Transcription
So, use this strategy in these 10 spots and you will find a girlfriend, guaranteed. So, in this video, I'm going to give you the 10 best places to meet women outside of dating apps because, let's face it, dating apps can be exhausting. You wind up going through 30 micro breakups with women you actually never meet in person.
Now, a lot of guys enjoy it. A lot of guys have a lot of success with dating apps, but I deal with a lot of clients who are back in the dating world after a breakup or a divorce, and it's just exhausting emotionally, mentally, just even having to manage dating apps, and they go, "Bobby, isn't there places to meet women outside of dating apps?" And the truth is, there is. And that's where a large majority of people find their girlfriends, but they usually go to the wrong place. So, we're going to talk about the right places, but more importantly, I'm going to show you the strategy that makes these places actually work because most guys go to these places and they still mess it up. So, let's get into it.
Hi, I'm Bobby Rio. And before I give you the list of places, I need to tell you something that happened to me that'll explain why this strategy matters so much. Because if you're impatient and you just want to skip to what are the 10 places, you will not have success at these places. You'll make the same mistakes that I did, the same mistakes my clients do. So, I want to shortcut the learning experience for you. So, trust me, I will give you the places, but you've got to use the strategy I'm also giving you right now.
Like I said, I learned this the hard way. I met this girl, Alexis, and I met her at a networking event, which is a great place to meet women. And she's cute, she's artsy, she, you know, we have this type of vibe. We hit it off. We both like music, we both like a lot of things. It was, it was a genuinely good conversation. I mean, we talked for like 2 hours straight and it was deep stuff. Dreams, ambitions, the kind of conversation where you kind of lose track of time and you forget you're at this event and other people around. And I knew more about her at the end of that conversation than I do about some of my family members. And I remember thinking, "This is it. This is the girl. We have this incredible connection, but I made a big mistake. Here's what I didn't do. I never flirted with her. I was so locked into this deep conversation mode that I treated her like a colleague at a conference. I was deep and interesting, but I wasn't interesting in a way that created attraction or sexual tension. So, when I finally tried to shift gears a few interactions later, it was pretty awkward. The window had closed. She had already filed me under nice networking guy in her brain. And once you're in that folder, good luck getting moved to the I want him folder."
So, here's the thing. It's not enough to just show up at the places I'm going to go over. If you just go and you think a woman is going to magically fall into your lap, you're going to miss a lot of opportunities that you can take advantage of. That's why I'm giving you the strategy. And that strategy has three parts. So, we're going to write this down. Okay.
One, familiarity. And we're going to write leverage because you're going to leverage the familiarity built into the places we're going to talk about. Now, the second thing you're going to do is you're going to establish yourself as a fun, playful, flirty guy right from the beginning. So, I'm just going to write establish yourself as a flirt. And you got to do this right from the start, right when you go to these places. And three, you're going to use groups to move things outside of the activity. I'll explain what each of these means when we go through the list, but you're going to just write down move. And you'll understand in a second why this is so important. But keep these three things in your head because they're really the difference between meeting women and actually dating them and creating attraction and not being like me stuck in, you know, talking to a girl for 2 hours and getting nowhere.
So before we get to the list, I want to explain why these specific places give you a massive advantage over, let's say, cold approaching women at bars or going on dating apps. And it comes down to one word, right? That word familiarity. So, for example, let's say you're at a salsa class or a co-ed kickball league or a volunteer group. You don't need a pickup line in these sort of places. You don't need some clever opener. The context does the heavy lifting for you. You can literally just turn to the person next to you and say, "Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Bobby. So, what's your deal?" That's it. That's the whole opener because the environment gives you permission to talk to her.
If you're newly single and rusty, these places are awesome just to get your feet wet again and get some reps in talking to women. Whenever a guy comes to me after a divorce or a breakup and he's like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm like, you have to get in like if you haven't talked to women and you haven't flirted and you're like, you've got to put yourself in environments that give you those reps, that give you those practice, that get you in that state of mind again. So, and you want to do it in a way that's easy. When you go to a nightclub or a lounge or a bar, her guard is up. When you go to the places we're going to talk about, her guard isn't up the way it would be as if some random dude stopped her on the street. And because you see these people repeatedly week after week, you become three-dimensional to them. What does that mean? It means you're not just a stranger walking up to them with a cheesy pickup line. You're the cool guy from Tuesday's class. She's seen your personality. She's seen you interact with other people. That's called social proof. And it's one of the most powerful forces in attraction when you use it right.
