Transcription
What's up, y'all? Welcome back to Mental Groove. Tonight's callers both claim faith, but their choices tell a different story. One admits motherhood came before marriage. The other believes God will erase past decisions. Let's get into it.
>> You said hello.
>> Sorry, I did. I didn't know if you were talking.
>> I'm talking to you. So, hey, how are you? Where did I get wrong?
>> I don't think you're wrong. Um, I personally am spiritual, religious, um, whatever you would call it. But, um, I am 22. I have a one-year-old.
>> Uh-oh.
>> Um,
>> Where's where's where's the child's father?
>> He's He's around. He's very active.
>> Are you a Are you Were you married?
>> I was not.
>> So, you're a baby mama?
>> I am. Yep. I messed up. I'm Hey, I I I'm just saying that's what it gets called.
>> Yeah.
>> Um Go ahead. [snorts]
>> Yeah. So, I kind of I had the wake up quote unquote while I was pregnant of all the reasons why you shouldn't be a baby mama when I was already a baby mama.
>> So, um Now,
>> You didn't know that before? I've never really
>> Were you raised with your dad?
>> I wasn't. But my mom was married
>> to my dad, but it was a abusive situation. So, she left him when she was pregnant with me. So, I never really But you knew. I mean, you're 22. You live in this country. You know it's better to have
>> two parent household. I mean, you didn't know that.
>> It's not that I didn't know it. It's more so it's like
>> Did you go to college?
>> I am finishing college currently.
>> Okay. What are you what are you going what are you getting your degree in?
>> Finance.
>> And then what do you plan on doing with your degree?
>> Um being a financial analyst.
>> And what does the father do? Is he was he in school?
>> No.
>> What does he do?
>> He just does um like construction work and stuff.
>> So you are a college student and got pregnant by a guy who came on to the campus. It was somebody who was also in college, but um I knew him since like high school and it was it was it was more so stupidity on my end of um
>> How many girls did you see walking around? So, what what's what do you go is it a commuter college that you go to or is there dorms and stuff?
>> No.
>> No, I went to community college.
>> Community college? So, are you getting a associates or you getting a bachelor's?
>> Oh, now I'm getting a bachelor's through my job like on online school. Um, but before I was going to community college.
>> All right. Sorry.
>> So, ultimately, what did you have? What did you want to bring into this? Cuz at 21 years old, 21 or 22?
>> 22.
>> 22 with a one-year-old boy or girl?
>> Girl.
>> Why didn't you just marry this man?
>> Um, as I said during my pregnancy, I saw all of the
>> quote unquote mask come off and um, he is not marriage material at all.
>> And um,
>> yeah, it was
>> I don't know what that means, ma'am. You had a baby with a man. I got pregnant and then he decided to um
>> How old is he?
>> He's 24. I got pregnant and he decided to have three girlfriends on the side of me during my pregnancy.
>> That's why I didn't want to marry him.
>> Well, and what and what state do you live in?
>> Texas.
>> Let me be brutally honest with you ladies. 21 or 22 years old with a one-year-old, you basically screwed the pooch. You picked the man you decided to carry a child to term for. No one accepts I was young and I made a mistake. That that excuse does not work anymore. A child gets born because a woman wants to carry a child to term. So what what is done at this point?
>> Um well, you have to ex truthfully truthfully you're going to have to accept that you have seriously impacted your chances of well high value men are pretty much out. I mean how tall are you?
>> I'm 5'4.
>> Dress size
>> six.
>> Six.
>> Okay. High value men are effectively out. Even if you even if you were pretty. No one wants to raise another man's child, much less a loser. So that's what you've done. And struggle as though you may try to widget around. Guys will take you out. Guys will make you a side chick, a friend with benefit. But to get the ring of a high value man is going to be like hitting the lottery because why would somebody this again there are women out there who don't have children and baby daddy I mean reasonably why would a man want to be a stepfather and not have the full authority and he's going to have full full responsibility for that child. So,
>> well, I I actually just um ended a relationship like about a month ago.
>> Um I dated him for about 6 months.
>> And how old is your child?
>> She's one.
>> God damn.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. It was somebody that was basically waiting for their chance.
>> Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's not let's not just be that cavalier about that, man. You also were wanting to get back on the get back on the ride.
>> Can't just let you just mean by that.
>> I can't just let you come through and and throw a shot at a man like that.
>> I was waiting to get their chance. Did y'all were y'all intimate?
>> No. Not. Well, towards the end of the relationship, yes. But I'm saying I knew him for 5 years.
