Transcription
Yo, what's happening, fam? Welcome back to Mental Groove. Today, we've got a Kevin Samuels clip that's got the internet in its feelings, and you know, we need to break it down. Before we press play, go ahead and smash that like button. Hit subscribe if you're new, and stay tuned. I'll share my raw thoughts right after the video. Let's see what's going on.
Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm fine. Can I not be on camera? Uh, no. You gotta be on You got to be on Instagram. How old are you? I am 37. All right. What's the What's the What's the question of the comment? Um, your question was, "Am I What are y'all holding out for?" Party of one. Yeah. What What are women holding out for? I don't know. Um, I I was married and divorced. I didn't hold out, but um I wouldn't say that I'm holding out today. I just after listening to you, I don't see any hope in anything.
What do you mean? I mean, I don't know. I feel like my market value is not as high as it used to be prior to marriage. I have two children. I'm divorced. It's not as high as it used to be. Yeah. Well, that's I mean, any thing that ages and gets used decreases. So, I mean, that's expected though, right? Correct. Okay. Go ahead. Expected though. So what' you say? I said divorce wasn't expected. So I wasn't, you know, planning on the decline. But um I guess I'm a party of one now and I don't know like how it works or what a divorce. My husband did. Uh why' you guys split? because I didn't know how to be a wife. Okay. I wasn't taught. Okay. So, is that a more accurate reason why you feel like there's no hope? Yeah. So, it's not the declining sexual marketplace value or the divorce, it's you. I think it's a combination. I mean, now that I'm learning, I mean, I've learned a lot since the divorce, I feel like with the knowledge that I have, I don't know if there's anything out there that would accommodate anything out there that what anything that would accommodate my situation. I mean, you know, who wants to take care of someone else's kids and you know, do Mary? No, probably watching. Then why not go back to him? I've tried. He doesn't. Why do you Why do you think that is? I don't think he's seen a change in me. What's the name of your therapist? Kevin Sam. No, I'm just kidding. I don't have one. You know what that is? What's that? The world's smallest violin playing My Heart Bleeds for You. I mean, what do you want us to say, ma'am? I mean, you were you're married and you honest and said, "He divorced me because I didn't know how to be a husband." Then you but then you go to the market say I don't think there's any hope because of decline in sexual marketplace value that happens for everybody for all women in particular it doesn't necessarily happen for all men but yeah our value decreases too but then you don't know who will accommodate your situation yeah the men you started your situation with but why doesn't he want you back because you ain't done nothing I wouldn't say that I think I I I think I've I mean I have gone to therapy. I am not in active therapy, but how long what's the longest continuous time you've been in therapy? So during the marriage closest to the divorce, I was in therapy for the last two years trying to you know rectify the marriage. No, no, you oneonone by yourself. Was I was alone with that. I was alone in that. Um so when you were when you were in your marriage, correct? By yourself. Correct. when I saw things were going, you know, hectic, I I knew that I was doing wrong. I knew that I had a part to play and I sought therapy. Um, and the therapist kept telling me to get a divorce and I didn't like that. Was your therapist male or female? A female. Yeah. To the church. went. I went to the church after that and sought the therapy through like counsel through the church um like through min ministerial counsel and stuff that worked out a little better but by then it was it was just too late. I didn't actually you know go through with full therapy. He had already too much water was under the bridge and it was already over. What do you mean it was already over? I guess he had already had enough of everything. I mean, I I I stayed home with the boys. I raised the kids. You know, I did the What did he want you to do? Shut up. Why didn't you do that? Honestly, hindsight is 2020. Um, I don't know why I didn't do that. At the time, I didn't know why. I mean, now looking back, I was stupid. I was angry. I you know I didn't read all the stuff that I now and I' I've been like hooked on Shahara Zad Ali for the last five years and and you and a lot of other you know people that talk about these types of things and the anger inside of us at times that we get from our moms and and their anger. Um, so I I learned a lot, but when it was time to get him back, I mean, he's it it was been too long. Been five years, you know, he's in and out of different relationships. And then, of course, the divorce battle, right? That was But is it he's gone on or you haven't done enough work? I don't I maybe both, but I I've been trying. I mean, I've it's been five years. I moved on and I and the thing is I'm scared of the market, right? So, I'm scared to I haven't gone back because I don't think that there's anything out there. I believe in marriage. I believe in the oneness. There are markets out there. The market's out there, but the market's going to ask the same questions I'm asking. I don't know. What did you think you were going to get? I mean I