community. Address the problems in your own homes. And stop inserting yourself into dynamics you neither live nor understand. Peace.

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