>> So, you needed somebody to help you get over your BD as well?
>> No. No, not at all.
>> Okay. Right. Anyway, we keep on moving. Net net of it is 22 one year old. You have effectively removed high value men. You could get a degree in finance and be a financial analyst and making $60,000 a year and have a white collar job. But a guy who's making a h 100,000 plus is going to go pick a woman with no children.
>> So you think women with children period don't have a chance?
>> Not for high value men. Not unless you're not unless you're pretty, beautiful, or gorgeous. Now you have a son or a daughter? Which one is it?
>> I have a daughter.
>> A daughter. Uh, will if you found if you got a high value man, would he be able to discipline your daughter like it was his? Would he be a give her a whooping if he needed to?
>> Yes.
>> Yes,
>> he would be able to.
>> Yes.
>> Yes. Cuz I grew up with a stepdad. So,
>> and and your and your and your BD would have nothing to say about it.
>> It wouldn't matter.
>> Yes, it would, ma'am. See, I've been see Let me explain Let me explain something. Let me explain something to you. I've been a stepfather and I've had to deal with a crazy ex-husband.
>> I've seen this. Ma'am, understand something. I know what you want to tell yourself. That I was young. I made a mistake. I'm a good woman. I'm cute. And there's somebody who's going to give Okay, ma'am. Sure, you could hit the lottery, but more likely than not, you're not going to get a high value man because what do they want? Do do the men that you think the kind of men that you want do you want to have more children?
>> Um I'd be open to it.
>> So the answer is no. So the answer is no.
>> I would be able to I'm saying I would be able open to
>> Do you want to have more children? That's a yes or no.
>> Yes.
>> Okay. Women who want to have more children don't say they'd be open to it. I'm saying I would be open to it because if I came across a man who didn't want children, I would be fine with not having any more children. But if he did want children, I would be open to having one or two more children.
>> You'd be open to having what?
>> One or two more children?
>> One or two more children. Okay. Again, I I get it. You had a stepfather. Different generation, different times. Men aren't doing that like that anymore. People aren't even getting married like they used to. I know what you want to hear, ma'am. But the marital rates for baby for for for unwed mothers in the black community is atrocious. A husband is what you can expect. You and you want one of the Do you want to have to work to pay significant bills after you're pregnant again?
>> I would like to work in the future, but I would like to take like two or three years.
>> Again, so that the answer is no. That means that man needs to be able to make enough money to cover replace your income.
>> Mhm.
>> Pay for your daughter, the new baby, and him. That means in Texas, you're going to be talking about a man who's making $200,000 or more. And men that make that kind of money don't go marry baby mas. Why is that so troubling or difficult for you just to accept?
>> So it's not necessarily troubling for me to accept. It's just
>> I basically no matter you're saying no matter what I do
>> No, ma'am. I of course now come on ma'am. Let's be reasonable. I'm not Cararnack. I can't tell the future. I'm giving you the odds and the predictions or statistics. I cannot say with 100% certainty. But what I can say is this. Men with options choose women that don't have children. They can wait. They don't have to pick you. Why are you still trying to put this square peg in a round hole? Here's the thing. You knew you were having a child before marriage and you chose to do it anyway. You knew there was going to be a consequence with that.
>> Yes or no?
>> Yes.
>> Or I mean or or or not? Or did you think, hey, it's no big deal. I got a kid, but everybody got kids, so it's really not that big a deal. I mean, I'm going to school and get my finance going. I can take care of it. So, you know what? It's all good. I mean, I know there are some women out there that think like that, too.
>> I The way that I viewed it was more so it would be harder for me alone as a single mother cuz I've seen my mom during the single mother phase before she was remarried.
>> So, I knew that part would be hard. But, as for actually finding someone to marry, I've never really heard that being an issue.
>> Exact. Well, let me tell you, welcome to reality. It's an issue. Men don't want to be stepfathers. And by choosing to have a child before marriage, I say it again, you have effectively ended opportunities to get high value man. Now, what's wrong with getting a man who's just average middle class driving for UPS working for the Horale plant or something making $40, $50,000 a year in Texas?
>> So, for me, it's a lot. I actually, that's why I brought up the last relationship that I had that I ended a month ago.
>> Because what's wrong with it, ma'am? I got other people to get to. Please, would you would you deal with that or not?
