Transcription
foreign [Music] our work together and by the way even though in the old days people would say "We've Ended our work, that's it forever," it's possible in the future you might have some problems, you might want to consult with me again. You know, that's a possibility. Good to know. But in the meantime, let's assume that we're ending. You're going to be working these things out on your own. I do see the risk that you might begin to think, "If I were in therapy, he'd help me, he'd have a solution," and you might begin to idealize my capacity to work on problems, and you might begin to devalue your own ability to do that. So I just really want to earmark that. So watch out for that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think I've... yeah, that's a good point about not devaluing my own ability. And I think that's why maybe it has gone to the background, because I... I'm not scared of it enough not to. I... I realized that... remember over a year ago you said it struck you as very strange how numb and detached I was when talking about it. I agree with you on that, but... but there's still the issue that it's weird that I haven't addressed it fully. But I realized that talking about it in a numb way isn't helpful. Yeah, so maybe that is indeed when the time is right, it will happen that I will get to access that feeling.
Well, you've... my experience with you is you've done that to some degree here. Yes, yeah, a great degree. But I'm thinking about when you were telling me about Martin. First you were kind of taken with him, you know, thinking what a great guy, and then you saw something you didn't like about him and you were just about ready to kick him out of the door. And um, then we talked about how understandable it is to want somebody that's just perfect. And I think that's a human tendency, especially when one is in a time of difficulty, when has a person has some problems, to wish for and imagine somebody would just have the right answer. And I'm just predicting, maybe wrongly, that at some points in the future you might be struggling with some of the difficulties that life has. We all have difficulties in our life. And instead of thinking, you know, "I'll just deal with this the best I can," you might think, "Oh, if I were back in therapy, he'd have the answer, right? He'd help me work this out." And that way you'd fall back into wishing for something that maybe doesn't exist.
Yeah, like when I was... when I was discussing the soulmate concept last time. Yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, I hope not. But it's good to know that the window is open, that if things do get that, I could you know go back for a tune-up.
Yeah, no, that's definitely possible. But I'm having this discussion with you just to try to help alert you to some very lightly experiences when you might slip back into a... I think everybody wants it sometime, which is the perfect caretaker to somebody, the somebody who could do everything for us. It's a very understandable wish, but it's a dangerous wish to actually believe in. Sometimes when I say something like that, I feel like I'm telling the person to be pessimistic and not to have too many hopes in life. I don't know if you're experiencing what I'm saying that way.
No, the... the thing that popped up in my mind when you were saying that was "daddy issues." Well, and I may be more funny way... what do you mean by daddy issues? Like the idea of someone to take care of you, that's always a wish. Yeah, the question is how we respond to it. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like I find it funny that I feel I need that at some point. Probably everybody feels that, right? Yeah.
Calling it daddy issues, I understand it kind of minimizes the importance of it a little bit. So I wouldn't minimize the importance of it. If that wish could be a daddy, it could be somebody else. If that wish for somebody perfect begins to emerge in you, try to think about it, not just give in to it. Yeah, yeah. This process doesn't end when we stop meeting. Especially... yeah, pretty clear. And like I said, there's a little version of you in my head. So okay, well I can uh hear that as a positive thing. Yes, yeah. We have a few more sessions. We're left in this one now. Great, yeah. So we'll go back and see what we might have missed, and continue to talk about these things that are important as we get ready to end our work. [Music]