Transcription
Hey, I'm Nick Williams. I want to talk to you about something that is real important. Uh, and it this is important to me and I think it will be important to a lot of you or somebody that you know and maybe you can forward this uh this uh video to those people. It's about being alone.
And um I'm gonna speak on my my personal experience on this. Um but I also have a reference point that I think it's important that you understand. I work worked Yes, I worked with I I still have a business, but I'm not working with individuals like I used to. um because I have people that work for me that work with individuals, but I spent a good 15 to 20 years working with seniors, sitting down with seniors on a daily basis. I'm no medical professional, and I I don't want anybody to uh think that I'm stating that I am, but I don't have a whole lot of confidence in medical professionals on certain subjects such as this. So, I'm going to share with you how this uh evolved with me and I I'll share with you I I'll say and how I cured it, but I don't really I haven't cured it. Um but I do want to say that uh you're not alone being alone. That's for one thing.
uh in my business that where I would meet with seniors quite frequently every single day every single working day of my life all day every single day year after year after year after year after year uh I would sometimes become their best friend and I was just working with them a lot of seniors are alone um and then there's different types of being alone are you alone or you just don't have a partner and that's more where I would fall now I don't have a partner so that and so at the end of the day I find myself alone frequently and um and I feel it it doesn't feel good always. So uh and then there's the there's a different degree it's like it's like having a burn first degree burn second degree burn third degree burn. Um, some people just don't have a partner and that they can be alone. Some people don't have a partner and friends. Some people don't have anybody to speak to like they have no friends. Their family, some ungrateful kids. I won't say just ungrateful kids, but there's a lot of ungrateful kids out there. Don't get me wrong. But just because of to the way things have evolved, people don't have their children around. My children have moved away. I unfortunately had a son pass just several years back. So COVID came along. Uh isolated people. I have a bunch of things here that I want to make sure points that I want to make sure that I address and um so that I give as much information as possible on this so that you could be alone or you could have nobody or you have nobody to talk to all day. You don't speak to a soul.
Uh you so I live in the southeast. I'm from the Mid-Atlantic. I live in Calif. I lived in California, I've lived in different states throughout throughout America at different times. I have a a good aside from working with seniors who may find themselves alone. Uh but I've been around this country and um and the so I have that reference point and I do know that there are some people again and I'm kind of repeating myself here so forgive me that are have nobody to speak to. Children move away. I told you that's what happened to me. My children have moved away. Um, and again, I've had the unfortunate Oh, our family had the unfortunate uh loss of one my my youngest son, um, the, uh, neighborhoods change. And I tell you something, in the more modern version of neighborhoods, even in the oh outlying areas where people are more tight-knit country folks, and I know those people, and I grew up in Baltimore, um, and I grew up with neighbors and knew everybody, uh, but I would venture to say in that same neighborhood I grew up in that there are pe those same people live in those same houses that I lived in, and I lived in a bunch of houses. So, um, those same people, I bet they don't have the relationship with their neighbors that I had with my neighbors when I was growing up or that my parents had with their with my with the neigh their neighbors as I was growing up. My father knew all the people on the block and uh people yell at each other. They get in fights with each other. May hopefully not physical fights, but they all knew each other, but they had, you know, there was interaction. Now it's a Facebook group for the neighborhood, right?
Um, and by the way, this can be a gradual process or it can happen suddenly. I would say with myself and I'm going to give you a little bit more of my experience here because it is very relevant and I do find myself alone. I do find myself shall I say a little sad at times because of that. And um I say a little sad maybe it's worse than that. I don't know. Um, we don't sometimes it's oursel we are often our it's easier to analyze other people. I'll say that. Um, again, children move away, friends move away, uh, neighborhoods change, COVID came, isolated people. There's data on this. I'm not going to throw a bunch of statistics at you, but precoid, postcoid, totally different worlds. Totally different worlds. Um, and the the level of depression, anxiety, uh, in all age groups. And and I will say this, it used to be the older age groups as people got older and I used to say this that older Americans experience anxiety and at a greater level than younger Americans. But now the the age group that has the greatest anxiety and you can look all excuse me you can look all this up if you'd like data wise. It's easy chatebt or grock or whatever it is you use. uh Gemini, Andromeda, one of these uh AI things. You can look this data up. It's not always accurate there. Um but the the uh I used to say that older people experienced anxiety and depression at a higher level as than the public in general. Now after COVID and after all this oh modern political world that we live in, younger people have a greater a higher level of anxiety than older people. That was not the case before.