Now, here's where most guys screw up, though. The biggest danger with all these places is that you run the risk of becoming her activity only friend, her hiking buddy, her, oh, that's just Dave from volleyball. And it happens because guys wait too long to flirt, right? That's why I said you got to establish yourself as a flirt right at the beginning. They spend the first four weeks having polite PG-rated conversations about the activity and then by the time they are like, "Oh, I kind of maybe something's going on here and then they try to shift into something more romantic." She's already categorized you as the friend. It's like trying to change a tire while the car is already moving. It's too late. I had a female coworker once tell me that she thought I was asexual. [ __ ] embarrassing, right? But it was because I was so focused on playing it cool that I never showed an ounce of interest in her. Never flirted with her. never looked at like and nothing, right? Meanwhile, I would have banged this girl in a heartbeat, right? But she had no idea because I gave her literally nothing to work with.
So, here's what you do instead. You flirt from the start. And you don't do it aggressively or cheesy or creepy, just enough that she knows that you're not just into her like a platonic brother. Even something as simple as giving her a nickname early, okay? you just call her trouble or whatever adjective fits her personality. Or a fun thing to do is the opposite of her personality. So if she's really innocent, you call her wild. If she seems kind of wild, you call her prudish or whatever, right? Or you just tease her about something that you notice. If you're in class with her, you tease her about being the teacher's pet. If she messes up a drill, you give her a little, "Oh, come on. I expected more from you." With like a little smirk, you know, high fives, light touches on the arm. You know, be touchy. Be playful with her, but do it with everyone so that when you escalate with her, it doesn't feel weird. It feels like you. You're just that guy, that attractive guy that's talking like this with everyone.
Now, here's the move that ties it all together. The smartest thing you can do is use the group again to move things to a second location. Because as long as you only see her in the context of a salsa class or a hiking trail, you're stuck in that frame. She sees you as part of that world, not her dating world. So, if you're at an event or activity with her, be the guy who says, "Hey, a few of us are are grabbing a drink down the street. You should join us. You should come." That's it. Low pressure, no formal date, no heavy decision for her. You don't have to worry about things getting awkward or or anything. If it doesn't work out or she says no, because you just invited her to a casual hangout in a new environment with other people. That's the key. You organize it. You don't just invite her. you get a few people and you go, "Hey, why don't we all go grab a drink? I'm gonna go here." And you get all of them. And then when you're in that new environment, that's when you get a little bit more one-on-one with her. And this is huge because when she follows you to that second location, it's also a strong signal. It means she's choosing to keep spending time with you. And now you're in, let's just say now you're in a bar or now you're in a coffee shop where the conversation can shift from how's your backhand in tennis or whatever or pickle ball to actually being flirty and getting into the real stuff. You're the guy who leads the social vibe. You suggested it. You're actually like the center of attention now. You made it happen. And that's masculine. That is masculine quality. You're not waiting around for someone else to organize things. You're the one setting that new frame.
So, let's get into the list. So you kind of understand um that the objective when we go over these places is the reason they work is to create a familiarity with yourself with the group as being the guy in this place that people sort of revolve around. You also know that you want to flirt with her and other people right away. And when I say flirt, I don't mean compliment and be aggressive. I just mean be playful, be fun. Don't be the logical guy who only talks about the activity that's going on at the place. So, if you're at a business networking event, you don't want to be the guy only talking about, you know, your business and referrals and all that. You've got to be the guy who introduces the teasing, the flirting, the playfulness. And then you've got to move. It's very hard to go from that environment to the new thing. So, you want to move her into a new environment.
So, let's go through the 10 best places to meet women outside of apps. And I kind of alluded to the first one, so let's just go through this one quick. And this one is classes. And I want to be clear cuz I know from coaching guys for a very long time that guys love the idea of meeting women in gyms. Oh, I see this girl in my gym. Gym is actually like not the kind of classes we're talking about. Women in the gym, they're there. They're sweaty. They're self-conscious. They don't really want to meet a guy there. I mean, it does happen, but it's, you know, they have headphones on. It's an awkward thing, and it's sort of luck. This is not what I'm talking about. You need classes with a social vibe in them.
So, here's why. Here's why classes are great. Classes give you a built-in partner dynamic. So, maybe you're learning something together, struggling together, laughing at yourselves together. Salsa in particular, I mentioned this a few times because it's a great one. You're literally holding her, touching her, right? It's all part of the deal. You don't have to engineer it. I can't tell you how many clients I've worked with who went on to meet a girlfriend or future wife through salsa lessons. This is the secret sauce, though, of salsa lessons. Most of the studios that you take lessons in, they have an open night. So once a month, what they do is they open the studio up. So all of the students can go and practice. These things are like like like a freaking eighth grade dance. You just walk over and ask her to dance and that's what she's there for. So whatever the class is, the beauty of classes is you see her every week. If she's not necessarily in your class and you're going to one of these open night things at Salsa, you see her once a month. You get familiar with her, right? Familiarity starts to build. she starts looking forward to seeing you. If you're the fun guy, you can tease her about the class. You can comment about it. You can say something like, "I'm about to make a complete fool of myself with this next move. Try not to judge me." Right? Self-deprecating humor goes a long way in these kind of places.
