What is your Role? Address to Married Couples by the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan

Brothers and sisters, I would like at this time to first say to Brother Farah Khan, our beloved leader, teacher, and guide. On behalf of all of us, we're very thankful to Allah for his presence this evening and for taking time out of his busy schedule to address us, to speak to us, to give us guidance and wisdom into becoming more successful in our marriages.

So, my dear brothers and sisters, at this time, help me to welcome my dear brother, our beloved leader, teacher, and guide here in the Western Hemisphere, the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan.

Oh.

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. Who came in the person of Master Fard Muhammad, to whom praise is due forever. We give praise and thanks to Him for His raising up in our midst a divine leader, teacher, and guide, His messenger and Messiah to us, the Exalted Christ, the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad.

I greet all of you with the greeting words of peace. Sisters with babies should not be standing. And sisters in the back, uh, let us find seats for them. You don't have to move. It's okay. There's enough soldiers to do that. Make sure that everybody, especially the sisters, have a seat. And I appreciate your presence tonight in the first of a series of classes that I would like to conduct to help us to be more successful in our quest to be married.

How many of you are married? May I see your hands? No hands should have gone up. You're in the process. And the problem is that you think you are what you are not. And when you think you are what you are not, you stop striving to become.

Now, explain. Marriage is a process that begins with your and my saying, "I agree to be involved in the process of becoming one." When I ask, "Are you married?" that's the past participle of the verb to marry, which means you are completely united. And I don't think that's the case. Otherwise, we wouldn't have to have such a class. So, the fact of the matter is, hopefully, that we are still striving to be married.

Now, being together in the same apartment or the same house, in the same bed, does not necessarily mean we are married. Marriage is a lifelong struggle to become one.

I am going to start tonight with theory. But theory is only valuable if the other side of theory, which is practice, is performed. You can have the best teacher in the world to teach you piano, voice, violin, art. But if, when you are away from the teacher, you don't practice what you have been taught, then you will not be successful in passing the test when you come before the teacher again. The teacher will always know that you have not been practicing because it shows up.

When there is consistent argument that leads to discord and strife, and this argument is not in the best manner, but is filled with anger, bitterness, even this leads to the cessation of the process. So you can still be in the same house, but you're no longer striving to become as one. You have accepted the reality that we're supposed to be together. And, "Wow, you know what? I just have to suffer this thing through."

Now, that is a sad state of affairs. For the wife to put her attention on the children, and the husband puts his attention on the mission or whatever, and then come home at night, tired, beat up, no conversation, no communication, except during the time of expression of oneness. Then, uh, our marriage, for all intents and purposes, is dead. And it needs life.

Marriage, unity, love, life, and peace. They are all similar. You can't be married and not united. You can't be united and not have peace. And you can't have peace without love. And you can't have life without love and peace and harmony and unity. So where there is unity, there is harmony, there is love, there is life. Where there is disunity, the life of that thing is in jeopardy. You agree? All right.

Now, the Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught us that the first law in the universe is motion. Motion. What you did when you were attracted to each other, you started motion. True? The second law of the universe is order.

The motion must have order, or the motion is destroyed. And order means that there are rules and laws that govern the motion so that the motion can continue. If anything disturbs the order, it produces greater friction. Friction brings about the cessation of motion. So in our lives, as Muslims or people striving for righteousness, there is an inordinate amount of stress on all of us. So just being alive in a world like this gives us a lot of friction. But the thing that makes friction not disturb order or motion is our ability to be in harmony with the law that put us into motion.

Go ahead. I want you to just think. Now, one is the law that brought about the, the motion that brought you all to each other. Allah created us similar, yet dissimilar. And the honor likeness of us created attraction. True? So you found your way to each other for whatever the reason it may have been. A good reason, may not have been a good reason. Your motives sometimes for coming together can determine how long this thing is going to last. So you, you and only you, can answer the question, "Why did you do this thing in the first place?"

"Well, I was tired of being single." Not a good enough motive.

"I had a biological need, and, and sister was around." And, and, and, and, and. So not a good enough motive. Your motive is what gives the force to the desire. It's not just what you want to do, it's why you want to do it that gives it the spirit and the power to make it happen. And the reason most of us are not successful in what we do is because we are ill-motivated. Do things for reasons that are ungodly, not proper, vain.

So only you can answer the question, "Why did you get married to that particular person that you're sitting next to?" Look at them. That's probably the first time the day y'all looked at each other. You can always tell married people. When they're riding in a car, when they're courting, they're all over each other. She's almost sitting in his lap. Are you trying to drive? After they get married, she way over in the corner, and he got a gangster lean. You can tell the married person. When they go out to dinner, their head is in the plate. When they're courting, take the eyes off of each other. What happened?

Now, Allah wants the institution of marriage to be successful because, as I wrote, and you've read, Allah hates divorce. So tonight, we want to see if we can start again and dissect this thing called marriage. Okay?

Now, if you go back in your mind to when you first met the man that you're sitting next to, I hope he's your husband. And I hope that's your wife. Saying even those words are debatable. Husband? What's that? Wife? What's that? See, these are names, but they suggest something which we're going to dissect beginning tonight. Okay?

Now, remember theory, practice. And in the class tonight, after tonight's class, I want us to practice. You know, most of us are very physical people. We're not really spiritual. As a result, there's physical attraction, right? We like the way she looks. She likes the way he looks. Or she likes the fact that he's a successful businessman, got a little money. And he likes the fact that she got a job. So we're attracted to each other really on a physical basis. That's the first, um, we say, contact is physical, right? But the real marriage is not physical. Marriage starts at the physical, but it goes to the spiritual. And the problem with most of us who say we desire to be married, we stop at the physical. And the physical side of anything is so limited.

Now, your wife was physically attractive to you when you first met her. And your husband was physically attractive to you. You couldn't wait to say your vows so you could be with each other physically. And that's why honeymoons, you know, they're so nice and short-lived because reality is bound to set in.

Now, after you discover the physical dimensions of a thing, there is intrinsic value here that must be discovered. Now, look at your lessons. Someone have a handkerchief. Where was I? The gods around me. If you look at your lessons, Master Fard Muhammad started with the physical. Who is the original man? Asiatic black man, maker, owner, cream of the planet Earth, God of the universe. Everything there is like physical description. Who is the original first man? He's Asiatic, meaning the earth, you know, Asia. Physical man, physical makeup, shaper, physical owner of the physical reality, God, power over material things. In English Lesson C-1, God moves away from identifying us by the term Christian. How old is Christianity? In the student enrollment, he don't deal with that. He does not deal with your color. What is your own self? He said, "My own self is what? A righteous Muslim." Now, he's not dealing with your color. He's dealing with who you are on the inside, the nature of you. All right.

Allah says in the Quran, "He created all human beings to be Muslims." So he says, "How many Muslims are there in North America?" A little over 17 million. That's the whole population of original people. So you may look at Sister So-and-So, Brother So-and-So, as a Christian because of the orientation of their minds. But Allah looks at them as Muslims.

Now, if you recognize that the woman that you married and the man that you married, beyond the physical limitations of the earth, are Muslims, they are righteous people by nature, then feeding the nature of the individual, discovering and exalting the nature, will move you more toward a successful union. All of your arguments, what are they over? Money? Come on. Or the lack of it? Irresponsibility? Failure to be clean? Won't cook? House untidy? You don't come home? You're grumpy? But what is at the root of all of that?

Now, we get to look at marriage. Look, Allah says, and you know, I say this at all of our marriages, which I refuse to be bothered with anymore. All people, keep your duty to your Lord. Now, you, you all, we all say we are what? What is a Muslim? One who submits his or her will to do the will of God. How can you expect a woman to be dutiful to you if she's not dutiful to her Lord? How can you expect a man to be dutiful to you if he's not dutiful to your Lord? So your marriage begins to fall apart if it is not rooted in your duty to Allah.

Now, how many of you believe in Allah, Who came in person? Very good. You made a start. How many of you believe that the Honorable Elijah Muhammad is His messenger and the Messiah? Would you raise your hands, please? Then my question to you is, do you have a duty to them? Okay. Now, you fussing at each other for dereliction of duty, but you don't fuss at each other for dereliction of duty to God. How many of you have said, "Wife, honey, it's 4:30. Let us get up for prayer"? Well, that's good. I'm not asking you to raise your hand on this because I know this was only two or three hands anyway.