Um and again the neighborhoods changed. So the drugs it used to be more in the urban thing then it then is the suburbs with the fentinel and everything. Uh if anybody knows the story of places like uh like specific locations in like West Virginia um where they targeted these communities with oxycodone type drugs and we know exactly how it happened. It was the Sackler Secular family or Sackler family. These the seclers and they got a marketing company to determine how am I going to distribute more of my drugs and they said find these communities and push them there. Devastated communities. I could go off on a tangent there but let me come back. Um and again COVID changed lifestyles. So even uh in many businesses, people don't go see people as much anymore. So that's a problem. So whereas you may have had um people that would come to your home for different things like when I was a kid, the insurance agent came around all the time. They were there. Oh, not in my house, but I know in many houses at my grandmother's house, the insurance agent came by every month. Every single month. You don't see that as much now. Again, neighborhoods change. They change so dramatically fast that you don't know who is in the neighborhood anymore. Uh people have mobility issues. They can't get around. And I want to I I started to say this can happen gradually or quickly because you could lose a spouse or you could have uh health your health or your spouse's health or something of that nature that will cause you to lose contact with your community. And I know um because I again I have a great I have a great reference for working with seniors and um I am a senior. I'm probably not as old as you though. Um I'm a young senior. Uh but the uh I had a a a client that uh she took care of her ex-husband who became ill. She is she was more she's she is more than a saint and um she took care of this man who left her years ago and she said he needs somebody. She went and took care of him and picked him up when he fell down and stayed with him until his death. Many people would say this is insane. Um, but uh she needed two shoulder replacements because she picked him up so much. And this woman has a wonderful family and they are tightknit and she did not become isolated. Um she lives right next door to her son who's a great person. So that the isolation didn't happen to her but that same situation imposed on another person could wipe out their social uh circles. So, uh, again, health issues, mobility issues, family issues. Some people will stand by a family member to the bitter end and it will isolate them.
Um, oh my goodness. They're still young enough to to date, right? But the dating is a app. Swiping left and right. There's so many there's so many issues people build a life on the internet and then they've they become so focused on the internet that one day they wake up and they say well really I'm not talking to anybody you know and um if their friends are if they don't have friends that you know and it c it can happen suddenly that one or two friends that are really tight maybe they they could pass away or maybe move away or or get in a relationship, all of a sudden things can happen fast. Um, I run a business from home. I have a business. I in my business I probably have somewhere in the range of 400 people that I could communicate with every on any given day. I have a tight-knit group. My daughter works for me. My the people that work for me are friends, but I don't talk to them face to face. I'm not giving them a hug every day. Even my daughter, she doesn't live here. She lives, you know, several hours away, but it's far enough away that at the end of the day, even if I spoke to her on a Zoom call, see her pretty face. Uh, I can see my grandson in the background and and still at the end of the day turn everything off and I'm alone. You know, I'm going to cry. I'm not going to cry because as I said, there's different degrees of being alone. As a just again, I'll use that analogy. There's different degrees of being burned. It can be severe. I would say my even though it doesn't feel good at times it's not severe as some people who I know these people I've met these people in the course of in business seeing them several times over a period of a month when you're conducting business to where I became one of their better friends in their life that they count on me they hug me I've had people tell me they love need. And uh you know what? I care equally about them and love them just as much. I've taken my my children to visit with some of these people because they became important to me. And some of these people are all alone. And and then there's the church factor. Some people don't go to church like they used to. And I'm not saying church is good or bad for you. Um, but I'm saying that is a community re a community outreach and a community inclusion thing that you can't deny. So, you know, this uh running a business from home is very very real. Uh, texting, email, WhatsApp, messenger, it's just endless endless communication but no interaction. It moves us away from physical interaction. Relationships are less permanent, right? So people get divorced. People People don't get in relationships. There are these groups of men and women both guilty that don't even want to get in a relationship. Brag about the fact that they're not in a relationship. And then I bet one day, unless they have a good social group, they say, "Man, I'm all alone."