So, the second thing is groups. This is another one that I alluded to, right? By groups, I mean a hiking group, a biking group, a running group, any kind of club, depending on where you are. There's clubs where you can go practice language, clubs where you can practice cooking, and these give you long stretches of uninterrupted conversation. So, you're walking side by side on a hiking trail for an hour. That's more quality time than most first dates. Use it. Share stories. Be curious about her. But don't forget to tease. Don't let it become a therapy walk. And when the hike's over, say, "Hey, I'm starving. A few of us are going to hit that taco place down the road." Boom. Second location, new frame.
Now, third, real estate events. You might be going, "What the hell is real estate events? What is that? Why does that?" I'll tell you why. This one surprises guys. But I learned something working as a realtor for a year after I graduated college. Real estate events are loaded with women. Open houses, investor meetups, firsttime buyer seminars, networking, you know, local realer networking events. It's one of those industries that skews heavily female and the social vibe at these things is very relaxed. You don't need to be in real estate to attend them. That's the beauty of it, right? That's the beauty of these things. I have a buddy who owns a mortgage company and he throws five or six of these parties a year and I show up to all of them. And I just People ask me, "So, what do you do?" I go, "Well, I invest in real estate." It's true, right? The ratio at these events are usually 7030, meaning 70% are women, 30% are men. And that is a lot better than a bar or dating apps. Now, when you're there, you know, start a conversation. Make an observation about the space. Say something like, "Is this wine actually good or are we all just like pretending it is?" Right? Just something stupid just to start the conversation. A line like that makes her laugh. It bonds over that shared experience and it opens the door for a real conversation.
Okay. Next, this is another one that I alluded to. Okay. co-ed sports leagues. Now, this one obviously depends on your physical conditioning and your age and what you're into, but it's great, right? This is a great for spring and for summer. So, there's co-ed kickball leagues, volleyball leagues, softball leagues, anything co-ed. Bowling could even work. I found that there's not as many girls in bowling, though. But volleyball, amazing, softball, amazing. What's great is you can use something called competitive flirting. And competitive flirting is gold, where you make playful bets. If my team wins, you're buying the first round. That one sentence does two things. It creates the flirtatious tension. And it sets up that after activity moving her we already talked about. You're laughing. You're trash talking. It's basically like foreplay with the scorecard.
Five. If you're not athletically inclined, this one's good. Volunteering. Nobody thinks of this, but it's amazing. This could be anything, right? It could be a charity event. It could be, you know, organizing charity events. It could be soup kitchens. It could be habitat builds. It could be political fundraising. It depends on your interest. Whatever your interest is, align it with that. Now, volunteering puts you in a partners and crime dynamic. You're doing something meaningful together and that creates a bond that goes deeper than, you know, small talk. You share inside jokes about the other volunteers about the chaos of the event. If it's politics, you trash talk, you know, the other whatever, the other side, and before you know it, you've got a connection that feels real. Plus, a guy who gives his time to help others kind of says something about you without you having to say it to her.
Now, real quick before we continue, if you're how I used to be and you have no clue how to start a conversation, what to say, or maybe you're like, "Yeah, I get what you're saying, Bobby, but how do I keep that conversation going once I start?" Well, I put together something called the Approach and Open Handbook, and it has over 47 opening lines to start a conversation and ways more importantly to transition into a natural and flirty conversation. I'll put a link below where you can download the handbook.
Now, next one that we're going to go through is a little bit more status quo, and this is happy hour. I know I said that bars, clubs aren't the best places, but happy hour is very underrated. Most people go to bars at night thinking they're going to meet a woman, but happy hour is so much better, so much easier. It's lower pressure. It's more social. There's a built-in lubricant called alcohol. You don't need a reason to talk to someone. like cheers is an opener. Asking what she's drinking is an opener. Jumping into a conversation that her group is already having is literally anything is an opener in this sort of environment. Just here's the thing. You don't want to be the guy nursing a beer alone in the corner staring at his phone. Be in the mix. Talk to the bartender. Again, you want to build familiarity. Pick a spot you like that also tends to have women go to it and go to that same spot. Get to know the bartender. Get to know some of the other regulars there. Talk to the group next to you. Be the energy of the room and she'll notice.