Now, if you don't encourage each other in your duty to God, then your marriage struggle for unification will reach an impasse. The basis for marriage is duty first to Him Who created us. Okay? "O people, keep your duty to your Lord." Who is your Lord? See, some men think that they are the Lord of their wives. Stop it, brother. You are not a good replacement for Allah. So don't try to be who you are not. And if you try to make your wife think that you are sufficient as a replacement for God, then when she gets angry with you, see, she finds herself lost. Because we have become like the devil, trying to steal the place of God. You are not her Lord. Allah is her Lord. He created her. He nurtured her, didn't He? And you. So the law that you both must keep your duty to is Who? Allah.

Now, Allah makes requests of us, and He doesn't demand. He just asks. He's so beautiful. And the only thing He asks of a believer, really, is to observe the principles of the faith. Number one, prayer. And then He said, "He would not care for you were it not for your prayers." So if we're not praying, then Allah says, "He would not care for us." Whoa.

Well, sister, your duty is to take care of your husband. His duty is to take care of you. But how can you take care of each other if you've lost the care of God? It said, "He would not care for you were it not for your prayers." So the Muslim home, the godly set aright by prayer. Your marriage is set aright by prayer to Him Who created you and put in you attraction for each other.

Well, let's look at this. "He created you from a single being and created its mate of the same kind." When you say "same kind," it's not just the same kind in color. We are the same kind in nature and spirit and function. So the thing that makes marriage have durability is recognition of the fact that this is a part of God. As you are, you are created from a single being. Who is the single being? They say Adam. Yes and no. Adam is created of Allah, and the mate of Adam is created from the same essence. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad said that Allah is self-created. Now, that is a concept that we need to study to understand something about our roles.

Don't get together yet. I just want you to deal tonight with what is your role as a man. What is your role as a woman? Your role is based upon the nature of you. And your role is based upon the nature of you. You can't have a successful play if you don't know your role. If somebody's the star, and you are in the play as a supporting actress or actor, how they gonna get along with you if you are out of your role, playing their role? You playing their lines, they are trying to play yours, and everybody gets confused. And the director is looking at this, saying, "Why aren't you playing your part? This is not your role." "Or, excuse me, but I like her role better." "Oh, I like his role better."

So we're going to talk tonight about the role of each other. Before we even get together, we need to know something about our role. Because this is the, this is the play of life, Act One, Scene One. And maybe, maybe you have not read for your part yet. So let's go back to the beginning. We're not getting into the play yet. We just need to know what role, "Brother Director, do you want me to play?" "I want to try out for the man's role." Well, if you're a man, it's all right. But it's wrong if you're a woman to try out for the man's role. You know, switching is what's going on in the world, and we'll get to that.

Now, brothers and sisters, the messenger of Allah, the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, said, "Allah created Himself out of triple darkness." He talked about how He built Himself up in the darkness. How He started from one cell, atom of life. He called it an atom of life, sparkling in the darkness. He built up brains. Boy, that's something. In order to think and vision. That's really heavy, just to think about it. The messenger didn't say how long it took for Him to come out of this state into a developed being. But you can imagine, after working, laboring, struggling to come into existence, His coming into existence after developing brain and thought was accompanied with pain. Pain at every stage of His development. Pain, struggle, pain, struggle, pain, struggle, until He got to the point where He recognized He was alone and wanted companionship. It didn't say He needed companionship, He desired it. There was nothing there.

So He, the messenger, said, "Studied Himself." That's heavy. Think about that. He studied Himself and found in Himself another self. And He brought that self out of Himself as a second self, through which He could produce self again, all the way down the line.

Now, let's stop, stop, stop. Man, if He brought a second self out of Himself, and that second self was called woman, she is a part of Him. A part of God. She is God, as He is God. But she's the second self of God. I just listen. Now, the second self isn't first. If it came from it, it is slightly less than. Now, that's hard for people in this world to understand. The brain of the second self is not the equal of the brain of the first. It is a little less than because it comes from and is not the equal to. So, therefore, the first self must be in authority over the second self. But He had a role. What is His role? "I am..." Well, He's creator. So whatever He brings into existence is dependent on Him for certain things to be to Him what He created her to be.

Well, the question is, what need did He have? He's in pain, struggling for what may be eons of time to come out of darkness. He needs something to look at that is kind to the eyes. He needs something to behold that is attractive to Him. He needs something that can comfort and console Him in the pain of His struggle to come out of darkness. He needs something that can talk to Him about His desires and help Him to meet His objective. He needs a helper. A woman can help you do anything of value that you want to do. You won't find a better helper than the female who loves you and is there for you. God is a creator. He had a lot of big things to do. He needed a big helper, not big in size, big in mind. And the second self of God is a powerful self. And from these two, you get your roles. And He spread from these two many men and women.

Now, it comes right back and repeats it again. "And keep your duty to Allah, by Whom you demand one of another your rights." So He's saying again, duty to God is first, because it is by Him that you have a demand on each other for your rights. A woman has a right to expect certain things from a man, and a man has a right to expect certain things from his mate. The problem is that you are disappointed with each other because you are not getting what you expected. Some of you only had physical expectations, and you're tired of that, and you wonder, "What's next?"

Well, now, if you understand your role, you know what's next. Now, your role is given to, let's start with the man. And brothers, this has to be the basis of FOI. And the role of the woman has to be the basis of MGT. What is the role of the man? Allah says in the Quran, "And men are what?" What? Let's stop right there. Do you know that's a big job, brother? To be a maintainer of something? I came to the mosque the other day, I saw peeling in the ceiling. I don't know whether you saw it, but I saw it. I said, "There's a leak somewhere." Well, that needs what? Maintenance. And the longer you wait, the worse it gets. What is our job as men? Maintaining. All right. Let's start physical and go spiritual and go big.

Now, there's biological needs. Food. She needs to eat. You didn't find her emaciated. You found her with some flesh on the bones, which means she was eating. And when she comes under your maintenance, she hopes to continue. When you found her, she didn't have a fig leaf on. I think she had on clothes. If she didn't, tell me. Of course, she did. Well, maintenance means you can't have the woman hungry and raggedy. Is that right, sisters? You shop as attacked, got the latest style, fine shoes. Your wife got run over, you tacky dress, can't get a head done or weaved or something. These styles that they got today is expensive, brother. It was a time she could just flop a headpiece on and cover up what was not fixed up. But today, she got to go to the hairdresser. And you should find one on your own. Keep your money as best you can in your circle, strengthen each other. That's the way it should be done. But of course, hair is a big thing. I know with me, I like a particular barber. I like the way he cuts my hair. He becomes my barber until he's dead or till I die. My point is that when you saw her, how was her hair? It wasn't. When they were in the nights, and she was fixed, that wasn't she. Yeah, she had the struggle to do that, brother. I mean, she knew she was coming to meet you. She got it together, man. I don't know how she pulled it and did what, but she got it together. She did not come to you looking wrecked. Then you can't maintain her in a wrecked state. You see a peel in the roof. What you supposed to do? You see her hair undone. That's a peel in her roof, brother. And you sure don't want it to rain on her parade.

Now, this is physical. You got to keep her up. Now, you notice the messenger didn't say good houses, he said good homes. And a house is not a home. We'll get to that. You got to put the woman in a home. I know, brother, you in an apartment, I hope. Or in a room. And if you're in a room, you ain't gonna stay married long. If you stay in a room, brother, you in your mother's house. Oh, that's a no-no. That is a total no-no. Well, for economic reasons, I went to stay with my mother. How long? How long can your wife be herself in your mother's house? That's your mother's stove. That's your mother's dishes. That's your mother's refrigerator. You are not maintaining that woman. You got a problem. So she's demanding something. "Uh, look, honey, when we gonna get out of here?" She don't want to talk about your mother. That she is not respectful. 'Cause she know you love your mother. But your mother's a pain. Well, he don't like that. He likes this. "Oh, no, honey, he don't like it like that. Put more stuff in here." "No, get out of the way, let me show you how to do it." "You just a nasty little housekeeper." "My son likes his shirt starched." So when you come home after a paper push, you swear you did your duty, and then she says, "Honey, when are we going?" And you say, "Look, I don't told you, and don't ask me that no more." Well, your mother is a pain. What?

No, brothers, brothers, I hear that some of you hit your wives. I hear. And some of you slap them. I hear. That some of you get real violent. I hear. That some of the wives smack you back and get real violent too. Now, that begins the undoing of the process. You don't want your wife to be afraid of you, and you don't ever want to be afraid of her, because she watches you a lot while you're sleeping. So this fighting business has to stop. And the only way you can put a stop to male and female abuse of each other is you've got to play your role.

