Transcription
What I want to try to do tonight is give you something that I pray and I hope will stick inside of your brain for the rest of your life. [music] And I'm going to give you something that is going to flare up your ego's defense mechanisms a little bit. But I want you to promise me, are you willing to suspend any of the ego stuff that comes up of any of the that's not me? Any of the I would never do that? Any of the I'm way more perfect than than what he's describing? [music]
So, as we kick this off, I I want you just to think about the one thing that you are ashamed of. The one thing maybe you hate yourself for it the most. [music] And you don't need to say it. You don't need to type it in. And what if I told you that carrying that, carrying the shame or guilt about that makes you [music] a bad person. And that shame is not morality. Uh it's cowardice. It's absolute cowardice. And if you keep clutching on to it, [music] uh people are not going to get a gut feeling to trust you. You you're not going to be followed easily unless you fake it for the rest of your life. And you're never going to be free. [music]
This might sting a little bit, but if you don't walk away changed tonight, if you don't walk away changed, I have failed. So, let me first tell you a trick that your brain is playing on you probably right now if you're willing to admit it. And some people aren't ready for that, and that's okay. But it convinces you that guilt or shame equal I'm a good person. [music] It equals goodness. So, I feel terrible. Therefore, I must care. I must be a decent person if I feel like about this thing that I did. That's a lie. That's [music] absolutely completely false.
Guilt is [music] what I will call masturbation of the ego. It keeps you the center of your own pity [music] party. And you can kind of replay that little loop. You rob everyone around you of a stable leader or a present parent. [music] If you've ever thought like holding on makes me better, [music] then I will issue you a huge congratulations here. That thought is why people [music] don't trust you and you've just uncovered it. And here's the number one thing I want you to write down right now. If if any of this has touched you like, "Oh that hurt a little bit." Write this down, please. I am using pain [music] as a disguise for virtue.
So if you could kind of picture this in [music] your mind like just form a mental image of this. Your best friend [music] comes to you today. Your best friend shows up and it's like hey I' I've got to confess something. [music] They confess the thing that you're holding against yourself. They say the same thing that you're holding back and pretending not to have. Would you forgive [music] your friend? So why don't you forgive you? Drama is easier than discipline. Guilt is super [music] comfortable. It's predictable. Forgiveness demands change.
So here is the paradox right [music] here. And this is the true paradox with all of this stuff. You think that holding guilt [music] makes you good, but it just makes you selfish. You get addicted to the feeling of shame [music] because it becomes a little identity. I'm ashamed of that. That makes me a good person because I have good morals and good values. Shame is safer than stepping into authority. The authority triangle, if you've studied that in NCI says that confidence, composure, and discipline are the big trip wires for power [music] in life and and to have power in your life, not over others. power. People respect power and that's you get over others because you have power over yourself. But shame is the complete uh hydrochloric acid that you're dumping on all three of those things. [music]
You cannot be in composure. You can't be composed while you're bracing [music] against an old memory. You can't be confident while your inner monologue is saying, "I'm not worthy of this or I don't deserve this stuff." And you can't have discipline in your life when your energy goes into hiding skeletons. [music] I grew up in a life where like our entire existence was about hiding skeletons. Make sure nobody sees the the skeletons. So every ounce of guilt or shame that you're carrying is a signal that says do not follow me. Don't follow me. I'm not safe. [music] And people pick it up 100% of the time.
If I could ask you to do something, take that thing that you thought of at the very beginning, that that one thing that came to mind of like, here's the thing I hate about myself, here's the thing I feel shame or guilt about, and feel it in your chest for a second. Like, let it get a little bit uncomfortable for just a second. And notice the way that automatically, without me even saying that you need to do this, your jaw is tighter, your breathing [music] is a little more shallow. the way that your your body shifts a little bit. Maybe your rib cage kind of comes down to protect your abdomen a little bit. [music]
Now, hear me. Nothing about what you felt just now made you a good or noble person. It doesn't help anyone [music] on this entire planet. Nothing you did was virtuous. It was selfish to keep it alive inside of you for this long. And it was taking away from how you could have benefited other [music] people. I forgive you. Say it right now. Not the world, not other people. You do it out loud. Do it in your head. But I want you to actually feel those words. Not just like saying it like it like it's a magical Harry Potter spell. Feel those words really quick and watch what happens in your body. Your shoulders fall. Your face relaxes. [music] Your jaw loosens up. Your breathing gets a little bit deeper. That's what a authority feels like when it's [music] not leaking. And the only person who could have given it to you was you.
And here's the big secret. You don't [music] need to earn forgiveness. And I'm going to say that twice more. You do not need to earn any forgiveness from anyone. You do not need [music] to earn forgiveness. Your job is [music] to weaponize it. If you get to a point of radical [music] self forgiveness, that's not like having mercy. That's ammunition. I'm collecting some kind of ammunition to where I can fight what I need to actually fight. The things that make a difference in [music] my life. All of that fuses you back together. It shuts down all these blind spots that that blind us [music] from the entire world. It makes you magnetic because people finally see wholeness, a real you instead of a fractured version of you.
The crazy part of this is the moment that you forgive yourself, it needs to be at the point of um somebody might think you're crazy. Someone might think that you're a little unstable [music] because you forgive yourself for that thing, that one thing that you probably brought up. And then you changed it because you're thinking you wanted to think about something else because you were ashamed. [music] That thing you need to be delusionally self forgiven because it it there's no virtue to it. [music] You are not a good person. You are not virtuous for carrying around shame and guilt. It does not make you a good person. [music]
And the moment, this is this is what's the weird part of this life on Earth, whatever the hell this planet, this reality is. [music] The moment that you completely forgive yourself, people start forgiving [music] you too. And it's absolutely not because they decided to forgive you. It's just because humans follow wholeness every single time. You might have watched my episode uh with Joe Rogan a few weeks ago. The reason he's got like six times the amount of viewership as like CNN or any of the major news people is because there's wholeness there. It's like he's not narrative based. He's not scripting a response to get uh to make you see him a certain way. We're thirsting and and starving [music] for something that's real.
So, you can't command other people until you reclaim the [music] parts of you that you abandoned and that you got rid of. So, tonight hopefully you got a claim of one little thing [music] like some guilt or shame and hopefully that's burned and and gone. [music] It's total It's all fake. All the guilt and shame [music] stuff, it's all fake. I'm here to tell you maybe I'm you in another version, in another reality, in another dimension. You asked me to say this to you. Wake up. It's not real. It's It's fake. All the stuff that you've been programmed with is fake. You're supposed to have fun. It's a simulation. It's a game. You're made to have fun. You're made to enjoy it. And you're made to do good and and be good to other people.
So, if you think you're waiting for permission to let all that go, you just got it. I gave it to you. And the second that you just uncontrollably, unbelievably just forgive yourself and be a good person, the world forgives you too automatically. I want you to walk out a little more whole than you [music] came in. More whole. Because if you are a fragmented leader, you don't [music] get followed by people. You want to look all the people that you look up to, they're they're radically self forgiving. [music] They're the people that are truly doing that. And I'm not saying this as a freaking guru or anybody who's got like [music] life figured out. I have more uncertainty than I have certainty. But I am definitely certain about this one thing about human behavior. You do not become a better person by holding on to a bunch of [music] shame and That's all. Just forgive yourself. It's supposed to [music] be fun. I am you and you asked me to tell you this. Wake up. It's not real. [music] You're supposed to have a good time here. >> [music]