Transcription
Okay, I'm gonna put it here. Okay. Okay. >> Are you ready? Okay. >> Okay. And then I guess we Okay. You have to say your full name, right? Okay. Don't say your full name. You don't want to say your full name. Why don't you want to say your full name? Okay. So, we're going to start with the background in life. Okay. Okay. Number one. Oh, I should say number one. Okay. Can you tell me about your childhood and what it was like growing up?
>> Well, my name is Maria Nia and about my childhood and growing up. So, my childhood I was I am from a single family home. I live with my mom. Uh there was eight of us. So, um, growing up, I think my older sisters moved on and got into relationships, so they left the home to live with their other significant other and had babies. I didn't have a father figure at home since I was 2 years old. um pretty much was raised by my mom in a non-stable home. I want to say it was kind of hard. We're growing up because since we were little, we were growing up by ourselves. Um, I mean, yes, my mom was there, but she was taking care of like everything, including my older sister that eventually came back with her children, and then we had to take care of her children and us.
>> So, that's a very big family, huh?
>> Yep.
>> Mhm.
>> So, then you said that you had sisters and that they went on and had babies and went with their significant others.
>> Yes. So then what age at what point did it become that they moved away and they went with their significant others?
>> At what point or at what age?
>> Like like what like time in your life I guess.
>> Oh okay. So I want to say they started coming back when I was like in >> in junior high like in sixth grade.
>> Okay. And so then my sister came back home. Mind you, I'm in sixth grade. And that time my sister left the house was when she was like 15.
>> Mhm. And how many members of like in your family did you have in the house?
>> In the house at that time it was uh one older brother >> and me as Kirks. You want to park the car? >> It was um one older brother and myself and two younger brothers. Okay.
>> Um so then in your family, what was the dynamic like? So what was the family dynamic? Did you have any roles in your family? Wasn't there anything expected of you guys?
>> So, the family n really wasn't any actually for the boys in the family. Um, uh, my brothers were pretty much out and about at whatever time they wanted to be out because my mom couldn't control them. And my little sister and I were the ones that were home and we were the ones that eventually when my other sister started coming that she came back to the house with her children, we were the ones or I was the one that had to take care of her children, her three little kids. And then my little sister was basically herself a little sister. And my mom was a stay-at-home mom. So, she would be the one to clean and cook. And we would have to help her once we got home. And that was pretty pretty much it. There was really like the the role was basically for us just to go to school, do our work, and help with the house.
>> Mhm. So, who like who brought in money?
>> Um at that time when I was growing up because my parents got separated by court um it was one either the child support or uh the government.
>> Interesting.
>> So what year was this?
>> This was back in uh when we were when I was little when parents were separated was in 1980s.
>> Okay.
>> And um this all happened in the 80s. and early 90s.
>> And then what were the ages of each of your siblings?
>> The ones that were still home.
>> Mhm.
>> So I have a brother who's 2 years older than I am.
>> Do you want to know like how old I was when my father left the house or do you want to know?
>> If you want to, you can share that.
>> So if my brother's two years older than I, and we were separate, my mom and dad were separated by court when I was 3 years old. um brother must have been five. I was three. My younger brother was four. I'm sorry. I was three and he was two. And I believe we had like a like a little baby. Like the little baby because my sister's the third youngest.
>> Okay.
>> And then what would you say you were like as a teenager?
>> As a teenager, I don't think I was I think I was pretty easygoing.
>> Um I went to school. I tried to get good grades. I did my homework. I followed directions. I was in after school sports because I did not want to one go home or two um fall into the steps of my brothers and sisters.
>> And then what was your upbringing like as a child? Would you say?
>> My upbringing as a child was horrible actually. It it has a lot of child abuse, a lot of verbal abuse, physical abuse. Um, you know, I had a mom that was there but not there because, you know, obviously also she had she didn't speak English, so it's not like she could sit down and help me out with my homework. It wasn't somebody I can go to. Uh my mom was pretty much um followed by the uh she was actually I think affected by by living or being in a relationship for so many years in the with the background of a machismo husband. And so, you know, because I do have older siblings, I feel that she lived that life of domestic violence for so long that >> it didn't really open doors for her or her mentality wasn't, you know, where how can I make myself better? She was just probably trying to survive a relationship of domestic violence. So by the time that she was free from it, she basically was kind of like either one gasping for air or was barely starting to breathe in the sense of, you know, she didn't have the mentality to think about how can I get myself better. It was more like, oh wow, like now I have a now I'm free. Now I don't have to, you know, be hit or smacked or physically I mean verbally abused. um you know, because she she she was a victim of of all that so she didn't know any better. So anyway >> um that was uh there there was all I knew is that I needed to get the hell out of out of there and I needed to get an education in order to get the hell out of there.
>> So then at what age did you feel that way? Start to feel that way or start to realize >> um to be honest with you I think I realized that myself once I had a child. Obviously too late but yes once I had a child
>> right and then you mentioned the word machismo.
>> What does the word machismo mean to you? How would you define machismo?
>> Majismo means or I would define it in our family dynamic in the sense of you know my dad was a type of father that you know my mom had to do whatever he said she had to do >> and you know women are set to you know be in the home clean cook and be there for their husbands. um you know, basically no life. Basically, the husband thinks that, you know, he's the one that's in charge and my mom had to follow those rules. um and if she didn't, she would get it a beating.
>> And then when you were growing up, did you observe that in other families and think that was normal? Cuz you said that you didn't grow up with a father figure. So, >> you know that he was like that, but you didn't. So, you didn't see it?
>> I physically did see it cuz I remember seeing it. I mean, at one point in our lives, we were taken away from our family and put in foster care or not foster care, I'm sorry, at Orangewood.
>> Okay. And so,
>> so I remember being in Orangewood because my parents, my dad hit my mom and my mom and he actually spanked my sister, my older sisters and, you know, child support, child services got involved and the police got involved and all that crazy stuff.
>> Yeah. But did you see um did you see that sort of dynamic in other families around you at the time?
>> I didn't actually. I did not because basically because we had a the type of father we had, we were basically not allowed to go outside and because my mom was obviously part of that lifestyle for so long that when we were young kids, we weren't allowed to go outside either.
>> So then um seeing your mother, did you ever feel like you wanted to be a mother? Did you ever have like a desire? Did you grow up with a >> I always felt like I I mean I was going to have children. And I I I don't think I could even say that I wasn't going to have children. But >> I knew that whenever I did have children, I didn't want my children to be growing up in a family the way I grew up.
>> And then at what age did you become a mother?
>> I became a mother very young. Very young, dumb, and stupid. Mhm. I was a parent in the 1990s. I was basically a kid having a kid. Mhm.
>> Because it was at that time I I want to say it was like something that was happening, >> you know, and it wasn't it was, you know, it wasn't something that was, oh great, it's happening. It was more of something frowned upon. It was something that, you know, was looked down on.
>> Um, and what whoever was a child having a child didn't want to be known as a child having a child. You know, either you hide it or you don't. Did you see other um people at your school with children?
>> Well, back in those days there was such a thing called teen parent program. The teen parent program is basically a school uh a small like location a location within the city of of of Orange. I mean within Orange County or or the Sano Unified School District or whatever district you belong to. And the teen parent program that I went to was over by car intermediate. And um when I was in junior high, I was a good student and I was a good athlete >> and I had good communication because of that with my teachers, our school principles, our counselors at the schools where I would go because, you know, it wasn't like I was a bad behaving kid. You know, I was a kid that was known. when I was a kid because I was like a top three of whatever what sport I was in.