Now, I'm starting with brother man. Brother, you can't play your role without money. That's why the lessons say, "Money, good home, friendship, money." So a lazy brother can never be a good husband. Let's start right there. A lazy man who really don't want nothing, don't need a wife. If you have no object in life, no vision of where you want to go, you don't need a wife. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Every man should know where he wants to go before he seeks someone to help him get there. So, brothers, don't tell me you want to get married. If I ask you, "What is your vision? Where would you, what do you like to accomplish in this life?" Huh? "What, what do you mean, accomplish? I just want to get married." Where do you want to go? What do you want to do with your life? Because in reality, when you seek a wife, she might have a competing desire. She might know where she wants to go, and maybe you don't want to go there. And maybe if you know where you want to go, she don't want to go there and won't sacrifice to help you get this stuff. Let's, let's, let's start looking some more then. Because there's somebody out there, brother, that will help you if you know where you want to go. And most of the time, the brothers don't know where they want to go, but to the bedroom. And after you get there, well, then what? Oh, there's more to this than that. Yes, brothers, that's what FOI has to begin to teach.

Now, the brothers have to have a vision of where they want to go personally in their lives, and their wives must know that this is where I want to go. I want to be such and such and so-and-so. Well, she's got to decide whether she wants to help you. She might say, "Well, I, I want to be a dentist." Well, that's nice. But once you start making babies, then you got another thought that you have to consider. Being a professional woman and a mother, which one will take priority?

Okay, now brothers, if to have money means you can maintain her, then the first thing you need as a man is a job. I'm gonna put that on the board. If you're not working, oh, I better put it like this, and then under it, work. Now, if it's okay if you're not working on a regular job and you got money, then the captain and the lieutenants have to ask you, "Where did you get it?" That's right. Because if you're not working and you've got money, you stick. And if you're selling products that's work that are righteous, but if you're selling drugs, that's criminal. So a criminal cannot maintain a woman who is the second self of God.

So brothers, yes, sir. Now, wait a minute. You say, "Well, look, man, I got a fine woman, and I, I did sell drugs, and, and she dug it because I could bring the money home." You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's because she didn't know herself. But when a woman knows herself, she demands something better of her companion. And when you know yourself and know herself, then you are her maintainer. Then it is your duty that God gives you to keep her up. First, physically. I'm gonna put this on the board. One is physical. Physical makings.

Now, sisters, and your husband don't have a lot of money, don't get away with tear up the poor budget. Now, let's, we're going to deal with argument because all the argument over how you mess up the money. And you don't have proper priorities. A priority is not a weave. It's not them funny nails. The priorities, the basic things. Hair done, done. Wash it, blow dry it, put pin curlers in it, pull it with an iron, do something with it. But if you don't have money, then don't spend what you don't have for what you really don't need. So brother, you have to say, "Sweetheart, I don't have enough for that. I want you to fix your hair, but I cannot afford that." But don't look at him funny. You know what he's bringing in. And you must not misspend your husband's money. Yes. A good teacher. You gotta bring your desires in line with his pocketbook. That may mean you can't desire too much or nothing. So while you're doing the dishes, sing your song, "I got plenty or nothing. Nothing's plenty for me." A little laugh is always good.

Now, brothers, I'm talking to the brothers now. Your prerequisite in maintaining the woman physically is money. Then you can't buy papers and not sell them. That's right. See, that makes your wife totally upset because there's Hawaii, there's her nails, there's her shoes, there's the babies' diapers sitting in the corner with the minister's picture on the front page. And after a while, she hates the paper, hates the minister, hates the nation, hates the mosque, hates you. [ __ ] We was doing all right. Do you join the Nation? Come on now. You may look good to your lieutenant, but you ain't sleeping with him. I hope. I don't know whether this tape is for sale. We gotta extract the principles. But what I'm suggesting to you believers, I know you're a good Muslim, and you really want to be a good Muslim. But a good Muslim has to be honest and hard-working and sincere. If you take a hundred papers, sell a hundred papers. And then from selling, you get a profit. There's the weave. I'm on this weave. Me and these Koreans, you know, I'm gonna give them a community service award because the sisters that didn't smile even before because they thought the hair was too short, can laugh now. Class should always be happy. Class. I didn't come in in a happy spirit, but, you know, class should be joyous as we learn. But I'm picking up faults that hinder your marriage because the weight is on the man for maintenance. I'll get to when a woman works in a minute, you know. But brothers, the job, you got to take it as your job. If your wife has a job, you know, that's an added blessing. And that's the way any man should consider it. That's a blessing that your wife can bring money into the house. But really, that's your job. And you should feel bad as a man that your wife got to work to help feed you and your children. If you're a man, you go to bed at night thinking, "I've got to do something about this." Right? That's right. You've got to find another way to work a little harder so you can get more money so you can be a physical maintainer of your wife.

Now, brothers, yes, sir. Soon I'm going to send investigators by. Yes, sir. To see how you live. Because you look good, but if I followed you home, what would I find? A cardboard box with a paper plate on it. Brothers, there's no woman that is self-respecting that can be a good wife to you if she does not see progress in making a home for her. Now, if I could help to make men in that FOI that are so strong mentally, spiritually, and morally, and physically, that they will go out and make the money that they will be able to start in an apartment and tell me in a few years of being in the mosque, "My wife, I put her in a home. I carpeted the floor. I gave her the modern conveniences." But she ain't never satisfied. She made that way. She is not made to let you get comfortable on what you did yesterday. She really is the epitome of the lesson, "What are you doing today for me, baby?" I want to hear from you at once. So whatever you did yesterday, you better do it today and be prepared to do more tomorrow because she'll be on your case. Because maintenance is an everyday thing. How many times you wash your face? You didn't wait for a week. I hope. Maintenance is every day. Maintaining the wife is every day. Every day. Every day. Open the refrigerator. Is there enough food? Every day. What is needed to keep the home? You mean you don't have Tide? You don't have Bounce? You don't have Clorox? You don't have scouring powder? You don't have mouthwash? You ran out of toothpaste? He said, "Well, baby, look, put your finger in your mouth and rub it across." Some of us think that our wives should be happy. And some of us believe that our wives will be happy with something. He not happy with nothing, and they're not happy with something. But you better keep on doing something. Am I lying, sisters? If I make a mistake, you tell me. The female is the second self of God, and she's created as the army. Elijah Muhammad taught me to try to equal herself up to God. So the better you are, the better she'll try to be. The more you strive to do your duty to God, she'll try to equal you in that function. I've been doing so many sit-ups, my pants has fallen off me. And I, I'm gonna get these fat gut brothers, uh, in shape. Now, see, maintenance means that you need to see your knees. And if you have not seen your knees in a long time, you need an uplift. Sometimes that thing is sagging so low, you need a check. This is not a good tape, you understand. Physical. Now, you need money. So FOI, brother, captain, in the restructuring of the FOI, we have to teach and train every man to be one who knows how to make money, to be more of a provider and maintainer for his family. That is making a man. You're with me, brother? Don't you want to know more how to make more money? If you don't have a job, then there must be those in the FOI that teach us sales technique so that we can become a master. Because the more you master selling, I mean, you can sell anything and make a living. And the more you sell, the more money you make. And the more money you pay, you can make a good home and friendship in all walks of life. I'm getting to the home part late, but we just talking about role. Yes, sir. Maintain. Go home tonight. Get your dictionary. And if you have a Roget's Thesaurus, men, look up the word "maintenance" and all that that goes with it. Study it, because that is your duty. Our duty. Physical. Now, you're a protector. Physical. Yes, yes, sir. You fight for her. Yes, sir. You let no harm come to her. You give your life for her life. You're a protector. And you can't be her protector and don't have the will to fight or the skill to fight. I'm talking about physical knowledge. Yes, sir. Every man has to be a fighter. Make all men and boys join the FOI and make them brave fighters, willing at any time to give their lives for Allah's sake and righteousness. Maintenance. Providence. In the word providence is "provide." In the word beneficence, meaning well and good doing. That's your nature, brothers. And you know what? God always feels good giving. Isn't that right? All God expects is gratitude. A man always feels good when he can give the woman he loves something. Hit, baby. His heart almost busts when he can go and pick a dandelion. And you better know how to smile when he tried to do something nice. "Is that all you could do, sister?" You gotta fight on your hand. If you talk like that. If the man bring a rose home, even if you're in a bad mood, make him to know you appreciate his effort at a small thing, and the next time he'll make it bigger. But brother, how's when is the last time you did bring a rose home? When is the last time you gave your wife something that she didn't expect? The man is a giver of gifts. Now, I know she want that big house, that big car. But, uh, you better, if we ain't got the big money, be big patience. That's right. But sisters, God gives us more than anybody gives. Allah gives. And all He expects from us is prayer and gratitude. Now, what does God expect from His woman? Come on. Hey, baby, I brought you into existence. You know what I'm saying? You like your body? I give it to you. I formed it for you. You like it? Yeah, I did that. Little it is that you give thanks? Ingratitude makes Allah displeased with us. Everything we got, brothers, Allah gave it to us, so we should be grateful to Him. And when your husband does something nice for you, sisters, what should you do? What should you do? Be grateful. Don't just say, "Oh, thanks." And your mouth all curled up funny. Make over what he does. He'll do more because he really wants. If he's any kind of man or husband at all, he really wants to please you. And you don't know, it makes a man feel so good when he knows he has pleased the one he loves. And when he ain't trying and don't want to please you no more, trouble is in the house. We'll get to that.