>> I I can't deal with No, you can't. No, you can't. So, in So, in other words, you're you're a woman, a young woman who had a baby outside of marriage. You're a baby mama. And because you're going to school and a financial analyst, you think you should have somebody on your level higher. That's hypergamy. I understand, ma'am. But you're not going to get it. You're overvaluing yourself. That's the thing. So many of our sisters drastically overvalue themselves. What would you What would you rank yourself on the looks scale from 0 to 10? You cannot use seven. I mean
>> I mean you just said Beyonce was eight.
>> Yes, cuz she is
>> What would that make you?
>> I normally
>> I'm sorry.
>> What would that make you?
>> I I would say that would make me a seven, but you just said
>> you can't use seven. I Because I'm a professional image consultant and I do this in real life. See, I'm I'm a professional at what I do and I'm good at what I do. See, what I've done is I've I've given you reality that you have not paid for. If you had to pay me, I'd be telling you the same thing. Ma'am, at best, you're probably a six cuz you're not an eight at Beyonce level. I can't use seven cuz every average looking or cute woman tries to give herself more points. But, but at a six, how what but what does your child cost you if you're a six? What does your child cost you? Does it give you a point?
>> Does it?
>> No.
>> Does it cost you something?
>> What does it cost you?
>> I wouldn't know because it would depend on
>> It cost you It cost you points. It cost you points. Children cost two points. One child costs two points. Two kids cost three points. So if you're six, you effectively dropped yourself down to four. That's unattractive. An unattractive woman for a high value man. Ma'am, understand you want a man who's making six figures plus who to not be able to work. Do you? And you don't know these men. But if you go talk to these men, they'll tell you they don't want women who are baby mamas. And they don't have to pick them. If every black man in this country got married tomorrow, 2 million black women will be left over. You need to level set where you really are in this marketplace and get realistic or go on the other side and you will become what I consider to be an eternal seven. Go look at the video. But that's what you're sounding like. A woman who has a degree, who's cuter than most, young, and you'll go bouncing around in relationships for the next eight years. And by the age of 30, you'll be one bitter woman.
>> So instead, I should settle first.
>> No, ma'am. First off, first off, see, first off, see, that's Let me take that word out of your vocabulary. Settle. Someone is settling for you. Someone raising another man's child is settling for you. See, that is one thing you women got really twisted. Take that out of your vocabulary. You have a child for by another man. You are no prize. I'm sorry, man, but that's just the way it is for all women. A man coming to take care of another man's offspring is settling. That's a beta male move. I've done it. You you you baby mas got it really twisted. I understand you can love your child and your child is special, but all it is to another man is a damn bill.
>> And what's the difference?
>> All right, that's it. That's it. You're not going to listen.
>> No.
>> It's not going to listen.
>> Peace out. Hello.
>> Hello.
>> Hi.
>> Hello. How do I pronounce your first name?
>> Chatana.
>> Chatana. How are you?
>> Yes, sir.
>> I'm doing well. How are you?
>> Oh, I'm good. So, what did I get wrong? Tell me tell me what I did wrong cuz apparently I don't know what I'm talking about. [laughter]
>> Well, I wouldn't say you're doing anything wrong. You're doing a good job. Actually, I wanted to um call in because I am a Christian woman
>> and when you say that um high value men are kind of out of the category for certain women. I wanted to say that my situation, I guess, is like a diamond in the rough type of situation because I know that I have cut off my chances because I can rate myself of the six. I have a one child, a son, and I'm a baby mama,
>> all of that. But God has blessed me with the boyfriend that I have now, who is a high value man. And I am just ecstatic at this point because I know that I don't deserve this, but I have it. Does that make sense?
>> Yeah. Um, do you want to get married?
>> I do. So,
>> okay. Uh, how long have you guys been together?
>> It's a year and two months.
>> Does he have any children?
>> No.
>> No.
>> Is he Is he older or younger than you?
>> He's older by one month.
>> Okay. Uh, have you guys have been together for a year and a half? Um, why why are you guys not uh engaged?
>> Well, it's a year and and two months, but why we're not engaged?
>> All it takes is all it takes is 6 months.
>> You're right.
>> I know.
>> He has definitely asked. He's he has mentioned that he definitely wants to get married.
>> He said he wants to marry you.
>> He did. He said he wants to marry me. He's spoken to my father apparently. I just found out
>> about a week or two ago. So I guess it's in the works. It must be a surprise. [laughter]
>> Okay. Uh what does he do for a living?
>> He is an engineer.
>> Okay. And what do you do?
>> I work in collection. So I'm that person you don't want calling.
