Transcription
Mike, I'm feeling really down today. Um, Philip stood me up yesterday. We had a date planned and he just didn't show up.
>> He didn't come without even letting you know. Did he call you later?
>> Hold on. Let me tell you the whole story from the beginning. We were supposed to meet at 2:00 p.m. at Unity Square. I waited for him for 2 hours in front of a restaurant, but he never showed. I called him a million times, but he didn't pick up. And guess what happened then? Anna, my friend, came by by chance. She's known Philip for years, too. So, I asked her to call him from her phone, and surprise, he picked up right away.
>> That's really strange. Why would he answer her call but ignore yours?
>> I'd love to know that, too. I didn't talk to him directly. Anna did on the phone. He told her he was out at a bar with his friends, but Anna could hear women talking in the background, too.
>> Miley, I'm really sorry, but I told you from the beginning that something about Philip didn't feel right to me. When you said he didn't want a serious relationship, that was already a big red flag.
>> Yeah, I know. But he was so charming and kind to me. Such a gentleman. The way he spoke, so confident and direct, really pulled me in. I couldn't hide my feelings for him anymore. I fell for him so quickly. And when he told me he never wants to get married, I tried to convince myself it wasn't that bad. I thought, "Give it time. Once he really gets to know me, he'll change his mind about marriage." I just don't get men sometimes. You meet someone, things go well, and maybe it turns into something longterm. Why shut that idea down right from the start?
>> I don't think it's just a men thing. Some people are just afraid of commitment. They don't want to tie themselves down or take on the responsibility that comes with a serious relationship.
>> Yeah, maybe you're right. But I honestly thought he didn't mean it when he talked about not wanting to marry. I believed that if I showed him how good a relationship could be, he'd change his mind. I was convinced that my feelings for him and how much I cared might make him see things differently. I thought anyone can change, right?
>> And that's exactly where the problem is, Miley. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. A lot of people start relationships hoping the other person will become someone else over time, but that usually ends in disappointment. The truth is the person has to decide to change on their own with no pressure from anyone else. And to be honest, it's not really fair to love someone while secretly wishing they'll become different. Either you accept someone for who they are or the relationship becomes exhausting.
>> I'm afraid you're right. In my last relationship, I tried to change my partner, too, and it totally backfired. But with Philip, I just wanted to give it a chance. I hoped he'd see things differently about long-term relationships.
>> I get why you felt that way, but look at the signs he gave you. He kept some distance from the start, and he was clear that he didn't want anything too serious.
>> Yeah, you're right. The first time we met, he told me after just 40 minutes that he had to leave because he wasn't feeling well. I didn't think too much about it and tried not to take it seriously. Then when I wanted to bring him some food, he didn't even let me into his apartment. He said he didn't want to get me sick. I kept texting him, but sometimes he replied a whole day later. He's never really given me a proper reason why he takes so long to answer. He just said he doesn't check his phone often, but when I see him, he's usually holding it in his hand.
>> See, that's already three or four signs he's not really interested in something serious. It seems like the more you try to get close, the more he pulls away.
>> I didn't want to push him. I just wanted to show him he mattered to me.
>> I get that. But the important thing is to stay true to yourself, Miley. If what you want is a long-term relationship, you shouldn't settle for less. And if Philip says he doesn't want something serious, then he should stick to that. He needs to be honest with himself, too. If it's really that important to him,
>> staying true to yourself. Yeah, that's a really good point, Mike. I can't pretend to be someone else just to fit what he wants.
>> Honestly, since Philip stood me up, I've just been so down. It's been 3 weeks now, and there's still no clarity from him. He hasn't even explained why he was out with his friends instead of meeting me like we planned.
>> I can only imagine how tough that is. It really hurts me to see my sister going through this. You deserve someone who shows real interest and gives love back to you. You know what? I don't think I'll text him or call him again. If he cares, he can reach out and then we'll see what happens.
>> That sounds like a smart decision, Miley. I'm making some tea. Do you want one, too?
A few weeks later, Miley was sitting in the kitchen with her brother again. This time with a smile on her face.
>> I have to tell you something, Mike. I met someone. His name is Noah. We met during a trip I took with some friends. He's a musician and honestly such a nice guy.
>> Really? That's great to hear. Tell me more about him. How many times have you seen each other so far?
>> We've met up three times now, always at a cafe. He really puts in effort. He messages me first and he even suggested we have a picnic in the park. It all feels really easy and natural with him. I know where I stand.
>> That's how it should be. Sounds like you made a good choice.
>> Yeah, I'm really glad I didn't keep holding on to the idea of something with Philip. That talk we had three weeks ago really helped me let go.
>> So, have you heard anything from him? Has he reached out?
>> Actually, yes. Two days ago, he sent me a voice message. He asked if I had time to go out for a walk with him.
>> Seriously? After 3 weeks. Now he wants to meet. And what did you say?
>> I'll tell you exactly what I replied. I wrote, "You know what, Philip? I'm not a backup plan for someone who can't make up his mind. If you had really been interested, you would have shown it earlier. I'm done sitting on the sidelines. Enjoy your walk. Just not with me."
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