All right. Number seven. I'm just going to write friend group. What I call this is like friend of a friend get together. And this might be the the most slept on one here. When you're at a friend's barbecue or a house party or a birthday dinner, you've got preapproved value. You don't have to prove you're not a weirdo. mutual friend already vouches for you just by inviting you. And that skips the entire stranger danger phase. But more importantly, it's attractive from her perspective to meet and date a guy who's in her world because now it gives like you have that built-in things in common. You already know similar people. She's not like it's not awkward bringing you around because now you're already in that world. It's a great place. So go to every get together that you're invited to. Say yes to literally everything. And when you're there, be the guy that everyone's gravitating towards. Not the guy hiding in the kitchen eating chips by himself. Although, honestly, I've been that guy, too. But Bobby, I don't have any friends. Well, guess what? Guess where you're going to make friends? In the other things I talked about in classes, in co-ed sports leagues, volunteering, all the places we're talking about. You will make friends and then you will get invited to their barbecues and gettogethers and you will have even more opportunities to meet women.
Number eight, earlier I mentioned going to a class is a great place. Teaching something is even better. There's only one thing better than going to a class and that's being the one teaching the class. And it's a very sneaky powerful one. When you teach a class or lead a workshop or you know you mentor a group, you're automatically positioned as an authority figure. You're the guy with knowledge and status and that's inherently attractive. You don't have to be a professor, right? Teach a free workshop at a community center. Lead a coding meetup. Do a photography walk. Teach a yoga class if that's your thing. Now, be careful. Choose one that doesn't have a a fine line of flirting with the students of the class. But the point is, you're the one at the front of the room, and that changes the entire dynamic completely. But again, don't use mentorship or help to try to weasle your way in. That's not cool, right? Don't be tempted to like help her more and offer help and use like, "Hey, I want to give you a private yoga lesson." And like, no, you don't weasel your way in. You flirt. You do all the things we're talking about. It's not about tricking her. It's just about using the opportunity that arises because you don't want to fall into mentor zone. Mentor zone is just as bad as falling into the friend zone. So, make sure you treat her like the other students until it's time to ask her to do something fun outside of class or to flirt with her.
Number nine, local events. This is another one that uh guys don't seem to use enough of. I'm talking about art shows, live music openings, right? Art gallery openings, live music venues, pop-up events. Like, these places are conversation bait. You don't need a cold opener. You just comment on whatever's in front of you. The band, what do you think of this one at an art show? Have you seen this band before at a concert? It's built in. And the best part is the women at these events are usually there to socialize. They're open to meeting people. They're not like heads down on a treadmill with AirPods in like everybody who wants to meet a girl at the gym. They're in the mood to connect with somebody who's also into the art or the band or whatever.
Number 10 is the one that I started this whole thing off talking about my experience and that is networking events. So, if you're in sales or you're in business or basically anything, you you're probably already aware of this, but if you just have a normal job and and you don't like realize that these things exist, they do. There's a lot of these groups out there for like young entrepreneurs, old entrepreneurs, masterminds, for for people in in certain industries. Now, here's where my Alexa story, like I said, comes full circle. Networking events are incredible for meeting women if you avoid the critical mistake that I talked about. Don't go into interview mode. Don't ask, "So, what do you do?" And then follow up with, "Oh, that's interesting." Like a robot. Go to these events. And then pivot. Use a cold read. Say something like, "You look like the most organized person in this room." Or, "You've got this very like sophisticated energy. Let me guess, you're you're in finance." It shifts the conversation from that professional, "Hey, can I get one of your business cards?" And like, you don't want to fall into that trap at these events. And here's the deal. Like everybody at these events, yeah, they kind of wanna talk business, but they're really there to have fun. And you know who's there to have fun? When you look around and you see if you know if she's having a drink, well, that means she's probably wants to be social. So look around, be conscious of these these elements. But you know, again, you want to move it away from that professional. You want to bring it to that flirty, playful level where attraction actually lives. The key at the events is to be the guy who stands out by not focusing 100% on work. Everyone else is exchanging their business cards and their LinkedIn profiles. You're the one making her laugh and asking her, you know, what she actually likes to do when she's not pretending to enjoy networking.
So, here's the thing. Dating apps are not your only option. They may feel like it, but they're not. I just gave you 10 options. The best women you're ever going to meet are out there in the real world doing things they love. Showing up to events, being part of communities. And if you position yourself in these environments, if you're the fun, social, slightly flirty guy who leads the vibe, you won't have to chase anyone. They'll come to you. But here's the key. It's not just about showing up. It's about how you show up, your energy, your frame, the way you carry yourself in a room full of people. But you have to overcome your approach anxiety and get yourself to talk to them. I know that this was a struggle for me. Again, if you struggle with it like I do, I want to make it super easy for you. So, you can grab download it today, the approach and opener handbook below. It's filled with the best opening lines, the best way to move into a more flirty conversation, and tips for actually overcoming that anxiety you feel about starting a conversation at an event like this. There's a link below where you can download it. And if you made it this far in the video, hit the like button, leave a comment telling me which of these 10 places you're going to try first, and if you haven't already, subscribe so you don't miss my next video.