mean I mean when you were when you were being when you're in your marriage and being the way you were, what did you what were you fighting for? You know what? I don't know. I just saw my mom do it. I did what I saw her do. Your mom was married? No, she just fought with all of her boyfriends and fought with us. And I I Who has custody of the boys? I do. How old is the youngest? Eight. How often do they see their father? Not often at all. Why? He says he's not financially stable to see them or take them because I take all his money after the divorce. So, he blames me for that. But I offer I I ask I beg him. Hold on. And he doesn't. What state are you in? Pennsylvania. You get child support? I do. Cut off the child support. How will I be able to help take care of the kids? See, I I need that. Okay. Cut out the child support and give have actual joint custody with your ex-husband. Straight up joint. Three and a half days with you or four days with you, three days with him, three days with you, four days with him, no child support. Listen, that would send a damn sure close signal that you're on trying to actually do something different. It would also give your boys more time with the man they need to be with, their father. If he's saying the money is draining him, well, uh, ma'am, Cut the child support off. Move in good faith. How will it hurt your boys if you cut child support and you actually have joint physical custody with your with their father to where now the reason for the money is gone because he has to pay for them when they're with him. You have to pay for them when they're with you. So there's no need for the money. How does it hurt the boys? I understand what you're saying. It doesn't hurt them at all. But what he if he doesn't have a place to live, where would he take them half of the time? So he lives in his car. He live on somebody couch. Are you getting child support every month? Yeah. So, he's on somebody's couch. I didn't ask him to do that. I I just I didn't say you asked her to do it, but I just want you to understand that from the man's standpoint, ain't nobody gonna have shed one tear because you were with a man and you said it and now after the marriage, you getting the money and I don't want to get too deep into it, but is what's more important having a a functioning relationship with your ex and having your boys with their father and having some semblance of a family or this cold war. I just feel like Kevin didn't ask for anything. I begged him to stay. I promised I I went to therapy. No, no, no, see, you can beg him to stay, but I asked you the first thing. What was the name of your therapist? And the problem is he hasn't seen enough change. If you let's just imagine this happening. Let's just let me let me use my Thanos powers here, shall we? Let me use my Thanos powers. Hello, Eric. Hey, this is me. Yeah. Um, you know, I want to do something. The boys don't see you that often, and I know you're in a you're in this wave, and you and you say it's on me because I I get the money. So, here here's my here's what I want to do. I went down to the court and I actually terminated the support order. I terminated the support order and I want to have joint custody, joint physical custody with the boys. I give you about 90 days to get yourself together to where you have a place to where the boys can come over there. So, you should be able to do that with the money you get. There's there's videos on YouTube right here with the women who have cut off support, cut off the child support and been a help helpful to the ex-husband and now they're in a better position. How does it hurt the boys? It doesn't hurt them at all, Kevin. So, do you not do you not think if you cut the support off, do you think he would do you think he what do you think he would do? I think he wouldn't because so we I think I think that nothing would change. I So you think if you cut the child support that he would not see the boys? Correct. We were separated for five years and three So let me stop you right here. I want you to stop you right here. Yes, sir. You want to get back with a man who you said if you cut the child support off you keep the money and still not see the boys. Correct. So why you want to get back with a man with such a low character if that's what you really believe? I I believe I I literally believed in the sanctity of marriage. That's not what I asked. I asked why would you want to get back with a man? Because see there's fear here and I'm trying to understand why you want to go back to this man if you're saying I'm dealing with a man if I cut the child support off and offer him joint custody, he'd just take the money and still be out of his boy's life. You don't. So you don't think very highly of it. I don't. But I still I mean, I'm married. Like, I think that that means something. I mean, I love I love my brother. He may not the best person in the world, but I love him. Did you hear what you just said? Godamn it. God. And I want you to think about what I'm about to say. You're in charge of raising two boys and you don't think very highly of their father. I don't tell them that. You do. You know when your children is sick, even without them telling you? Do you know when something's wrong with one of your children just by looking at them? Yeah. Why? Because you raised them and they're around you. Guess what? We know our mamas just like they know us. I don't know why the hell y'all think just because you don't say nothing, we don't