>> And so counselors knew who I was, uh, principals knew who I was. And so when they heard I was pregnant, um, they helped, you know, in a sense, I guess they helped me out >> and they wanted something, you know, they wanted me to continue my education as well. And they were the ones that spoke to me about the team parent program if I didn't want to attend the school because I was embarrassed to be pregnant in front of all of the students. And so I went to the teen parent program and uh finished my school grade there. And then from there I went on to high school and I just did regular high school after that.
>> So you didn't say what age?
>> I was 14 years old, guys.
>> 14 years old. Never in my life would I ever say for anybody anyone to get pregnant at that age cuz at that age you're barely learning what life is about.
>> So then what do you remember most about becoming a mother of 14?
>> What I remember the most was actually graduating junior high with my with my pregnant self.
>> And I was actually proud. I was not proud of being pregnant, but I was proud of the fact that I continued with my education and I didn't just stop. And I say that because in my family, none of none of my sisters knew any better than to get pregnant, have kids, and get into that relationship that they got with. And um none of them graduated high school. So I knew that because I had gotten pregnant that I did not want to stop. Like I wanted to continue school, going to school, better my education, and I wanted to graduate high school because I didn't want to be another I didn't want to be another per like another how can I say that? What's that word? um like another person that they say like, "Oh yeah, you know, she's one of those teen moms that, you know, they didn't continue their vacation, they didn't move on, >> you know, I didn't want that stigma."
>> No.
>> Yeah. Like a stereotype.
>> Yeah. I didn't want that.
>> So then how did your sisters, how did they feel about the idea of becoming teen mothers if they got pregnant themselves?
>> I don't think they knew any better to be honest because those sisters are are you know like five to seven years older than me >> and so and there's three of them and so they're the ones if anything that saw a lot of more of that domestic violence the the machismo and my father >> um the way my mom was and reacted to my father and they they I think might have thought that that was the life you know because they who were part of life like part of their relationships were pretty much like that where where maybe they weren't getting beaten up but they didn't work. They were just home cooking and having kids >> and their husbands were the ones working and you know it worked well for them for a while >> for many many many many years but you know eventually they ended up coming home and the first one to come home back home was my oldest sister with her three children.
>> So then when you got when you found out you were pregnant, did you think that you would follow that lifestyle or did you know that you didn't want to?
>> Oh, I already knew I didn't want to. I did not want to have a relationship or be in a relationship where somebody was going to be offending me verbally, physically. >> I I did not. And and I know that and I knew that the moment that person ever laid a hand on me, I knew that that was the end of that that relationship. like that is not going to happen.
>> Yeah.
>> Like I needed like whenever my baby would be born, I knew like I already thought like I'm going to protect my child, you know? I want what's best for my child and if I'm going to provide for my child, I needed to go to school, finish school, and get a job.
>> So then the people around you, um, how did they react?
>> Well, um I didn't tell my I eventually when my mom found out, it was really hard because I couldn't even tell her >> and I had to call one of my older sisters to come over so that they can help me because I was scared. I was scared straight of my mom cuz you know even though my mom was a victim of all this, you know, let me tell you, my mom would still beat us up. And so I feared for myself because I was like, "Oh my god, you know, my mom's going to go make me have an abortion or, you know, if she hits me, what what if, you know, what if she, you know, something happens to the baby or something?" And um I was just scared straight and I had to have Mr. Strick help me and be there for me. And um my mom was just so upset like I guess so upset and disappointed. I think what she had said was that she was so disappointed in me because, you know, I was the one that the one that she had the like I guess faith in that was going to go on and succeed in life >> and not turn out to be like the rest of everybody in our family.
>> Mhm.
>> And I kind of felt bad because of that cuz, you know, I guess she was right in that sense, but at the same time, you know, I felt like >> I was still going to do what I needed to do to continue >> like to provide for my child, right?
>> Um, and so my mom didn't talk to me for like two weeks before she finally got around and started talking to me. And I had to stay in my room and not come out cuz I was scared of my mom. And you know, my brothers and sisters, I think they all eventually found out like later, slowly but surely. And then they would all tell me like, I can't believe you. Like, how can that happen? It was just like a lot of that stuff. And I mean, I don't think anybody was going to be happy and proud of me. I didn't think that, but I just didn't want to get I just didn't want to get hit. I guess that's that's the only thing I cared about.
>> Was there a part of you that wanted people to be proud that you had >> I didn't want them to be proud because I think even for myself I think I I real I knew and I realized that that I was too young and I was still a kid and I was a kid being you know being having another child >> and I just didn't want to hear the backlash of it and I think that they I just wanted them to share if they were upset I just wanted them to say that they were upset and da da da and that's it. I didn't want to have them drag their feelings and every time they see me, they'd be like turning around and looking down and just upset at me.
>> But do you think it's like do you think it is justified for you to be so focused on other people's reactions instead of your own >> at that time?
>> I think that because that's the type of family I grew up with. The that's the way like my mom brought us up and you know, we weren't shown or taught to be positive individuals. I can tell you that we were never taught to be positive individuals. We were never taught what love was cuz my mom never hugged us or kissed us or told us that she loved us.
>> She never did. So, um, all we would hear from my mom was like bad words or her being upset at us. Um, it was never like she was proud of us at all.
>> Um, so I mean, no, I didn't think that they would be happy or proud, but I mean, I just didn't want to hear it.
>> Right. Okay. And then what about um at school? I know you said that you um switched to the parent program, but um how were you still going to school before?
>> Oh, yeah. I was going to school. I was I was going to school nor like Yeah. Normal school and everything like nor doing PE and doing after school sports and
>> I'm saying during your pregnancy.
>> Yeah, I was pregnant. I didn't even know I was pregnant. So, yeah. Okay.
>> Um, you know, until I was when I was running track, >> I think it's because um I over sprinted like how can I say it? like I over cuz I was I would do like I was a sprinter so I would do like the relay, the 100 yard dash, the 220 and I think eventually like at one of my meets I was doing like the 220.
>> Mhm.
>> And all of a sudden I felt like a really bad like cramp. And so I couldn't like I finished my race but that was it for me. Like I was like oh dang like I can't and I can't. And so I was like very athletic. So missing my cycle or whatnot didn't prompt me to think that, oh, you know, she can be pregnant. I just thought like, oh, it was normal because of, you know, I've been running and practicing a lot, >> you know, been stressed with school, you know, doing homework and stuff like that. So I didn't think about it. But long story short, I could go to the doctor and bam, that's how I found out.
>> So then did you have any friends at the time that >> I had a lot of friends believe it or not when I was in junior high I had so many friends and I think it was because I was like an athlete >> but um it's funny because during junior high I had a lot of friends but once everybody found out the rumor got out that I was pregnant people started stopped talking to me >> and it got got through a rumor. You didn't tell anyone >> like >> they got through a rumor because I like told like the friend like a friend that I thought would be a friend, right? And then um then I think like school kind of like said like somebody in school either counseling or somebody said something about it and you know back in the day they had teachers aids or office aids and the office aids were kind of nosy people too. So, you know, that's how it spread.
>> Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> Had you had any friends or any heard of any girls at your school before that had gone pregnant?
>> No, not not honestly. No, not in my junior high. No. But obviously when I went to that team parent, all of them are parents. So that's where obviously everybody was a parent.
>> Did you think anything when you know when I got out as a rumor? Did you think anything?
>> I was embarrassed. I didn't think anything, but I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that they would know that I got pregnant.
>> Yeah. And so then how did you know pregnancy how did it um change your daily life?
>> The pregnancy itself, it didn't change my it changed my daily life the minute I moved over to that teen parent program.
>> Because obviously they're all pregnant or they already had their child and they're finishing their school there. Um, but it changed my life because I mean, yes, I understand it was more supportive to me because we're all having something in common, >> but it changed because the friends that you had, they just like basically stopped being your friends. Your communication stopped.
>> And you know, back then it's not something like that you wanted people to know. you know, you know, like I said, it was something that was more frowned upon, even though it was in the '9s and there was a lot of people eventually like after the fact that that were either junior high, I mean there were either teens getting pregnant or high schoolers getting pregnant >> and um it was just it was just I mean it was a whole change in a lifestyle for an indivi for a person like that that was a teen or a parent at a young age, >> right?
>> And then so what about future plans? How did it change your future plans? Because did you have any sort of aspirations before you got pregnant and did it change anything anyway after?
>> So, it's kind of confusing or it's kind of hard to say that. But yes, I did have thoughts of what I wanted to be and then I changed my my what I wanted to be in life. I changed it to something else and then that thought of it that thought itself was changed later on in life because of other circumstances in our family. But yes, initially I wanted to be a lawyer. A criminal justice lawyer is what I wanted to be.
>> And so once I got pregnant, I said, "Oh, maybe I can't be a lawyer no more."
>> So then I wanted to go to the Navy.
>> Mhm.
>> But then if I went to the Navy, I already knew that, you know, I needed somebody to care for my child while I was in the Navy. So, I was thinking the whole time, well, maybe I can have my mom watch my child while I do my first like the boot camp phase and stuff like that. And um eventually, uh I said, you know what, eventually it came down to the fact that the the real situation was that, hey, you're already going to have a child. Your child's going to be born, and how are you going to support it? if you're going to school and you're trying to, you know, go to the Navy, how are you going to support your child? So, in order to even get there first before, you know, I graduated, I I needed to get a job.
>> Mhm.
>> And I knew I needed to get a job and finish high school, but I didn't want to get a job like at like you know the whole thing back then too is oh at a fast food place or a McDonald's or cleaning cleaning bathrooms or toilets or stuff you know that's like the worst situation like parents or people would say back then you know as you know something na like like cliche.
>> Yeah. You know.
>> Yeah. And so I didn't want to do that. So I was like, you know, what can I do or what kind of job can I get where it's not like embarrassing to say, hey, I work doing this or I work over there or this is what I do for a living or, you know, this is I go to school and I work over here and I take care of myself. So anyway, long story short, uh my my ability to to have known the rules and so forth for sports came in effective because I was able to use that to be a youth sports official.
>> And so at that time and during the time I was in high school, I was working part-time for the city >> and I was a youth sports official. So I would go to school, go home, study, do my homework, take care of my child, >> and then on the weekends on Fridays and Saturdays, I would work for the city >> as a sports referee.
>> And who was supporting you while you were while you were pregnant?
>> actually in I was living with a mom so it would be that >> or I was working >> working >> yeah I used to I I started working in a telemarketing that was my very first job as a telemarketer and that's what I would would use that so half of the check would go to me and then half of the check would go to my mom
>> okay and then how old were you when you started working tele marketing
>> I was like going to be 15 so I was 14 and some. Okay.
>> I was working with the school permit.
>> And then was the father in any way supporting?
>> Not supporting exactly in a way I guess, but we were both teens.
>> So he lived with his parents and I lived with mine and you know we would see each other on the weekend when we were not in school.
>> And that did they ever offer any sort of support the parents?
>> they offered the support after the fact after the child was born.
>> And how do you think they felt um how do you think the father's side felt or even the father felt about having a child at that age?
>> Well, I mean we both knew what we were doing.
>> We just didn't know that. I mean, not that we didn't know cuz it even sounds stupid, right? But >> but it's but we were kids. It's not like we were going to expect to get pregnant on the first, you know, the time or whatever, you know? Mhm.
>> So, it happened unfortunately and um we knew what we were doing at that time, but obviously didn't think we're going to have consequences right away.
>> So, he, you know, we were both knowing what we did. We both were aware. We were both with, you know, seeing each other >> and we were there were together for a while. Um once his parents found out, they were very upset and they didn't want him hanging around with me >> anymore. So they tried to like separate us.
>> And um it it was I guess they they did really try so hard they really did try so hard to separate us.
>> Yeah. and they were able to separate us for a couple months during my pregnancy and then eventually I really don't know what happened but then we got back together because um he was able to >> come and come around like to our house or something, you know, to where we lived and visit. And so then we're just we we were seeing each other and then the baby was born and then his parents then eventually like to accepted it and were involved.
>> Well, you said that they were trying to they were trying to reject anyway. So how did that make you feel? the fact that the the child's father's family was putting the responsibility solely on you, not on him.
>> Um, I guess at that time, and I don't want to say it cuz it sounds maybe racial, but he was white. He's Caucasian. So, so I felt that that that had something to do with it because I was obviously Mexican. I did came from a single family home.
>> Um, they weren't the type of person that they expected for their child or their son.
>> And so they they didn't they weren't happy with me and they weren't happy with him. And so so they were just they they weren't happy. I wasn't happy. I accepted the fact that they didn't want to be involved. I accepted that from the beginning. Um and I had already told like at that time my boyfriend I had told him like well, you know, if your parents feel that way, there's nothing I can do to change them and um, you know, we'll just have to try our best to see what we can do and if we can't see each other we will can't >> and if we get to see each other again we will see each other again >> you know, we'll just let it like leave it in God's hands and see what happens.
>> So I didn't feel anything. Well, a part of you, you said that a part of you felt like it was a racial >> sort of um like >> they were being racist against me. I mean about it. Yeah.
>> Did they ever show a history of being racist towards you or towards anything?
>> Well, you know what? I think it was more like the mom, but then I I think I as a like how can I say this? Like I think back on it and I think like you know what maybe it was a mom trying to be a mom you know >> because the dad his dad was always a nice man >> and he didn't get involved like he you can tell that he always he didn't want to get involved like in the situation of deciding things or saying things. He was more like, you know, just just leave it alone. Just just, you know, he was always like the calmer one, I guess.
>> He was always a nice man. But the mom was always the one that kind of like had the man pants >> and in their relationship. And she was always the one that wanted like, "No, we're going to do this and it's going to be done like this." And I said, "You can't go because you can't go." Like it his mom was always like
>> So then they knew about your your relationship with him before you got pregnant.
>> Yes, they did.
>> Yes. Okay. And then the opinion on it before pregnancy was as well.
>> Um the mom was okay but she didn't want him coming over.
>> Okay.
>> But you know he because he also played sports so he would come after.
>> Did they ever have you over at their house?
>> No. I would never have gone. I I didn't ever want to go over there.
>> Why?