>> No. No. I just hang up on your ass. Uh so [laughter] here's the thing. Yes, it can happen. Um, but what are the odds?
>> Yes.
>> So, I mean, I I'll take everything you say at face value. Um, but you're how old? 31.
>> I'm 29.
>> 29. Do you want to have any more children?
>> I do. I want two more.
>> Does he want children?
>> He does. He actually wants five. [laughter]
>> And where's your father at?
>> My father is about 2 hours away from me. So, he's in my life. We just don't live in the same town.
>> Okay. Well, if he's uh you know, spoken to your father, I Yeah, let me know when the engagement happens. [laughter]
>> I will call you and let you know.
>> But here's the thing. What would you What would you tell women who are in your position then?
>> That's a good one. So play in my position, spend a lot of time seeking knowledge like with this channel for instance for um just reading and just getting to know yourself because I honestly think a lot of women jump on this bandwagon of thinking they should be hypergamous and they have unrealistic expectations and that's very toxic. And I'm noticing that a lot and not just the black community, but even my girlfriends. I come from a Native American reserve. So, even the Native American women that are my friends have the same toxic mentality. So, it's not just the black community. From what I've noticed personally,
>> all right, I got I'm going move on to the next caller, but I would say say this that I would tell women cuz you're you weren't you were B. I would tell women don't do what I did.
>> That's honestly what I want to hear women like you tell women to do. Don't do what I did.
>> Not how to fix what I did. don't do what I did. And until we can start having women like yourself who say you're getting a different outcome, tell women, don't do what I did. We're not going to fix this. Cuz they will hear what you said and they'll think, see,
>> don't do what I did, lady. But that but what I'm saying is though that needs to be top of if you really because I mean if everything what you're saying is true you are an anomaly. It's you know it's a one in what one in 100.
>> Hello.
>> Yeah. So we need to be telling women not to do that. Uh but let me know. Send me uh information when you when you get uh the send me pictures of the ring. Thanks.
>> Okay.
>> Bye-bye.
>> Thank you.
>> Bye-bye. Lonnie, hello.
>> Hi. [laughter] Hi.
>> I'm just wondering what's wrong with waiting on God to send you a husband.
>> Excuse me?
>> What's wrong with Okay. What's the topic?
>> Um, why should God see you a high value husband? Yeah. What's wrong with that?
>> Who are you?
>> Who am I?
>> Yeah. I don't know your name. You haven't introduced yourself. Will you just start questioning me like I like I owe you an explanation? That's the normal thing that people do is they introduce each other and you kind of talk first. You don't just start trying to check people.
>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
>> Um,
>> hi. Your name is
>> Hi, my name is Lonnie.
>> Lonnie. Hi, I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you. How old are you?
>> I'm 21.
>> 21. Do you have any children?
>> No.
>> Okay. So, uh, why are you in the are you a Christian?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> All right. And why should why should God do you want to get married?
>> Yes.
>> Are you a wife?
>> Um,
>> um, maybe not right now.
>> Then why should God send you a husband? Period.
>> Cuz I'm going to be a wife.
>> No, no, no. See, see, young lady, you want to do this, well, do it. If you're a Christian, how does the scripture go? He who what?
>> He who finds a wife is a good thing.
>> Say again.
>> He who finds a wife is a good thing.
>> He who findeth a wife finds a good thing.
>> Yeah.
>> What does that mean?
>> That means Oh, dang. I don't know what that means.
>> That's That's pretty sad.
>> Yeah.
>> I mean, you call me asking me questions and you don't even know what that means. You're a Christian?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. All this is recorded. Silly little girls [laughter] looking like Miss Piggy over there. This this sad. This is all right. Grace, we're going to go ahead and bounce you out. Square dance rap. [clears throat] So, at the end of the day, here's what it comes right down to. God does not owe you a husband. Stop walking around being married to Jesus. If you're not doing something, if you're not a wife, like that last silly little caller. [laughter] Let me go get me some more Cheetos and hot funions. Yeah. Okay. You know when somebody's face is in the whole frame like damn you can enlarge the frame. Oh, I'm sorry. Your face fit in that little box. All right. Seriously though, we got to the church is not the modern prosperity church is not helping black women. Black women. Black men are not going to church. They don't want to hear preachers preach that prosperity gospel. They don't want to hear women with multiple children think it's no think nothing's wrong. They don't want to hear callers like the caller that I had before who just thinks, "Hey, I got a kid." You know, no big deal. Yeah, that's a lot of wrong having a kid out of wear like if you want men at a certain level. And the net net of it is God should not send you anything. Anything you want out of this life, you got to work for it. Faith without works is dead. God is not a cosmic sugar daddy. He's not celestial Santa Claus. He's not a genie. You're up for three wishes. If you want something, you better get out there like Becky Ming Marisol and Anu and compete because you got to understand something ladies. Your looks and your weight tell the men what you think they deserve. Say it again. Your looks and your weight tell men what you think they deserve. And men can look at your looks and your weight and see that you don't think they deserve much. 5'4, 200 lb. You telling men you don't deserve nothing but this. Take me as I am. And men are saying, "Nope, I'd rather go solo." You got men in You got men who are just cashing out. And never before have men walked away. So understand something. Men are built for the living life single. Y'all aren't. Get away from your aunties, your na na. Get away from them women who are on the who are in no man's land. Who who not the women who in the danger zone. Women who in the danger zone, you know, 27 to 35, they could go either way.