Now, brothers, you understand physical. But there's more to a woman than physics. Let's deal with spirituality. Who is she? The second self of God. What kind of conversations do you all talk about at breakfast? What kind of conversations do you have after prayer? Do you read the Quran together and discuss revelation? Let me tell you something about truth and knowledge and revelation. You all all right. Your conversation with each other, what level is it on? You know, I was at class yesterday, and that sister, I'm telling you, she just made me sick. "My honey, my lieutenant, I don't know, I was going to shoot him last night." I'm sitting down trying to listen to the minister, and, you know, tap me on my shoulder with an ugly look in his ugly face, telling me if I come to the back. Now, the level of your conversation sets the spirit of the home. You have a house. We would like to create a home. And see, home can only be a home when God is the ruler of that home. Now, check this out. You may be telling the truth of your woes, and naturally, as husband and wife, you talk about your woes to each other. You know, but that conversation level is down here. And when you're gossiping and slandering people, which you do, that pushes your conversation. I can't even get down. It's low down. That's right. So the energy in the house is as low as the conversation.

Now, let's pick the conversation up. I'm going to talk about you. Well, I mean, I may be telling the truth, but that's not necessarily good home conversation. I may be talking about even Bible or Quran. That's higher, isn't it? But the highest conversation is when you start talking about what God revealed to the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. That's revelation. One in the world before. So the level of electrical energy in those words is higher than reading the Quran or reading the Bible or discussing that. But when you say what Elijah says that Master Fard revealed to him, your conversation is at the highest level. And the energy keeps you, your light on in your face, because God's revelation inspires you. It's life. So if you really want to get, get down that road, brothers, as a maintainer, you gotta know what God said to Muhammad. Do you discuss it? If you don't discuss the teachings, then the bond that binds you spiritually is not there. So from prayer comes discussion of revelation in your conversation, which leads to the spiritual maintenance of the woman of God. Right. She's God's woman, brother. And you can't just talk to her about anything. Sometimes you just may, you know, get one of them cheap conversations going, which we all do. True. Y'all don't want to admit that them cheap conversations go on more than anything else. And probably that's why you don't have the spirit right in your marriage relationship with each other. You start losing the spirit. Do you know how you got in touch with each other? You know, and when you start falling in love, there's a certain conversation. If you're a real Muslim, what is, what's going to attract you? The fact that she's one. Right. You talking about the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. You're talking about the word. You're talking about what God did, and what the preference is, and what the Nation is about. And you say, "Whoa, this girl is something. She likes what I like." Yeah, this is good. Then all of a sudden, after you get married, the conversation ain't on that level no more. "Hey, baby." Well, that's conversation too, and it's real. You know, and it's not bad to be there sometimes. She liked that on that level sometimes. But don't stay there. That's God's woman, and she loves God. And the more you and I reflect God, the more she falls in love with us. God is stern, but God is kind. God is stern, but God is just. God ain't no fool. He's super wise. God is nowhere of subtleties, and women are full of subtleties.

Now, brothers, you can't be no fool and maintain a woman on the spiritual and mental level. On the mental level, it is empirical knowledge. If you don't read the newspaper or study what's going on in the world, your revelation, your knowledge of revelation gives you insight into the news. "Say, baby, did, did you see this thing today? Hey, look, they had a bomb at the Olympics. You see TWA 800 went down? Over 60 people. Saw a light going toward it." Now, they ain't talking about that no more. Now they're saying they don't know what happened. The black box didn't give them nothing. All of a sudden now, uh, Clinton is talking about Iran and Libyan terrorism. What's that all about? When you know the teachings, you can begin to compare notes. And before you know it, the level of your conversation is intellectual. It's stimulating. Because a woman, listen, a woman that is talking to babies all day long, she wants to break out of baby talk. And she wants to sit down with her husband and talk on another level. I'm getting to your role in a minute, sisters. We just role-playing. Now, brothers, you have to be readers. You have to be knowledgeable of what is going on in the world on a daily basis. You must be insightful, and you must engage your wife in conversation that reflects the mental prowess that you are trying to develop. And you'll be surprised what she will add to that conversation from her insight. Don't you think that women don't have insight into these things? Listen to Sister Tynetta Muhammad. She has insight into the things that's going on in the world. But you won't know that unless you engage in that kind of conversation, because she ain't going to talk on no other cheap level. That to me is what her husband was an example of. He was the master of the teachings of Master Fard Muhammad, and he attracted her with those teachings, and he nurtured her with those teachings, and with the understanding of the Quran. When you marry a man of that kind of knowledge, you should be constantly trying to extract from him what he knows about God. And every man who is a God, lesser God, should try to know as much about God so that the conversation in your home can be based on God and what God revealed and what God's will is, since you both are Muslims and your duty is to submit to do His will. Is it making sense?

So, brothers, now, his physical, spiritual, mental, which I just mentioned. Moral maintenance is based on the moral law. Upkeep of the female in the moral sense. As men, we should strive to live up to the moral law and bring things around us up to the moral law. And when we would lapse, the mate should help the person to come back to the moral law. Upkeep, maintenance on all levels. That is the duty, the role of the man.

Now, brothers, brothers, if you were to rate yourself A as excellent, B as good, C as fair, D as poor, F as a failure, how would you rate yourself in your upkeep and maintenance of your wife on all these levels? Don't, don't, don't tell me you're great because I know you'll give yourself an A. But honesty demands. Will ask her. Ask her. Not nothing when you get home. No, you better ask her here because it might be a fight. Ain't too many eggs in the room. In fact, you can't judge me. You have to ask. Sister Popcorn, with my grave. And if I lied to myself and lied to you, like I'm excellent at everything. Oh, brother, you don't need no liars in front of you. You had enough of that crap. My wife would have to grade me. I cannot grade myself. Now, you have to be fair. Why? Because you can't bring him on desires that you have this way out here. And if you only made a little, then you can't grade him as a failure simply because he didn't give you no good home. And you know damn well he didn't have good home money. So some of you ain't qualified even to grade your husband because you really ain't got a yardstick. I just gave you the yardstick. Now, be fair. If he's trying, and he hasn't done as well as you would like, then give him a C or D. If he's poor, and then if he deserves an F, flunk it. And look, if you fail, you're headed for divorce.

And any teacher will tell you, well, is another semester. [Music] Work hard next semester, you could pull it up by the final exam. Brothers, sisters, you don't want divorce, you want your marriage to work. And it will not work, brothers, if we don't pull up to the standard. Are you listening now? This standard is good. If you're 90 years old and you got a woman, she still needs maintenance. I knew it's hot, and some of you are tired, and your marriage is as tired as you are. [Music] I don't think you're more tired than I am. [Music] And I don't know whether you're hotter than I am, because I'm under these lights as well as the heat. So you can bury, stay awake. Well, so much for the man. [Music]