>> I didn't cuz I already knew like the way the mom was and I don't think she liked me >> and the dad the his dad I don't want to say that I I honestly did think that he did not like me but it was more I think now that like once I got to know the man I think it was because he was more of the quiet like the quiet individual and he kept to himself >> and and he was never upset. He was he was really nice and kind. That man was such a sweetheart.
>> But it was just because he was always quiet and collective and calm that I thought that that was like >> he didn't like me.
>> It wasn't that.
>> So then after the baby was born, was there any talk or mention of how the baby was mixed race?
>> No. No.
>> No. No. There was a talk about there wasn't a talk about the mixed race, but there was a talk about how it was funny that the lady wanted to take my son away, >> like legally take him away from me, >> right?
>> And that that that came up.
>> Well, legally wanted to take um the baby away from you.
>> Mhm.
>> Do you want to >> elaborate?
>> Sure. Yes. Share more about that.
>> Okay. So obviously he my baby daddy >> he was you know he's comes from a family of two children. He was only him and his older sister.
>> Mhm.
>> And you know they have the white American family where you know they have their home with the white picket fence and they were well off.
>> So then there was an economic differences.
>> Definitely an economic difference. Definitely uh the cultural difference. Definitely the dynam family dynamic was different. Um, you know at one point they had me or mom had mentioned the grandparent the grandmother had mentioned in her court paperwork like that because we were such a big family in our home with so many people the germs were an issue and the child could get sick and so forth. But the child had always been living with me and I had my own bedroom and we had our own place and so it is not like we were dirty individuals let me tell you we were clean individuals but the mom because we were more than two children I think that's what she that was her mentality >> right >> was your your relationship with the father was it at the time regarded as would you say strange because of your differences?
>> No, not between me and him. No, >> I think between me and him we were pretty much on the same page and between me and him there was like our we would support each other and it was like us against his family.
>> Mhm.
>> Um and it was funny that like the mom came with the legal paperwork when he didn't even know about it.
>> Okay. And do you think in those court papers of how you mentioned what the grandmother had said about you, do you think that was also just do you think it was just, you know, nasty words or do you think it was also um sort of like her way of racially profiling profiling?
>> Um yeah, at that time at that time I think because I've never wanted to do the racial card, >> right, to be honest. But when I Okay, so I'll just leave it at that. Um, I didn't want to like leave it at that. Like I didn't want to say like, you know, oh, you know, it's discriminating or she's being racist. I don't ever want to do that. Right.
>> Right. So,
>> um, I think she was being nasty. Yes. I think she was playing she was um really going above and beyond on on trying so hard to take the child away from me. Uhhuh.
>> Um, so I think more that she was trying to be nasty with me about it.
>> Okay.
>> And do you think they had their own versions of or their own expectations of, you know, what a mother is supposed to be like or how a woman is supposed to act?
>> I think they might have, but um, being like it's also involving their son. So I mean if they were thinking about that about what if you know the expectations they expected for their child >> partner I think they should have first looked into what kind of child they wanted to raise and then go from there.
>> So then um after giving birth did you feel any sort of pressure to be a certain kind of woman or mother? after giving birth >> or just the mother through motherhood in general.
>> Well, the type of mother is one I I always known that I wanted to show my child love. I always wanted to let my child know that I love him. I always wanted to be the one that he comes to look for when he's he needs help or the one that when he cries that he can share it with me. I wanted to be everything I didn't have in my own family for my own parent, >> right? I didn't want my, you know, my child to to think like there's nobody there for him. I wanted to protect my child and provide for my child and show my child love and tell him what love is like everything like that.
>> Um, did your ideas about independence sort of I mean you said that you were on your own, you said.
>> Uhhuh. after cuz so what is the timeline? So you were pregnant at 14 you said?
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. 14. Uh what age did you give birth?
>> I was a month before turning 15.
>> Okay. Um so 14 a month before turning 15. And you still living you're still working right? Because you at 15 you're working at the telemarketing.
>> Yes.
>> Okay. Now we're going to 16. The child is two years old or one year. A year old, right?
>> A year old.
>> The child is a year old and you are still living. You're still being taken care of by your mother.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. Now we're moving on to 17. Um, still being taken care of by your mother. The child the child is 2 years old being taken care of by your mother.
>> No, no, no. My child is being taken care of by my pocket, by me, >> by my paycheck >> because I was already working, >> right? So my child, he was being taken care of by like financially by me, >> but my mom was the one watching him while I was in school, right?
>> Or working. Yes.
>> And by 17, you're in high school, right?
>> Yes. And I was working already >> still to marketing or with the >> No, now I was already with the city center. I mean with the city working as a youth sports uh ref. Yeah.
>> Okay. Now we're going on to 18.
>> And by the time I was 18, I was finishing up with high school. Um, I was still working. I worked throughout all I've worked. I worked since then.
>> Um, and still providing now. At this time, I was providing for myself and my child.
>> Okay. And so, you were living on your own?
>> When I turned 18? I did.
>> Okay. And then what age was it that he that the father's family tried to file a court?
>> When I was 15.
>> When you're 15. Okay.
>> Okay. So, we're up at 18 right now. Um, was there any sort of challenges that you faced while trying to support yourself and your family, your baby?
>> Uh, the challenge was that I probably faced was there it wasn't really a challenge, but there was it marked definitely marked a like a a it marked um a what can I call it? I guess it's where it changed my lifestyle in a different direction. So when I was 15, you know, I went through the whole court situation and you know, by that time, um, my boyfriend and his family, I guess, you know, like his mom was trying to convince him like, "Yeah, let's take the child away." And, you know, mind you, he was living with his parents, he wasn't living with me. We were living together.
>> Um, we We there was a point, you know, during my pregnancy that we didn't see each other until like after the baby was born because of his parent >> and, you know, um his parent finding out like, oh yeah, she already she delivered the baby. The baby is born. The baby definitely looks like them. And so, uh they I guess they fell in love with the child. And you know they were trying she was trying to do whatever she could to take him away from me. Uh that situation lasted about six 6 to 8 months when eventually they just got visitation rights >> and um by that time I was 15 going to be 16. And then the dad the father of my child he ended up going and listening to the Marines. So he left to the Marines and by that time we were just done and over with. I think I was like 16 and a half, already going to be 17. And so our relationship between him and I had um taken its course. We were done with each other. Uh the court legal stuff had stopped or had finished. And you know, they got visit the grandparents got visitation rights. Um, and I think once that settled down and the court situation uh was in process is when I was just getting I was like done with with the baby daddy and um I went my way. I I I just stopped seeing him and whatever. Like I cut my I cut ties with him >> and I just didn't want anything to do with him anymore. and I didn't have a problem with my child visiting his grandparents and so they got their rights to visit or take my child on the weekend for visitations >> and bring them back >> and that was that. Um so that was definitely 16 and a half.
>> Yeah. With the court involving about the um involving the court. Um so you did have to argue your case.
>> Yeah. I did. I had to get an attorney and, you know, >> get my stuff and, you know, line my line my >> stuff together and, you know, get ready for that. Yeah.
>> And then did they do, you know, um home home checks?
