Transcription
[Music] Notice how in history, the people who have grieved the most, who were most distraught by whatever they lost, were also the ones who took things for granted the most. And likewise, those who seem to have cherished every single thing that they had while they had it seem to be those who are most at peace whenever they lose that particular thing that they cherished, whether it be a very valuable or sentimentally valuable object, or a person, or their own life.
And hey, if you think it's a bit odd to hang out in cemeteries, I want to remind you of the old Victorian tradition of having picnics at cemeteries. People would come, pack their lunches, spread out on the grass, and have some food, and sort of do the most alive things surrounded by reminders of their mortality. And that's precisely what we lack in our daily lives, these reminders. Because notice, those who are prepared the most are impacted the least.
And then, when it comes to things like grief and loss and death, how do we prepare? Simply by constantly reminding ourselves that we're mortal and that we're going to die? Sure, partially. But to me, the most important, the most effective, and what our ancient philosopher friends strongly advise is that we live a life in appreciation of the things we have, and with awareness that they are not our own, and that they're only on loan to us from God, from the universe, whatever you want to call it. They are not ours. We have to give them back.
If you look up the word grief, which I always recommend that you do when you think about a word, because it can be very insightful to see the word origin or the root of any of the words that we use all the time. When it comes to grief, what is integral to the whole concept of grief is guilt. Now, that's an interesting fact that guilt is an intrinsic part of grief. Does this not directly point to the fact to the difference that we already observed, that those who cherish the most grieve the least, and those who take for granted the most seem to be grieving the most? It comes down to guilt, to regret.
So really, the key to respectfully cherish something, to properly honor something or someone, is to grieve them not once they're gone, but while we still have them. That's the proper way to grieve someone. To each time when we see this person or interact with this thing that we cherish, that we remind ourselves, if it's a human, this is mortal. If it's an object, this is breakable, or it's open to theft. It will one day either not be mine, or I will not be its. And if in each, or even just the majority of our interactions with all the things that we cherish, we do this, we look at them in this light, constantly reminding ourselves that this is not at all forever, then we're truly cherishing each moment in the moment. There's no such thing as retrospectively honoring something. We have to do it now. And if we don't do it, it turns into regret. It turns into guilt. And that's the kind of grieving that we see everywhere, that we want to really ideally have nothing to do with, and that we fear and dread.
So this is an invitation to you and a reminder to you to naturally, organically, there's none of this needs to be forced. When you next interact with that thing or that person that you say you cherish, touch it, hug them, and say to yourself, "You are mortal, and one day you shall not be mine, or I shall not be yours." And that this too shall pass. The so-called loss of something, the absence of some presence, does not have to be a suffering. Of course, big changes can be overwhelming, and it can take a lot of energy and time to adjust to them, and that in itself can be a very taxing process. Yes. But it does not have to be suffering. Suffering only comes from grief, and grief comes from regret. Then the way to completely prevent regret is, in fact, in our control, and in no one else's control. And the way to do this is to cherish something when you still have it, rather than when you've lost it. And this, either like suffering, is not necessary.
This does not have to be complicated. Simple awareness of these, what I call universal and timeless ideas, facts in this case, that we're all mortal, that nothing lasts, and that everything will one day be gone, is enough, more than enough to enjoy the present moment, to realize its importance, to realize its scarcity, and also to realize the privilege and the gift of being allowed to experience it at all in the first place. And see, as I'm saying this, it started raining. So now, why should I act like this change, the loss of sunlight, the loss of a sunny weather being replaced by rain, is a bad thing? This is a narrative that I could only tell myself, that so many of us do, and I used to do. Now, it's beautiful. It's raining. I'm under a tree. I have shelter. I'm not really being rained on, but even if I was, I wouldn't mind. It's kind of a warm day. And just listen to the sound of the rain. And see, just as we were talking about it, here is an opportunity to cherish, in this case, life. One day I will not be able to listen to the rain. One day I will not perceive the soft grass. One day I will not be able to sit here, lean against the tree, and enjoy silence, peace, both outer peace and inner peace. And who knows, on that day that I won't be able to perceive any of these things, I might be right here, and someone else might sit six feet above me and hopefully enjoy doing that. What would be more beautiful than that? But who else can get me to think like that other than myself?
This is what I always say is why we need to dedicate ourselves to our personal exploration of timeless and universal ideas. Because as we do so, we will find our own unique answers to all of the questions we've ever had and ever could have. And thinking like this, these reminders, this awareness, this consciousness of these, of these facts, is a direct result of such personal explorations, and everyone needs to do them for themselves. No one else can do this for you. And it requires nothing other than dedication. Said this many times before, it does not require intelligence. There have been many non-intelligent people who achieve this. It does certainly doesn't require wealth. Some of the poorest people have achieved this. What it does require is dedication. And dedication is something that we're all born with, as opposed to intelligence and wealth. Every second of our days, we're dedicating ourselves to something. Unfortunately, many of us are not aware what that is. We're just mindlessly doing things. But whatever it is that we're doing, whatever it is that we're spending our time and focus and resources on, that equals to that being our dedication to that thing. Cuz we only have time. Whatever we spend it on is what we dedicate ourselves to. And to pull back from unconsciousness, unaware states of being, and to say, "Hey, don't forget you're mortal. Don't forget even when you're alive, you might not be, your bodily constitution might not quite allow you to do these things that you're doing now, or that you're able to do now." It's so simple. There's nothing complicated about it.
Now the rain stopped. Should I now say, "Oh, the beautiful rain sound. It's gone. It's over. I should leave." Every advantage has a disadvantage, and every disadvantage has an advantage. Every challenge brings us an advantage. Every challenge brings us an opportunity for advancement. This is your reminder of all of this for today, for this week. And I hope you give yourself many of these reminders. Don't rely on some guy on YouTube having to tell you these things, although I will do it.
[Music] Okay, now I am getting a little wet, but I'm just walking around here and just look at the size of these. That's amazing.
[Music] Okay, now I'm proper wet, but I don't want to leave before playing a game with you guys. It's the classic, "What sort of gravestone would you go for?" kind of thing. Would you go for something like this? Perhaps you are a military person, in which case this might be more something that you're going for. Or are we going with something civilian and rather simple like this? I quite like this one. Look how mournful this one is. Wow. It's like a some sort of a bird next to a stump with its wing on the stump, by the way. Very dramatic. And I can't read what year that is or anything. Maybe you can. I have to say, I have never seen [Music] pipes used in this way. This is obviously normally for just using as water pipes in a house, but I've seen railings made out of pipes, but honestly, not a cross in a graveyard before. That's quite interesting. And of course, here you have your newer examples. This is sort of what we do now, right? But remember, don't just go with something that's fashionable right now, because, you know, a lot of these are 100, 200 years old. We want to go for something more timeless, I think. Oh, okay. I found mine.
[Music] Yep. Yep. This is mine. What are you all having?
[Music]