Now, when you have a man that is struggling to make money, to physically, spiritually, mentally, and morally maintain you, there is a proper response to that man. Now, what is your nature? System, the Quran says that the woman is created as the consoler of the man. When your baby is upset and crying, what does a mother do? She goes to the baby, she does something to console the baby, comfort the baby. A woman is a comfort and console to the man. And if the man is hard-working, [Music] and is giving you what it takes to maintain you, then what his demand is from you is that which consoles. Now, you're the console, right? You know what consoles are, man. Let's start on the physical level. How did he fall in love with you? [Music] As an Aunt Jemima looking woman? [Music] Bad breath, true running down the side of your mouth. He didn't fall in love with you looking like no wreck. [Music] So what consoles his eye is when he comes home, he sees you. And you should know when he's coming home, and get yourself ready to receive him at the door. You didn't hear me? You'd be hiding off in the bed somewhere. You hear the key come in the door, you don't give a damn. [Music] That is if he comes in a decent hour. [Music] Sometimes others, you come home late, late, late. But there should be a time to come home to sit with your wife and your children at a dinner table. And stay out all day and all night, and then come home. She's tired, you're tired, and you expect everything to be rosy. [Music] But when he comes home, sister, look how pretty y'all look tonight. I bet he ain't seeing you looking like this in a long time. [Music] But you all look so radiant, so beautiful. [Music] That's what made the man fall in love with you, girl. Be pretty for him. If he's a good husband, be pretty. Fix yourself up. Fix yourself up. You do it if you're going for some other man. Why not do it for the man that's maintaining you? Did it to get him, not do it to keep him. Cause hell, there's too many pretty women out there ain't got no husbands either, and they're sure looking at yours, wondering why he stays with you. [Music] You know that's right, sisters. Sisters, let me tell you, when you know that that man is married, don't you make no effort to be in that man's face. [Music] And present yourself before your sister's husband in a way that you want your sister's husband to be attracted to you. Your motive will condemn you with God. You hear me? All right, now. [Music] You know he's coming home. The way you look is consolation to you. Him, it's nice to hear your husband say, "Baby, you sure look good." How long has it been, David? "You sure smell good." How long? [Applause] [Music] You remember how you used to perfume? Talk to me, sister's getting a little embarrassed. Did you put on perfume when you was going out there recording? Yes, you did. You made sure you had a little something here, a little something behind the ear. Powdered yourself down, all pretty, nice, you know. Now, there ain't no powder. Now she can't find the perfume bottle. That's funny. But that's your role. When he comes home, the house is what he sees. He walks in the door. You go in the kitchen, dishes. You go in the bedroom, the bed ain't made. They go in the bathroom, jewelry all in the tub. Everybody's rings is there. Please smell him funky when he hit the door. You need he went there and you come right back. You don't know what it's like. I've been in here with your crazy children all day long. This is not a good day for us. Now that the house, the attitude, and the spirit in the house is gone. You go in the kitchen. [Music] Where's the dinner? Wait, I didn't have no time here. This is all like here. These mashed potatoes. [Music] I popped this in the oven, saying, "Baby, come on." He said, "Ah, damn." All right, I'm leaving. And he goes to Subway and gets a 12-foot sandwich and comes back home. Now he's mad, you're mad. Time to go to bed. Now, sometimes conversation starts ill-motivated. You use each other for pleasure, but you don't serve each other. You make a prostitute out of her, and you become a pimp. She's angling for something that she deserved, and using sex as the way to get it. After the relationship, honey, remember them shoes we saw? What is that? That ain't no way to have a righteous communion. You don't use sex to get what you deserve just by that man being your husband. And sisters, if the man is a good husband, you don't punish him by depriving him of yourself. I'll show him. Just remember Susie's down the street. [Music] And what they don't get at home, they may not be out selling papers. You know, there's a lot of adultery, and there's a lot of fornication, and there's a lot of game playing and hypocrisy, and it's got to stop. And you all have got to learn how to make each other happier than you're doing. [Music] We have to do this if we want our marriages to work. You are his console. [Music] When he comes home and he's in that work and he's bothered, what do you do for him? He really don't want to hear griping. [Music] You got to pick the time, minute to get into your children. [Music] When the man comes in, if he's been out working with us, he, he's been catching hell. When he gets in the door, that's his home, that's his place where he gets refueled to go back out there again. So your job, listen now, physically, is to look the part, keep your home up to par, and then have a conversation for him that gives him peace and quiet of mind. That's your job. That's your rules, sisters. I noticed how quiet it got now. On the physical level is one thing, but on the spiritual level, what do you say to your husband? [Music] From the words of God that console his mind? How can you say anything from the word of God and you don't even pick it up? You don't know nothing about the Quran. You never read the Bible. Yet you're a Muslim. How can you be a Muslim and don't know the book? Don't even pick it up. Don't even read it. Don't make time in the day to see a few words of what Allah says. So when that man comes in and he's beat down, can you bring a word to him from his God that would rest his mind? Can you say to him, after he's been out there wrestling with our savage people, "See, sweetheart, how you feel?" "I, I, I don't feel too good, baby. I had a bad day." "I understand. Well, come on, uh, honey. I, I got the, the children all together. They about to go to bed. And why don't you just take a hot bath and I'll rub you down?" I mean, you don't even know what your husband's legs feel like. [Music] You said, "Take care of your husband." If the man is working, "Hey, baby, put a little bubble bath in there, man." The man would feel like the king. "Damn, I'm gonna work harder tomorrow. This woman keeps this up, I ain't never gonna leave home." Don't make him so he'll stay. Make him so he gets up in the morning and goes to work again. It sounds funny, but it's a simple thing. You run the water. It's appealing. It's stuff you put in the water to make his skin feel good. That's the man that's working for you. That's the man. That's the man that's getting you your [Music] [Music] weed. If he's doing his job, he demands from his nature that you do yours. Now, sounds somehow, this is like from the movies. Well, that kind of movie you need to go to more often. You got a tub in your house. [Music] Do you know how relaxing that is for your loving hands to rub his neck and the stress out of it? You ain't above that. You all ought to be in the class learning massage therapy. [Music] You ought to be learning reflexology. You ought to be learning them pressure points on his feet. Oh, look, I ain't mean no slave. Shut up. Hell, if a man's gonna work like that for you, what the hell are you talking about? See, sometimes we know how to serve. The white woman. Talk to me, brothers. Don't talk loud. If you married to heaven, [Music] we work for heaven. But work for Susie May. [Music] And if you had a white man, you say he knows how to treat us. If a black man is going to do this for you, then learn how to treat him. How to care for your husband. [Music] If he's being a husband and you care for him, and he won't have no reason to look at somebody else. He's anxious to get home to the home that you provide because it makes sense on the physical level. Now, you got to look at his mind from you. He's supposed to get peace and quiet of mind. You supposed to rest the poor man's head. How do you do that, sister, with no knowledge? [Music] He got problems when he comes home and he starts talking about it, or maybe he doesn't want to talk about it because some of the things that we do, we don't want to talk about it to our wives. That's right. That's right. I know what I deal with. I don't talk to my wife about it. You notice, sister, Farrakhan, she just is sweet and pleasant all the time because if anybody gives me a problem, I don't go home and say, "You know, this is Farrakhan, brother so-and-so did it again." [Music] That's my concern. I handle that. I don't bring that home to my wife, and I never brought it home to my children. The problem with many of you is you discuss your dislike in your homes with each other and with your children, and you make your children hate grown-ups and become disrespectful of grown-ups because you don't know how to keep your mouth. If my wife is going to be my console, I can't burden her with what is my load to carry. Carry your load, man. Don't be no punctified man that's got to have his wife carrying his load. God help a man carry his load. If you got a problem, take it to God. Don't go home and tell your wife. She can't go to the crack of downtown and whip him for you. You ever noticed in the movie, The Godfather? How many of you saw The Godfather? I think it's in Godfather one or two. It was Godfather one. That's right. They said, "Don't discuss the family business at the table." There's table conversation, and there's other kind of conversation. And really, in the Muslim home, Muslim men discuss the work of the resurrection and intimate details. They do not make that table conversation. Now, as a young minister, I handle cases that, that just are mind-boggling. I never came home and told my wife, "Honey, I had a case today. Let me tell you about sister so-and-so." Why am I gonna mess up my wife's head with that? I carry my weight. You carry yours. There are things that you can discuss with your family, and those are the things that she can help you with. But she should always have a word for you from the book of God. Yes, sir. And the more the woman gets into the book, the more she can help you handle what the problem is. But you just want to empty out on her, dump on her, you know, because she don't know what to come back with. Well, that's a waste of time. A man, in my judgment, and I learned this from the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. Donald Elijah Muhammad had problems. I have never been in his presence where he sat me down to discuss his problems. [ __ ] is rough. I'm telling you. If it was rough, it wasn't my business because he's the servant of God. He goes to God. God helps him to handle the roughness of his