>> Uh they do all that before they did that. They did they like some worker social worker came to the house and saw the house looked where he slept looked where I slept uh did you know like the the whole house um inspection and so forth and I mean it's not like we were living in a [ __ ] I'm sorry it's not like we were living in a a two-bedroom house with you know you know like 20 kids you know we were not like the lady who lived in a shoe >> it we had a big house it was you know one two three four bedroomedroom house with a whole uh little big twocar garage and you know I had my own bedroom. My brother and sister shared a bedroom. My mother had her place and then my nephews had one big bedroom like the master bedroom for themselves.
>> So um it it was and then my parent my mom was clean. I mean we cleaned the house. It's not like it was a messy house or whatever. It was pretty big. It was enough space for everybody.
>> Okay. And then was there any sort of support you got from your family at the time going through the trail?
>> No, I think that um from being ever since I've been little, I think that um I've known that in order like for me in order I I think that's my mentality has always been that I need to like stick up for myself and speak for myself and look out for myself. And that's basically my whole my mentality has always been like that.
>> I haven't I didn't grow up with a father figure. So, it's not like I know the like I'm going to have a man speak for me because, you know, obviously I had separation issues too with um the baby daddy. I left him or whatever. We left each other.
>> Mhm.
>> So, I I've never depended on anybody to speak for me. I've always spoken for myself. If there was an issue, I took care of it. If I faced a problem, I felt I faced it on my own. Um thankfully, financially, I never had a problem because, you know, I always worked. So, Thank God for that. Um but um yeah.
I don't think I faced challenges. My biggest challenge, I think, was the one where I had to go to court and, you know, fight for my child so that they wouldn't be taken away from me. And thankfully, I was able to look up for resources, and I was able to find legal aid in those days, and I was able to get an attorney through the legal aid system.
And that happened at 16, you said.
Yeah. 16. So, 16. So that happened at 16. Um, what happened at 16? You're working in youth sports, right?
Um, did you tell people at your? Did you tell any co-workers that you had a child?
Yeah, they, everybody at that time knew. I mean, when I was in high school, I already had my baby. So, even like when I was playing sports in high school, too. So, um, like everybody at the school knew I had a child. So, as far as like having like female friends, I had my female friends, but or guy friends too, but you, I could even feel the difference like the friendship relationships that you have with them because they don't include you like when they would like have parties or or celebrations. They would not like, they wouldn't invite you to them.
Or speak kind of, you know, it was it would be like a touchy situation because they wouldn't talk about it in front of you either, I guess.
Right. Um, and then there's some that, you know, there were cool people and they were like, "Yeah, hey, you know, you're invited," or "Hey, why don't you come over?" And but it was like, for example, any sports that I played like, um, you know, I obviously had a child, so I would have my mom bring my son over to the game and, you know, sometimes I had my son there at at like at the game with me and the girls on the team would, you know, they my son was cute, so they they liked him. They liked him a lot and they would play with him or, you know, the coach would, you know, watch him and, you know, stuff like that. But, yeah, but, um, they everybody would know that I had it and I think eventually I it I was okay with the fact that I felt comfortable but and and I wasn't embarrassed. I just basically what affected me was the the the response back or like the way that they would like, um, feel when they would first hear like, "Oh, you have a kid." "Oh, you have a kid."
And I'd be like, "Yes." And, you know, it's just like that first situation. It it was kind of touchy for me.
And at that, I think that was probably like, always the issue of how will people respond or how would people feel?
Um, and I would just move on from there.
So you had, I talked, um, earlier before about like, you know, changing life on career sort of.
Um, but do you think, you know, you were obviously looking for something flexible to fit your schedule and to balance out your school and taking care of the baby? So, did you ever really feel limited in your job options?
I always felt limited. I always felt limited from the beginning because I knew I had to switch from one career to another. And then when I really wanted to go and do a like a get like a higher education, I couldn't get a higher education because it meant like I needed to leave my child. It meant like I either need to stop working and go to focus on school, and I knew I couldn't stop working because I needed money. So that always played definitely played a part in in my careers.
Right. How long did you work at the youth, youth sport?
For that, for the city, I worked with them since I was 14. 14 and a half. So, well, no, I started working when I was 14 and a half. So, no, I started working with them when I was 15. I think I worked for them from from when I was 15 to 21.
Yeah, because I went on to like, um, I went on to a trade school even after I graduated high school and some college, like community college, and I was working for the city at the same, same time.
Okay. What about, um, I cannot remember honestly, when did you have, um, the second child?
My second child, I had actually when I was, how? Second one, question. You're asking too many questions.
Wow.
Um, my second child, I had when I was when I was, uh, graduating high school.
At what age?
18.
18.
Yeah. At 18.
So then, and when I met the father of my 18-year-old, I'm sorry, when I when I was 18 years old and I met the father of that child. Um, he met me. We met each other when my first child was give or take 9 months.
Okay.
So I remember we were just normal, like normal individuals, friendship, friends, normal conversations. But anyway, he was very supportive during the time that we were when we finally became boyfriend and girlfriend. He was very supportive of my child and he would care for my child as well and he helped me raise him.
Did you think dating, dating wise, relationships wise, did you think that was, was it something you were open to, uh, you know, after, uh, breaking it off with the previous father? Was it something you were open to? Was it something that you were expecting or looking for?
When you say open to, what you?
Um, did you think, well, first, was it something like, you know, like as far as like, did I plan it? No. Did I think about getting into another relationship? No, I didn't. I didn't think about it. I wasn't thinking about getting into another relationship until like maybe I was I was older, my child was older, until I had my thing, my life straightened out, right? Um, but it just happened and, you know, and being the fact that I think that the the individual that I met was a little bit older and more mature. He had, you know, he had like, you know, his ducks in a row in a way. It's kind of something that I would rather be like dating than dating obviously some kid that's still in high school or some kid that doesn't even know what the [ __ ] I mean, what they want.
Yeah. So anyway, as far as that, is something that I did look for, like, did I know I wanted to have in in the future? Because obviously I was a dumb kid getting with another kid, and I didn't want to, I didn't want like that situation. Like, either we needed to have been one, either I was going to be older with my child being bigger, and my life more straightened out, and the person that whomever I got with was going to be in that same situation or already know what what they wanted in life, you know? But, but it came out to what it was, and that individual also had his ducks in a row. So, that was good.
Right. Well, do you think, you know, having a child, did he know that you had a child before you started, you know, you guess you said you were friends first, right?
Yeah.
Okay. So, he didn't know you had a child.
Yeah, he did know. Did you think when you were sort of contemplating a relationship, did you think that having a child would have not gotten in the way, but did you think it's something that, you know, you felt like was a burden, sort of, or something that, you know, would held held hold would have held you back from dating?
I think definitely that my child held held me back from dating. Definitely. Because obviously I have a child and I need to think about my child first. But in the relationship with this individual, because we met each other first, and we got to know each other as individuals.
Yeah.
Um, I mean, he knew about it. He knew that I had a child. I mean, yeah, he also said, "You have a kid?" And I was like, "Yeah, I do." And he's like, "Oh, okay. Why do you have a kid?" And I was like, "Well, because I do." But anyway, long story short, um, yes, he knew about the fact that I had a kid.
Okay.
And he was okay with it.
Right. Um, and then going back to, you know, jobs and such, um, how did you move forward in your your job at the city? And then, you know?
So when I was going, so, you know, obviously I was in high school. I graduated high school. I went on to trade school and then I graduated so from trade school. So then I had to, you know, the trade school I was going into was obviously for a specific type of job, specific type of career in my life. So, um, I needed to go work in that field. So, I eventually had to let go of my part-time job with the city and take on my full-time job with the career I chose to work with.