>> DANGER ZONE. [screaming]
>> 27 to 35, they could go either way. that the pressure is on them. But they could go either way. They can be safe. The women on the other side of 35, 36 to 60, no man's land. That's where the women who tend to be in a bad mood. Those are the women who tend to be a girl, you don't need to know. You go get a job. You don't need no man. You don't know them. That's where you get all big mama and na na and auntie them and Nickn giving you all advice, telling you, "Yeah, girl, eat the extra ho ho ding-dong. Yeah, girl, you look good with some weight. You need to put some weight on you. You look skinny over there. You look at anorexic. They keep piling pop eyes on you cuz they want you to get big and swole like them so you can be over there with them going to church sitting on the front row with necks looking like a pack of hot dogs with that church hat on face beat to the god smelling good but you know you're not comfortable church suit all tight not enjoying life. They're not enjoying life. So when somebody like myself comes along and say, "You need to drop the weight, get fit." Ah, you need to do nothing for no man. Okay? Any woman that tells you you don't need to do nothing for a man, run from her. Yes, you need to do a lot for men because you expect men to do a lot for you. And that's one of the biggest disconnects. We have so many women today thinking that they are this is and you're not. thinking you're settling. A woman, a baby mama thinking she's settling. An averagel looking or cute baby mama thinking she's settling for an average middle class man. Whoa. So, she'll stay in an apartment or a town home or a small house and the men will stay this way. And this is why black men and black women will continue to give money away to the economy. You won't have a black man, black woman get together, marry, buy a home, get some property, insurance policy, such and so forth. Pass that on to their kids and pass on. See, it's all about what can I get out of my life. Ain't nobody worried about the next generation. I get it. You want to have life. You want to live life. A lot of you feel like life was you were lied to or you were deceived. Life ain't over, but you got to get real about where you are. And so many women today are delusional. Men cannot afford to be delusional cuz we get level set every day. You go out and try to shoot your shot at somebody who's outside your league, you'll find out where you are. I'm not saying this to be a bean. But I'mma tell you, women in general, black women in particular, thank you for coming over here to least listen. Stop listening to all these snowflake feminine channels who tell you, "Oh, he's so mean. He's so this and he's so that. He's so toxic. He's so Okay, sure. Where are the men in their audiences? Forget me. Where are the men, the high value men in their audiences? Where are the long-term relationships coming as a result of their platforms? Where are the marriages coming as a result of their teachings and what they're pushing? Because if they're still teaching and pushing that stuff that it's always over there, it's always the men and never the woman in the mirror. You never have to do anything. It's always, oh, it's always an understanding. See, the world don't look at it that way. The world is very cut and dry. The world may not say it back to you, but it sure treat you but it sure treats you like it did. The world may not say, "Oh, you need to lose this or do that or s and so forth, but it treats you like it said it out loud."
This episode confronts the consequences of choices many try to spiritualize away. The first caller, a 22-year-old religious single mother, admits she realized her mistake only after becoming pregnant by a man with no commitment. Kevin makes it clear that motherhood without marriage drastically narrows dating options, especially for high earning men. When she suggests she could still attract a provider or that another man might discipline her child, Kevin shuts it down, explaining that most men do not want to raise another man's child.
The second caller, a 29-year-old Christian single mother, insists high-value men aren't off limits because she's dating one. Kevin challenges that belief by asking the only question that matters: Why isn't he engaged? He redirects her advice to women toward prevention, not justification. Together, both calls reinforce one truth: Faith doesn't cancel consequences and accountability always comes.