job, and God will help you to handle yours. But what you discuss in your home should relate to your home. That's right. That's difficult. Should relate to the things in the world, like I said about the conversation, the news, and all that. But the intimate problems of your work that she don't know nothing about and cannot help you solve. If you're an architect, what you gonna do? Come back home and tell her about your drafting and how you, uh, she can't get on the board and help you. Why bother? Honey, I was up under the car today fixing the carburetor, and the oil fell out and built all in my face. [Music] That's not conversation. That's your job. And when he comes home, if you tell him all that the baby did, see, you bugging him because that's your job. [Music] He didn't come home to hear that. He can see. After you start telling him what this one did, what that one did, he gets angry about a minute. You see him goodness to you because if he loves you, he don't want them children messing with you. Then before you know it, he didn't got angry because you're already angry. What he'd been dealing with, he'd come in, you didn't fire them up. Night, and smack the hell out the children. And then you, they said, "No, no, you'll kill them." You set him off, and then try to stop it. [Music] Sisters, those are problems that you can handle. Tell your husband how you handled it. Then you can say, "Well, sweetheart, I would have done it this way or that way." But at least you did something. Some of you don't want to discipline the children. You're waiting for him to come home. He comes home half crazy. You don't want him beating your children in that state of mind. Get the strap. You work their behinds over. Cause when I come home, see, I don't play. All my children will tell you, when I come home, I do not play. I didn't come in here to hear nothing but "Assalamu alaikum." What did you say? "Baby, honey, so-and-so and so-and-so, I had a pole just like that in my basement." All right, downstairs to the pole, to the pole. [Music] And I tried to drive them in the pool. Here she comes. "Don't you get in here, you get some of this too. Don't get me started whipping their behinds." And now you want to stop me? Get out of here. Now, that's when I assert who I am in that house, and I damn sure am the boss. Ain't no question about that. I am not going to feed no woman. [Music] And you better know how far to push me. And my wife always understood what the limits were. [Music] And you better understand what the limits are. Because any man that you push beyond a certain point, he'll break your damn neck. And you don't ever want to get a man to that point. When you see him getting crazy, stop your foolishness and shut your damn mouth and get in another room and cool that thing out until there's sanity there. Did you hear me? Oh, now the face is getting a funny look on it. You was happy before. Brothers? Yes, sir. I've been married to my wife for 43 years, and since I've been a Muslim, I have never put my hand on my wife. And I don't like no man that smacks his wife around. Right. I don't like you, brother. And if I hear that you did it, damn it, if I could, I'd throw your behind over the moon. I don't like that. If you gotta beat it, get the hell out of the marriage. But don't no man beat no woman in Islam. And I don't want you, brother Captain, to allow no brother to whoop his wife, and you don't throw his behind in the street. "I just got carried away and I slapped it." Well, you got carried away, 90 days. And if you do it again, six months. "Well, she argued with me." That's what she got a mouthful. And when you can't take it no more, walk away. But you do not beat your wife. Too much of that crap going on. And if you want me to hate you, just let me know that you're smacking her around. And don't come smiling in my damn face. I'm a legend, brother minister. [Music] Why the hell don't you beat some of these devils out here? I can't stand no man that's going to be a macho man to your little wife and be a punk on the job. That's not, that's not Islam. I'm not telling you that I would not have hit my wife. I'd have broke her damn neck if she pushed me past that line. [Music] And she knew not to go there because I would have gone there. And there's not a man in this room that won't go there if you push him. So don't push him. Now, I'm being real. I don't know no way to be false. So it wasn't just that I didn't hit her in 43 years, she didn't allow it because she knew how far to go before I went off. Is there any man in here that won't go off? Raise your hand. Hell, I want to meet Jesus. And sisters, I want to say something. When the brother is out there in that world, he's stressed. And I'm telling you, brothers, lieutenants, captains, ministers, yes, sir. When the brothers come to the masters, is their house of refuge? They don't come here to take crap. See, and you're not here to give them that. That's right. You're a doctor, you're a healer, man. You don't talk to these brothers like they're some damn animals. They are the people of God. Just because you're in authority, you don't do that to a man because in today's world, a man ain't gonna take it, man. So you don't give no man what you don't want yourself. And some of these men in here, if they want Muslims, you wouldn't talk to them like that because they would kill you on the outside. And since the captain, you're here, let's go. The same with the women. These women have a lot of stress on them, and they're catching hell in that world. When they come to the mosque, this should be a place of peace where they can find some love without good light in the game. [Music] You got your role, man. You know your role. Question is, do you want to play the pie? Yes, sister. You got your role. It's a supporting cast role, but they give out Oscars for the best supporting actress. [Music] Do you want to play your role? Now, brothers, sometimes we don't make enough money, and our wives work. That puts a whole different thing. When the woman is working, [Music] she comes home, she's tired. She would work eight hours, you work eight hours, but her work is never done. Children in daycare, in school. She comes home, she's got to go get the children. When she gets the children, she's got to bring them home. When she gets them home, they're starting to arguing and fussing, and she's got to get the house ready because you're coming home. Get some food there. Hey, man, that's a lot of stress. That's right. So you can't expect from a working woman what you expect from a woman that's in that house all day long. So don't come home like you the inspector with a white glove on. [Music] It's some dust. You're damn right. Get a rag, baby. [Music] If she's working, she's doing part of your job. So when she comes home, and you come home, she ought to expect some help. Honey, what's up? Children, let me help you with the child while you get to dinner. Uh, Josie, get in there, do your homework. Shut up all that racket. You got to help. Ain't nothing wrong with putting on an apron. You ain't no [ __ ]. You're helping your wife. You got on the apron, you go in the kitchen. What you need, baby? I, I, I cut the potatoes. I, I can't do it good. But you're mad. But you're gonna sit down with your foot all propped up in front of the TV, and she just finished eight hours. Now come home, it's grinding out. You expect a clean room, do everything, and then serve you. We'll see by the time you know [ __ ] while she's cooking, she's hot. [ __ ] in there, sitting there today on TV, and I'm doing all of this. No, she didn't do that, bro. But the food is not going to taste right. It ain't seasoned right because she's in the kitchen angry. You don't ever want to eat an angry woman's cooking, brother. It don't digest well. It messes you up. You want that woman happy when she's cooking food. Cooking food like making a baby. [ __ ] mess your baby up the way you treat her. Baby come here looking like the wreck of the Hesperus. The baby you wheeling it down the street. The woman said, "Oh, it's so cute. Give me the banana." And I made a damn gorilla. When that woman is pregnant, man, you better take good care of her. See, that's showing that you care. When you know the strain that she's under, don't put her under no more. If you've got a little time and respect, help the woman. Don't worry about what the brothers gonna say. [Applause] Some old stupid brother comes to the house, man, you in a, you hit an apron. Oh, I'm gonna tell all the brothers at the FOI how this woman pumped you, man. Somebody like that, man, you tell them, "Don't come back in my house." It's certain brothers you don't need in your house, and there's certain sisters that you don't need in your house. Sister ain't got no husband and had three [Music] and she's your wife's best friend, and you wonder why your marriage is going crazy. I don't know why you pick friends like that. Woman been mad, three times divorced, three times in in one year, and she's your best friend, and your marriage is going on the rocks, and you can't see that? You didn't let y'all coob in your house. Well, I think I have given lesson number one. Now, I'm gonna go home and practice. [Music] See, the teacher, while the teacher is teaching, he's teaching himself. I try to be a good example to the best of my ability, but I can do a lot of improving because I don't think I have A-plus. I may have a B me. I hope it's better, maybe a minus, but I know it has to be better than C, I hope. But if I were to brave my wife straight, yeah, sister bar is a straight A. That's right. She gets A for protecting me from myself. You know, I love the truth. I just love truth, and I love to tell the truth on myself because it frees you to face yourself. I'm saying that you don't know me, you ain't lived with me, but I'm in a, in a, in a work, and sometimes, brothers, I really could kill. And sometimes, to keep from killing, I cuss. I shouldn't do it. It's wrong. It's wrong. [Music] I promise, I didn't. They'd be [ __ ] dead all over the place because the stuff that they put on me when I do nothing but good for them, it really angers me to the point where I have to be restrained because I have a position of honor, respect, and love and trust of the people. And if I were to talk about the things that people do to me, you all would kill them. So, so I keep that to myself and suffer. Right now, the minister is in labor. [Music] And every mother in here knows what labor is like. Can nobody help you? I mean, it's nice to have your husband there when you're in labor. You love him. It's nice. He put it there, so he should be there, but he can't do nothing. Give you a little crack ties, new chewing, take a cold rag and rub your head. But that rubbing your head ain't stopping that pain. [Music] And that pain gets so great that sometimes she just wants to die to get out of this thing. The man don't know this. He can't feel this. He's watching. [Music] But be there and watch. That's right. That's right. Because every one of these sisters can have brought you children, have died for you. And the least you could do is stand by