Right. Okay. Yeah.
So then how did it get to the point where you felt like you had that sense of stability, wise, like stability, you know, financial wise, you know, having a home, you know, even if you weren't exactly financially secure, or even if you maybe weren't financially, you know, um, what is the word, like, you know, not I'm not talking about being rich or anything. I'm just saying like that, like your sense of stability as in, you know, my children are cared for. I have the money I need to raise them. I have the money to raise, you know, myself. I have, um, to get what I want, to get what I need, and such, you know.
What did that look like for you? And then at what point did you reach that?
What did it look like for me? It looked like, uh, I had my own place.
Okay.
I had my own car.
Mhm.
I was able to take the kids to school or preschool or whatnot, and their dad would pick them up after.
Mhm.
Their dad had a set job and he was well off.
Mhm.
And, uh, we managed our schedules and I worked in the field I worked in. He worked in his job, and, you know, he would pick the kids up. I would meet him at home. You know, it was it was fine. And financially I was able to support myself. You know, obviously I had another individual in my life, so he would also be helping with our financials.
Right. Well,
So this is California, 1980s, right?
No, 1990s. There we go. 1990s.
'90s. Yeah.
1990s. Uh, what was the minimum wage back then? If you can?
Oh my god, I can't believe it. But yes, you're right. The '90s. So, I remember when I started first for the city, it was like $4.25 was the minimum wage back then. $4.25 and then gas was not even what it is now. It was like a dollar. It used to be like a dollar and then it went up to like $1.70. But anyway, it it was pricey, but it wasn't as crazy pricey as it is now. And life, you know, people weren't as needy as they are now. And, you know, because of course, we want to have an iPhone. And back then you didn't even have cell phones. You had pagers.
Mhm.
So, I really didn't even care for a damn pager. Um, but anyway, long story short, yes, eventually cell phones came into play as well. But, um, everything was everything was, uh, good. I mean, everything was fine as me.
Right.
Yeah.
So, then you were making $4.25, you said?
Yes.
$4.25. And the the father was making $4.25 as well?
Oh, no, no, no. The dad was making more money. He was making more money because.
Did he work in the same area as you?
No. He he had a higher, a way higher position than I did.
Oh, what kind of position?
Does it matter? I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. I mean, uh, he had, he was a director.
Okay. A director.
Yes, he was a director.
Okay. So he made, yeah. My my wages were pennies and his, he was making money.
Okay. Um, so you best disability was what when we asked, at what point did you reach that?
I think I reached it once I had my full-time position.
Okay.
Uh, once I've obviously finished my my trade school, was working in my career, and, um, I had had a full-time job.
Okay. At the city?
No, I worked in the medical field.
Okay. Medical. So then how did you go from the city to the medical field?
Well, the medical, the city was basically like my job to get through financially, right? Because obviously I was going to school full-time as well. And then when I went to trade school, I was going to school full-time as well. Once I got out of that, I would, you know, go straight to my part-time job. And then from there, I would, uh, go home. And so my husband, my husband, my father, and my child, my children, uh, he was the one that would pick them up from like preschool and take them to daycare, and then from daycare, we he would pick them up, and then we would both go together back home with the children.
So then you had, um, it was you and then the father of the, the father.
The children. Yeah, my children.
Um, so clearly he, or there was a sense of support that you didn't have.
Yeah, definitely. He's, we support, he supported us.
Did you ever, for the, for the time considering the time, you know, that it was the, um, sort of standards that were present, and especially because of the previous father, did you ever think it was strange that you had, you know, I not to say not to say a man, but to you know, for just to consider, you know, just, um, someone who is, I'm not sure how to put it, like, okay, I guess, you know, okay with the situation, okay with not okay, but, you know, did you ever think, take the time to think, you know, before having the second child, or I'm not sure what the time frame is when you had the second child?
Years later.
Years later, okay. Did you ever think it was strange for the father to be so, you know, accepting in a way?
Oh, uh-huh. You know, Um, so, okay. So, for the father of my second child to be accepting of the first child.
Mhm.
Well, thank, no, thankful. I shouldn't say that. I'm just saying that. But my second child was a girl. So, it's kind of like we had the couple, you know, we had the girl and the boy, because my first child was a a boy. And my little boy, he was a sweetheart. You know, who didn't love that little boy?
Um, so mind you, when he, we met when my, when my first child was months old.
Right.
So we met when he was months old, and he would come around because like, as I had mentioned before, I would take my son to my games and stuff like that. And so he would come around to my job, my work, and he would come around to wherever I was.
Um, especially if I wasn't on the clock and I was around the area, I would, you know, I would definitely have my son with me. Yeah.
But, um, you know, he, he got to meet him several times and play with him and, um, like, he, he really liked him. He liked him a lot.
And my son was like that, like, very happy kid, too. So he liked him. And, you know, like, you, my son was a sweetheart. And so, he was always accepting of him. I, I didn't think, I guess I didn't have room to think about, oh, he doesn't like him, or, you know, what if he doesn't like him? Because, you know, from the beginning, I saw the positives and I saw that they hit it off well, and they engaged fine, and they interacted completely great, and he always showed the support that he cared for him. Like if he had fallen, he'd be like, right there for him. If, you know, when he got to the age of being like four or five years old and he can play in like in the little peewee teams, right? He would be the one to be there. I mean, he always played that dad, that dad, uh,
Right.
Card, or, you know, it was always.
Yeah, okay. So then you didn't think anything strange about it?
No.
Did people, was there ever people around you who said anything or thought, you know?
There would be people that would that would, you know, that obviously knew both of us, and would say like, "Oh, look, you know, it's funny, you know, that he's like that and it's not even his child." And we were like, "Yeah, you know, we were just like, yeah, you know, he, it's, he's been with him since he was like months old." So, it's as if, and and then, and obviously it helped that the father, by by that he, the father that he, um, it it helped that he would always present him or speak of him as his son.
Right. Okay. So there was no, you know, even though, yeah, biologically he was.
Yeah. Okay. So there wasn't that sense of like, oh, my, you know, girlfriend's son or anything?
Yeah. No, no, no, no, never. He would always say, "my son."
Okay. And then were you, was that something that he did by himself or was it something that you encouraged?
Never did I encourage it, actually.
Okay.
Um, cuz I, I think I would have never known how to like say it. And if at first he ever said like, "my girlfriend's son" or "my," you know, like, I don't know how he would say it, but cuz I never heard it, but if he did, I mean, I would be understanding to it, cuz I obviously knew that wasn't his biological son, right? But he, that's something that he brought up on his own. He would, he was the one that mentioned that on his own.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So then you are, um, the second child. Yeah.
The second child. That was at 18. 19.
Yeah. 18.
18.
You were 18.
Yeah. At 18.
You were working at the sports center.
Uh, 18. Yes. I was finishing up. Yeah.
And then what age did you say you, um, moved on to the medical field?
19.
19. Okay. And then so how did you get into the medical field?
I went to, I wanted to obviously. So if you recall, I wanted to be a lawyer. Right.
Right.