know. Can I say something? So, we were separated for five years. Three out of the five years, I asked for no child support. I asked for nothing. He told me I asked him for money for food. He said, "Put me on child support." That's what he said. I don't care. Let me tell you why I don't care. Because there's three sides to every story. Yours, his, and the truth. I don't give a [ __ ] about who shot John. You said that. Why are you you want to get back with him? I'm trying to understand why you want to get back with a man that you don't think very highly of. Because I I I I was told that I'm supposed to stay with one husband until dead. That's what I was told. And I believe he may be a piece of crap, but Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Wait a goddamn minute, man. I don't I don't mean Oh my gosh. Wait a goddamn minute. It's hypothetically. There is no hypothetical. I don't do that over here. I'm so sorry. Run that [ __ ] on some feminist channel. Don't come call your ex-husband and the man that you created life with a piece of crap. I'm sorry. I did not mean it. The internet is forever. What do you think? I didn't mean it like that. I meant like Oh, you meant it in a nice way. No, no. I just meant it in a liketically. Stop. Stop when you're the dick. Stop dating. What do you think it's like to live with you? Probably not easy, not fun. Some good stuff. But So, do you think if you're around somebody who's difficult or not easy to live with that they have an impact on your psyche? Of course. Do you think he doesn't love his voice? I never said that. So, do you think it you think it bothers him not to be around his sons? I can't answer that. Yes, you can. And you will. Do I think it doesn't bother him that he's not around his sons? Nobody stopping him from being around the board. Don't ask. Yes, I'm sure it bothers him. It will bother. Okay, this is everything we've talked about so far has been about you. You're the chaotic center of all of this. And if the world was balanced, he should have custody of those boys. Prior to 1945, he would have had custody. I'm not opposed to custody. He asked, but then you'd be paying child support. He asked for it at one point of time and his living situation, he gave it back. He Okay, ma'am. Here's what I I mean, I Here's the thing. There's always going to be, like I said, the market is what it is. And the market's going to look at how you handle your why'd you quit your last job? Did you quit or were you fired? Who's your former employee? This if your marriage is a job, you're not talking very highly at a job. So, I'm stuck on the fact that you say he doesn't see his boys, not because he doesn't love him, cuz he said, "You taking all the money?" You said he's living on the couch. So, he doesn't have a residence. That's what he said. This is He's telling me he couldn't take the kids. He can't take them overnight because of my financial situation. He doesn't have a residence, have anywhere to live or have anywhere. What happens when the boys ask where the dad is when they said they want to see your dad? They don't anymore. But when they used to, I will call him, tell him, "Come get the kids. The kids is asking for you. They're outside. You know, we live in a neighborhood where they could play outside. He could come by." Does he have Does he not So, but he does have a job. He does. Is he paying more than $1,000 a month in child support? He is more than $1,500 a month. No, he was. In what state? Pennsylvania. It was included with alimony. So, I got support. Yeah. How long were y'all married? About 10 years. Why'd you take out the That's a lot. But the marital settlement agreement provided some uh provided some benefits. Did you work during the marriage? I did not. And for my critics in the tracks, I want you guys to ask yourself a question. Men don't typ Men don't typically file divorce. I did not file for divorce and I I said men don't typically file for divorce and then you're getting alimony and child support. All right, the end of the day, ma'am. Um I can see why you talking about the market. I don't know who want to deal with this in the market either. But I'm not really concerned about your dating life. I'm asking about the boys. They don't see their dad. Um, you're saying that he says he doesn't see him because of the money, but I'm saying the two adults need to get the [ __ ] together to where the kids can see both of y'all. I agree. I call I And if money Okay. And if money and I'm saying I asked the critical question, if you cut the support off, do you think he would see the boys? And you said no. You need to answer the question of why you think that is. Because why don't you think he would see them? Because he's done it in the past. Three whole years. Whole years of not seeing the kids. No child support. Have all his money. No alimony. I I Was he where was he at? He was right up the street, less than a couple miles away. He worked. He You know, he had his fund. I didn't bother them. I went and got a job. I I went and provided I I kept the house. I kept the mortgage. I kept the mortgage paid, didn't ask for anything. It wasn't until I lost my job or I had to cut back. So you worked So you worked So you worked So you didn't work during the marriage, correct? Did you guys have did you guys have financial pressures in the marriage? No, not at all. Did he has he changed jobs since we when we were married? He had a steady job. Been divorced. He's gone through plenty of lots of