All right. I can't see the logic and the wisdom in saying, "I don't want to be in a relationship." But again, I I I don't have the experience of every other person. So I'm not here to I'm not here to shall we say oh put judgment on any type of thought process. I'm just saying we have a phenomena in this country that is difficult and uh and I'm going to I'm going to give you more of what I believe what I'm doing and not that I have all the answers but at least we promote and I do have answers by the way but it's I I don't know that my answers would fit somebody else but and I'll get to those the I don't know that in this that the okay, we're headed in the wrong direction. That's for damn sure. Um again, people don't get married. They don't want to get married. Some of them they celebrate being single and um then one day they find out they're all alone. People drink by themselves, get their bottle of wine. I call it they get their baba. And and I I've done it myself in the past, you know, where it's like uh you know, maybe try to trick your way out of this situation. That's being too honest. But I've uh and here's the thing, you can get people that that like that that and you can join that group that I've done that too. So, and while I'm there, I will tell you that one of my very best friends who is a great person, one of the nicest people that I know, and this is a a guy that uh he and I worked together, we've done things together, and we would hang out together. But, um, all kidding aside, I can I can dive into too much excess alcohol and a few other things. Maybe I'm not I'm not incriminating myself, but I I can go down that path and it's not a good path for me. So, I've had to like go at least one I would say my very best friend that I would call up and say, "Hey, let's hang out." I've had to completely just remove from my life because when we would get together when we get together it would be like childhood buddies even though we are not childhood buddies but we act like we are. Um, oh, I remember, as a matter of fact, with this individual, because we're we're like two peas in a pod and it's it's like throwing gasoline on a fire with us, but we're in our 50s. I would say mid50s at the time. Maybe not that old, but maybe. And we're we're drinking too much and we get to trading punches the kids. And I remember my buddy's wife calls me at the end of the day and says, "Nick, what did you do?" You know, her husband had bruises all over him and I I got up, I looked in the mirror. I had bruises on me, too. So, um, and besides, if you're not going to sleep on the couch, are you going to drive home and then you're intoxicated? Can't do that. So, I have to stop because I couldn't take the gasoline off that fire. So I had to basically be again I I'll say that that's that that actually talking about that makes me a little bit sad.
Um so you know there's a lot of stuff these um again I'll go back to neighborhoods. It's not what it was is it? Now there are some places that are some communities where everybody's tight you know it's not all communities though some people are scared to go out of walk out of their house you know um and uh communicate. Um now I want to tell tell you a little bit and I've got notes. I'm making sure I go through every point I have here because I've taken time to think about this and I want I want to give you everything I got on it. Maybe not everything because I don't want to be here forever, but I do want to get touch on these points. Um, again, that COVID was brutal. That COVID was devastating for relationships. Um, in my situation, again, I had children move away. I nurtured poor relationships. Uh, I had to sever some relationships. And when I say I nurtured poor relationships, relationships with women that um maybe I shouldn't have gone down or I put went down to that rabbit hole too far. And I'll tell you something, I think there were a couple relationships I should have been a better person in. You know, um in other words, I I believe at the end of the day that I was the problem. I think I should have not been looking for perfect, if you will. I don't know. I don't know how to to say to put all these things in words always, but I feel like I failed. So, we you know, and that's the one thing that I will say is, and I I'll get to that, okay? I'll get to that.
And here's the thing. I don't make a lot of effort to create friendships. I don't do that. Don't go out of my way. Um, some people I have a brother that he'll come over and he'll fix your uh air conditioning unit on Sunday afternoon because he want he just he's he that's what he does. He's got so many friends that is he probably has too many friends. I don't know. But but it's true. He he will give you the shirt off his back. And um not that I am not very helpful and very loyal and I've I feel like I've been a very good friend. I I don't feel like I owe anybody anything. There's probably one or two people feel I do owe them something. I don't. Um and uh I feel but I don't go out of my way for the I I haven't gone out of my way for friendships and I haven't put effort into it. And I think that's the way to say it. Maybe if you're going to have a friend, you need to put some effort into it. I've never been I've never put effort into that type of thing. My friends just came naturally and I didn't, you know, maybe that's why I don't have the uh the uh plethora of friends. So, so, um, and I think as people get older, again, the friends, you know, they tend to filter off. So, if you're not reloading that chamber, you know, putting new friends in there, you you might find yourself in a situation um that uh that again because of the lack of effort alone could lead you to be a bit isolated. So, I'm fortunate and as I look at my situation, I have a great community, okay? And I have people probably if I needed somebody I mean I could find somebody here locally. I do have somebody that I could call that if I that but they'd be like it would be kind of weird because I'm not in constant touch with people. I've never felt that need to be in constant communication. Again, I've never felt the need to to maybe reach out to other people because think maybe they needed it. maybe and and I'm just like not making an I don't I haven't made effort an effort like that to maintain relationships, calling people up, seeing how they're doing. I do have several people I talk to almost every day, you know. Um I I I have my children and um I communicate with them very very frequently. I have a brother. He lives in Texas. I live in South Carolina. I talk to him all the time. all the time. Sometimes too damn much. Um and uh you know, so that's a pro that I was going to say that's a problem. That's not a it's the end of the day for me. That's where I feel like I need a little bit more. And I'm that person that if I have one good like if I have a if I'm in a relationship with with a uh a female, see the only type of relationships I entertain, but if I have a rel relationship with a female, that's kind of sort of all I need. So that's been a and and this is maybe a point to make. Um, if I have a relationship, I don't need a bunch of friends plus the relationship. I just I if I had the perfect SP mate, mate, spouse, whatever, I probably would not. Uh, and again, this is where notice I say the word perfect. That's a problem, isn't it? that I would say that I would even say that if I had a a a partner in this life, a woman, I pro I I I wouldn't really be that's all I would need because I'm not the type that needs to hang out with my buddies. I don't hang out. I'm not going to go to the bar or something like that, you know? It's just not it's just not my thing.