them. Every time an argument comes up, you want to run. Some of you ain't been married two years, three years, you're ready for divorce. What the hell is wrong with you? If it was easy, everybody would have made it. Marriage is difficult. And if you don't want to struggle, then leave a woman alone. [Music] And if you don't want to struggle, leave the man alone. It's difficult. I'm at the end. I'm at the end. My, my purpose today was to teach you the rules, get you to look at your old brother, get you to look at your old sister, and see how far off you are from being who you are. My wife could be in pain, but if she hears me sneeze, she wants to know, "Is there something I could do?" She's got A-plus. Yes, she gave me nine children, and I don't even know how to braid hair. And I used to watch her take all them girls every morning, braid their hair. I'm sitting in my office reading my Quran. I was doing my work. She was doing her work. But I watched her do it and not complain. Did you hear me? When my pay was $35 a week, that's right. My wife never complained. I bought used furniture because I did not want no cracker coming to my door telling me what I owe him. Muhammad was making me a man, and I wasn't gonna let nobody make me a punk by putting me in debt and then making me bow down. And when I had debt, and they came telling me they were gonna take my car, I said, "You come, and I'll blow your soul and so butt off this problem." And they never showed up in my house because I damn sure was gonna kill him. You don't profit from my misfortune. I burned the damn car in the driveway, but you won't take it. And I told him that and told him, "Come up on my property and see what I do." Ain't never come. I said, "I'm no thief, and I'm no robber. I'm not running nowhere. I will pay you, but I have difficult circumstances." Be a man. Don't be no damn. And it takes a woman to help you. That's right. My wife helped me. I want to be a minister. She didn't tell me, "I want to be a movie star." "You want to be a minister? I want to be a Muslim like you. I'll help you." So there were times my children, they never heard me argue. Now, am I right, son? He never heard me argue with my wife. He never heard me call her no low-down names. And I'm telling you, brother, don't you call no Muslim woman no [ __ ]. Don't you call a lost found woman. Now, you need to take the pledge yourself. The pledge wasn't just for the lost found, it was for you. Lost bound, you cuss your wife like you're dealing with some damn sailor in the street, calling all these low-down, dirty, nasty, funky names, and then get angry when she try to live up to it. If you call her [ __ ] and she wants to live up to it, then what you gonna say? "I'm getting a divorce." [Music] What the hell are you doing marrying a [ __ ]? If you want a dog yourself, don't use that language with your wives. [Music] And don't you stand up to cussing your husband like some cheap sailor in the street. Somebody gotta take low sometime. [Music] And when I would rail, my wife take low. She was smart. She knew when the man is taking a solo. [Music] Bro, baby, it's your face. She played a supporting role by just being quiet. Let the food blow. Then after I huffed it, I puffed it, couldn't blow nothing down. Later, she would come around and say, "Now, such and such and so on." And more than likely, she was right. I was wrong. And that's why my children never heard no argument because there wasn't none. They never heard me cuss their mother because it didn't happen. I'm no perfect man, but I damn near got a perfect wife. And I wish all of you would be as lucky as I to have a woman like Sister Farrakhan. She's an unusual jewel, and you all should appreciate her in your midst. She don't give nobody no trouble. Sweet all the time. When I see Allah, ask him, "How do you grade her?" And he'll probably tell me, A-plus. [Music] That's a good, good woman. And I say this to you, brothers and sisters, she helped me not to get time out because there were times when I was crazy, and she said, "I'm not gonna let that fool go there." So I didn't ever have to go before the captain and take them 90 days. Help your husband not go there. When you see him stressed, don't give him word for where somebody take low. You see it in music, the trumpet got the solo. You just play a little accompanying role, just keep the beat, you know what I mean? Your turn will come when he comes down. But when he's up in heat, don't argue because then if he's up, his decibels is way up in the ceiling, then you try to match him. You're up in the ceiling too. Imagine what effect this is having on the children. They're looking back and forth like it's a tennis match. Children frightened, insecure. They are hurt to see you all going at each other like that, and they lose respect for both of you. But they can't say it just yet, but they remember these things like you remember your parents. Do you hear me? Do you really hear me? Since I don't talk to my wife about all my problems, she watches me. And I remember once, you didn't notice, maybe you did, you didn't know. You know, this, this cancer thing, um, they had me taking some hormones, and they were like female hormones. I know what you go through, sisters. And I'd be sweating like a woman, you know, in that time period, just sweat falling off. And you, your mood is one way up here, and the next minute down there. So man, and I blew up one day, and my wife just looked at me, she said, "You tripping, man." Just as calm. [Music] I went out the room, and I was tripping. Now, and I got it together and came back. You know, the minister, oh yeah. [Music] This is real. Marriage is a struggle. It was not meant to be easy. So at the first sign of trouble, sisters and brothers, don't run from each other, run to each other. I'd like to close by giving you a picture. [Music] Since we are meant to be together, male and female, if you look at sperm [Music] and you look at ovum, they are meant to be together. But God didn't make it easy for them to unite. First, as you've heard me say, he puts the sperm in a hostile environment, then he makes it competitive with a billion others. Then it's got to swim upstream against gravity to get to the egg. And when it gets to the egg, there's an explosion, and the first cell of life has begun. There is no joy in life greater than the joy of human companionship in the spirit of God. There is no material thing that can give you the happiness that God has put in each of our natures to give to each other. It is time that we stop giving each other hell and start preparing heaven for each other. It's difficult. It will try you. [Music] But marriage is the struggle for life, for love, and for the spirit of God. Once you have found that union, a whole new vista opens. [Music] You know the song at Easter that the Christians sing? "The strife is all the battle done, the victory of life is won. All glory to that risen Son. Hallelujah." Praise be to Allah. You and I are struggling to come up from a grave. The strife is over when you find that perfect union. The strife is over, the battle is done, the victory of life is won because you have found union, harmony, peace, love, life. And the two of you together can plan for anything you want, and your unity with God will make everything you want come to pass. Your disunity sentences your home, your family, to death. So, dear married, or those who are in the process of becoming married, who have said your vows and have gone still in your relationship, I'm asking you now, let's try again. When you leave here tonight, I wish this alarm was open [Music] so you could take your wife. You know, "Come on, baby, we got to talk." And just get into each other because I'm going to tell you something, sister. That husband, you may be dissatisfied with him, but all you need in life to make you happy is right in that man. But that man's got to come to God. Brothers, you got to come. Come to Allah. Come to Allah, and let Allah get in you so that you could say like the scripture, "Greater is He that is in me and he that is in the world." And the more of God that's in you, your wife just gonna love you, man. Now, sister Falcon just loves her husband. [Music] She just loves us. That woman loved me. Let me tell you something, I love that woman. You know what's written of me in the book? And that's very difficult for me, very difficult for her. But it's written. I'm fulfilling what is written as a trial, not just for me and those with me, but it's a trial for you because that's what sunk the nation before. But will it die [Music] again? The Honorable Elijah Muhammad [Music] loved his wife, Clara Muhammad. She was the woman that he met in Georgia. She was like Khadijah. She helped him all the way through. [Music] But there came a time when God ordered him to do even what he himself did not want to do. Now, from his mouth, he told me, "Allah forced me, and I did not understand that." I think I understand. [Music] Forced them. Today, you look at Sister Tinetta Muhammad, the mother of the faithful, the wife of the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, and the mother of Minister Ishmael, Minister Rasul, and Brother Ahmed, and Sister Tinetta. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad's children. Well, emotionally, it don't bother us now. But if you were around when Clara Muhammad was alive, emotionally, that would tear you up because you knew Clara Muhammad was a dedicated woman. And if you were looking from Clara Muhammad's side, you would say she didn't deserve that. But God is not looking on the emotional. God had a plan for the nation's survival, and part of that plan is Ishmael, and part of that plan is Rasul, and part of that plan is Ahmed, and part of that plan is Tinetta. [Music] God is seeing for the nation way into the future. [Music] There are times in my labor that death is a blessing because to labor with us and a bunch of envious, jealous-hearted people is very, very difficult. I bought my wife a Rolls-Royce. She hardly drives it, but I don't care. That's the best that the devil makes, and I give her the best that I can afford to give her, thanks to you. It's a thing. The real thing that she wants is more of me, and she can't have that because I'm born for you and for the salvation of our people. So my wife has had to live and share me with tens of thousands, and now with millions. She has to live seeing women in love with me, not just as a spiritual teacher, but desirous of me. And yet she walks with dignity, and she never disturbs your love of me. She's not a nasty acting person. And she knew you love me, and you have every right to love me. She understands. What a wonderful woman. Help me to make her happy. Yes, sir. By embracing her. Yes, sir. And helping her through the difficulty of her role that she's playing in my part. Jam up. Yes, sir. My children, you're not to judge my children, right? You don't know what my children have been through. [Music] If you see them acting a little strange, leave it alone because they've had to live with me as I grew to be who I am. [Music] You don't understand that, but