different jobs. What was his profession? Uh social work. Okay. So, he was a social worker. He worked in law enforcement. He could do that. He has a bachelor's degree in social work, but he worked. But does he have any substance abuse problems? Not at all. So, he was steadily employed. You were a housewife. Yep. But post divorce, now you're a working woman. Correct. and right, wrong, or indifferent. All this is preferable to just get along with your husband. I tried. Okay. You went to counseling. But I'm always ly go to counseling by themselves. You went to counseling by yourself. You went to then you went to Christian counseling. But at the end of the day, he divorced you for irreconcilable differences. I don't know why he divorced me. I never read the papers. I never signed them. I You didn't ask him. Um divorce the divor I don't even know what the divorce decree said. Was there another woman? There were plenty of those. No. No. When he did he leave you for another woman? I don't think so. Well, he's still a social worker when he left you. Yeah. So when he divorced you, he was making money. Yes. Uh after the divorce, no. When he when he filed for divorce or whatever, he was still earning. Correct. Right. And the order is set likely on his previous earnings, not his current earnings. Correct. you and you haven't modified that. So that the the court did it because he wofully like acted out in court and got himself thrown in jail which is why he lost the job. So the judge held him to that earning his contempt of court. The judge can't you? So you didn't basically So you're saying it's the judge. The I I know the judge can only the judge can hold him earning capacity. I can't you can you can you can ma'am the judge can't make somebody child support is an agreement between you two. You can you can decide to go cut child support off tomorrow. You can decide to go get $1 in child support. All right. But you asked if he had an earning capacity and who held and I'm saying that he was earning one thing at once and then he lost his job and he's earning less but his his income his child is still set at his previous earning level. Correct. If it were Don't you think it would be fair to lower that to match his current if he's saying money is an issue? I mean we're we I sacrificed to send we sent him to school for him to have this degree so that I'm the one with the high school education. So why should he get lower to my income? [Music] I just I don't think that that would be fair. Wow. He has Y'all heard it. You heard it. An X amount of dollar and he's choosing not to. Ma'am, so you think he So did he do you think he chose to disate less money? You think he's just out? You think he's happier making less money? I know for a fact he chose to make less money. Oh my god. All right. I don't know. You know what? My [ __ ] media is going all over. I'm telling you. No, no, no, no, no. I'm I'm kind of done. I'm kind of done, ma'am. So, you want us to believe that a man chooses to go make less money? For what? For what, Print? Why? What would be the reason a man chooses to make less money? Because he thought, like you're saying, that the court would lower the amount and they didn't. So you want us you want me to believe that the support order was set for one thing, but he decided to say, you know what, I don't want to make $70,000 a year. I want to make 40 so I can pay less child support. No, he decided to curse out the judge and get thrown into jail. I didn't say anything about him and the judge. I said the job, I don't give a [ __ ] about the court. Because here's the funny thing I want you guys to understand. If you've never been to family court, you don't understand how adversarial it is for men. And the thing is there's your side, his side of truth. I'm saying why would a man making X decide to make less than X? What does that do to his What does that do to his standard of living? Increase it or decrease it? Again, only thing I could think of. What would that do? Increase it or decrease? Decrease it. Of course. So you think he's decreasing his standard of living so he can pay decreased child support? That's the only thing I could come up with. That makes logical sense. That makes no sense. Men don't decrease their earnings to pay less child support. So why wouldn't he work a job that he the same type of job he was working when we were married? Because that's not how that always works. I look man, that's not how it always works. And that's the problem. Modific in the family court system, modifications go one way up. It is rare that a man gets a modification down even when he loses a job. I know cuz I couldn't get one. I know because I know many men who couldn't get one. I know cuz when I started in family court and was men's groups that men can lose jobs. The economy takes a dip. the the sectors are gone, but they they tell you to go get three jobs because they make money off of it. The family court system makes money off of it. And ma'am, if he's making if money is at the issue and you're really talking about trying to uh move with this man in good faith, you're getting alimony. You're getting child support setting at what his previous income was. And your theory is, well, he did all this to because of his attitude despite the judge. That's beautiful when the judge is on your side. I don't give a [ __ ] that he cussed out the judge, man. That that let's say that happened. You could still say that's your daddy. He had a bad day. Whatever. I don't