So, my immediate advice to the person that finds themselves in a situation perhaps like I'm in or worse because if it's a burn, mine's just a mine is a very uh superficial skin burn I feel like. And um but I want to be honest and um and that's one of the things. So my immediate advice is to find purpose. That's what I'm doing right here right now. And um see I have a history a background of of with this type of med uh medium for communication that has enabled me to have great success phenomenal success and um this is good for me this gives me purpose I this is something I can think about and then I can do it and I feel accomplishment in it to communicate with with my peers and um and and maybe contribute something. Purpose is important. You know, I'll go back to uh Victor Frankle and uh Victor Frankle is a um he was in a concentration camp and uh you know in uh he was in a Nazi concentration camp. He wrote the book man's search for meaning and basically you you know this is a book that I read several times over and it meant something to me and that was the the meaning that you have to have significant purpose and what he said was the people that were in those concentration camps that had a a a purpose a reason to get out of there that was greater than just I I want to I want to be free and I want to live. But maybe they had another great a greater purpose that they seem to be the ones that did the best. So I would say seek purpose.
I would also say gather your assets. I have children that uh love me and that I love. Um I uh you know I have uh family members that love me and that I love them and uh you know so I can't again my situation isn't dire but it is real and I don't want to downplay it. I sometimes at the end of the day do feel alone and it and it does make me feel bad. it. I won't I don't know if feel bad or sad or whatever, but let me tell you, it's not a good feeling. It's not a good feeling. Um I there's another component to this. Are you alone or do you just not have a spouse or a partner? And uh I touched on this a little bit, but I would say that uh there are many many many people that do not have a partner that don't feel all alone. As a matter of fact, I some of the better people that I know, older people, they never sought new relationships after the ending of a relationship. Uh, and usually this is if their spouse passes away. My stepmom is in that category. She I she just her life is full. My father died uh years ago and uh she didn't have the need to run and find a relationship. She was older. She probably would have been like she probably would have been like, you know, if I if somebody would say that to her, she'd probably look at them like they were weird for telling her she should be in another rel seek another relationship. Um, you know, some people are fulfilled in the relationship that one relationship and that one relationship was meaningful. It had purpose. It uh it it brought them family and it made them stronger. And then when that relationship was over, they're done. They don't need they don't need another relationship. Other people do. Maybe it's they're younger, but even younger people, there are some that um don't need that that another relationship. So understand the difference between being alone and not having a partner. So uh it's quite significant uh of a point to make there.