Okay. So then obviously I had a kid, and that changed it, right? So me going to the Marines wasn't going to happen no more, because, you know, how was I going to go to the Marines and leave the child? Because my mom, um, I don't know if I said this, but, you know, my sister came back home with all her kids, and so my mom was watching her kids, and so I was like, you know what, it's not going to work out. My mom's not going to be able to watch my kid and all these kids together. It's just going to be a whole show. So I said, you know what, I need to do something else. So then I decided to go on to the medical field as a backup. And so the medical field was a backup the whole time. And so I started working in that field, and that's how I got there.
Right. So what drew you into the medical field? What did you, you know, was there anything that you saw that made you consider it? Was there anything?
No, I just felt like, you know what, the medical field, you know, in the medical field, you can make good money. In the medical field, there's always, you know, the need, you know, it's something that's not going to, you know, die out or phase out in life. You know, there's always going to be medical field opportunities. Um, so that's why I chose the medical field.
And then did you have, you know, a sort of idea in your head of how to get yourself into the medical field?
No, actually, I just because I didn't want to go through the whole gist of having to go to community college and get into this class and that class and this class and that class. I needed more. I I know I needed to see something. I needed something like more then and now, right? Because I didn't have the time. Now that I had a child, I didn't have the time to go spend my two years in community college and work part-time for two years. Um, I needed to find me a full-time job and I needed to do it fast, and I needed to learn how to do what I need to learn to do, right? Um, faster than quick. So, I did trade school.
Was, you know, for, you know, a Mexican-American woman, did you think that, being a Mexican-American woman, did you think that it would sort of, um, not exactly hold you down, but interfere in any way coming from the situation that you were in at the time? Did you think it was going to be, you know, more difficult?
I'd say, uh, I, I think that being a Mexican-American child from a family that grew up with the kind of family that I grew up, I know that I didn't want to be another statistic, right? And I wanted to be the opposite of that statistic. So I knew that in order for me to do that, and this was very early on, like when I got pregnant, is something that I had, this had already come up, and I knew I didn't want to be another, another, you know, Mexican-American child got pregnant as a teenager because, you know, their upbringing wasn't there, and, you know, they're Mexican-American, and, you know, they're good for nothing, and they depend on the government, right? And, you know, this is what they do. They just breed children, and, you know, they live off the government. I didn't want to be that.
And that is, that's the statistic that you're talking about.
Yes, that is the statistic I'm talking about.
So do you think that there was like a high statistic during that time?
There definitely was. It was a baby boomer phase. So yes. Yes.
Right. Okay. So then I know you, you said you, I don't want to be a part of that statistic, but what did you feel about the, you know, you, how did you feel about the very existence of the statistic, normalization of, you know, what it means to you, you know, does that make sense?
That statistic is something that stuck in me, and I know I wanted to be different, right? I know I didn't want to be another one. So I knew that in order to prove myself, I needed to go ahead and like do what I needed to do. And so I, that is the reason exactly why I wanted to continue my education. That is the reason why no matter how hard life was going to be, I needed to go to school, finish school, and and get a job.
Because I didn't want to depend on the system, right? And in order to do that, I needed to get a job. And so I knew that if I didn't have the knowledge or skills for a job, I needed to learn something. Like I needed to do something. And that's the reason why I got into telemarketing, right? Um, I didn't know how to do telemarketing. But, you know, at that point, in that moment, I, I needed to learn how to do whatever it is I needed to learn how to do, and I needed to learn how to do it quick, right? So I learned, I learned fast. Like, I, I was not going to be bound to give up, and I was not about to be another statistic. So I had to get, get with the program, right? And that's what I did. That was my mentality the whole time.
Yeah.
Move, get going, move forward, don't look back. Get going, move forward, don't look back.
Yes. Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Right.
Well, to be, um, you know, and there's no right or wrong answer, it's just your opinion. Um, to be, to go more into your, you know, your opinion about the, you know, how you explain statistic and, you know, the sort of pipeline basically that you're explaining, um, how did you feel about the existence of the pipeline?
I wasn't happy about it.
Right. Because it's something you, you, you saw in your own family, right?
Yes.
Right.
Yes. It was always embarrassing, to be honest. It was embarrassing. It was, it was something I wasn't proud of. It was something that I knew I didn't want to be like. I knew I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom. I knew that I didn't want to be hit or or anything like that. I didn't want to be treated bad by an individual that's supposed to be loving me and my kids. Um, and I was not going to let that happen.
Um, mentally and, I had to grow up. I grew up fast. I mean, I understand that I was 14 years old having a kid, but by that time, I was already changing my nephew's diapers. I was already cleaning houses. Um, because of the type of, you know, obviously home I grew up in, you know, I already knew how to cook because, you know, we had to help, and we had to cook, and we had to do this, and you have to do that, and, you know, like, you know, your mom or your parents, you know, your sisters are, you know, saying like, "Oh, how can you not know how to cook an egg?" or "How do you not know how to, you know, turn the tortillas over?" or, you know, stuff like that. So, you learn, you learn. Um, I, I learned pretty young. I think I started doing like the rice and the caldo de pollo at age nine and washing dishes and cleaning the house and, you know, it wasn't like we do chores, do chores, and you get your this, and, you know, your allowance. No, girl, there was nothing such thing as that in our life.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, your allowance is if you don't do your stuff, that you're going to get whacked in the head, or you're going to get whacked with the belt in your butt. That's was the allowance that you would get.
Right. And then do you, did you ever take time to ever wonder, you know, how exactly, um, someone goes down that pipeline?
I know how exactly when somebody goes down. I, I always wondered how the hell do people go. Well, you know what, when you have, when you don't have the guidance at home, when you don't have the the family morale, when you don't have family unity, when you don't have positive, um, mentors, when you don't have, um, the people around you that are positive individuals, people who are telling you what's right and what's wrong. When you don't have the people to support you, when you don't, when you have to be the one to stand up for yourself, when you have to be the one to look after yourself, when you have, when you have to be the one to do all that for yourself, that's when you know that you obviously you're not going to be, you're not, you were not guided in the right direction. You weren't given the support that you needed, the love that you needed, the attention you needed. None of that was given.
Right.
So, um, I don't wonder because I know it. Uh, I know it. And so I know that in order for my children to not go that same route, I need to provide all these things to them, right? You know, and I think that's one of the things that I have, um, how can I say this? That's one of the things that I have strived to do within my family is to make sure that that they have what they need. That they know that an education is important, that they do better than what I did because I didn't do great. So they need to make wonders and and do a lot better. That they need to know, and they know that education is first. That, you know, I'm here to support them while they're getting their education. That if they need help, I'm here for it. That they know that their mom loves them, that I care about them, and that I'm going to be there to support them in any and which way I can.
Was there any early core beliefs that you had for yourselves on how you were going to raise your children?
You know, no, I didn't have any core beliefs on how I was going to raise my child. I just know that I wanted to raise a happy child that knew what love was and that he was loved, or that they were loved, and that with God, all things are possible.
Okay. So then, um, how, like we talked, um, in the beginning about, you know, your family dynamic in your house growing up. So then what was the dynamic?
Uh, the dynamic, what was the dynamic, um, with your children and your husband, father of the two children, or father of, you know, my children.
Father of the children at the time.
Um, what was the dynamic then?
Our dynamic had always, has always been education.
The education.