want to lower it down. Or do you But what you said was why should I do that? I'm So I've already put him through I did this for him. So child supports to pay you back for putting him through school. No. See, child support becomes all kind of [ __ ] for women. Why you why not modify it? And I said, why don't you do Well, why don't ma'am, that's what you said. I said he went to school. He has a degree. He's the one that that that's been was making all the money and it was industries change. He's not making all the money. The industry changed because he quit his job. When you quit a job, no one fired you. You quit your job. So what do I say when when you you you continue to quit jobs when you see that they're garnishing the maximum allowable amount which is 55% in the state of 55 godamn 55% you're quitting your job to work however I want you guys to understand my credit I hope y'all were able to listen to all of this because I know y'all were like oh he's so but it is all coming out this is what men have been reduced to. I didn't. Ma'am, at the end of the day, I keep asking about your boys. This is between you and him. What about the boys? Can you put Can he put his [ __ ] to the side and you put your [ __ ] to the side so the boys can have a relationship with both the mother and the father? I don't give a [ __ ] about you or him. How about them? Who shot John and who hurt who and who did what at prom? I don't give two [ __ ] about. So, if I take him off of child support for 90 days or six months and he still doesn't get it together, then I do I put him back on then at that point. How long do I Why are you going in? I want to know why you don't think he's going to I want you guys to understand where the question comes from. It's a bad faith question. This is why family court is so jacked up. making giving women leverage and access to future earnings for past relationships is crazy. But he's done it. You assuming he's going to do the worst. He's done it before. I'm only So if you ma'am, if you talk about this [ __ ] ma'am, is when you were married, you were doing the worst. All right. Well, if No. No. All right. No. All right. Cuz you said you still wanted to get back with this man. You still want to It's all on It's all alive, man. Anybody can hear it. It's fine. I understand. But if I'm held to my resume, why is he not held to his? If his don't give a [ __ ] about your resume and his resume. What about the boys? That's what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no. And see, the thing is, man, you keep going back. Well, what if he doesn't do it? So, how about this? How about this then? Just like you wanted him to give you good faith, grace, and good faith, grace, and some mercy that you had change and give you another shot because you've done the work, right? because I've asked for. Excuse me. Do the same for him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Stop. You want him to give you the benefit of the doubt, you give him the benefit of the doubt. What's How's that hurt you? How does that hurt you financially? It would hurt me because I'm the same money in the household. I need the money. We're not Okay. that I it hurts you financially for how long? I have no idea. That's the fear. That's what I said. I just joint custody. Joint custody. That means he has the boys, you have the boys. See, this is why I go to this selfish party of one thing. To you, this sounds right. And to me, I'm trying to figure out how can the boys end up having a relationship with the mother and father and how can y'all get to some point of possibly uh a new resolution, but it's going to take you experiencing some setback too. You want him to give you a shot to give you the benefit of the doubt that you've changed and you that would show a different thing because a woman right here doesn't some I can see why he probably don't believe anything's changed because what have you done? You've gone to some therapy. Therapy men don't therapy is supposed to go to an action. It's supposed to do something to soften your heart to give you some grace some to understand some empathy to understand where people are coming from. Well, he lost his job. Well, he quit his job. He cussed out this. Okay. So, we're supposed to listen to your issues and your drama, but men can't have it. We're just supposed to keep out here steady performing D. And that's what I want you guys to understand. We are tools. We're utilities. We're not supposed to feel. We're not supposed to think. You can't make no mistakes, but they can make mistakes. And at the end of the day, ma'am, you're raising two boys. You're raising two boys. And how they view themselves is going to be directly tied to how you view men, how you view their father, how you interact with men, whether you like it or not. So I love their father. And I tell this is love. This is why I say I don't give a [ __ ] about your love, people. This is what I mean. This is why I say I don't give a [ __ ] about your love. Respect. You love them, but you don't respect it. Because soon as I said, why don't you come to him with an offering? I'm going to uh pause child I'm going to give you joint custody and cut off child support. So we split the boys 50/50 and we come up with a new way of doing this and I'm going give you some time to get yourself up there because you said 90 days. I'm not asking for you but you automatically go to what if he [ __ ] me? You mean like you [ __ ] him? I didn't [ __ ] him Kevin uh with your