if you got children, you understand. Just as you are struggling with yourself, you struggle with your children. I'm struggling with mine. I have a son that's battling drugs. One time he's clean, next time he's dirty. You know all about this. It's in everybody's family. But the boy is a great child with a tremendous mind. I just have to try and keep on trying to get him right. [Music] When you see my grandchildren, they're not all right. [Music] Well, you don't have to live in my shadow. My children have to live in the shadow of a man, but they are brilliant enough to cast their own shadow. And sooner or later, they will cast their own. But right now, it's difficult to be my child because the world expects a lot from the children of a man who is great. Do you understand? And if you look at great men, look at Billy Graham. Big article in the Time magazine about his son, how his son went totally out, went away from his father, and now is the heir to his father's work because he finally decided, "I gotta come home." Look at Reverend Schuller. He had a son that went away. Look at Oral Roberts. He had a son that went away. They don't want to live in the shadow of a father. They are great, but they want to cast their own shadows. So sometimes they go totally contrary in rebellion to everything they've been taught. You don't get involved in that, right? They're on their journey. You're on yours. And the best thing you can do to help me is to pray for me, and to pray for my children, as I always pray for you, and I always pray for our children, because your children are my children, and my children are your children. And therefore, prayer is all we can do when there are things that we can't handle. Lifted up in prayer to Allah, and then leave it. And left my son to Allah. Allah's got him, and Allah will fix it if it's to be fixed. When you have my children and my grandchildren around you on a job, be careful how you handle them. [Music] Well, you say they ain't nothing special. I don't know about that. [Music] You special. They are special, right? Be careful if you dog them because they belong to me. And you may not be able to get to me, but you want to take it out on my children. Be careful, cause I'll lock out something for you. [Music] And some of them, you know, they can really fight. They will hurt you, man. But they love, so they take a lot. When I see grown men break up and cry because of the way they're handling the hurt that they feel, you don't want to make grown men cry. You don't want to make grown women cry. The Messenger got on me for making people cry with a song that I sang. Look at my chains. And he called me to his house, and he said, "Brother Farrakhan, one day I went out preaching, and my subject was the prodigal son." And when I finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. And when I came back home, Master Farrakhan was there. And he said, "Uh, how did you do, Kareem?" And the Messenger was called Kareem at the time. He said, "He did well." And the others that were around said, "Oh, he did well. Say that there wasn't a dry eye in the place." And a stern look came over his face, and he looked at Elijah Muhammad and said, "Brother, don't you make my people cry. He said, 'I came to wipe away all their tears.'" Then he repeated it, "Don't you make my people cry." You notice how much of a happy teacher I am? [Music] I should tell you, Captain, Sister Captain, leaders, don't put on these people who are the people of God that which makes them cry. Lift, lift the burden. Lift the burden. When they come to the mosque, that's your duty. Just lift the burden. That's what you're in position of authority for. Lift the burden off of the people. Lift it, lift it, lift it. Now, wait, wait, wait. See how happy, laughing. I was talking some heavy stuff in here tonight. I was all up in your video and had the introduction and the end. You say, "How did the minister know?" [Music] And they were very difficult parts of this, but I did it in a way that lifted your spirits, and I never made you think that I was talking down at you because I put myself right in the video with you. [Music] And in the end, I exalted my wife above myself to show you what a wonderful mate God blessed me with. [Music] Hey, if you would follow me [Music] and take my example. See, when they know I'm coming out, see how they come? What they come for? He's gonna tell us something. I hope you got something from the lecture tonight. I hope it inspired you. Well, brothers, if you love me and you want to help me, don't make the believer cry. Yes, lift tears. Wipe the tears from the believer's eyes. Listen, the paper comes out once a week. That's heavy. The brothers used to have two weeks to do it. Now they gotta do it in one. They need more inspiration, not less. More maintenance, more sustenance, not less. And if you inspire them to do it in four days, and take three and say, "Okay, here's three for us, for for God. Go home, be with your family. Try to be with your family a little every day. Don't neglect your wife and your children. Try to spend a little time with them." But if you can't, set a day. "That's my family day, and nothing is going to interfere with me and my family." Take your wife, take them children, go to the park, do something together. Laugh and talk and run and jump and have a good time. And then come back and say, "Uh-huh, one day for the family, one day for me going to the gym and work out." Sister, do something. You know, but four and three, four days try and work and get all your papers out, and then three days for yourself with recreation and family and whatnot. And if you do this, you keep the believer from being burnt out. That's right. Don't you think people don't get burnt out? They can't keep this pace seven days straight, year after year, day after day. Be compassionate, not weak. Compassionate. Have mercy on the believers, and they will love you as they love me. And you know what? See how you all do with me? [Music] You know how nice you treat me. Oh, you treat me. Hi, Minister. Run up to the car. You, yes, faces are so lit up. It makes me feel so nice. But inasmuch as you haven't done it unto the least believer, how can I believe you're sincere when you do it for me? Practice this kindness, and this love, and this embracing, and this goodness that you reserved for me. No, no, no. You practice it now with each other. And their husband and wife, when you leave here tonight, let me see you walking with you. Hold it. Hands again. You don't even know that her hands is rough. You haven't held it in so long. Hold that hand. Come on, girl. And go on out here and make up your mind. We're gonna do this thing right. You got your role. You got your role. Now, you got a rehearsal. The director is calling. The rehearsal starting tonight. We're rehearsing for the big show. Go ahead. And you don't, it doesn't start off right, you know what I mean? You mess up your lines a little bit, and you haven't got your chemistry right, but you got to keep on coming to rehearsal. That's right. And after a while, you, you start chilling, and it starts getting so easy. When you see them plays downtown, when they, when they practice, and they got it together, the thing just gels. I mean, you can see them when they're dancing together, when they, if you saw the gymnasts and how they worked in the Olympics, and and the beautiful, um, uh, water of dancing, synchronized. Oh, man, people, they had to work that well. I want you synchronized like that, where you know your teammate. Did you see the, the sisters playing basketball? Oh, did they know each other? You could see the way they passed. We didn't work. That's the way we want to see you with your mate. And watch what I tell you, man. You don't even know what's in that woman that you marry of good for you. It's gold there. You know how to mine. Be careful how you use the dynamite. You may close the mine. Put yourself in it. Does anyone have a question? [Music] Ain't that something? I'm gonna ask it one more. Now, don't, don't try to figure out one. But if you don't have none, it's good. That means I touched all the basics. Now, do you have a question? No questions. Well, that's class number one. We have class number two. [Music] Now we got our roles. Now we gotta put them together and make a home. Next time, making a home. May Allah bless you. I certainly enjoyed [Music] being in your company. [Music] I love you Muslims, and I thank Allah for each one of you, and I pray for you, and I want you to pray for each other. But I want you to promise me, brothers, that you will not beat your wives. I want you to promise me that you will not call your wives out of the divine names that God has given them. Practice now. Don't mean you ain't gonna get angry again. [Music] Don't do it. Can I get a promise, brothers? Will the brothers stand? Will you pledge that you will not strike your wife? Will you pledge that you will not abuse her with foul names? Is that a promise? Will you keep it, if it be the will of Allah? Yes. And it is his will. Will you submit to do his will? Yes, sir. Will you work hard to get more money so you can take care of her physically, spiritually, mentally, morally? You will. You heard the theory. Are you ready to practice? Yes. Maybe stand up, sisters. Sisters, thank you. Will you encourage your husband to be a good maintainer and provider? Will you encourage him in prayer and in duty to Allah first? You will. Then, when he does it, will you be his console? And if you do this, when he asks the food, as we are sometimes want to do, will you carefully and wisely, when he's loud, like he's talking to some FOI or something, [Music] and let him blow his top, and then later come back when the thing is calm and state your case? Will you do that, sister? When you keep from arguing, which destroys your spirit and makes you dissatisfied with each other, you must stop arguing. Will you do that? Very good. You may be seated. Well, now we got something going here. Now, I may come back in two weeks, or three weeks, because I want to give you time to practice. I'm going to be practicing too. I ain't perfect yet. I'm going to work on it, though. But when I come back, if you've been practicing, I'll be able to see it right in your faces. There'll be a glow, and I can see the way you sit. I had to sit together so I could see who's married to who. You have beautiful wives, brothers, and you have good husbands, sisters. We're gonna make them better. Now, Brother Captain of the FOI, and Sister Captain of the MGT, we have a big job in front of us to restructure the FOI and make it so that every male member who joins the FOI will be in the process of becoming the good man, the good husband, the good father, the good provider for his family. We must do this. And sister, see that lesson number one, question number 14, and answer is critical to the development of a home. Our next subject will be making a home, inshallah. Inshallah. I will see you then, when we put the two in their roles together and show them how to struggle together to become as one. Thank you so much for a wonderful evening. You.