Yeah. Education first and, um, sports. Um, you know, you're going to be able to have family. Families are, you know, for them not to have worry about family now that they would, you know, eventually come to that point in their lives. Um, that in order for them to have their own families, they need to be able to get an education and a career, and then think about other things, um, you know, while their parents are there for them, educate them, and we will provide for them.
Okay. Um, so then, um, going into sort of culture-wise, identity-wise, um, how did being a second-generation Mexican American shape your experience growing up?
How did it shape my experience growing up or what?
A second generation.
Oh, second generation. Oh, got it. Got it.
Second generation.
My second generation. You don't know what second generation is? Yes.
Um, so how did that shape us?
So your mother, was your mother first generation?
Mhm.
Right. Do you think, did that ever put a play into into growing up, her being an immigrant?
Um, obviously yes, because, you know, she didn't, she still doesn't know the language, the English language. That was a language, you know, barrier. Back to language barrier for her. Um, she didn't get the education she needed. She didn't succeed in life obviously academically. Um, so that was obviously that also played another role.
Mhm.
Um, so being a second generation, I think that I was more capable and able to get everything that she didn't have.
Mhm.
Or, yeah, get the stuff that she didn't get because obviously I had an education. Obviously I learned English. Obviously I, you know, I was taught differently. So, um, I'm sorry, I have to go back to what was the initial question that as a second generation, what?
How did it shape your experience growing up? You know?
It opened doors, obviously. In the second generation, there were more doors open than there was for her.
Right.
Um, and because of that, I was able to have a better outcome than what she did.
Did you feel like you had, you were, you know, was there anything that you, um, couldn't get exactly?
No, I think everything was available as long as you seek, you know, like, I think what happens is that, like, for example, in comparison to my friends growing up, my mom didn't know any system. My mom didn't have any educational background. So, she didn't know how to help me out in that sense, right? And it was more of I helping myself out and seeing what route I would need to go in order to succeed. So, those routes were the ones, or the, you know, that I had more open opportunities to than what my mom did.
Right. Um, so then looking back, um, what are you most proud of?
Looking back, I'm proud of myself that I didn't give up.
Mhm. Looking back, I'm proud that I didn't become, you know, you know, because we didn't, we, okay, so yeah, I'm proud that I succeeded. I'm proud that I didn't give up. I'm proud that I finished my education and graduated high school. I graduated trade school. I went and did, you know, my medical, I went on to working in the medical field, and that I was able to bring up my children, you know, as best as I could. And they finished their high school, and none of, you know, they, they didn't have any issues like the ones I had, and, uh, they didn't have to, they didn't have to, um, they didn't have to live the life that I, the type of life that I did.
Right.
Um, do you feel like you had the same opportunities as others your age?
No, I did not.
No. Why?
I think that the the reason why was because obviously, what was I thinking, have a child as a teenager, right? And once that happens, it like closes out opportunities for you.
Mhm.
So definitely, I don't think so. And, you know, obviously even in the educational system, it's, um, you know, once you have a child, it's not like the teachers like you, right? You know, you got to think about that, too. Like, there's teachers that, that they're, you know, they, they, um, stereotype, you know, they, they put a label on you because once you have a kid, and they know, they're like, "Oh, you know, it's like, uh, oh, okay." And you, and you know, or you feel it because, you know, they're nicer or different. They treat other people different from you. And and the opportunities are open to those people that don't have children. And and that's the difference, right? Those are the, that's probably the only difference or opportunities that you feel that are not the same as the others.
Do you think, would you be able to maybe recall anything specific, maybe if you can remember anything specific that you like, like the situation you had explained about, you know, them sort of treating you differently, maybe offering something?
Well, from the very beginning, they, they, I mean, obviously I understand that they're, it was in the best interest, but, you know, how would they know that? Like, you know, from the very beginning when they offered me the fact that I needed to go to a teen parent program, you know, why? Why did I need to go to a teen program? Just because, um, I was going to be with my belly out in in high school?
Mhm.
Like, why? I was going to be the one that had to face it, not them.
Mhm.
You know, it's like from the very beginning, it's there, right? From the very beginning, you know, they want to like tell you where you're allowed to go to school and where you're not allowed to go to school.
So yes, there were marked differences. Yes, there's opportunities that are given to us because of the fact that we have, that we're pregnant, or, you know, their school might have a label because they're allowing pregnant individuals at their schools.
Right.
So then do you think the, the teen parent program had more, um, was holding you back from things that were given to other students at a regular school?
Yes. Because the completely program at the teen parent program than it was at a regular school.
Right.
Yeah. Um, what did you, what do you think people like misunderstand about women in your situation?
That we would also like to have a life and we would also be able, would like to be able to go out and have fun with our friends. Like, you know, why is it that, and I understand, like, it's every individual's mind or way of thinking, but like, those parents to those children, or those friends of mine in in school, like, what makes them think that like a, like me, like I was a child pregnant and in school, that the best thing to do was like to keep your child away from me, right? Like, that's messed up. Like, if, if now, you know, if I see, like, there was a teenager that's pregnant, you know what? They don't know the lifestyle that person had or how what happened to that person, you know, why, what led them to get pregnant, or what situation they were that they got pregnant. And I'm not saying that they were all in bad situations, but what I am saying is that, you know, don't go on stereotyping other children and don't go on labeling other families just because they have a child that's pregnant as a teenager, right? Cuz it happens to the best ones, and it happens to the the poor ones. You know, there's out there individuals who are who have money and they come from wealthy families and they still get pregnant. So, you know, just because they have money, they don't get closed doors. But as individuals who live this lifestyle in the in the ghetto or or wherever they want to say that we poor individuals, Mexican-American families live, doesn't mean that we don't want to have an equal life.
Right. Um, so, but the teen parent program, was it mainly women or was there also men there?
It's all women.
Oh, it's all women.
All women. There was never men.
Okay. So there's no, there's no.
Yeah, that's called discrimination. Why is, why didn't they make the dad go there, too?
Yeah. Oh, so there's no father, there's never any father involvement in things or?
No, there wasn't. Daddies were there. They were at the regular high schools.
Okay.
Or schools.
Right. So then what did you, you said that you know, you, you know, lost friends when you got pregnant?
Yes.
Um, you had to transfer.
Yes.
So then what exactly, how did you feel about, you know, how the father of the first child got to stay at school, you know, was there any sort of any of the treatment that you had received after?
I didn't have any resentment and he wasn't treated differently, and it's not like his high school knew that he had a girl pregnant either, because nobody was going to know, and his parents were not going to go and tell the school, "Oh, he has a pregnant girlfriend." They, to begin with, they didn't even want him to be with me, right? You know, um, so he was still playing his sports because he was an athlete as well. So he was at his high school playing his competitive sports, but hanging around with his regular friends.
Did you ever think any deeper about it?
No.
No.
Um, what advice would you give to someone growing up in a similar position today?
That, you know, first, I wouldn't encourage being pregnant, getting pregnant. And I would encourage them to have fun, enjoy their young, their young life, for them to continue their education because this education will always be key, and, um, that there was, there's always going to be time to do whatever else they would like to do in life. That there's no rush. That for them to think straight, get, go to school, right? Continue your education and so forth.
All right. Um, so those are the end of the questions I have for you. Is there anything else that you feel like you want to share or would want to add on to any of your previous answers?
Um, no. We just obviously spoke about my first years and so, uh, as a parent and so physically it got a little, I don't know, personal or whatever.