attitude. You said you I'm talking about in the marriage. You said how not being a good wife unbeknownsted to me. I didn't know. Doesn't matter unbeknownst to not that the outcome is the same. All right. But it wasn't deliberate. It wasn't something that I did. You're still going back to the fact, man. Okay. You're still going back to the fact you didn't do it. Okay. Fine. Do something different. All right. But you know what? Never mind. That's why we started where we we end where we start, man. It's about, you know, and that's cool. No, the therapy. What's the outcome? is different because if you can't have a different beginning with the man you started a family with, you can at least get to where you have mutual respect. You can at least get to the point to where the kids don't feel the tension because I don't care about your dating life or his. I'm talking about those boys. That's why the black community is in a position. How what are the boys seeing? How the boys and the hardened hearts of so far too many women regarding their interpersonal relationship with the men. I don't give a [ __ ] about the relationship with the women. I care about the boys. You want to have a shy out here in the in the market. They going to want to know how did you deal with your ex? How how how your boys coming along? Yeah, I'm not in the market. I'm not I've never I haven't tested. It doesn't matter. That's my point is you said you fear the market because there's no you don't feel like there's any hope. There is not hope. There should not be hope for this kind of stuff. You're right. You're right. Like you said, I didn't plan on the divorce. I didn't plan on the divorce. Well, if you didn't plan on the divorce, but you did the behaviors and you're like, well, unbeknownst to me, the man didn't divorce you after an argument. one argument. This is prolonged. But then you walked away from the marriage where you're a housewife. You got alimony and child support. His financial position has changed. And what you've told us is he's changed his financial position damn near on purpose. He quit his job. Damn near on purpose. And his purpose was changing his financial position was to pay less child support makes absolutely no sense. Why would he quit his job, Kevin? Ma'am, I don't know why somebody would quit their job to pay less child support. That means he has less money. And that's the point. And the fact of the matter, you still trying to make it. This is how you think of him. Fine. That's why I'm going to let it keep playing. Keep playing. Keep playing. You're coming at this from a negative standpoint. He did it to to pay less child support. That also means he has less money to live on, too. Right. Less quality of life, less free money. Right. Right. Uhhuh. How's that benefit him? I mean, I don't know. He was He's not He wasn't paying. It doesn't benefit him. That's the point. He didn't get further and further in behind in child support to where they garnish you for the max amount. The state's coming after you not. And the only person who could turn this [ __ ] off is you. Cuz the judge ain't going to do it. The family court says ain't going to do it because they make money off of it. And if if he is being some if he's telling you the reason I'm here because I'm under the financial when men can't provide men start to feel worthless and men don't want to feel worthless in front of their boys. So a lot of times they feel like they're doing their sons a favor by not being around because they don't want to show a poor representation of a man. And if you can have do anything to help fix that for your sons might want to consider that. But you got to get out of your way first. But the world ain't going to tell you this. The world's going to tell you, "No, girl, you write something and so forth, huh? You gonna get the sister course and the high five and all the women, but at the end of the day, your boys is sitting around not even asking for their daddy no more. What's the cost of all that? How much that going to cost? How much therapy is that going to cost?" Something to think about. There are no easy solutions in human interactions, but you can turn this off and if it works out in a negative, you can always turn it back on, can't you? Right. Go find out. Have a good one. Thanks, Kevin. I'm telling y'all folks, the family court system is one that is not in favor of men. Man, this one is sad, but also a lesson. She's 37, divorced, openly admitting her market value isn't what it used to be, and the divorce hit her unexpectedly. She says herself that she didn't know how to be a wife. And honestly, you can tell she's still a bit childish in how she speaks about it. It's like she's learning everything now that should have been learned before marriage, and it cost her heavily. She tried going back, but the man didn't see the change. And to be real, that's how it goes sometimes. Men can move on, and the window to fix what you messed up can close for good. The part that stands out to me is her honesty about her value dropping. A lot of women won't admit that, but admitting it isn't enough if the mindset hasn't really changed. It's one thing to learn after a divorce, but it's another to actually be different. And that requires accountability, not just words. At the end of the day, if you don't know how to be a wife before you get married, the consequences can be brutal. And trying to learn while expecting the same man to wait for you to grow up rarely works out. [Music]