So again I'm going to go back and I I actually I crossed this off the list of what I want to go through but gather your assets. Who do you have? Write it down. Say this is what I'm working with. I do I am a member of the church. I do have that. I I do have several children. Maybe you have some th some assets there. I call them assets kind of a not the way to classify friends or the or community or whatever, but I'm saying it in that way for the the the uh purpose of itemizing what you got going for yourself. Uh so write it down. You know, I have great associates that I work with, people that work with me, and we work together almost every single day. Sometimes I get tired of talking to them, you know, and um but at best it's on a Zoom call. At best, it's on a Zoom call. So, I still don't you don't get that connection there. So, there's that. And um I actually have people that work from my home that I let them go. So, and those people were friends, but for business reasons, I moved on and um you know, so oh, you could say that I kind of uh in many ways dug my own grave. Um, so you make your bed, you lie in it. So all the assets you have, clubs, charitable organizations, and maybe you could say, well, you know, maybe I ought to add a club or charitable organization to it. Maybe I ought to reach out to soand so, you know, my brother, sister, cousin, friend, neighbor, right? Um, so I'm one of those people that sometimes don't want to meet the neighbors because then I got to talk to the neighbors all the time and then I find out that that wait a minute, I'm not buddy buddy with my neighbors. So that's stupid, isn't it? the the asinine thinking that we have sometimes um I was talking to one of my neighbors the other day and um for like 15 20 minutes maybe even more I don't know but it was a very good conversation and um I could nurture that and and be more on point to communicate with the neighbor because we there's a genuine desire to communicate there. Um, and so make an effort. You know, maybe I should make an effort is what I'm saying. Not you, me. I don't know. Maybe when you see him instead of like, hey, driving by, stop and roll down the window and say, how's it going? you know, make it short because you don't want to interrupt people but too much. But then you'll be more likely to maybe be over there uh actually having a social communica social gathering. So shall we say I'm not the best at this.
Um, I would also say that you should and this is very important again the you're writing down what you should do here. Okay, you can write it down and you can't but I would write it down. What is your seek purpose? Find something that means something. Um gather your assets. What are you what are you doing? I mean, no, that's Oh, you know, I do this when I do a lengthy video and this is getting lengthy. I start fumbling the words there a little bit. Gather your assets. Write them down. Uh, put purpose as an important point in your life. What is my I need to seek some purpose. Which could be when you look at those assets that you do nothing charitable. You do no you're involved in no clubs. you're you don't help anybody. You do nothing for nobody. Then you find yourself all alone and you wonder why. Right? So, um on a more serious note, the uh there are some people that have health situations that are just terrible. So, I don't know exactly what to say to you other than reach out in any way you can. Seek help. Okay, seek help. Uh, some people have physical conditions, some people have mental conditions, and there's and who am I to try to give somebody advice in those situations other than seek help through therapist, community organizations, um, perhaps medical professionals. And I say therapist, there is a difference between a medical professional and a therapist. There are um there are guardian guardians uh that I forget the name of it. Is it guardian adlum? Um but anyhow I've never been involved in that program, but there are people that will come and just help you get your affairs in order and they get certified to do this some of them. So there's that.
Um, get healthy. Get as healthy as you can be because you'll feel better. And this is critical. Okay? If you walk, maybe you should put more on yourself than just the walk. If you don't walk, well, walk. And again, I I I want to back up to the people that can't get out there and just walk around. And that's a problem, right? So, but I'm talking about the people that are able to do so. make an attempt to get healthy. And it's not about it's not about going back to uh you know turning back to the the the hands of time. But if you just get healthy to where you can feel your best, maybe that will project out to other people, make people more receptive to you, make a more warm uh person out of you because you're healthier. that is and I don't think that I know this the objective there would be feel as best you can physically mentally and physically does synergistically affect mentally okay understand that uh the situation that you may find yourself in may not something be something that you can resolve quickly okay So don't expect don't expect it to rain friends upon you just because you say you know I need to do something and then you do something one one thing and say where are the friends? So maybe drop and again I don't want to get into some oh shall we say preaching thing here because it's definitely not meant to be that way. Maybe drop a bad habit that is causing you to be isolated. Maybe you need to get off the internet so much or something like that. Put the baba down the bottle. Um, you know, so some people need to do some people need to maybe make themselves a better uh prospect as a friend, you know. And um there's a lot of stuff going on there. You know, people are isolated. People are it's a it's a period and younger people are isolated. So of course older people who are losing people because of of uh health issues and death, right? at their own health issues or the health issues of others. Their best friend may not be uh may not be in a condition to be able to get out anymore, you know. Um so, but younger people are also isolated you know the the whole uh the whole dating app thing. There are groups of people that are younger. maybe reach out to some of your younger um family members, see how they're doing because they may not be doing real good, you know. Uh so don't throw politics into it. It's not necessary. I say that um to some people it is necessary. And if that's how you feel, maybe that's the direction you should go in. Right?
So, I'm going to end it right there, and I appreciate you, and I wish the best for every single one of you people, just as I would for any for any member of my family, I want you to do well. And um and that's where I'm going to leave it.